“Ads, you don’t need to be like Cass. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
I felt my hackles rise. A week ago Sam was telling me Cass was right and I was too timid. That I wasn’t happy. Now she was trying to tell me the opposite.
Instead of responding I opened my chicken and broccoli and speared a piece of chicken. Sam pursed her lips together. That was the beauty of having a best friend for so long. Sam knew I was pissed and didn’t want to talk about it.
And she understood.
While I ate we watched Drew Barrymore fall in love with her teacher. By the end my Chinese food was gone, Drew’s character had her first kiss, and I knew I would never be Cass, but I was determined to not be me anymore. I might not be willing to crawl under the table for a stranger, but I wanted someone who couldn’t keep his hands off me. Someone who craved me. Someone who wanted to get on his knees under the table for me, not send me down there for him.
“You know I want you happy,” Sam said as the credits played. “I don’t want you to think you have to be Cass in order to be happy. I feel like all of a sudden you’re not you anymore.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to be me. I want to enjoy my life. I want my parents back together. I want to be as carefree as my sister.”
“This is Cass talking. She’s young. She’s crazy. You don’t need to be Cass.”
“I know, Sam, but I want to have fun. Tonight wasn’t fun. Maybe I’m just not cut out for being fun.”
“Don’t say that, Ads. You are fun. You’re just also serious. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“What about you? And Mandy? And Claire? And Lexi? Hell, even Charlie seems to have more fun than me.”
“Are you equating fun to sex or fun in general?”
“I’m lucky I can even remember a little bit of what sex is about. I’m practically a virgin again these days.”
Eight
On Monday I told myself I would be prepared to see Joey. I spent Sunday convincing myself I didn’t like him and wasn’t interested in him. I even went so far as to convince myself he was as bad as Noah.
Okay, I tried.
All I kept seeing whenever I closed my eyes was his smile and his eyes and his hands and… Shit, I was getting all hot and bothered again. And this time it was on the school bus surrounded by my students. I could not let that happen.
When the bus finally arrived at Winter Ridge, everyone piled off. I was standing next to the bus, helping unload all the gear when I felt him behind me. “I can’t let you do this all by yourself,” he purred in my ear, his hand resting low on my hip.
My girly parts jumped up and down and my whole body flushed. From his hand. On my hip. Over three layers of clothes.
Yeah, there was seriously something wrong with me. I had a date with a beautiful man Saturday night and he did nothing to get a reaction out of me. Well, except disgust me. Joey didn’t even have to be there and I was ready to strip down for him.
Maybe I should channel Cassandra.
“There are a few other things I wouldn’t mind your help with,” I cooed back to him, hoping I sounded sexy and not incompetent.
His eyes widened and he sucked in a quick breath. For a second I thought he was terrified. The fat teacher was hitting on him, not the sexy one. But then his lips curled into a grin and he leaned into me. “Anything you wish, Ms. James.”
Joey reached beyond me and pulled out a bundle of snowboards. His shoulder brushed mine, sending a fresh round of shivers across my skin. I grabbed a pair of skis, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I could do it. I could be flirtatious. Besides, it’s not like anything would happen up on the ski slopes.
With each item we pulled out of the bus, Joey brushed against me, his arm grazing my side, his shoulder caressing mine, his hip bumping into me. Each second made me hotter and hotter, until I worried I would combust under my ski jacket. I yanked the zipper down and let in some much needed cool air. Joey’s eyes followed the path of my zipper, pausing to take in my breasts, of course. When his eyes finally met mine again I thought I was going to have to strip to ease the heat between us.
“Anything you need, Ms. James, anything at all, and I’ll be glad to help,” he said softly, a quiet stolen moment just between us.
I knew he was insinuating exactly what I wanted, but instead of being creeped out by him, I was excited. I wasn’t Addi anymore. I could feel it. I felt powerful. Sexy. Desired.
I felt like the woman I hadn’t been in far too long to count.
Sure, Noah hit on me two days earlier, but it was different. With Joey the desire was mutual. And it wasn’t creepy. It was sexy. It was scintillating. It was downright hot.
“When can we get on the slopes?” a voice said from right behind us.
Braden. He was ready to show off again. I heard the giggle of a girl and turned to see Kendall draped over his arm. Shock didn’t begin to explain how I felt. But she was living her life. I quickly realized I could learn a lot from that fifteen year old.
Starting with when to grab life by the balls.
“Right now,” I declared. “Everyone grab you gear and head out. If you need lessons, Joey is here to help you out.”
Joey cleared his throat and clapped his hands together. “Yep, let’s get my crew over here. Everyone else head out. We’ll join you in a few minutes.” He turned to me, and quietly said, “Will you be joining us for lessons today, Ms. James?”
I flushed, remembering my failed attempt at skiing the week before. I probably could use some lessons, but I wasn’t sure taking them with my students, or from Joey, was the best idea.
“Um, I… uh,” I struggled to come up with a reasonable excuse, one that didn’t make me feel, or sound, like I didn’t want to be around him.
“Ms. James, it’s just a lesson. What could possibly go wrong?”
Famous last words.
Then I looked into his eyes. Damn. Those green orbs sparkled at me, like actually fucking sparkled. If I was thinking straight I would have realized it was the light from the snow reflecting into his eyes, or the bright sun directed straight at him, or something else completely explainable. But I didn’t care. He was beautiful. His eyes were stunning, challenging me. And God knew I couldn’t pass up a challenge.
“Alright, I’ll go. But only if you promise not to laugh at me.”
Joey laughed, but nodded. He put his hand over his heart and said, “I promise.” Then he winked at me and smiled again, showing off his dazzling teeth and perfect lips. And I knew I was sunk.
Carefully following behind him, so I could check out his nicely defined ass, I fell into step with the five students, all freshman that I didn’t know. They chatted together, ignoring me completely, and giving me plenty of time to fantasize about a private lesson with Joey.
Before I knew it, they all stopped abruptly in front of me, making me nearly plow into the back of Joey. He grinned and put his hands out to stop me. How the hell did he turn around so quickly? Damn, I needed to pay better attention.
“Okay, so last week we worked on balance and watching where you’re going instead of looking down at your skis. We’ll do a few practice runs before we move on. So everybody, tow yourself up the slope and we’ll all meet at the top.”
I fell into step with the others, Joey leading the way up the tow line to the top of the short hill. I started to wonder why we were on such a small slope when it didn’t even seem like there was much of a downward slope. Would we even go down the hill or would we get stuck at the top?
Once we got up there Joey repeated his instructions to everyone, reiterating the importance of keeping our knees bent, watching where we’re going, and falling to the side if we do start to go down.
I hovered at the top, watching the freshman ski down the slope with an effortless grace. I was anxious. I knew I should just go for it, but I kept seeing myself soaring straight into the bushes like the week before.
“It’s just a little hill,” Joey said from rig
ht behind me. “And there aren’t any bushes at the bottom. I’ll head down with you, then we can try again.”
I nodded once, forcing myself to feel the confidence Joey had in me. I wasn’t so sure I would make it, but having him beside me made me feel a little better, for some reason.
We took off, side by side, down the hill that I barely thought sloped downhill. My skis caught quickly in the snow and I took off. Focusing on where I was going, bending my knees, and traveling side to side down the slope, I made it. At the bottom I pointed my toes together and came to a stop well before the ski lodge surrounded by bushes.
Joey grinned as he slid to a stop next to me. “Beautiful, Ms. James.”
His eyes trailed down my frame, heating me from the inside out. Three words. That was all it took. Damn, he was good. My mouth went dry and my panties went wet. I took a step toward him, drawn to him without a thought for anything else except how it would feel to have his lips against mine, his hands on me, his hard body pressed into my soft one.
“Joey, can we go to the bigger slopes now?” one of the freshman interrupted us.
I quickly took a step back, chastising myself for getting so distracted. I was working for crying out loud. Not on a date. And not my sister.
I shook my head and walked away, listening to Joey tell the students how well they were doing and instruct them toward the blue slopes. They group cheered and skied off to join the rest of their friends.
“Are you sure they’re ready for that?” I asked him, worrying he was getting rid of them so he could make a move on me. Or maybe hoping?
“They’re ready. I watched them all last week and probably would have sent them up to the blue to start with but I wanted to be extra sure. You, on the other hand, I think your issue is your lack of confidence. You need to realize that you’re better than you think. I see it a lot in adults. We have that fear that kids don’t possess. That fear that makes us think we can’t do something that we can.”
“Were you a shrink in a former life?” I teased him.
He smiled and shook his head. “Not entirely. I was a bartender.”
I laughed. “Close enough. So what’s next for me, coach?”
Joey looked closely at me. His eyes lit up again, like he had a secret he wasn’t sure if he wanted to share. “Come with me,” he said finally, making my girly parts jump up and down again and my heart start to pound.
I followed him up the tow rope. At the top of the hill he kept going, straight into the woods at the top of the slope. I paused for a second, but Joey kept charging ahead, like he knew exactly where he was going. Then again, he probably did.
What was I thinking, going off alone with Joey? I knew he had power over me, power I could neither understand nor resist. It was like he was in control of my body.
The scary thing was I liked it.
I wondered if that was how Cassandra felt when she was with someone. Like finally the pressure was off. No more thinking or worrying, just feeling. And only feeling what he wanted me to feel.
It was a powerful, heady mix. Like an out-of-body experience. I knew what was happening, I could feel it, but I couldn’t do anything to stop it.
I don’t think I would have wanted to.
No, I definitely didn’t want to.
Joey and I had been flirting for two weeks. If we were some of my high schoolers, we’d already have snuck off to one of the stairwells at school and made out. But we were adults. And I didn’t do that.
No, the old me didn’t do that. The new Addi. Well, she wasn’t in control either. Joey was.
I skied behind him, taking in the view. Damn, he was gorgeous. Even through countless layers of gear I could see the definition of his powerful legs, the curve of his seductive hips, the strength in his back and arms. I almost lost my balance imagining what he was going to do once he had me alone.
Alone.
With a man.
I hadn’t been alone with a man in far longer than I cared to admit.
But that was over. Done. Behind me.
No, I wasn’t going to screw him in the woods while my students were skiing by. But a little kissing wouldn’t hurt anything, right?
Right?
Damn, I was second guessing myself. I didn’t need to be second guessing myself. I needed to forget the timid Addi. I was going to prove to all of them, Cassandra, Sam, my mother, that I wasn’t a pushover. I was in charge of my life. And dammit, I had a great life.
Especially when Joey was in it.
He took a sharp right and ducked under a low tree branch. I followed him blindly, trusting where he was leading me. He looked back, a sexy grin spreading across his face when he saw me still behind him. He focused on the terrain in front again, dodging trees and rounding bushes like he’d done this before.
Had he done this before?
Shit, I couldn’t worry about that. The past was the past. It didn’t matter if he’d taken 100 other women back here to make out. He was with me this time. And I was going to love it if it killed me.
Joey slowed in front of me. He was in the middle of a clearing that was about five feet. Trees surrounded us creating a sense of privacy even though we could still hear the swoosh of skis as the others descended the slopes just beyond our hiding place.
“What is this place?” I asked, taking in the beauty of the white sprinkled trees, the crystalized, untouched snow on the ground, and the sight of the sexy man before me.
“This is my favorite place. I can sit in here and just chill out for a bit, but I’m close enough that I can jump on a hill and be anywhere on site in a few minutes. It’s private, but not too far away.”
“It’s beautiful,” I said softly.
“Yes, you are,” Joey answered.
I smiled in spite of the unoriginal line. He was sexy, and he was sweet, and he was there. It was more than I could say for pretty much any man I’d known in the last few years. Not that there were many, but Joey definitely topped the list of men I’d wanted any time in the recent, or not so recent, past.
Joey stepped closer to me. His gloved hand reached up toward my cheek. He paused, shook his glove free, and reached for me again. His fingers burned my skin, his touch setting me on fire in a way I’d never felt before.
I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I couldn’t just stand there. As his thumb caressed my skin I stepped closer, eliminating the distance between us. I could feel his warm breath on my face. It was minty, like he’d prepared for this. Was he always prepared? Did he have condoms in his pocket too?
Dammit, I needed to turn my brain off. I wasn’t interested in who Joey was. It didn’t matter what else he did. He was cute, no not cute. He was gorgeous. And he flirted with me. So he was perfect for me to prove to everyone that I wasn’t a boring old woman at 29. I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with him, so it didn’t matter if he brought another woman here tomorrow. Or in an hour. Or even an hour ago.
It didn’t matter.
Did it?
No, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was looking for fun. For a little excitement in my otherwise dull life. A distraction from trying to get my parents back together. A time for me.
Kissing a near stranger in a secluded section of woods was something I never thought I’d do, but there was something primal and sensual about hearing others so close to us and knowing what we were about to do.
A first kiss was such a simple thing. So basic. So ordinary. Memories of my first kiss were burned into my brain. The awkwardness. The strange feeling. The confusion. Why did anyone enjoy kissing? I wondered at a young age.
But when you’re tucked back off a dirt path, behind the baseball field, doing something few of your friends had done, it was weird. I can still see him coming toward me, his mouth and arms open, ready to embrace me. When our lips collided there wasn’t anything gentle or sensual about it. Two thirteen year olds didn’t know how to kiss, even if one had done it before.
At 29, a first kiss
was different. We were older. We knew what we were doing. The awkwardness was still there, but I knew what to expect from kissing. I knew how wonderful it could be. I knew what a good kiss was, and I was fairly certain I could deliver on my end.
Even with all that knowledge, nothing could prepare me for the first brush of Joey’s lips across mine. That first touch was like being struck by lightning. A spark, which I tried to pass off as a product of the dry air, ignited between us. I gasped, my lips parting ever so slightly, but enough for his tongue to dip into the gap. I felt the softness of him against the inside of my lips and was immediately hungry for more. My mouth fell open, welcoming him inside.
He didn’t hesitate. Confidence poured from him, drawing me in and making me wish I was the person I pretended to be with him. I craved that self assurance, that ability to know exactly who I was.
Then his tongue swept through my mouth and I didn’t care anymore. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him. I was a whole new Addi with him. And I was going to enjoy it.
A rumble erupted from deep within me, matched by one from him. His fingers tightened in my hair, tugging me to him. Our bodies pressed together, the thickness of our layers preventing me from feeling everything I wanted to feel. I shook my gloves free, frustrated at how long it was taking me to get them off. The bite of the cold air took me by surprise and made me sigh with contentment. Finally, I could feel him.
My hand speared under his hat, digging into his unruly brown hair. I pulled him tighter against me, aching to feel him. He spun us and leaned me against a thick tree trunk. His body rubbed against mine, his hardness evident through his ski pants. My mouth watered and my core burned at the thought. Damn, if he was that big through layers I could only imagine what it would be like if I stripped him down.
My hands didn’t get the message. As if they had a mind of their own, my fingers stroked him through his pants, outlining the ridge of his erection. A groan tore from his throat and his hips thrust into me. His mouth slipped from mine and burned a path down my neck, tucking under my scarf to nibble at my collarbone. My eyes fluttered closed again, the sensation of his lips and hands on me more than I could bear.
Bulky & Beauteous Page 6
