Guilty

by Anne Mather

  But no. That didn’t hold water. For one thing, he’d said he had been fencing, and he would hardly have been doing that prior to attending some business meeting. So did that mean he had driven all the way from London, with that gash in his side? My God, she thought sickly, how could he have done it? And where had he spent last night?

  The questions just went on and on, and she simply didn’t have the time to find the answers. Jake was here, and, for the moment, there was nothing she could do about it. But that didn’t mean she had to alter her schedule. She had made plans, and he couldn’t expect her to abandon them, just because he had chosen to practically collapse on her doorstep.

  She sighed. But could she go and leave him as he was? What if he was unconscious, after all? What if she was wrong, and he slipped into a coma, or something equally ghastly, in her absence? Would she ever forgive herself if something awful happened to him? If only she had explained the situation, before he’d passed out. He could sleep for hours, and there was nothing she could do.

  CHAPTER SIX

  ‘DID I hear a kettle boiling?’

  The low, attractive sound of Jake’s voice brought Laura round with a start. She had believed he was asleep, or worse, and seeing him, albeit swaying, in the doorway, caused a sudden surge of impatience.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she exclaimed, forgetting for the moment that seconds before she had been lamenting his unconscious state. ‘You shouldn’t be walking around. That wound needs time to heal.’

  Jake glanced down at his stained shirt, and laid a brown hand over the area of the injury. ‘It feels much better,’ he assured her, lifting his eyes to hers again. ‘I’m sorry for losing consciousness like that. I guess I’m more tired than I thought.’

  Laura’s hands clenched at her sides. ‘Did you have any sleep last night?’

  ‘Some.’ Jake was non-committal.

  ‘Where?’

  He sighed. ‘In a service area.’

  Laura was horrified. ‘In your car?’

  ‘Does it matter? I made it, didn’t I?’

  ‘That depends.’ Laura found it was too much to cope with, right at this minute. ‘Well—I’ve got to go. I—I’m meeting someone.’

  ‘Are you?’ Jake’s eyes were dark and enigmatic. ‘Does that mean you’d like me to leave?’

  Laura hesitated. ‘Not—necessarily,’ she replied, ignoring the small voice inside her, that said that was exactly what she ought to ask him to do. But how could she? she argued with herself. He wasn’t fit to go anywhere!

  ‘No?’ he said softly. ‘You want me to stay?’

  ‘I didn’t say I wanted you to stay,’ Laura countered hotly. ‘I—just don’t think you’re fit to leave. Not if you have to drive anyway.’ She pressed her lips together. ‘Where did you leave your car?’

  Jake inclined his head, his mouth taking on a vaguely ironic slant. ‘I parked near that stretch of grass, beside the church.’

  ‘The green!’ exclaimed Laura, with an inward groan. ‘Why’d you park there?’

  Jake’s face paled alarmingly, and he gripped the frame of the door for support before replying. ‘I—thought you might prefer it,’ he replied unevenly. ‘I didn’t want to embarrass you.’

  ‘Embarrass me?’

  Laura could have laughed, but it would have been a bitter laugh at best. She could just imagine the stir his reappearance would have caused. After last weekend, she doubted there was anyone in the village who wouldn’t have recognised Jake’s car, if they saw it. And parking on the green…

  But Jake was obviously in no state to stand here trading words with her, and, forcing herself to move forward, she took his arm. ‘I think you’d better go and sit down again, before you fall down,’ she told him, intensely aware of the heat of his flesh through his shirt-sleeve. ‘Come on. Then I’ll make you some hot tea. Are you hungry?’

  Jake shook his head, but he leaned on her fairly heavily as they progressed across the living-room to where the blanket was tumbled on the armchair. Without letting go of him, Laura quickly whisked the blanket away, and then supported him, as he lowered himself into the chair. He was sweating again, she noticed, with a pang; a combination of the shock he had had, and the amount of blood he had lost, she surmised. It was draining his strength.

  ‘Mi dispiace,’ he said, and she noticed how, in moments of stress, he was apt to lapse into his own language. ‘I’m sorry. I am a nuisance, no?’

  Laura straightened, resisting the impulse to smooth the damp strands of dark hair back from his forehead. ‘It’s—all right,’ she said, offhandedly, glancing towards the kitchen. ‘Um—here’s the blanket. I’ll get the tea.’

  ‘But your—appointment?’ he queried, looking up at her through his lashes, and Laura’s heart palpitated wildly.

  ‘I’ve got time,’ she said, leaving him, and hurrying back into the kitchen. She had—just, but only if she managed to get parked at the first attempt.

  At least the kettle didn’t take long to boil again, and she made the tea with hands that shook a little. It was a hangover from supporting his weight on her shoulder, she told herself firmly, but she was trembling inside, too, and she had no excuse for that.

  She set a tray with the necessary cup and saucer, milk, and sugar basin, and then added a plate of biscuits, just for good measure. She supposed she should have opened a tin of soup or something, but he had said he wasn’t hungry, and when she came back…

  She arrested her thoughts right there. She was not going to think about what might happen when she got back. He might not be here, for heaven’s sake. If he drank the sweet tea, and rested for a while, he might feel well enough to drive to a hotel, at least—and that would all be for the best, she told herself severely. Least said, soonest mended: wasn’t that what they said? So long as their relationship remained on this impersonal level, she had nothing to worry about.

  Jake’s eyes were closed again, when she went back into the living-room, but they opened when she set the tray down on an end-table she had set beside his chair.

  ‘Grazie,’ he said, levering himself up from the cushions, to take the cup she handed him. ‘I am most grateful.’

  Laura folded her hands. ‘The teapot’s on the tray, and I’ve put plenty of sugar in your cup,’ she said, realising she was sounding more and more like his mother. Well, why not? she thought cynically. If Julie had her way, she’d be his mother-in-law, at least. ‘I—I should be back by about half-past three,’ she went on, mentally abandoning any thoughts of prolonging the outing. ‘But if—if you want to go before then—which I don’t advise,’ she added recklessly, ‘just drop the latch, and close the door.’

  Jake regarded her over the rim of his cup. ‘I’ll stay.’

  ‘You will?’ Laura swallowed convulsively.

  ‘If you have no objections,’ he averred, grimacing at the sweetness of the tea, and Laura’s breathing felt suspended.

  ‘I—no,’ she mumbled, turning away, before he could say anything else to disturb her efforts to remain objective. Nevertheless, her heart was pounding, and it took an enormous effort to walk across the floor.

  Her coat and handbag were upstairs, and by the time she came down again, the warm folds of her plum-coloured cashmere coat wrapped about her, Jake was resting back against the cushions.

  ‘Drive carefully,’ he said, as she collected her car keys from the sideboard, and, with a jerky nod, Laura let herself out of the house.

  She saw the Lamborghini, as she drove through the village. As Jake had said, it was parked on the verge, beside the wall of the churchyard. Several of the village children were peering through its windows as she passed, and she hoped they wouldn’t do any damage to it. In any case, she didn’t have the time to move it now, even if she’d had the guts to try.

  She was late meeting Jess, but only about ten minutes, and her friend accepted her explanation of not being able to find anywhere to park. The city was busy, and Laura had been lucky to find a space in one of the multi-st
orey car parks. Luckily, someone had been leaving, as Laura had cruised along one of the upper floors, and, although she had had to contend with some irate glares from motorists, who’d considered they had a prior claim to the space, she’d bought her parking ticket, and stuck it bravely to the windscreen.

  Jess was waiting beneath the monument that had been raised to Earl Grey, one of England’s earliest prime ministers, and her eyes widened when she saw her friend. She was smaller than Laura, and, although she generally wore high heels to increase her height, today she had chosen boots, and woollen trousers. In consequence, the contrast between them was quite pronounced, and she frowned as Laura crossed the square towards her.

  ‘Did I miss something?’ she asked, after Laura had made her explanations, and, aware that Jess was referring to her appearance, Laura grimaced.

  ‘No,’ she protested, but she couldn’t help the wave of hot colour that ran up her cheeks at the words. Even though the way she was dressed owed nothing to Jake Lombardi’s arrival, the connotations were irresistible.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Jess regarded her with some suspicion. ‘We are just going shopping, you know.’

  ‘I know.’ Laura sighed. ‘I just felt like making the most of myself for once. Do I usually look such a fright?’

  ‘Of course not.’ Jess shook her dark head. ‘It wouldn’t have anything to do with Julie, would it?’

  ‘Julie!’ Laura managed to sound indignant, but it took an effort. ‘Jess!’

  ‘Well!’ Jess was unrepentant. ‘You haven’t seen her, then?’

  Laura took the other girl’s arm. ‘Can we move away from here?’ she asked, without answering. ‘Where are we having lunch?’

  ‘I thought we might go to Fenwicks,’ replied Jess, giving her friend a studied look. ‘Then we can look round the clothes department first.’

  ‘Fine.’

  Laura nodded, and they crossed the square to the swing doors of the large department store Jess had mentioned. Walking through the store, it was difficult to talk at all, and it wasn’t until Jess led the way into the maternity department that Laura realised what her friend had to tell her.

  ‘You’re pregnant!’ she exclaimed, and, when Jess nodded, rather sheepishly, she gave her a hug. ‘How wonderful!’

  ‘Is it?’ Jess looked a little less confident now. ‘I’m not so sure.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Laura frowned. ‘Don’t you want a family?’

  ‘Well, you know I do—did,’ amended Jess, sighing. ‘But, Laura, Clive and I have been married for almost fifteen years. I’m almost forty. You don’t think I’m too old, do you?’

  ‘Too old?’ Unbidden, thoughts of Jake sprang into Laura’s mind, and she had a hard time putting them aside. ‘Of course you’re not too old. What does Clive think?’

  ‘Oh, he’s over the moon,’ said Jess glumly, examining a navy and white maternity dress, with straight, classic lines. ‘But after all these years! I never imagined I’d be having my first child at my age!’

  ‘Lots of women have their first child in their late thirties,’ declared Laura staunchly. ‘Women who’ve put their career first, and a family second.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s not me, is it?’ said Jess, sighing. ‘I wanted a baby when I was younger. Now, I’m not so sure.’

  ‘Aren’t you?’

  Laura looked at her disbelievingly, and Jess managed a rueful smile. ‘Well, all right, yes. I want this baby. But not if anything’s going to go wrong.’

  Laura shook her head. ‘Stop being such a pessimist. If you want to look at it that way, younger women have problems, too. If you look after yourself, and do what the doctor tells you, you’ll be fine. It’s not such a big deal, Jess. Honestly.’

  ‘That’s easy for you to say,’ Jess argued. ‘You were only a kid when you had Julie. I’m an old married woman.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ said Laura firmly. ‘You’ll take it in your stride. So—when is the baby due? You don’t look any different.’

  ‘At the end of September,’ Jess replied, running an involuntary hand over the curve of her stomach. She smiled. ‘There’s not much to see yet, thank goodness.’

  ‘No.’ Laura smiled. ‘I’m so pleased for you. I’m sure Clive will make a marvellous father.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Jess was thoughtful. ‘Well, I hope so.’

  ‘I’m sure he will.’ Laura knew a momentary sense of envy for her friend. She had never known what it was like to share those simple human emotions.

  But later, as they were sitting enjoying scampi and chips in the restaurant, Jess returned to her earlier tack. ‘So,’ she said, ‘how are things with you? Have you seen Julie recently?’

  ‘You don’t give up, do you?’ Laura regarded her friend with some resignation. ‘All right, yes. Julie came up last weekend. But she didn’t browbeat me into doing something about my appearance, so you can stop looking so smug.’

  ‘So who did, then?’ Jess countered, and, once again, Jake’s dark features swam into Laura’s consciousness. She didn’t want to think about him. She particularly didn’t want to admit that he had had anything to do with her desire to improve her image. But she couldn’t help wondering if he was all right, and if he really did intend to stay.

  ‘I …’ Realising Jess was looking at her rather curiously now, Laura endeavoured to speak casually. ‘Um—no one influenced me,’ she said, not altogether truthfully. ‘I just felt like smartening myself up, that’s all. I look all right, don’t I? You’re making me feel conspicuous.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. You look great, and you know it,’ declared Jess warmly. ‘I just wondered if—by any chance—some man—–’

  ‘No!’ Laura knew her response was too vehement, but she couldn’t help it. ‘Honestly, Jess, just because you think marriage is the best thing since sliced bread, don’t imagine everyone has to have a man in their life, before they begin to care how they look!’

  Jess flushed then, and Laura felt awful. ‘I didn’t mean—–’ Jess began, but Laura broke in before she could go any further.

  ‘No, I know you didn’t!’ she exclaimed, expelling her breath on a rueful sigh. ‘Oh, Jess, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up at you like that. I don’t know what’s the matter with me today.’

  Didn’t she?

  ‘It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have said anything,’ protested Jess hurriedly. ‘Honestly. I just wondered if Mark—–’

  ‘Mark?’ In spite of herself, Laura’s voice rose an octave. ‘Oh—well, I still see him from time to time, of course. Outside school, I mean. But he’s like me. He’s not interested in surrendering his freedom for some precarious sexual commitment.’

  Jess studied her friend doubtfully. ‘At the risk of getting my head bitten off again, I don’t think that’s how you really feel,’ she declared, and, when Laura raised her eyebrows, she went on, ‘You think you’re so self-sufficient, Laura. You go to school, and support yourself. You’ve even bought your own home. But can you honestly say you never wish you’d got married?’

  Laura bent her head. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, I don’t believe it.’ Jess finished her meal, and propped her elbows on the table. ‘I think you’ve let one bad experience sour you for a real, loving relationship. Or perhaps you’ve just never met a man who could turn your world upside-down.’

  ‘Oh, Jess!’ Laura fell back on sarcasm, as a means to divert her friend. ‘Is this really Mrs Turner, the terror of the maths department, talking? Look out, Barbara Cartland! You’ve got a rival!’

  ‘You can mock,’ declared Jess imperviously. ‘But I mean it. You just never go anywhere where you might meet someone.’

  ‘I go places,’ said Laura, aware that Jess’s words were not as ridiculous as she would like to think. ‘I go to parties, occasionally, and the theatre—–’

  ‘With Mark Leith,’ put in Jess, as the waitress came to remove their plates. ‘No one’s going to make a pass at you, with him keeping a proprietorial hold on you.’

 
‘Just because you don’t like Mark—–’

  ‘I hardly know him,’ retorted Jess. ‘But I’m pretty sure he’s not the man for you.’

  ‘There you go again.’ Laura wished she had never started this. ‘Jess, have you ever considered that I might not be the marrying sort?’

  Jess gave her an old-fashioned look. ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Will you take a look at yourself some time?’ exclaimed Jess forcefully. ‘You’re tall, and slim—–’

  ‘Not so slim!’

  ‘—and attractive. You’ve got good legs.’

  ‘Jess, please.’ Laura shook her head. ‘Can we talk about something else, please? Like—what are we going to have for dessert?’

  ‘Doesn’t Julie say anything?’ persisted Jess, and Laura felt as if she was lurching from one awkward topic to another.

  ‘I—Julie’s fine,’ she said, hoping Jess would take the hint, but her friend looked at her over the menu, and her expression was not encouraging.

  ‘I meant—doesn’t Julie ever mention the prospect of your getting married?’

  ‘Me?’ Laura stared fixedly at the menu. ‘No, of course not. Why should she? I’m her mother. I’m too old to—to—–’

  ‘To have a sex-life of your own?’ suggested Jess drily. ‘Yes, I can believe she thinks that.’

  Laura sighed. ‘Jess, please—–’

  ‘Oh, all right.’ Jess capitulated. ‘So—tell me about Julie. Is she all right? I gather she’s not thinking of getting married any time soon either.’

  Laura’s head came up. ‘Why do you say that?’

  ‘You mean, she is?’ Jess’s eyes widened. ‘Have you met him?’

  ‘Jess!’ In spite of all her efforts, Laura could feel the colour rising to her cheeks. ‘You do jump to conclusions, don’t you? I haven’t even said she has a boyfriend. I only—wondered why—–’

  ‘Laura, you’re not a very good liar.’ Jess smiled. ‘Now, I can tell from your face that something’s going on, so you might as well tell me what it is. I don’t keep any secrets from you.’