by Curry, Edna
How would they straighten out this impossible mess? Would he still let her see Susie? Would he expect her to return to California and her modeling career? Oddly, she had no desire to do that. It seemed far away, like another life. She didn’t want to go back to dating men like Wesley. She wanted the sweet, wonderful arms of the husband she’d had for such a short time. She wanted to make love with Jass and be Susie’s mother forever.
Now she knew it was an impossible dream. Even the pretense of living it would end soon.
***
One Saturday, Agnes told her Jass had called to make sure everything was all right. He had talked to Susie, and would call her later.
She stayed up late by the phone, hoping he would, but he didn’t call back. Again she went to bed and cried herself to sleep. That was becoming the norm.
Since Diane and Agnes had the weekend off, Laurie and Susie passed the time by visiting Martha at the hospital and renting a video. Sunday was the longest day of her life.
By evening she fell asleep on the couch, even though it was hours before dark. The sun didn’t set until almost nine and it was still broad daylight.
Trixie whined, and Susie took her outside without her leash. The dog dashed down the street, and didn’t see a car coming, nor did the driver see Trixie in time to avoid her.
Laurie woke to the sound of screeching tires and shouts and Susie’s screams of “Mommy!” Laurie raced outside, her heart pounding. Susie flew into her arms in tears, pointing to the black and white bundle of fur on the ground.
Jean Martins, an older lady who lived down the street, was horrified that she’d hit Trixie, and was almost as upset as Susie.
Laurie calmed Susie and Mrs. Martins, then checked Trixie. A strong heartbeat met her probing fingers, so she gently picked him up and said, “Come on, we’ll take him to the vet.”
“But it’s Sunday,” Mrs. Martins protested.
Laurie thought fast. In a small town, people weren’t always as inaccessible on weekends as they were in a large city, primarily because everyone knew where to find each other. She had to do something. Both Trixie and Susie were whimpering and depending on her. “Where does the nearest veterinarian live?”
“Somewhere on Oak street in Canton, I think," Mrs. Martins said. "I’m not sure.”
“His name?” she asked.
Mrs. Martins shook her head. “Her name. Miss Stam.”
The name was immediately familiar. “Her sister teaches kindergarten?”
“Yes, that’s her.”
“She’s my teacher’s sister,” Susie put in. “I know where they live, Mommy. We went there for field day.”
Visibly shaken, Mrs. Martins went back to her car to drive on home.
Laurie and Susie walked quickly back to their house with Trixie whimpering. A wound on Trixie’s leg oozed blood.
They went inside and Laurie said, “Can you run to my bedroom and get my purse, Susie? It’s on my dressing table. Hurry.”
Laurie stepped into the kitchen and found a towel to wrap the dog’s leg to stop the bleeding as much as possible. She found the vet’s number and breathed a sigh of relief when the veterinarian answered her telephone. Laurie explained the problem and Miss Stam agreed to see them as soon as they could get there.
As Laurie drove, Susie held Trixie, who lay quietly in her lap, trusting brown eyes occasionally looking at them.
Miss Stam looked over Trixie and assured them that no lasting damage had been done. “I’ll keep her here for a day or so to be sure, but I don’t think there was any internal damage, just scrapes and bruises. But she’s a lucky dog.”
Susie was very quiet on the way home. Laurie thought about scolding her for letting Trixie play outdoors without her leash, but decided the little girl had been punished more than enough.
When Laurie tucked her into bed, Susie put her arms around Laurie. “When is Daddy coming home? I miss him,” she asked, tears starting to flow.
Laurie held her tightly until she quieted. “So do I, Sweetheart. So do I.”
***
Agnes soon guessed why Laurie was ill in the mornings, and was inordinately pleased. Since Agnes didn’t trust doctors very much anyway, the idea that an operation hadn’t succeeded didn’t seem at all strange to her.
Agnes was sympathetic and no longer coaxed Laurie to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast. “I never could stand the smell of greasy foods cooking myself, when I was pregnant,” she told Laurie. Laurie didn’t dare ask about Agnes’ children, since, as LaRae, she was already supposed to know the answers. They were probably grown, she decided.
Laurie needn’t have worried. When she didn’t answer, Agnes sighed and began telling her all about the daughter in St. Louis and son in Dallas and their medical history. Laurie found that all she had to do was murmur a bit of encouragement, and Agnes would keep talking about them. It was obvious that she loved them very much.
Laurie wondered what it would be like to be a grandmother, to have memories that went back many years. She tried to imagine being able to tell tales of Susie’s childhood to Susie’s own children.
But of course, she remembered painfully, it might never happen. Maybe the baby growing inside her would never even know his own father. Jass would probably never learn to love her nor claim her baby as his own. Which would not, of course, change the fact it was his baby. Somehow the realization cheered her. Maybe someday Jass would realize that fact, also. He had, after all, insisted he would support his baby. The more she thought about it, the surer she was that Jass was a good man. He would eventually relent and love his child as well.
But…how long would it take? What would happen to her and her baby in the meantime? Thank goodness for her inheritance. She must take things into her own hands and begin making plans for another place to live. This uncertainty was hell.
She finished her breakfast of dry toast in a better mood.
The telephone shrilled. She went to pick it up, panic filling her as she spoke to the person from the hospital on the other end of the line. “I’ll be right there,” she said, and hung up.
“Agnes, it’s Aunt Martha. She’s had another stroke. Can you watch Susie?”
“Of course. You call and let me know how she is.”
Laurie grabbed her purse from the counter and car keys from the hook by the door and drove into Canton.
When she arrived, Martha was back in the intensive care unit, very pale, and hooked up to monitors and an IV.
She turned as Laurie walked in and attempted a wan smile. “Hi, Laurie. I’m…being lots of trouble again.” Her voice was weak and strained.
Laurie’s throat tightened. Was she confused? She’d called her Laurie instead of LaRae. “Shh, Aunt Martha. Don’t try to talk.”
Martha smiled. “It’s okay, Laurie. I’m not afraid to go. I’ve lived a long time.”
“Don’t say that,” Laurie’s voice broke. “I love you.”
“I know. You’ll stay with Jass and Susie? Take good care of them for LaRae?”
Laurie’s hand flew to her mouth in consternation. “You know? How?”
Martha sent her a knowing look. “You and LaRae may look alike, but you act differently. LaRae made duty calls, although I think she loved me in her own way. But we weren’t close, like you and I. I wondered when you called me several times from California. But I knew the first night you came to visit me, when you commented on and sniffed the flowers. You told me my crocuses and King Alfred daffodils were blooming, remember?”
Laurie nodded. “The first sign it was really spring.”
“You said I always said that. LaRae would never say something like that. Only you, Laurie.”
Shrugging, Laurie big her lip. She'd been right to worry that she couldn't fool this smart lady.
“Then you helped set the table. I was sure I was right when I saw your face after I mentioned my birthday cake. You looked ready to panic!” Martha smiled weakly, leaned back against her pillow and closed her eyes.
Laurie took her hand, c
oncerned. She looked so white and ill.
Martha opened her eyes again, saying, “At least you won’t have to solve that problem, Laurie.”
“Why didn’t you give me away?”
Martha lifted one shoulder. “I was selfish and didn’t want you to go back to California. I knew you were playing your switcheroo game and I was afraid if Jass found out, you’d leave. I figured you two would work it out in time.”
Laurie sighed. She doubted that would happen, now. But she couldn’t tell her aunt that. Martha was too ill.
“You do love Jass, don’t you?”
Laurie nodded. “Yes. Yes, Aunt Martha, I do.”
Martha nodded, satisfied.
A nurse came in to check her monitor. Laurie moved aside, worry knitting her brow.
***
In Denver, Jass showered and shaved to go to work at the bank. This branch had an unusually large turnover of employees, so many of the people he’d been working with were new at their jobs. Teaching them new programs when they already had a lot of new things to remember was proving a daunting task. So his weeks in Denver earlier had not been enough. He’d have to set up more training for them.
In fact, he’d been offered a new job here with another computer firm. It would, of course, involve a permanent move. If he wanted it. He was too mixed up now to know what he wanted.
His grief over realizing it had been LaRae who’d died seemed to be taking forever to subside.
He missed her. He missed Susie, too, of course. He called her regularly on the telephone, but it was hard for a five-year-old to understand he had to earn a living by staying in another city far away from her. Last night, all she’d wanted to talk about was Trixie getting hit by a car and how Mommy had driven her to the vet.
As he dressed, he wondered how Laurie had managed to do it, alone there with Susie on a Sunday. He shouldn’t have left her in charge. But he’d gotten so used to her new confidence and she seemed so willing, it was hard not to do so. He’d simply assumed she would continue caring for Susie, when Susie was his responsibility, not hers. He shouldn’t have left without making other arrangements for his daughter.
Still, he cringed as he imagined Laurie’s face when he asked her to leave his house.
And Susie. He still hadn’t told Susie her mother was dead. Oh, God, how was he going to do it?
What was he going to do about Laurie? How could he tell her to leave when she loved Susie? Worse, when she was carrying his own new baby? He couldn’t do that!
Besides, Susie loved her. What if Agnes and Diane quit? He’d given them every incentive to stay, of course, including apartments over the garage. But this was Diane’s last semester of college. She would be leaving after summer school ended, and had already told Agnes she’d been offered a job in Chicago. He snapped on a tie and found his laptop and briefcase, then walked out to his car.
God, but he wanted this job to be over. He wanted to get home to Susie. He’d missed LaRae and Susie more than he had any other time he’d been away from home.
No. Not LaRae. Pain vibrated in his chest, tightening his lungs until he thought they would burst. LaRae was dead.
He’d missed Laurie. Laurie, who was carrying his baby. A thrill slid through him at the idea of another new life. She’d seemed so pleased over the baby, too.
He didn’t care what other people thought. Laurie was the one who’d climbed into his heart. It wasn’t LaRae, it was Laurie he missed.
How could that be when she’d made a fool of him? He couldn’t have fallen in love with someone who would do that, could he?
Besides, she was paranoid over Susie. She watched over his daughter like a mother hen, driven by some crazy memories from the past. She seemed sure something that happened years ago was going to be repeated. Paranoid. He couldn’t allow Susie to be exposed to fears like those, could he? He heaved a sigh. It would be best if she went back to her job in California. No, she couldn’t do that, now. She was pregnant, with his baby. He couldn’t let her go. He had to convince her to stay. But would she after the way he’d acted?
He parked his car in the parking lot, nodding to the bank security guard.
Susie would understand when he explained it all to her. She’d be fine with servants. They didn’t need Laurie. He’d be fine without Laurie. He tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat and went into the bank to go to work.
“Morning, Mr. Markham. Your wife called.”
Pain echoed through him. He had no wife. Then panic. What was wrong back home in Minnesota? Susie? Laurie never called him.
Agnes answered the phone, and to his frantic questions, assured him his wife and daughter were fine. “But Martha passed away early this morning, Jass. LaRae has gone into Canton to see to the arrangements. Don’t worry, Susie’s here with me.”
Jass sagged with relief, running his fingers through his hair. Martha. Of course, he’d cared about the sweet old lady, too, but he’d been so sure something had happened to Susie. Laurie’s paranoia must be catching. “Tell LaRae and Susie I’ll come home immediately, as soon as I can get a flight."
He hung up and smoothed back the hair he’d been disheveling. Another funeral. More pain. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to explain this mess to Martha. The poor old lady had loved both the girls so much.
***
Laurie came home late in the afternoon, exhausted.
When she stepped into the kitchen and hung up her keys, Agnes looked her over and frowned. “You’re looking a bit peaked, LaRae. Best you go lie down a while ‘til supper. Oh, and Jass called.”
Laurie’s heartbeat speeded. “What did he say?”
“He’ll be on the first plane he can get.”
Relief washed through her, and she blinked back tears. Jass was coming home. She needed him so much. “Good. Where’s Susie?”
“She and Trixie are stretched out on the rug in the family room, watching television, like usual this time of the day. Cartoons are on.”
“Thanks, Agnes. I think I will go lie down for a bit.”
Laurie curled up on her bed. It had been an exhausting day. In spite of the doctor and nurses’ best efforts, Martha had passed away. She’d been doing so well lately everyone had thought she was on the mend. Now, she was gone.
Laurie had made arrangements at the funeral home and talked to Pastor Luke about scheduling the funeral. Tomorrow they would hold the wake and the next day the funeral. She was glad Agnes had reached Jass. She was too tired to deal with talking to him now.
She’d just catch a bit of rest before supper. If only Jass were here to hold her. She needed his love and his warmth, needed to be cuddled close in his strong and caring embrace. Would he ever be there for her again? She pulled up a comforter and let the tears flow. She cried for Martha, for LaRae and for her lost love with Jass. At last she slept.
“LaRae? Supper’s ready,” Agnes called from her doorway.
Laurie awoke with a start. “Coming.” She got up, splashed cold water on her face to erase the traces of tears, and went to the kitchen.
Agnes was putting a hot chicken casserole on the table. It smelled delicious. “Where’s Susie?”
“Trixie wanted out, so she took her for a little walk. She’ll be right back. Sit down, I’ll pour your coffee.”
Laurie sipped the delicious hot brew, letting it revive her.
Jass drove in, slammed his car door and came into the kitchen.
“Jass!”
He dropped his briefcase and came to take her in his arms. “I took the first plane I could get. I thought you might need me.”
She reveled in his welcoming kiss. It had been far too long since he’d taken her in his arms. Did this mean she was forgiven? She kissed him back. “Oh, I do.”
“Where’s Susie?”
Agnes repeated what she’d told Laurie.
“I'd better go check on her,” Jass said.
Suddenly they heard Susie scream in the distance, then Trixie, yelping and barking.
&n
bsp; Laurie froze.
For a split second she thought it was her nightmare. But she was awake, wasn’t she?
Susie screamed again, and Laurie and Jass both ran outside. Agnes followed, the kitchen door slamming behind them.
Words rehearsed endlessly in her nightmares came naturally to her lips, and Laurie’s screams echoed through the neighborhood. “No! No! Don’t hurt my Susie!”
Outside they stopped, looking from side to side, trying to figure out where to go. Panic made her voice ragged as she asked, “Where is she?”
“Susie? Susie!” she and Jass called in unison.
“Oh, God, what’s happening?”
They raced around the garage, trying to judge where the sounds had come from. All was quiet.
“You go that way, I’ll go this way,” Laurie said, heading along the empty, evergreen tree-lined road. Laurie could see nothing. “Susie?”
Where was she? Had Trixie been hit by another car? Or worse, had Susie been hit? But there was no car in sight.
The ominous silence was scarier than the screams had been. Her pulse pounding in a discord of fear, Laurie searched the underbrush along the road, pulling back evergreen branches, calling and looking for the little girl. She hardly noticed the sharp pine needles scratching her hands. She pulled them aside, their pungent scent assailing her nostrils. “Susie! Susie! Where are you?”
The panic Laurie had always felt in her nightmare filled her. She looked wildly around, half expecting to see the man in her dreams chasing Susie. But she saw no one.
