‘He’s gone, Annie—gone,’ he said into her hair as she clung to him. ‘It’s over—all over.’
‘I thought…I thought I was going to die,’ she said convulsively. ‘I thought, he’s going to kill me, and there’s nothing I can do about it, and Jamie’s going to be left with no one to take care of him because David works such long hours, and David doesn’t know that Jamie doesn’t like carrots or peas, and…’
Shock, her brain dimly registered. Some people retreated into silence. Others couldn’t stop talking, and she was obviously one of them.
Gideon didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his hold on her tightened so she didn’t know whether she was trembling or if he was.
‘It’s all right,’ he said, his voice rough, uneven. ‘Nothing can hurt you now. I’m here, and nothing and no one is ever going to hurt you.’
The concern in his voice was the final straw. A sob came from her, then another, and another, and then she couldn’t stop. All the fear she’d felt when Mike had waved that knife at her spilled over, and she buried her face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably. And he held her, smoothed her hair with his fingers, murmured words she didn’t really hear but only knew they were somehow comforting because he was there, and everything was all right.
‘I’m sorry, so sorry,’ she gasped, when the last of her tears was finally spent. ‘You must think I’m so stupid.’
‘I think you’re brave, and gutsy, and wonderful,’ he said huskily, wiping her face gently with his fingers. ‘I also think you need something hot to drink,’ he added, seeing her shiver.
Quickly he made the coffee, then pressed the mug into her hands.
‘I’ve put sugar in it, and I know you don’t normally take sugar, but drink it. It will help.’ She tried. She really tried to, but the mug shook so violently in her hands that Gideon had to put his hands over hers to steady them, then guide the mug to her lips. ‘Take it slowly,’ he ordered as she took a gulp that brought fresh tears to her eyes. ‘Take it slowly, one sip at a time.’
She did and, as the warm liquid gradually began to warm her, she managed a tremulous smile. ‘That’s good. Maybe I should take it with sugar all the time.’
His own lips curved at her poor attempt at a joke, and he touched her cheek gently. ‘Better now?’
She nodded. ‘What will happen—to Mike?’
‘He’ll be charged. He has to be, Annie,’ he continued as she gazed at him with dismay. ‘If we let him away with it, he could come back.’
She shuddered at the thought, and he grasped her shoulders firmly.
‘He will never get near you again. I promise.’
Annie believed him. She believed him, and she loved him, and both thoughts gave her the courage to say, ‘Gideon, why have you ignored all my calls?’
His jaw stiffened. ‘I don’t think this is the time to discuss that. You’ve just been through a hell of an ordeal—’
‘Why, Gideon?’ she insisted. ‘You don’t return my calls, you ignore me at work—’
‘Annie—’
‘Is it something to do with Nick?’ she continued, and saw his jaw set still more. ‘I know he’s all over me like a rash, but it’s not something I want or have encouraged. He seems to think that because he knew me before in Manchester—’
‘He’s Jamie’s father, isn’t he?’
Her jaw dropped. How could he have guessed? She was sure she’d never mentioned Nick’s name. Never even said he was a gynae consultant.
‘Of course he’s not,’ she said with a desperate attempt at a laugh that sounded false even to her ears. ‘I don’t know what gave you that idea—’
‘My own eyes for a start. It’s not a huge resemblance, but it’s there, plus the fact you’ve been behaving like a cat on a hot tin roof ever since he arrived.’
Annie took a gulp of her coffee. It was cold. She was cold again, too. Cold, with a strange icy chill around her heart.
‘All right, so he’s Jamie’s father,’ she admitted, ‘but that’s all he is. He means nothing to me now.’
‘Annie, he’s Jamie’s father, and—’ Gideon’s eyebrows suddenly snapped down. ‘He does know, doesn’t he?’ She didn’t answer, and he swore under his breath. ‘Annie, you have to tell him.’
‘Why?’ she demanded.
‘Because the boy’s his son,’ he protested. ‘And he has the right to know that.’
‘Nick has no rights!’ she flared. ‘He left me before Jamie was born—’
‘Maybe he would have stayed if you’d told him.’
‘More likely he’d have run even faster.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘Gideon, I know Nick a hell of a lot better than you,’ she said bitterly, ‘and, believe me, if I’d told him I was pregnant I wouldn’t have seen him for dust. The man’s a jerk, a louse.’
‘Is that why you won’t go out to dinner with him?’
His eyes were fixed on her, and she gazed back at him in confusion. ‘Of course it is. What other reason could there be?’
‘I think you’re frightened to go out with him,’ he said. ‘Frightened in case you discover you still love him.’
‘That’s nonsense.’
‘Is it?’ He caught her two hands in his, and held onto them tightly. ‘Annie, if I were in your shoes I would welcome the opportunity to tell him exactly what I thought of him. To tell him he has a son—a wonderful, beautiful son—that I’ve raised all by myself with no help wanted or required from him. And then I’d probably sock him.’
‘I’m not you.’
‘No, you’re not, but can you honestly say that you didn’t secretly hope this might happen one day? That Nick might come back into your life, divorced, and able to marry you? It would explain why you didn’t have a termination—’
‘I told you why I didn’t have a termination,’ Annie protested. ‘It had nothing to do with Nick—nothing. He’s my past—over, finished. I hoped…’ Oh, lord, she couldn’t say it. Couldn’t say she’d hoped Gideon was her future, not when he was looking at her with an expression she didn’t understand. ‘Gideon…’
‘If Nick really is your past then draw a line under it. Go out with him, tell him about Jamie, and then you really will have closed that chapter of your life.’
‘But it is closed,’ she said in exasperation, wondering how on earth he could possibly be so dense, so blind. ‘Going out with Nick wouldn’t achieve anything other than to remind me of how stupid I was, of how much he hurt me. And I don’t need that, Gideon. I really don’t.’
He stared at her silently for a moment, then cleared his throat. ‘How long were you and Nick together?’
‘What difference does it make?’
‘How long, Annie?’
‘Six—almost seven months,’ she muttered.
‘It’s a long time to be with someone. A long time to love them. You and I have known each other for what—a month, five weeks?’
‘It’s not the same, Gideon,’ she protested. ‘What I feel for you…’ There, she’d said it. ‘What I feel for you isn’t anything like what I felt for Nick.’
‘That’s what I’m afraid of,’ he said bleakly. ‘Annie, I want you to be happy—’
‘You make me happy,’ she protested. ‘Gideon, I don’t love Nick. I stopped loving him a long time ago.’
‘Then prove it. Go out with him. Talk to him. Tell him he’s Jamie’s father, that he’s a rat, and then you can move on with no regrets, no ghosts from your past, no thoughts of what might have been. You owe it to yourself, and to me, to do that.’
She stared up at him blindly. Why couldn’t he see that she didn’t still love Nick? No way could she still love him. OK, so perhaps he was still the handsomest man she’d ever met, but she was sure—positive—that all she felt for him now was contempt. All right, so maybe when Nick had first left her, before she’d found out about his affair with one of the nurses in Orthopaedics she might have thought—hoped—he would come back, but not afterwards. D
efinitely not afterwards.
But to go out with him. To sit in a restaurant with him. To be reminded of things she wanted to forget—had spent four years trying to forget. She couldn’t do that, and Gideon couldn’t truly love her if he wanted her to.
He was just trying to give her the brush-off. OK, so he’d wrapped it up in a whole load of fancy psychological jargon about burying ghosts and closing chapters, but he was still just trying to give her the brush-off.
She put down her coffee-cup, and got shakily to her feet.
‘Thanks for the coffee, and for getting me out of that mess with Louise Harper’s boyfriend.’
‘Are you going to accept Nick’s dinner invitation?’ he asked as she walked towards the door.
She turned to face him. ‘No.’
‘But, Annie—’
‘I’d have preferred it if you’d just been honest with me, Gideon,’ she said, her face cold, her voice even colder. ‘Just told me that you didn’t want to go out with me any more.’
‘But I do—’
‘Enough, Gideon,’ she said harshly. ‘I don’t want to hear any more claptrap from you about closing chapters and burying ghosts. I know how you feel now. You’ve made it crystal clear.’
She went out of his room without a backward glance, and it took all of Gideon’s resolve not to go after her. To pull her into his arms, and kiss her senseless until she’d forgotten she’d ever heard the name Nick Henderson. But he didn’t go after her.
If there was the remotest chance that she still felt something for Nick, he had to know. He loved her. He was always going to love her, and he could have played it easy, could have accepted what she’d said without question, but a part of him would always have wondered, just as he suspected a part of her would have wondered, too.
And if she does discover that she still loves this guy? a little voice whispered at the back of his head. What then?
He would live with it, he told himself. He would have to.
CHAPTER TEN
‘ARE you quite sure you want to look after Jamie today, David?’ Annie asked as she quickly washed the breakfast dishes. ‘I mean, it’s your day off.’
‘And what better way to spend it than by taking my nephew to the Transport Museum?’
‘Well, all I can say is you’re a glutton for punishment.’ She chuckled. ‘Once he gets a look at all those old buses, you’ll never tear him away.’
‘I don’t mind. I kind of like them myself.’
‘Big kid.’ She laughed, then shouted down the corridor, ‘Jamie, if you don’t hurry up, your Uncle David will go without you.’
A squeal of protest came from Jamie’s bedroom, and David grinned. ‘I don’t think I should have given him that construction kit just yet.’
‘Not if you wanted to leave early, you shouldn’t,’ she said unearthing her hairbrush from down the side of the sofa with relief. ‘Now, if I could just find my shoes…’
‘You’re in Theatre today, aren’t you?’ David said, holding them out to her. ‘Assisting Tom Brooke?’
‘That’s right.’
‘You must be relieved. I mean, it’s Nick’s last day, and you get to avoid him for half of it.’
‘David.’
The warning note in her voice was plain, but he ignored it.
‘Look, love, I don’t believe any of that crap you gave me about Gideon giving you the brush-off. It’s obvious the guy’s nuts about you.’
‘Then he’s got a very funny way of showing it,’ she said tightly, wishing for the hundredth time since the weekend that her brother hadn’t managed to wheedle the whole sorry story out of her.
‘No, he hasn’t. In fact, I’d be a bit concerned, too, if the girl I was keen on seemed to be running scared from the man she’d had a child by.’
‘I am not running scared,’ she protested. ‘Why can’t you and Gideon get it through your thick skulls that I don’t feel anything for Nick?’
‘It wouldn’t surprise me if you still did,’ David said, as though she hadn’t spoken. ‘You and Nick were lovers for what—six, seven months, and he’s Jamie’s father—’
‘David—’
‘He’s leaving tomorrow, isn’t he? So tonight’s your last chance to go out with him. I’m afraid I can’t babysit for you as I’m on call, but do you think Gideon might do it for you?’
‘David, I am not—repeat not—going out with Nick Henderson.’
‘You could wear that dress I bought you last Christmas—the one you’ve never worn.’
‘Because it’s too short, too…too…’
‘Exactly.’ He nodded. ‘It’s a stunner, and that’s what we want to show Nick. That you’re gorgeous, and desirable, and then you can tell him all about Jamie, wipe the floor with him and close that chapter of your life for ever.’
‘David—’
‘Love, it’s like Gideon said. You’ve got to face your fears because if you don’t you’ll spend the rest of your life running scared. Always wondering when he might show up again.’
‘What’s Mummy scared of?’ Jamie asked, appearing beside them without warning.
‘Where did you spring from, flappy lugs?’ David smiled, ruffling his hair.
‘What’s Mummy scared of?’ Jamie pressed, refusing to be diverted.
‘The big green dragon who lives in Hyndland, but her friend Gideon is going to kill it for her.’
‘There’s no such things as dragons,’ Jamie said scornfully. ‘And even if there was one, Gideon could kill it for sure. I like Gideon. I’d like him to be my daddy.’
‘There you go, Annie,’ David murmured. ‘The menfolk in this family are unanimous.’
‘Have you brushed your teeth yet, Jamie?’ Annie said, shooting her brother a stern glance.
‘Is Gideon going to be my—?’
‘Your teeth, Jamie, or no trip with Uncle David,’ she said pointedly, and her son scowled, and left the kitchen, dragging his feet.
‘Annie—’
‘Enough, David,’ she said firmly. ‘No more talk about Gideon, and I mean it.’
And she did, she thought as she made her way to the hospital. She didn’t want to talk about Gideon, and she most certainly didn’t want to talk to Nick. All this psychological twaddle her brother and Gideon kept on spouting about ghosts, and fears, and closing chapters. She didn’t have any ghosts or fears, but neither did she see the point in opening up old wounds. And that’s all she’d be doing if she went out with Nick.
Determinedly she shook her head. All she had to do was to get through today, and tomorrow Nick would be gone. All she had to do was keep her head down and keep out of Nick’s way, and tomorrow everything would be back to normal.
And as for Gideon…She would think about what she was going to do about him tomorrow.
‘But I’m supposed to be assisting Tom in Theatre,’ Annie protested, when Helen gave her the news that Gideon was expecting her on his morning round. ‘It’s down on the schedule, in black and white.’
‘I’m sorry, but ours is not to reason why, et cetera, et cetera,’ Helen declared. ‘All I know is that Gideon wants you there.’
Like hell he does, Annie thought angrily as the SHO walked away. He’s just deliberately throwing me into Nick’s company again, and it’s not fair. He knows how I feel. He knows I don’t want to be anywhere near the man, and if he had any feelings for me at all he wouldn’t be doing this.
‘All set for another jolly morning jamboree, Annie?’ Liz asked, when she saw her.
‘Frankly, I’d rather walk over hot coals,’ she replied, ‘but you’d better give me the update from last night anyway.’
‘OK, the good news is Mrs Turner went into labour last night and gave birth to a healthy daughter. Both mother and daughter are doing well, and Mrs Turner’s BP seems to have returned to normal.’
‘And the bad news?’
‘She wants to go home. You’d think she’d realise that having been brought in here with suspected pre-eclampsia, it mi
ght be advisable for her to stay with us for a few days to monitor her condition, but with Mrs Turner the light may be on but Mrs Brain is definitely not at home.’
‘Too right,’ Annie sighed.
‘We’ve also had four new admissions this morning, all scheduled for surgery on Friday. An ovarian cyst, a sterilisation, a possible carcinoma of the cervix and an endometrial carcinoma. I’ve put their details together in case you want to read them before Gideon arrives.’
‘Right.’
A slight frown creased the sister’s plump forehead as Annie took the folder from her. ‘You OK?’
‘Cheesed off would be closer to the truth,’ Annie admitted. ‘Cheesed off with people giving me advice whether I want it or not. Cheesed off with people trying to run my life for me, instead of letting me live it my way.’
‘Whoa, somebody’s obviously been rattling your cage, haven’t they?’ Liz laughed, and a reluctant chuckle sprang from Annie’s lips.
‘You’ve got it.’ She nodded. ‘Have you any brothers, Liz?’
‘I’m an only child.’
‘Think yourself lucky,’ Annie said with feeling.
Quickly she scanned the notes Liz had given her, then glanced down the ward.
So many new faces. So many new women to get to know, and not just their physical symptoms, but what might be worrying them, even frightening them.
‘Where’s Sylvia Renton?’ she asked, seeing the girl’s empty bed.
‘ICBU,’ Liz replied. ‘And she went there on her own, with no arm-twisting.’
‘You’re kidding?’ Annie gasped, and Liz shook her head.
‘You know how she’s been expressing milk for her son but she’s always asked me to have it delivered to the intensive care baby unit? Well, this morning she suddenly said she wanted to take it there herself.’
‘Oh, I’m so pleased!’ Annie exclaimed. ‘The hospital psychiatrist must be finally getting through to her.’
‘In a pig’s eye. It’s all the time you’ve been spending with her, talking to her, reassuring her.’
‘I might have helped a bit.’
‘A bit?’ Liz protested. ‘Who brought her in all those books on boys’ names and sat discussing them with her until she finally chose one so the poor little soul at least had a name? Who’s been taking her down to ICBU every day when she didn’t want to go? You’re the miracle-worker, Annie.’
Doctor and Son Page 16
