“I’m sorry, Katie.” Trisha reached over the island and grabbed her wrist, squeezing. Having tried to get pregnant for years, Kate knew Trisha understood, even if she didn’t understand why.
Kate snatched a napkin from its holder with her free hand and wiped her mouth. “I knew we didn’t have forever. Still, it would’ve been nice if I could’ve had him just a little longer.”
“What happened?” Dianna asked, taking a seat next to Trisha. “Did you have a fight?”
“William’s sisters found out. I panicked and told them it didn’t mean anything. Jake overheard it.”
Trisha gasped and placed her hand over her heart. “Why would you say something stupid like that?”
Kate slammed her napkin into the nearby garbage can, still so angry with herself for allowing someone else to guide her life. “Because I didn’t think Alice could handle it if she knew I was moving on. So it just burst out—”
“Whoa, back up a second.” Dianna hopped up from her seat, her hands raised. “You’re telling me you let him go because of your mother-in-law?”
“That’s only one of the reasons.”
“A big one, I bet. Listen, Katie, you have enough baggage of your own to carry, you don’t need to be carting hers, too.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Just forget that she’s grieving?”
Dianna’s shoulders slumped and she sat again. “No, you be there for her and make sure she knows you will always be, but you have to live your life on your terms, not hers.”
Her friend was right. Kate couldn’t stay in a state of limbo and let Alice be the one to decide when she could move on. She needed to find happiness now, before she had to move away from the people and town she loved.
Accepting that she had to face the inevitable heartbreak from Alice gave Kate some peace.
But it didn’t give her back Jake.
“I know you’re right, and I promise to try.”
“Good.” Trisha’s pocket sang, and she reached into it, pulling out her cell. “In the meantime, you need to let him know how much he means to you.”
Kate pondered what her friends had said while Trisha took her call. Even though she knew they would never be together again, she needed to tell Jake what their time together meant to her.
All her thoughts scurried as Trisha ended her call, staring into space, her face a mask of incredulity.
“Sweetie, what is it?” Kate asked.
Trisha glanced at her, then Dianna, gulped, and said, “I’m pregnant.”
Kate couldn’t say anything, her heart overflowing with joy for her friend. Finally some happy news.
Dianna jumped to her feet with a booming whoop. “Oh my Gosh! I’m so happy! Josh is going to be over the moon.”
At the mention of her husband, Trisha’s face went from disbelief to pouring with love. Her lower lip trembled as her eyes welled with tears. “He knew. Even though it’s rare for the procedure to work the first time, somehow he knew. He’s been wanting a child for so long…” The dam finally burst, and she buried her face in her hands.
Kate and Dianna were next to her in a second, hugging and crying along with her. They wept while Trisha called Josh and asked him to come to Dianna’s house. They stood together and thought up baby names while they waited for him to arrive.
Hiding from sight, Kate and Dianna stood at the window and watched as Trisha ran down the path to greet her husband. Kate could tell the second Trisha told him the news because his face reflected pure joy. Josh grabbed her, spun her around, then buried his face in her neck. By the way his shoulders shook, Kate knew he was crying.
She was so thrilled for her friends, and at that moment her heart cried out because she would never be able to do the same for Jake. Would never be the reason his face reflected such bliss.
She was in love with a man eleven years younger, who loved lollipops, video games, and was terrified of aggressive women, but she couldn’t have him.
Because she could never give him what he wanted most.
***
Kate stood outside Jake’s office, twisting her wedding ring. It’d been two days since her talk with Trisha and Dianna. She needed to do this.
Squaring her shoulders, she knocked on the open door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course, Kate.” Jake didn’t look up from his files. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d met her eye to eye at all.
She shut the door behind her. “I’ve been meaning… wanting to talk to you. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long.”
“What’s up?” He flipped the page over and continued to make notes.
“The last time you… were at my house—”
His fingers froze for a moment before he continued writing. “Do you really think this is a discussion we should have at the office?”
“Does it matter?” She moved closer to the desk, wishing he would look at her.
He closed the file and reached for the yellow message slips sitting beside the phone. “No, I suppose not.”
Taking the seat across from him, she perched on the edge of the chair, her hands clenched into a tight ball in her lap as she pressed on. “What I said to my sister-in-law about our relationship meaning nothing. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. I’m sorry. I panicked, and for some reason, I was worried more about how my mother-in-law would handle us than what I was saying.”
“What’s your point, Kate?” He flicked through the message slips with a staccato movement.
“My point is our time together meant the world to me, and I can’t go on letting you believe otherwise.”
He stopped sorting but continued to stare at the top message. His throat moved as he swallowed hard. “Thank you for telling me.”
She waited, wondering—no, hoping—he might have something more to say, but he remained silent. “Sure.” She rose from the chair and hurried to the door, her stomach in hard knots at the sadness in his words.
“Kate?”
“Yes?” She stopped with her hand on the doorknob and glanced back at him.
“In another time and place, do you think we could’ve made it work?” He finally looked at her.
And she wished he hadn’t. The pain in his eyes was so intense, it made her want to cry out and take him in her arms.
“Yes, I do.”
She didn’t wait for his reply. What good would it do? This wasn’t another time and place. This was here and now. No amount of hoping, wishing, or praying would ever change that.
Hence the problem with living in the here and now.
Sometimes it sucked.
By the time work was over and she faced the lonely drive home, Kate seriously considered logging onto JobFinder to see if there was any other work in the area. Seeing Jake all day was too hard, not being able to touch him or share secret smiles. Distance seemed to be the only option.
Except he lived right next door, although that hadn’t really been an issue. He’d all but disappeared from her life outside work, which included her children. She’d grown tired of making excuses for him. At some point, she knew she was going to have to tell her sons why Jake had become so distant.
Just as she pulled into the driveway, Alex stormed from the house, his face red and seething.
Kate jumped from the car and hurried over to him before he made it to the street. “Hey, where are you going?”
“Out.”
Great, just what she needed. “We’re having dinner soon.”
“I’m not hungry.” He went to move around her, but she blocked his path.
“What is your problem lately?”
Alex glared at her. “Why hasn’t Coach been around?”
Well, he got right to the crux of the matter, didn’t he? “He’s been busy. His practice has been growing—”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Watch your language, young man.”
“I’ll start watching my language when you stop fucking lying to me.”
Kate was
stunned into silence. They knew. She had no idea how they’d found out, but that didn’t matter right now. Alex was waiting for a response.
“Okay, fair enough.” Kate licked her parched lips, her heart pounding in her ears. “While you and Drew were away, Dr. Harris and I had a… relationship. But it’s over.”
Alex pulled in a deep breath. “Why? Because of Dad?”
“No. It’s complicated.” God, she hated that term, but she knew of no other way to say it.
“Are you in love with him?”
Go on, Kate. Just say it out loud. No more lies. “Yes.”
Well, that was stupid. Saying it out loud had her fighting back tears. The last thing she wanted to do was cry.
“Does he love you?”
“On some level, I’m sure he does.”
“So what’s the problem? You’re the one who always told me love fixes everything.”
Kate cringed at having her words thrown back at her. How stupid she’d been. “I guess I was wrong.”
Alex threw his hands in the air and marched around her. “Fuck this!”
Kate spun around and called after him. “Alex, why are you so upset?”
He stopped but didn’t face her. “Because we were happy!” Her angst grew at the crack in his voice. “With Coach around, you didn’t cry at night anymore.”
Kate stumbled backward, his words like a physical blow to her gut. “You heard me?”
“Yeah. Every night. Until Dr. Harris moved next door. Life was good for a while, but now you’re crying again.”
“It will be good again.”
Alex let out a loud sniff and continued on his journey.
“Honey, come back. Let’s talk about this.”
“No, I just want to be alone.” With that, he burst into a run. She watched him go until he turned the corner.
“Mom?”
Kate forced her feet to move up the path to the door where Drew stood. “Hey, sweetie.”
“Aren’t you going to go after him?”
“No, he needs some time to calm down. He’ll be back in a half hour or so.” She stepped over the threshold and closed the door.
“Mom, please fix things with Coach. I don’t want you to cry anymore.”
No longer able to speak, Kate pulled her son into her arms, her heart breaking for the pain she’d caused them.
Another nightmare coming true.
***
Jake searched the patrons of Donovan’s Pub, waving to Donna as she navigated through the crowd. They’d gone out a few times, had a few laughs, but Donna had been firm in her rule to keep it platonic. He was glad. Otherwise, he knew he’d be kicking himself right now because of his kneejerk reaction to call her. Donna was a sweet girl. And like she’d said on their date a few weeks ago, she was no one’s second choice.
He wanted to move on, wanted to get himself back on the right track.
But all roads led to Kate.
He shouldn’t have asked her that stupid question.
Another time and place, she could’ve been his. Knowing what could’ve been made it so much worse than not knowing at all.
When Donna reached his table, Jake jumped to his feet and pulled out her chair, hoping she couldn’t read the turmoil on his face.
“Thanks.” She sat, and by her pinched features, he could tell something was bothering her, too.
“You okay?” He took his seat.
“I just had a hard afternoon.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
Donna took a deep breath. “One of my former patients had a baby this afternoon.”
“Oh, no. Is the baby in the NICU?”
“No, he’s a healthy little boy.”
“That’s a happy thing, isn’t it?”
Donna shook her head. “Normally it would be. But she had a baby less than a year ago who only lived two weeks.”
“Oh, gosh.” Jake could not imagine losing a child, let alone one so young. When he was in Brooklyn, he had a couple who lost their baby, and the news nearly killed him. “That’s rough.”
“Yes, it is. Sometimes when a couple loses a baby, their first reaction is to have another one right away. It’s almost like a defense mechanism to help them fill the void.”
“I’m guessing that’s not always the outcome.”
“No. Sadly they discover rather quickly that, no matter how many children they have later on, nothing can replace the child they lost.”
Nothing can replace what they lost. Jake swallowed hard. “So what can you do for them?”
Donna raised her hands in a helpless gesture. “If someone loses a parent or sibling or an older child, we tell them to focus on the memories because no one and nothing can take those away from them. But with a baby so young, there’s really nothing for them to hold on to.”
Jake was saved from responding when his pocket vibrated. He pulled out his cell and nearly dropped it when he recognized Kate’s number. “Excuse me,” he said to Donna then answered the call. “Kate? Is something wrong?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but have you seen Alex?”
The lump in his throat threatened to turn into bile. “No, why?”
“I-I can’t find h-him.” She paused and took a deep inhale. “We had a fight. He left hours ago. His cell goes straight to voicemail. I’ve called his friends, tried Jaime. Drove around the neighborhood. Jeremy said he borrowed his bike a few hours ago, but hasn’t returned with it. He could be anywhere.”
“I’m on my way.” He jumped to his feet.
“Jake, you don’t have to—”
“I know I don’t. I’m on my way.”
Hitting the end call button, he faced his friend. “Donna, I’m so sorry.”
She waved away his apology. “Go. Don’t worry about me. A few of my friends are here, and honestly, I could use a girl’s night.”
As Jake forced himself to stick to the speed limit, he tried to think where Alex could be.
Please be okay. Please be okay.
But what if he wasn’t?
His hands shook, and he fought to breathe. He remembered this feeling. The same as the day the attending physician at the hospital took him aside and told him his family was dead.
What if today had the same outcome? What if Alex—
Stop!
He needed to focus, needed to think.
Fighting through his fear, Jake remembered the first personal conversation he’d had with Alex, when he’d told him about his crush.
Then a thought occurred to him.
He tried Kate’s cell, but it went straight to voicemail. She must have the whole town on the phone. Jake continued trying, praying with each attempt she’d answer.
Slamming his phone onto the passenger seat, Jake set out on his own. Suppressing the urge to speed made his body shake. He had to see Alex, had to know he was okay. The idea that something happened stole his breath.
The cemetery was small, quiet, with stark white headstones lined up in perfect rows. Jake was about to head to the main office when he noticed a bike lying on the side of the road. His let out a cry of relief when he saw Alex sitting cross-legged on the ground, a small bouquet of daisies clutched in his hands.
Jake pulled over, his hands shaking as he dialed Kate. Thankfully, the call went through this time.
“I found him.”
Jake felt her strangled sob all the way to his bones. As if she perfectly mimicked the sound his heart was making at the relief of knowing Alex was okay. “Thank you, Jake.”
After he told her where to find them, he hung up and walked across the road to where the lone boy sat.
Alex jerked his head up, his face red and streaked with tears. “Coach, what are you doing here?”
Jake squatted next to him. “Looking for you. You have a lot of people worried.”
“Why? All they had to do was call me.”
“They tried.”
He pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed the power button. “It’s dead.�
�
Sitting down, Jake studied the headstone in front of him.
William Philip Henderson.
Jake knew all too well how it felt to sit at the foot of his father’s grave. “You want to tell me what’s up?”
Alex’s face crumpled, and he threw the flowers to the ground in front of him. “Everything is messed up.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Drew was beginning to fit in. Mom stopped crying, and I had someone I could confide in.” Tears spilled onto his cheeks as he faced Jake, his eyes filled with anger. “All because of you, Coach. And now it’s all gone wrong.”
Jake wanted to say something, but no words came to him.
“It’s all my fault, because I came up with the idea to get you and Mom together. And you did get together, didn’t you? But now you can’t even talk to each other. You don’t want to be around us anymore.”
Finally filling his lungs with air, Jake got to his feet, pulling Alex up with him. “That’s not true. I love you boys. I would never desert you.”
“But you did.”
“Only for a little while, never forever.”
“When we found out about you and Mom, Drew and I were hoping…” Alex shook his head and lowered it into his hands.
“Please tell me.”
Alex raised his bloodshot eyes and whispered, “We were hoping one day we’d call you Dad.”
***
Kate pressed her foot to the carpet of the car, absently urging Gladys to drive faster.
“Your gas pedal doesn’t work, dear.”
Her friend grinned at her a moment before turning her eyes back on the road.
“Clearly, since we’re still going the speed limit.”
“He’s with Jake. He’s okay.”
Kate stared out the window, watching the scenery inch by and loving her friend for insisting she stay with her until they knew Alex was safe.
A few moments of silence passed until Gladys said, “He’ll make a great father one day.”
Kate gulped back the pain her friend’s words conjured. “He really will.”
“It’s a shame you two didn’t work out.”
“We wanted different things.” She knew that. So why did it still hurt so much?
“Right. He wants a family, and you…” She sent Kate a speculative glance.
Crazy Little Thing Called Matchmaking Page 24
