by P. A. Jones
My voice saddened. I fucked for just the sake of fucking. It was the twenty seventh Monday when I fucked a woman and then asked her to leave the hotel room.
"What a crap person you are!" She threw a cushion at me.
"I don't want to say get out, but I literally mean the same." Once she leaves the room, I’ll check in another hotel room I booked. After all, how could I sleep in the same bed where I fucked a woman I didn’t care about?
She walked to me, still naked. She goddamn slapped me pretty hard. But she wasn't the first one. It was one of many slap I had received
But it was nothing compared to the slap Tonya gave me.
"Do you know you are the biggest jerk I ever met?" she blurted.
"Please don't try anything. No one would believe you slept with a multi-billionaire. They will think it’s a publicity stunt."
"I take my words back. You are actually an asshole." She collected her scattered clothes from the floor.
I opened the door for her when she was ready to go. When she left the room, I saw a tear drop from her eye. I sensed sadness in my heart. But it was nothing compared to the sadness Tonya had given me.
"Come on, Noah. You don't have to worry about her. She will be in someone else’s lap by tomorrow," I whispered, pouring a glass of whiskey for myself because the night was just starting and I knew I wouldn't get any sleep. Mondays were like that. Sleepless and painful.
"Till next Monday." I raised my glass to myself.
***
"So how did your Monday go?" Nina asked me as I sat across her. Her black eyes sparkled with curiosity. She was my therapist, and I guess therapist don't feel any emotion for their client.
These therapy sessions were a gift from my Uncle Sam. I don't know why I accepted his offer, to join a therapy after my emotional breakdown couple years back.
I preferred these sessions after the first Monday of every month, so I could talk with her about my emotions. She was good at what she did, and once, I even thought of asking her out on a date. But she wasn't my type, and if I had fucked her, I would’ve lost a good therapist.
"You know me very well, and still you bother to ask?" I hated her, because she had a canny ability to peek in my mind and know what I was thinking at that moment. But I gave her full credit for my recovery after that night with Tonya.
"And it's the only thing remaining that makes you come here. If you get over your Monday excursions, you are free to avoid these sessions. I'll even tell Sam that you are completely better.” She gave me her typical smile. She knew that I was cursing her in my mind at that moment.
"I hate you." I said it in her face, but that wasn't new to her. I've said it more than a hundred times in last two years.
"We were discussing your hobbies last time. Why did you stop fighting?"
"Because I don't really have time. Do you know Orange Computers is investing one billion dollars in China, and I need every moment of my time for that project? Even when I'm sitting with you here, I'm losing thousands of dollars. Maybe millions."
She rolled her eyes. "Why don't you take some time out of your busy schedule and join a fight club, just for training? If you can get take time out for fucking a random woman every first week of the month, I guess you can take out an hour in your weekly schedule."
"Why do you want me to fight again? What's the motive behind it?"
"I think it will be good for you. You can definitely blow off some steam. I can see it will benefit you. And you still have a great body for it.”
"If you weren't my therapist, I would think you’re hitting on me." I chuckled. I considered Nina as one of person who gave me good advice. Though I hated her sometimes, but I did enjoy these sessions with her. The best part of the sessions was I could talk about anything with her, and she listened to me.
"I wouldn't have bothered even if I wasn't your therapist, because you look like a dirty millionaire trying to get his hands on sweet girls like me." She giggled.
I laughed back at her. She knew that I wasn't going to hit on her.
"I will see if I can get back into Mixed Martial Arts," I replied as I got up from the chair. The hour was finished, and I had to attend a very important meeting.
Chapter 3
Julie
"Fuck! Fuck! You’re gay?" I couldn't believe him. How could he be gay? We had been in a relationship for more than a couple of years now. How can he drop a bomb on me, just like that?
I grabbed his arms and shook him, to snap him out of it. "Please tell me you’re lying. You can't be gay, Eddie. You can't do this."
He looked at me with lifeless eyes. "It's true, Julie. I've wanted to tell you this for almost a year now. I couldn't get myself to speak out."
"You bastard! You’ve been fucking me all year, without telling me you’re gay?"
My hand rose and slapped him hard. My brain was on fire. I got scared that I might harm him beyond imagination. "Get out of this apartment, you fucking asshole!” I shouted.
"Or should I get out of here?" I wiped my face and walked out of there. I would have hit him again if I stayed there.
When I stepped out of my apartment, I felt a big knot in my stomach, the biggest one I ever felt in my life. I was out of breath. I felt like dying. My knees went weak and I fell on ground. My life turned hopeless in a moment. I needed some time to process everything.
"I'm sorry, Julie. But I'm gay." Eddie's words echoed in my mind.
"How could you, you bastard?" I screamed.
A man passing by jumped, then gave me a weird look. It was embarrassing and shameless for me to be in that position. I wish I could kill Eddie with my bare hands, but he wasn't there.
What now?
I kept walking, weeping without making any sound. The further I walked, the more I cried. I didn't know where I was going, I just wanted to walk till the end of the world. My heart had been cut into pieces and served to me on a golden platter. What was he thinking when he started dating me? It was like he wanted to play with something, so he opened my heart and squeezed it with his bare hands.
"How could you do this, Eddie?" I shouted again. The pain was becoming unbearable. I wanted to shout, cry, or hit someone hard. But I was in a public place, and with the little pride I had left, I didn’t want to embarrass myself more. Then I suddenly realized I was standing in front of Central Park.
I walked inside. As it was evening, it was full of people. I looked for a lonely place. To my surprise, I found one, and then I shouted from the bottom of my heart. I fell on my knees and started hitting the ground with all my might. That bastard fucked my whole life up, and I couldn't do anything about it.
Just half an hour back, I was the happiest girl in the world. I was going to propose Eddie and ask him to marry me, and now I was alone and helpless. My future husband lied to me for years about he being a gay. It changed my life completely. Four years of my life went poof.
"How could you, Eddie. Why did you?" I shouted, but no answer came back. Why would it come? Eddie was gay, and nothing would change that. My life was a broken record now.
What am I going to do now?
"I can't go back to the club and tell, Martha that my boyfriend is gay, and he was getting fucked by a man when I was about to propose to him,” I said out loud. I felt the knot in my stomach coming back. "No. They will laugh at me. They will tease me every day. I can't go back there."
The breathlessness increased. I lay down on the ground, trying to take deep breaths.
Am I dying?
I wasn’t. But if I went back to the club, I would, for sure. I have to quit the club. There’s no way I'm going back there.
I pulled my phone and typed a message to the club manager, telling her of my resignation. I hit send without giving it another thought. That wasn't an option anymore.
I needed to speak with someone about all this, but there wasn't anyone in the world whom I could speak to about this. I had only one relative in the whole world, and that was my mother. But I couldn't tel
l this to her. She was in a cancer care center, and telling her about my broken life would worsen her health. She would die if she heard that I left Eddie and just quit my job.
Wait. I have to pay for her treatment. My mother's insurance was no good, and couldn't pay completely for her bills. Even getting them to pay half of her monthly treatment cost turned out to be a pain in the ass. I paid for the other half of her treatment through my health club salary.
Speaking of which I don't have any more.
Another knot formed in my stomach. How was I going to pay for the medical bills? If I don't pay them even for a month, they will throw her out into a public care hospital. How am I going to save you, Mom? I could have called my boss and got my job back. But I wasn't going to.
A fresh round of tears came out of my eyes. Everything was happening because of my stupidity. What was I thinking? No one quits a well paying job when their mother is in expensive cancer care center.
God, please save me from this mess. But God wasn't listening to my cries, if he would have, he wouldn't have turned Eddie gay.
So where did I stand? My boyfriend was gay, my mother was in the hospital, and I just quit my job. I didn't know how could I be pay next month's bill for my mother's treatment.
How could it get any worse?
Chapter 4
Julie
I had a thirteen-hundred-dollar ring in my pocket. I pulled it out and wondered how foolish I was. What had this all resulted in? I was jobless, scared for my mother, and I wanted to get away from this agony, eliminate this pain in my heart. But to do that, I needed a good paying job, and sitting in Central Park wasn't helping me.
"I need to call someone." I flipped through my contacts. When I worked in the health club, I met dozens of people who offered me a job. Now was a good time to accept their offer. I called few of them, but none had a vacancy for a massage therapist.
What the heck? I can't even get a job.
"I can't give up now. I have to pay for Mom's treatment." So I dialed my next contact, John, who was working at the NY Health Club.
"Hey! Wassup. I'm surprised that you called,” John answered.
"John, I'm in need of job. Do you have a vacancy at the health club? It's quite urgent, actually. " I was so desperate that I directly got to the point.
"What happened with your current job, sweetheart?"
"I quit it. I’ll tell you the reason some other day." I didn't want to talk about Eddie right now.
"Well, I don't have any opening in my club as of now." He paused for a moment. "But, there is one place I think you can try. Do you remember Tom?"
"Tom who?"
"Tom Ross. The Hollywood actor."
"Yeah. I remember him now." Images of a handsome man floated in my mind.
"Do you also remember he offered you a personal trainer job in L.A.?" John asked.
"Yes. I remember that, too." It was a funny story, and we laughed at it afterwards.
"Why don't you try calling him?" he asked.
"No, I can't. He’s in L.A., John, and I'm looking for something in New York." L.A. was a like a faraway, fairy tale place for me.
"But isn't your mother nearer to L.A.?" he asked.
"Thanks, John. I need to call a few more people for a job in New York." I cut the call, because I didn't want to talk about subjects which would lead to my current situation.
***
Half an hour later I had no contacts to call, and no job in hand. I wondered if New York had gone defunct on personal trainer or rehabilitation jobs all together. If anyone had told me that they couldn’t get a trainer job in New York, I would’ve laughed at him, but I was facing the same fate now. The time was dire, and I was feeling helpless.
What the heck am I going to do now?
"Tom Ross." I stumbled upon his contact. He was the only one left I could ask. I remember our first meeting, six months back. A tall man with a sexy beard walked in our health club, all suit and handsome hunk type.
One of my colleagues rushed towards me. "Do you know who is that handsome man?"
"I see hundreds of them walking in our club daily,” I responded.
"God, Julie, you are such a moron. Haven't you seen Space Ship 9? It's like, the highest grossing movie ever?" She chirped out in surprise.
"Yes. Tom Cruise is in it."
"Not that one, dummy, the latest one. Part Nine. This handsome one is in it. This is Tom Ross. God, he looks so sexy. I wish Rima would direct him to my cabin. I would fuck him right in there." She let out a lustful sigh.
I focused my eyes on Ross. She was right, he was way too handsome. But I didn’t care at the time, because I had Eddie.
"Julie, what are you doing?" My boss, Rima, came walking towards us.
"About to attend my next client," I said.
"Can you hand him over to Natalia?"
"But why?"
"Do you see Tom Ross there?" He pointed to the handsome hunk.
"I do."
"He is need of quick physio-therapy for his shoulder pain, and you are the most suited person available here right now to serve him."
"But…my client?"
"Guess how much publicity we will get when people find out that Tom Ross visited our health club. I will pay you double for this appointment,” Rima said.
"Then you have to talk with my client. I'm not telling her to get attended by another trainer." I put the ball in his court.
"Geez. Okay, I will talk with her. But for now, follow me."
She took me to Tom and introduced me to him. One-hour later, I was working on Tom's shoulder. He was a jolly person, and he did a most unexpected thing at the end of the session.
"Julie McCord, isn't it?" he asked as I worked on a knot in his right shoulder.
"Yes. You’re Tom Ross, right?” I giggled.
"How much do they pay you here?"
"That’s a very inappropriate question, Mr. Ross."
"It must not be greater than ten thousand bucks a month."
I kept mum.
"Just consider, hypothetically, if someone paid you fifteen grand a month, would you consider working for him as his personal trainer?"
"Why would someone pay me that much?" What I got paid was enough for me to live in a shared apartment with Eddie.
"Because you’re good. And I'm in need of a personal trainer. I'll pay you fifteen grand a month, plus take care of your rent in L.A." He turned to look at me.
His bare body was intriguing, but his offer wasn't. At least, not at that time. I wouldn't have agreed to move to L.A. if he had offered me a million dollars, because of Eddie.
But looking at it now, the offer sounded great. I wanted to get away from all the mess here, and a new job would be good for me. Plus my mother's care center was close by. John was right. I could move to L.A. if the offer still stood.
I dialed his number, but his secretary picked it up. When I inquired about the job, she wasn't aware of it and she said she’d get back to me.
I felt helpless for a moment, but then I thought that a telephone call wasn't going to cut it. He was a busy actor, and would have forgotten me already. I needed to show up there, and talk to him face to face. Then I could visit my mother as well, killing two birds with one stone.
When I walked back to my apartment, the door was still open. "What the fuck? Eddie must have left it open. God, I will kill him."
I walked inside my bedroom. To my surprise, Eddie was still there, laying naked on the ground and watching at the door.
"What are you still doing here, Eddie?" The picture of that beast fucking him was marked inside my mind. I couldn't forget it, ever.
"Waiting for you, babe." He crawled out of bed and stood next to me, holding my hand.
I couldn't bear him anymore. I twisted his hand behind his back and pushed him on the bed. "Get the fuck out of here, Eddie."
"But babe, would you please listen to me?" he pleaded.
"I said get the fuck out of here, or I will squeeze your testicle
s under my hills." His hanging balls disgusted me to the core. I fucked this man for years without knowing the truth.
"Is it a crime to be gay?" he asked.
"No, it's not. But it's a crime to cheat on me, and lie to me for years."
I broke down. All the remaining confidence in me evaporated like a water bubble. My knees went weak and I fell to the ground, crying. It was too much to take, all I had dreamed and all I faced.
"Julie, I wasn't like this at first. But something changed. You changed, and I found solace in the men around me."
He was fucking giving me an explanation for his actions. How could he put it on me? My chin lifted up. Fire was burning in my eyes, "Eddie, if you dare to speak a another word from your mouth, I will kick you out of this house."
"But..."
He broke my patience. I jumped to my feet and dragged him outside of the apartment. I didn't care if he was naked. I tossed him outside of my door and locked it from inside. Then I slide down, pushing my back against the door until I sat on the floor, tears flowing down my cheeks, my heart burning in pain. I had lost all my strength.
"Julie, babe. Please, open up." Eddie thumped on the door.
But I didn't care. I had my mind set on walking out of there. I would leave New York.
His thumps increased over time, and then he started cursing me. Finally, he told me that I deserved this pain and I was responsible for everything. With every curse word, my determination to leave New York increased. When the thumps on the door stopped, and I heard him walking away, I had come to the conclusion that whatever happened was for the best. God had saved me from marrying a jerk.
But I loved that man. From my heart, and he betrayed me in a blink. Did I mean nothing to him?
One thing became engraved in my mind. Men are animals, and they don't deserve love.
Chapter 5
Julie
I looked out the airplane window, and thousands of memories flooded into my mind. New York had a special place in my heart. I had lived here for years. I would say I was successful in many ways. I went to college here. I found a good job, which I loved.
