He’d kept an iron grip on his emotions for two decades now. They were a liability he couldn’t afford. Not since the beatings, the push and pull from the miserable care home to the squalor of foster homes, to his dad, who’d somehow convinced the authorities he’d stopped the drinking, right up until the cycle had started all over again. Only Rosie and Wilf had shown him another way. They’d been the only foster parents able to take on that angry, out-of-control kid that he’d been and show him love, and hope, and a way out.
A darkness unfurled in him, snaking its devious way up to constrict his chest painfully until he found it hard even to breathe. Controlling his emotions, keeping people at arm’s length, had been an important lesson growing up and it was even more important now. Out here on a tour of duty and waiting, at any time, for a phone call to tell him the inevitable had happened, that Rosie had finally lost her fight and he would have to fly home for what was likely to be the worst funeral of his life.
Perhaps it was no wonder, then, that he’d reacted as he had done when the Major had strode into that office yesterday. Even now, at the mere memory, awareness crackled through his body, dancing over the darkness which had filled him a moment ago as though it was nothing. As though that forbidding fear couldn’t compete with the light-hearted lust which toyed playfully with him. As though it knew that once, just this once, he could be tempted to cross the line and consider a hot...fling with someone like the Major, just because it offered him the promise of distraction, a release from the tension of waiting. Of not knowing.
That’s not going to happen.
Furiously, he shoved the idea aside. He never mixed personal relationships with his career. Not out here. Not within the Army. It had too much potential to become...messy.
Yet his eyes slid inexorably across the heli to the commanding Major. She made him react to her in the basest of ways. Yet she also challenged him mentally. He hadn’t intended to give her the dressing-down that he had, anticipating instead that he’d voice his concerns and find out what she had to say before making a judgement. Instead, he’d allowed his attraction to her to override his usual common sense.
But, instead of meekly surrendering, she’d looked him in the eye and refuted every one of his statements clearly and confidently. And that had piqued an interest in Ash. Before he’d known where he was, he’d bagged himself a ringside seat to all the shouts her MERT would respond to over the next twenty-four hours.
This wasn’t helping.
He dragged his attention away from her and concentrated on the four-man QRF team made up from his new infantry unit. The Major had been right about them too. It hadn’t taken him long yesterday to find out that his new unit was particularly wound up about the incident which had claimed the life of Colonel Waterson. He would do well to boost their morale and he had no doubt that, given half a chance, the Major would happily instruct him on that too.
And now he was back to her. Again.
But now, for the first time he could ever recall, his iron grip, honed over the last two decades, was slipping. His focus threatened. And all because of this one woman.
His gaze slipped back to the by-the-book Major as he tried to work out what was so different about her. So prim and proper, she was certainly attractive with those barbed Nordic blue eyes and blonde hair pulled into such an eye-wateringly severe yet generous bun that his fingers had actually itched to reach up and release. To slide his fingers through the silk curtain and soften the strait-laced doctor, even a fraction.
What the heck was wrong with him?
It was the last thing Ash needed. Not just because she was General Delaunay’s niece but because this was the first role Ash had taken behind the wire, in the relative safety of Camp Razorwire. He certainly felt on edge at the prospect of facing the next few years behind a desk instead of out in the field. Out where he belonged. Barely a month ago he’d been a major himself, on the front line and leading his company as he risked his own life alongside his men. Now he was a colonel, in charge of a battalion and destined—maybe not on this tour of duty, but on a future one—not to lead his men but to send them into potential danger zones.
How the hell was he supposed to get used to that?
Behind a desk wasn’t where he functioned best. All his career he had experienced the adrenalin kick, the fear, the buzz, and he’d been in control.
Now, as galling as it was to admit, he felt lost.
Suddenly, the heli filled with dust as it dropped, the rotor blades churning up the ground covering and drawing it into the back on the air currents, blinding them all. Ash buried his nose into his combat jacket like a filter so that he could breathe. And then they landed, rough and abrupt, and the dust was sucked quickly instantly out, leaving the aircraft clear again.
It took everything Ash had to fight his instinct to jump out of the back ahead of his QRF to help secure the area around the heli, safe zone or not. As two of his men secured the rear, where soldiers were already running across the open ground carrying a litter-bound casualty, the other two men leapt up to man the ramp-mounted and side-mounted machine guns respectively. They were smooth and slick and Ash nodded to himself in satisfaction. It was what he’d expected, but still, it was good to see.
‘RTA on the Main Supply Route,’ the young team medic for the soldiers’ unit rushed ahead to the heli to brief the MERT, yelling over the din. ‘Local guy driving a flatbed truck across the bridge running perpendicular above us when he suffered a tyre blow out and lost control. Nothing he could do, his truck jack-knifed and he crashed through the barrier and landed on our convoy. We’ve got three casualties.’
Even as he finished, the soldiers had already reached them with the first casualty and the Major and her team efficiently hauled the litter on board and began their medical care. Just behind, two soldiers were helping the injured local man to hobble to the heli, an open fracture to one arm and clearly shaken. Walking wounded, that was always preferable. The teams would settle him in a seat and then pass him on to the camp hospital for care. But, even from across the helicopter, Ash could see that the first victim had significant crush injuries. He wasn’t a doctor but Ash had enough experience to know. All vital signs were absent and, to all intents and purposes, the soldier was gone. But it wasn’t the MERT’s place to call time of death; they didn’t have the authority. That could only be done when they returned to Camp Razorwire and a team from the hospital came out.
Not that you’d know it from the Major’s poker face; there was no sign of defeat in her expression, nothing to knock the morale of the soldiers on the ground, who wanted her to save the life of their buddy. Instead the MERT were doing their job and starting care, the Major already checking the casualty’s airway and giving oxygen as the team began cardiopulmonary resuscitation. It meant a lot out here, in the middle of vast nothingness. Back on the front line, it would have been exactly the kind of mental boost the guys would need. A reluctant admiration sparked in Ash.
Suddenly, a movement in his peripheral caught Ash’s attention. A third team carrying a casualty, stretcher-bound like the first, was rounding the bend approximately one hundred metres away. Even from that distance there was evidence of heavy blood loss but what worried Ash more was the long metal rod protruding from the casualty’s abdomen. There was no way they would be able to get the soldier onto the heli like that.
In an instant, Ash had sprung out from his corner and jumped off the ramp to dart, body low against the downdraught of the rotors, across the open ground. There was definitely a sandstorm coming in; he’d spent enough time out in the field to be able to sense it before almost anyone else. Reaching the litter, he was relieved to find the casualty on his side, delirious but mercifully still alive.
‘Set him down gently, lads,’ Ash commanded quietly but firmly enough to counter their resistance out of loyalty to their friend. ‘He’s not going to get on board like that.’<
br />
Ash watched as, for a split second, understandable desperation to get their buddy to the heli warred with following a senior officer’s instruction. It was only when he heard the voice over his shoulder that he realised the Major had followed right behind him carrying an emergency kit bag.
‘The Colonel’s right, lads. I need to check your buddy out first and we’ll go from there.’
Pushing briskly through, the Major settled next to the litter and pushed lightly to encourage the soldiers to set it down on the level ground.
‘What’s his name?’ she asked.
‘Hollings.’
‘Corporal Hollings.’
‘Okay—’ she nodded, checking the lad’s vital signs ‘—and his first name?’
‘Oh, right. It’s Andy.’
‘Andy, can you hear me? You’ve got the MERT here now; we’re just going to get you ready for transport, okay?’
Ash watched as she began to administer oxygen, all the while calming the other soldiers and creating some space around them.
‘We’re going to need to cut the rod down to a more manageable size prior to transport.’ She lifted her head to look directly at him. They both knew the MERT wouldn’t be able to wait.
Quickly, Ash dropped down until they were close enough to murmur without broadcasting. ‘There’s a sandstorm coming in.’
‘We need to get him out of here as quickly as we can.’
‘I’ll handle it. How long do you need?’
‘Longer than we’ve got,’ she muttered grimly. ‘Radial pulse is weak, thready. He’s not moving air around and there’s pressure in the pleural space. I can carry out a needle decompression but it’s only a temporary measure. All the good kit is on the heli. Because of the location of the rod I can’t get him into a supine position. And that’s without knowing for sure what damage he might have caused internally.’
With a curt nod, Ash raced back to the heli to relay the information, telling them to leave now but to call in the other MERT. At least that way it would have the wait time. The Major had better be able to do what was necessary in that window. Once the storm closed in the helis wouldn’t be able to fly and travelling by road would take too long.
He had to admit, though, that he’d seen a lot of good trauma doctors in his time, but the Major had something extra about her, an edge, which he couldn’t help but respect.
‘Any sheltered locations around here?’ Ash demanded as he ran back to the casualty, which the Major had already moved further back in anticipation of the dust cloud the departing helicopter would raise.
‘There’s a couple of abandoned buildings about half a click away, but they’re boarded up. We’ll have to bust a way in.’
With any luck the MERT would be back before the sandstorm hit. But if they were unlucky, they were going to need a decent place to wait it out, especially with the casualty.
‘Grab any kit we might need and show me,’ Ash commanded one of the soldiers.
‘Okay, when we cut the rod the vibration could cause more internal damage, so you and you hold it absolutely steady,’ she was instructing firmly, calmly, ensuring everyone knew their role whilst still efficiently moving along the task. ‘And you cut right here, understand?’
‘Ma’am.’
Ash was quickly getting the impression that, once this was all over, he was going to owe the Major something of an apology.
CHAPTER THREE
‘MAJOR.’ ASH STEPPED to one side in the corridor as the team filed out of the briefing room several hours later. ‘A word.’
‘Colonel?’
‘I wanted to say that was nice work this morning.’
She eyed him carefully, the corners of her mouth twitching before glancing around to ensure everyone had left.
‘Is that your idea of an apology?’
She was teasing him?
Something wound around Ash’s gut. Hot, raw. It pulled tight.
He fought it. Drew in a sharp breath.
‘No, it’s my idea of an acknowledgement. If you hadn’t leapt off the heli like that, prepared to be left in the middle of nowhere, Corporal Hollings would probably never have made it back here alive. Good work.’
‘He also might not have made it if you hadn’t secured that compound the way you did. We all played a part in that success,’ she breathed.
‘Well...’ His voice was huskier than usual and Ash consoled himself with the fact that she didn’t know him well enough to know that.
He silenced the voice that whispered it was a shame she didn’t know him well enough to know that.
‘So is that really what you stopped me out here to tell me?’
She held his gaze unwaveringly, drawing him inexorably down into those seductive and all too perceptive depths. He couldn’t recall if he’d ever wanted any woman quite as much as he wanted her. He kept trying to tell himself that it was just the shared experience out there which had bonded them in a way which wouldn’t otherwise have happened. It was hardly surprising. A few hours in such a hostile environment allowed you to see facets of a person it might otherwise take years to unearth.
He knew it was more than that. The chemistry had been palpable from the moment they’d met. It was what had caused him to react so strongly back in her CO’s office. Had he really thought that attacking her the way he had instead of getting her side of the story would prove that he hadn’t been standing there imagining what it would be like to have been in that office alone and claimed her as though they were teenagers behind the back of the school gym, instead of professional, responsible army officers?
‘I did want to mention it. But no, it isn’t all I wanted to say, Major.’ The emphasis of her rank was more to remind himself than her. ‘You were right about the men in my new unit. They are finding it difficult to assimilate replacements and, as you identified, because Camp Razorwire isn’t a warzone the previous CO may not have paid enough attention to it.’
The tilt of her head, the light in her expression, even the increased respect in her eyes all played to his basic male pride. Ash knew it yet was powerless against it, the raw sexual appeal too strong.
‘I’m glad you can see it too.’ She nodded sincerely. ‘They’re good lads; they just need someone who can talk to them in their language, someone who understands what it’s like out there on the front line, someone who can take them in hand.’
It was clear to Ash what she was being careful not to say. That Colonel Waterson had been on the front line a little too long before he’d got his commission and hadn’t handled the transition to flying a desk well. It was the same unsettling battle Ash himself was now facing, but seeing how failure to get the balance right had led to some poor decisions on the former Colonel’s part, with tragic consequences, Ash knew it was imperative that he found a way to accept the monumental change his promotion had brought.
‘Actually, I was hoping for your help in that,’ he announced, firmly quashing any doubts that, if he wasn’t yet playing with fire, he was most certainly toying with a full box of matches.
He didn’t blame her for her suspicious frown but he had to clench his fist to stop himself from reaching out to smooth it away. Her skin looked silky-soft.
What would it be like to touch his lips to her, taste her?
‘You want my help?’
‘You were the one who noticed the men were beginning to close ranks, view others as outsiders.’ He shrugged. ‘You work with them on a daily basis and you clearly care deeply about your fellow soldiers. Why wouldn’t I want your help?’
He could practically see her mind whirling, trying to decide whether he was serious. Whether she should acknowledge the sparks which, even now, arced between the two of them. They made his stomach pull taut, his chest swell; she made him feel like a horny kid again, but he was deter
mined that if he ignored it long enough it would pass. It had to. He’d never allowed himself to be distracted from his Army career before and he wasn’t about to start now.
His rank and reputation were all he had left.
Rosie might not be dead yet, but realistically he’d lost the only mother he remembered a long time ago. Pain seared through him but he thrust it viciously away. Waiting for the phone call to confirm it felt like losing her all over again. It was just another version of hell.
He would control it. Just as he always controlled his emotions these days.
Dragging himself back to reality, he was just in time to see Fliss peering crossly at his right shoulder. He resisted the urge to twist away, knowing it was too late.
‘What’s that?’ she demanded.
He gritted his teeth. ‘It’s nothing.’
‘There’s a dark stain discolouring the fabric and it looks suspiciously like blood,’ she accused. ‘Did you think that just because it’s called multi-terrain camouflage pattern I wouldn’t spot it?’
‘It’s probably Corporal Hollings’s blood.’
The dark look she cast him actually made him ache. It was as though she actually...cared.
Something inside him cracked. The faintest hairline fracture, but it was there all the same.
‘What, after you’ve grabbed a shower and changed? Anyway, the line’s too neat for that. It looks as though someone’s tried to patch it up and it has seeped through the sides of a bandage,’ she said pointedly.
‘I advise you to lower your voice,’ murmured Ash, equally pointedly.
Her head jerked up sharply. He couldn’t blame her; she’d hardly been shouting but he had no idea who else might be around. She cast him a disappointed gaze.
Encounter with a Commanding Officer Page 3
