‘Two weeks?’ she whispered.
‘Two weeks,’ he confirmed.
Two weeks to slake this all-consuming hunger they had for each other? She doubted two lifetimes would even be enough. But deep down she knew she’d take two minutes if that was all that was on offer.
‘Fine.’ She nodded as he strode over to capture her face in his hands and drop a kiss onto her lips. ‘Two weeks it is.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘OKAY, SO FORGET the golden hour, gentlemen, this is the platinum ten minutes.’ Fliss cast her eyes around the bunch of primarily green-gilled young soldiers in front of her and wondered how many of them would be out on the front line within months.
This was a taster day before the main pre-mob training which would take place down the line but, to Fliss, every opportunity to teach these guys how to help save lives gave her a greater window when she was back with her MERT.
‘With battlefield injuries, statistics have shown that the majority of fatalities occur within the first ten minutes of the wounding, so every second counts. The MERT can’t get to you in that time, however fast you call it in. So it’s down to you and the unit medics on the ground at the time.’
Her skin prickled, telling her that Ash had entered the outdoor teaching area behind her. In the last ten days together she seemed to have developed a heightened awareness of his presence, and she was dreading what it would be like when the two weeks finally drew to an end. Far from slaking their desire, each passing day had only seemed to stoke it even higher.
She had no idea where they stood.
They’d never discussed a time frame after that first day, but the fact that Ash had found her a last-minute teaching spot on the course he was running—just so that they didn’t have to spend one of their precious days apart—only made her all the more confused.
All she could do was ride it out, enjoy it and accept the inevitable. And doing the best damned job she could on the course today should help to remind her of the career she loved, and ease her into life post-Ash as seamlessly as possible.
‘We’ve been seeing remarkable numbers of soldiers surviving when they might previously have died from their injuries and that’s in no small part down to you guys. Where there are penetrating wounds, whether from rounds, knives, shrapnel or injuries requiring multiple amputation, blood loss at the scene can mean the casualty is dead before we can get in that heli and get to you. So one of your priorities is learning to staunch severe bleeding and applying tourniquets correctly.’
She thought of Ash and the extent of his grenade scar, something unidentifiable tearing through her. If he hadn’t had good buddies fighting to save him before that MERT had arrived, she wouldn’t have even known he existed.
She would never have had these last two weeks. Never have known what alive could feel like.
The truth hit her hard.
She was going to tell him how she felt.
Tonight. She would lay it all out there. And if he rejected her, then so what? She stomped down the ugly fear which threatened to weaken her resolve. At least she would know. It couldn’t be any worse than wondering what might have happened if she’d only had the courage to try.
‘Right, so you, come over here and be my casualty and you, bring your kit up; you’re about to learn how to save your buddy’s life.’
* * *
Ash barely noticed the return drive home, slipping easily through the gears as they sped down the quiet streets, the late night traffic at a minimum.
Even the lights seemed to be in his favour, turning green as he approached as though cheering him on.
He had to tell her.
In three days, their time together would be over. At least, their self-imposed two-week time limit would be up. But Ash already knew he didn’t want to give Fliss up, couldn’t give her up. She felt the same way, he knew it. From the way she looked at him, talked with him, making the most mundane things sound compelling when they were uttered by her lips, to the way she clung to him, crying out his name as she gave herself up to him so completely when they made love.
He had no idea how or when she’d peeled away every last piece of his defences, he just knew that it had started from the minute she’d walked into that tent at Razorwire, all lithe body, long legs and flashing eyes. And it hadn’t stopped since.
The time limit had only served to highlight to Ash how precious time was. He needed Fliss in his arms, his bed, his life, for as long as they both drew breath.
And tonight he realised he had to tell her that. He didn’t want to wait any longer for them to begin building a different future. Together.
‘Whose car is that?’ He glowered as they finally rounded the corner to her street and he saw the unfamiliar vehicle in the drive.
His first guess would have been her uncle, but it was far too beaten-up and pranged to be the General’s car.
‘Stop here!’ Her abrupt cry caught him off-guard.
Assuming she’d seen a cat or a fox, he executed an emergency stop in the dark street, glancing around for the culprit, but nothing moved except for a breeze through the trees.
‘Wait, what are you doing?’
Beside him, Fliss was scrabbling to release her seat belt. Ash caught her hand to still her, but she wrenched it free with a force he didn’t recognise. He said her name, then shouted it but she didn’t even seem aware he was still there.
‘Fliss? Fliss! Look at me.’
Taking her chin firmly in his hand, it took Ash two attempts to persuade her to look at him. When she did, she finally seemed to take a breath, although the fearful expression didn’t diminish.
‘Relax. Breathe. What’s going on?’
‘It’s my mother,’ she mumbled eventually.
Her eyes, so uncharacteristically dull, fearful and something else he couldn’t quite read, knocked the breath from him. A blast even more lethal than the grenade which had almost taken his life. It commanded every defensive, protective emotion in him.
‘In your house?’
‘She’s my mother. She pops round from time to time.’
‘Define time to time.’
She glared at him. He didn’t know whether to celebrate the fact that the dullness had disappeared, or object to the fact that any rage appeared to be directed at him.
‘Once or twice a year.’
‘And she has a key?’
‘She’s my mother.’
‘A title, by all accounts, which she doesn’t deserve.’ He slammed his palm on the steering wheel, desperate to make her see sense. ‘For pity’s sake, Fliss, you’re better than this. You deserve better than this.’
‘Any relationship with her is better than nothing.’ Her defensive tone had the same unidentifiable edge to it that her eyes had and Ash couldn’t shake the feeling he was missing something, but he had no idea what. He filed it away for later.
‘No, it isn’t. Not when it causes you to react like this at the sight of her car.’ He raked his hand through his hair, his feelings for Fliss all jumbling around in his chest. ‘How do I make you see this isn’t normal, it isn’t right? I thought you said she used to rage at you, anyway?’
‘Sometimes.’ He could tell she wished she’d never told him anything at all. ‘But sometimes things are...nice.’
‘Why?’ He was instantly suspicious. ‘Does she want something?’
Glowering at him, Fliss refused to answer.
The answer was obvious to him. Money. Inevitably, it would be about money. He wanted to say more, wanted to make Fliss see. But he could feel her slipping away from him already. They hadn’t had long enough together for her to trust him. As far as she was concerned, in a few days he would be gone, and her uncle, and sporadic visits from her needy mother, would be all she had.
He should ha
ve told her he was falling in love with her before. And he should never have put some stupid time limit on their relationship. Now, all that would have to wait. For now he would have to change tack and wait it out.
‘She can’t hurt you,’ he told her. ‘Not unless you let her. I’ll be here to support you.’
‘No!’ The cry almost shook the car. ‘No, you can’t come in.’
Ash gritted his teeth. ‘Try to stop me.’
‘I don’t know what mood she’ll be in, but either way she won’t like it. It will just make things worse.’
Ash heard her desperation, and realised he’d do anything to erase it. Anything to hear her jaunty, sing-song voice right now.
‘We won’t let her.’
‘We?’
‘It’s going to be okay,’ he soothed, re-buckling her seat belt and turning in his seat to drive the car down the road and into a parking space outside the house. It didn’t escape his notice that Fliss’s mother had taken the single driveway space she must have known her daughter would use.
‘Take as long as you need,’ Ash said quietly as he turned the engine off and made no move to rush Fliss. ‘We’ll only go in when you’re ready.’
* * *
This wasn’t how she wanted to spend tonight, Fliss realised as she finally swung herself out of the car and forced leaden legs to carry her to the front door.
Her whole life, she’d dropped everything any time her mother had deigned to visit. Tonight was the first time she’d resented the intrusion.
Because there, beneath the flurry of fear and niggle of resentment, sat the ever-present embers of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. Especially with Ash by her side.
Warily, Fliss slotted her key in the lock and turned it, a heaviness pressing in on her as she stepped through the door.
‘Darling, you’re back. I was afraid I might have missed you.’
So it was money she needed. Still, the embers of hope flickered. It meant it was going to be one of her more pleasant visits, as long as Fliss read her mum’s signals and found the perfect opportunity to offer the funds without it looking like charity.
Not for the first time, Fliss felt a niggle of uncertainty.
It might be darling now, but on another occasion it could be any number of unrepeatable words.
What was she doing?
She hadn’t needed Ash to tell her it was a toxic relationship, but she’d always clung on to it anyway. She’d never had the courage in the past to consider walking away. But with Ash here beside her...who knew?
‘Mum.’
Fliss allowed herself to be swept up in the wide embrace, then stepped aside as her mother spotted Ash. An undisguised look of shock clouded her face before she greeted him with a decidedly coquettish air, and Fliss didn’t miss the way he held her slightly away from his body as he shot Fliss a pointed look.
The fact that he held his opinions in check for her sake bolstered her confidence all the more.
‘So this is your famous surgeon fiancé, darling? No wonder she’s kept you hidden from me all these years, Robert dear. I have to say you’re not what I expected. I didn’t think you had it in you, Flissy.’
The needling comment found its mark perfectly as Fliss covered her chest as though to protect herself. The meaning, to Fliss, was clear—what was he doing with her? She only hoped Ash couldn’t read it as clearly. Obviously her mother was piqued at the thought her daughter had done so well in her choice of partner.
‘Ash Stirling,’ Ash corrected her politely.
‘Robert and I broke up.’ Fliss didn’t know why she avoided eye contact with Ash. She had no reason to feel guilt, but it suffused her body anyway. As though her mother’s comments negated the fact that Fliss had told Ash that there had been someone before they’d met.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that, but I suppose it was inevitable when you consider how successful a surgeon he was.’ She swung back to Ash with a beam. ‘And of course I can see you’re a colonel. So you work together?’
‘Ash is infantry, Mum. We were just running a course together today and Ash ran me home.’
‘How thrillingly clandestine for you, Flissy darling.’
As if aware of what she was doing, Ash stepped forward and placed his arm very pointedly around her shoulder. In that moment, she would have given anything to turn in to him and have him hold her. Hold her until her mother finally went away.
Years of barbed comments, nasty digs and cruel undermining—and her mother hadn’t even got started so far tonight. And for what?
‘Actually, Fliss and I were about to go out for a romantic meal,’ Ash emphasised. ‘But, of course, if you’d like to join us...?’
‘Sounds fabulous. I’ll grab my purse.’ As she passed Fliss she poked a finger into her chest which was just a little too aggressive for fun. ‘You do love to punch above your weight, don’t you, darling? I’ve got to give you that much.’
* * *
Rage burned through Ash, as it had done for the last few hours since they’d walked into Fliss’s home and met her mother.
Rage and an interminable disquiet that, over the course of the evening, the snipes and derisory comments had destroyed the Fliss he knew. The Fliss he had begun to fall in love with. Right now, his fiery, loving, spirited Fliss was barely a shell of herself. Ash could easily see how her mother, in one of her less amiable moods, would have raged at her daughter, whether Fliss was four or forty.
It had taken every last ounce of his self-control not to retaliate on Fliss’s behalf. But now they were back at the house and finally alone in the kitchen, he found that he couldn’t smother his ire any longer.
‘You can’t keep doing this, Fliss.’ He swung her round, taking the cafetière from her shaking fingers and placing his hands on her shoulders. ‘You need to say something.’
Misery emanated from her as she dropped her head to her chest in defeat, but still she managed to shake it weakly from one side to the other.
‘You have to,’ he growled. ‘If you don’t, I will.’
‘You can’t,’ she gasped, her head jerking up painfully fast.
‘Someone has to.’
‘But not you,’ she whispered fiercely, shaking his hands away.
The fight was there. He could see it; he just didn’t know how to bring it out of her.
‘Can’t you see what she does to you?’ His voice softened. ‘Even now? The Fliss I know—the courageous, loyal, passionate woman, the skilled, dedicated, driven trauma doctor—has gone and this...this sullen, irascible teenager is in her place. It isn’t healthy.’
‘I know that.’ He had to strain to hear the words she mumbled so quietly. ‘But I can’t. I can’t do it.’
‘Yes, you can. I know you can.’
‘I keep hoping.’
‘For a different outcome?’ He barely managed to disguise the contempt in his voice. ‘Don’t bother. She’ll never change, I know the type.’
‘She might.’
‘She won’t.’ He put his hands back on her shoulders. ‘You need to do this. And I need you to do this.’
The tiny light which usually sparked so brightly in her eyes flickered faintly back into life; its significance left Ash winded.
‘Why?’
‘Because I love you.’
He’d thought saying the words would be difficult. He was wrong.
‘I love you,’ he repeated, the words practically singing in his ears. They sounded good. They sounded natural. They sounded right.
She stared at him incredulously and then shook her head.
‘No, you don’t. You can’t.’
‘I love you,’ he said firmly. ‘But you’re right. I love the bright, animated, confident Major Felicity Delaunay, who leaps off helis
and stands up to arrogant colonels who she’s only just met. I don’t love this husk-like version of you.’
‘We’re the same person, Ash.’
‘No, you aren’t. And I can’t be around that version. Tonight, your mother has stripped out every last bit of character and confidence and essence of Fliss, and you let her. I can’t watch you let someone do that to you, year in and year out.’
His voice was thick with emotion; he hadn’t felt so utterly trapped and powerless in a long time. He’d sworn as a kid he’d never go through that again and he knew, for his own sanity, that he couldn’t afford to break that oath.
He could only hope to make Fliss understand, because she was the one who held the power to save them both.
‘I’ve spent the entire evening barely able to keep a grip on my self-control. That isn’t something I can keep doing, Fliss. It’s destructive and I won’t let myself go down that road. You have to put an end to this madness.’
‘You’re asking me to choose between you and my mother?’
The look she cast him was one of pure anguish that sought to rend his very soul.
‘No. I’m asking you to choose between you and your mother. You need to cut all ties with her because, until you do, nothing is ever going to change and you’re worth more than...this. A poor carbon copy of the Fliss I know.’
The slow, mocking clap behind him made them both start.
‘Well, that was very touching, darling. But you can’t honestly expect my daughter to choose a temporary fling like you over her own mother?’
‘Fliss,’ he said quietly.
Ash willed her to speak out with every fibre of his being. He could do it for her, he had no issue with that, but ultimately it wouldn’t mean anything. This was something Fliss had to do for herself.
‘You can do this.’
She didn’t speak, didn’t move.
‘I rather think you have your answer.’
Encounter with a Commanding Officer Page 14
