Encounter with a Commanding Officer

by Charlotte Hawkes

  Not that it mattered—whether the older man approved or not wouldn’t change Ash’s feelings for Fliss. But, for her sake, he knew she’d prefer to have her uncle’s blessing.

  ‘You can go straight in now, sir.’

  The Captain’s voice permeated his thoughts as Ash straightened his hat, black with its red band, having swapped his usual combat attire for semi-formal dress for the meeting. Satisfied, Ash marched into the office, coming to attention in front of the General’s desk, where he saluted and stayed at attention.

  He hadn’t done an Army meeting like this in a long time. And he hadn’t met a girl’s parents, ever. It seemed that Fliss’s effect on him was more far-reaching than even he had realised. He suppressed a grin, knowing the General wouldn’t be too impressed.

  ‘Colonel Stirling, twice in as many days?’ He quirked an eyebrow. ‘I have to admit I was rather surprised to see your name in my diary for today. Please, take a seat.’

  Removing his hat in surprise, Ash sat in the indicated chair as the General called through to his ADC, ‘Captain, we’ll have that coffee now, please. And you may close the door as you leave.’

  Ash couldn’t resist. ‘Is this because we brought the trophy home yesterday, General? I’m afraid this meeting is of a more personal nature.’

  ‘I rather thought it might be.’ The General nodded. ‘You’re dating my niece.’

  Dating? Ash thought as the Captain came back in with the coffee. That was one word for it. Still at least that was one thing he could improve on.

  ‘I’d like to marry her.’

  ‘I see.’

  A hush blanketed the room for several minutes as both men fell silent, punctuated only by the sound of the tea being poured and the clink of the spoons against the china cups.

  ‘Thank you.’ Ash came to, taking the proffered item.

  The General crossed the room again, unhurried, deliberate, picking up his own cup and returning to sit down opposite Ash.

  ‘So, you want to marry Felicity?’

  ‘I do.’ Ash wasn’t intimidated. He’d held his own enough not to worry about a general, but he did respect the man. ‘I love Fliss. And I know that your blessing would mean a lot to her.’

  ‘And I’ve always had you pegged as an Army man through and through.’ The General’s voice was careful, as though he was holding back.

  Unable to put his finger on it, Ash decided not to overanalyse and instead offered a rueful shrug. ‘I always had me pegged as an Army man through and through, General. But then I met Fliss.’

  ‘Do you think she loves you?’

  Placing his cup and saucer down on the coffee table, the General rested his elbows on the arms of his chair and steepled his fingers in front of his face. A silent invitation.

  With anyone else Ash might have felt riled. He might have decided to leave. But the General was a man he respected and, more than that, he was Fliss’s uncle. Ash was determined to do this right.

  ‘I know she does,’ Ash answered simply.

  Another moment of silence.

  ‘I’d be inclined to agree with you.’

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘I heard about what happened with her mother, and that Felicity finally stood up to her. I can only assume that’s in no small part down to you.’

  ‘I just told her what I thought.’

  ‘Indeed. And I’m grateful. But that doesn’t mean I think you’re the right choice for my niece.’

  The words swiped Ash’s legs out from under him.

  ‘Then you’re wrong,’ Ash asserted calmly. ‘I’m exactly the right choice for Fliss. Not some surgeon who’s more interested in advancing his own career than in Fliss advancing hers.’

  ‘Of course not,’ the General scoffed. ‘The man was a Muppet. But that doesn’t make you a good match for her.’

  ‘Is that so, General?’ Cool, direct, Ash fought to control the icy fury threatening his own sanity.

  ‘I’m sorry. I know you as a selfless, loyal, courageous soldier, an inspiring leader of men and an honourable individual. You’re someone I would be proud to fight alongside. But you and I both know, Colonel, that those qualities don’t necessarily translate to being a good husband, or dependable family man.’

  ‘I would have thought they were definitely transposable,’ Ash refuted steadily.

  ‘Colonel... Ash...’ The General softened his words, looking almost apologetic. ‘You’re a maverick; you’re known for it. Look at the sacrifice you were prepared to make when that grenade was thrown at your men. And that’s only one of many. Sometimes I feel you seem to go seeking the most dangerous route. So what happens when you aren’t a single man any more? If you make the ultimate sacrifice and leave behind a devastated wife. Maybe even a baby one day.’

  ‘It’s called the ultimate sacrifice for a reason,’ Ash pointed out, flattening his palm against his knee to stop himself from clenching his fist in frustration, his mind seeking a way to pull the conversation back. Things weren’t going at all as he had envisaged.

  ‘Then you’ll understand me when I say you’re exactly the kind of soldier I want as a commanding officer, but you’re not the kind of husband I want for my niece. Felicity will marry you whatever I say, if that’s what she wants. But, as you said before, neither of you actually need my permission, and I wouldn’t dream of standing in your way. In fact, I’m happy you love each other that much. I just can’t, in all good conscience, tell her I’m happy that it’s an infantryman she’s chosen.’

  Despite his conviction, the older man sounded as though he was genuinely sorry. But still, Ash had to school himself not to react. Even though he had considered all of this himself, it was still difficult to hear.

  He sucked in a breath, his chest tight.

  ‘I do understand what you’re saying, General. Which is why I’ve already applied for a transfer. Give me a role in your headquarters and I’ll take myself off the front line.’

  The words hung there between them, heavy and ominous. The General eyed him with concern.

  ‘I don’t think you’ve thought this through. I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum, Asher, I’m trying to help you. And Felicity. In the only way I know how.’

  ‘General—’ Ash cut across him ‘—I have thought this through. Ever since I realised I was in love with Fliss. I do understand why you’re concerned about your niece marrying a front line soldier. We both know how close I came to the end the day that grenade was tossed through that window, and we both know what can happen in a firefight out there. We also both know that I’ve been offered some great postings based back home in the past, but I’ve never wanted to take them.’

  ‘And now you do?’ The General shook his head. ‘That’s commendable, Asher, it really is. But it’s also naive. What happens in a year? Five years? When you miss being in the action, the adrenalin rush, the feeling of victory? However well-intentioned you are now in giving it up for Felicity, ultimately you’ll start to resent what you had to give up. You’ll start to resent her.’

  ‘You haven’t,’ Ash pointed out calmly.

  ‘Say again?’

  ‘You were a formidable major on the front line, General. I’ve heard the stories about you, sir. Who hasn’t? But you gave it up for Felicity, partly because she was your niece and you love her but also partly out of familial obligation.’

  ‘And I’ve never once regretted that.’ The General’s tone changed, became short and clipped, but Ash had never been easily intimidated.

  ‘Exactly my point. Now I’m prepared to give up a job I used to loved because I’m in love with Felicity. Not out of obligation but because I want to be with her. And not because it’s a grand gesture, but because since your niece swept into my life like some kind of blonde-haired, blue-eyed tornado, I’ve felt more settled and content than I ever
have before. Because the job I loved up until a month ago no longer holds the same draw, not since Fliss showed me a different life. So this is my way of proving to her how much she’s changed me.’

  ‘I rather think, Asher,’ the General mused, ‘that you have changed yourself.’

  Ash suppressed a rueful smile. The more time he spent with the General, the more he sounded like Rosie and Wilf.

  ‘Then it’s with the right person nudging me.’ He smiled wryly.

  ‘Indeed.’ The General rose slowly to his feet. ‘Well, I think you’ve made your argument very successfully, Ash.’ He outstretched his hand. ‘Welcome to our little family.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Ash nodded. ‘Now, there’s just one thing I’d like to ask you to do.’

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ‘WHAT ARE WE doing here?’ Fliss glanced around the Army camp as her uncle’s vehicle drove slowly through the gates.

  ‘You’ll soon find out.’

  Fliss snapped her head back in surprise, unaccustomed to her uncle’s tone. He sounded almost...mischievous? It had been this way for the last hour, when he’d arrived at her home and asked her to come for a ride with him. She’d been intrigued—she was used to his commanding air, his empathetic side, and his quietly contained fury, but she couldn’t remember her uncle ever having such an uncharacteristic air of mystery about him.

  Slowly the four-by-four pulled over into the old FIBUA she remembered telling Ash about back in Camp Razorwire and her heartbeat began to pick up a steady rhythm.

  Had he remembered?

  She spun around in her seat, wondering how her uncle factored into it.

  ‘Wait—why did you really bring me here?’

  ‘Someone asked me to. And I liked what he had to say, so here you are. The rest, Felicity my dear, is up to you.’

  An eagerness spiked low in her abdomen. The mock-up town, peppered as it was with bullet holes and crumbled sections of pretend housing, held so many fond memories for Fliss. The place had long since been abandoned by the military in favour of a bigger, newly built urban training area and now, bathed in a warm sunset, the place almost looked beautiful with grass growing through the dusty ground and small trees sprouting up through concrete floors. Like nature reclaiming an abandoned civilisation, the cycle of life.

  Her uncle’s vehicle departed, slowly so as not to leave dust in its wake, and Fliss became aware of a figure walking towards her.

  Ash.

  Her heart felt as though it was hammering against her ribs, fervently trying to escape its cage.

  ‘Quite a man, your uncle,’ Ash said evenly as he approached. ‘Even when he isn’t busy being a general.’

  ‘I can’t believe you went to speak to him,’ she said softly. ‘And I can’t believe you remembered what I told you about this place.’

  ‘I hoped you’d like it. I’m not good at this romance thing.’

  ‘This is perfect,’ she assured him. ‘This is where I trained when I was doing my medical degree. All those long hours, learning to treat casualties under fire. Learning how to be an army combat doctor. Learning the skills which had finally given me the confidence that, even if my private life—my family life—was a complete mess, then I was still skilled and infinitely competent when I came here.’

  He held his arm out to her and she obliged, linking with his as she let him lead her around the old mock-town.

  ‘This is where you put most of your past behind you and looked forward to a bright future?’ Ash guessed.

  His ability to read her made her feel even more comfortable and relaxed.

  ‘Do you know I saved my first life here?’

  ‘Tell me about it.’

  ‘It started as a routine house-clearing training exercise. But then turned potentially fatal when one of the younger recruits become too over-eager and leapt out of the second-storey window. I ended up performing an emergency tracheotomy amongst other things.’

  How long ago that felt now. But it was the moment she’d first felt like a real doctor.

  ‘This place holds some really special memories for me,’ she whispered, marvelling at how good it felt to share them with Ash and know that he understood where she was coming from.

  She stopped so suddenly she jerked his arm.

  ‘I really need to say this. Thank you, for what you said to my mother, and for what you said to me about her. I needed to hear that, even if I didn’t exactly process it well at the time. But, most of all, thank you for what you said about me. About me deserving more and being worth more. I think I’d forgotten that.’

  ‘You had where your mother was concerned.’ He reached out to cup her jaw and her body fired into life. She barely resisted the impulse to tilt her head into his palm.

  ‘I talked to her, you know,’ Fliss told him. ‘That night, I asked her all the questions which had been swirling around my head since I was a kid. I think it helped me to understand her better.’

  ‘You need to cut her out completely, not try to understand her.’

  His obvious protectiveness was touching and Fliss rose up on her tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his lips.

  ‘I just mean that I guess, as odd as it probably sounds, in her own twisted way she thought she was doing something good for me by taking me from my grandparents’ home with her. She hated the stifling life with its never-ending rules and boundaries. I think maybe she thought she was doing me a favour by not leaving me there.’

  ‘That’s one way to look at it.’ Ash didn’t look convinced but, instead of shutting herself off to him, Fliss found herself wanting to help him to understand.

  ‘She was still a kid herself. And an immature one at that. She was wrong to make me responsible for her happiness when her own dreams died, but she wasn’t the only one at fault. My grandparents weren’t exactly perfect themselves.

  ‘I grew up feeling culpable and worthless, and all the other cruel jibes she threw at me on a daily basis. And it went on for so long that even when my uncle tracked us down and took me home I realised that most of what she had told me was right. My grandparents took me in because they felt it was their duty. They were obliged to care for their daughter’s fatherless child.’

  Ash frowned at her.

  ‘I thought you loved your life once your uncle took you home? I thought he saved you.’

  ‘He did—he was fantastic,’ Fliss cried, panicking that she might be portraying her incredible uncle—her rock—in anything other than glowing terms when she thought of all he had done for her. ‘He has always been fantastic.’

  ‘But your grandparents weren’t?’

  She drew in a deep breath, unsure how to explain this to a man who had been physically hurt and wounded as a child.

  ‘They were never unkind to me,’ she said slowly. ‘They gave me a home, schooling, clothing, everything a child needs physically. But they never showed me any love. My uncle was away a lot with the Army so it was usually just me with them. I worked hard; my grades were outstanding because I thought it was about their fear of me making the same mistakes as my mother. I thought if I worked hard I could show them that I wasn’t like that, that I would earn their love.’

  ‘But it didn’t work,’ he guessed.

  She supposed he knew enough about that. If the love wasn’t there naturally from the start, then she was hardly going to earn it.

  ‘No,’ she confirmed. ‘It didn’t. I suppose it turned out for all of us to be my way of repaying them for taking me in. My success was confirmation they were meeting my needs. But it didn’t change who I was or what I was. Behind the perfunctory well dones they never stopped looking at me as the family’s shameful little secret.’

  Raking his hand over his forehead, Ash closed the gap between them but he still wasn’t touching her. She inhaled deeply, the familiar sce
nt both soothing her troubled mind and stimulating her body.

  Oh, so stimulating.

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more,’ she said gently. ‘I’ve told you now. And it’s done and it’s my past. All of it.’

  She licked her lips, hoping she hadn’t misread the signals.

  ‘So how about we focus on the future? One with both of us in it?’ She hesitated for a moment. ‘You told me you loved me. There is still an us, isn’t there?’

  He’d told her he loved her, but that was before. She had no idea if he still felt the same way.

  ‘Is it really what you want?’ He stepped forward, his fingers lacing through hers. He tipped his forehead against hers until she thought the pressure in her chest would compact her.

  ‘Are you all in, Fliss?’

  ‘I’m all in,’ she murmured. ‘You changed everything for me. You make me feel stronger than I’ve ever felt. More sure of who I am and what I want. And you give me a sense of belonging.’

  Lifting her hands to his mouth, Ash dropped kisses on her knuckles.

  ‘Want to see something incredible?’

  She barely hesitated before accepting his hand, allowing him to lead her in companionable silence through the FIBUA towards where, now she was looking, a faint glow appeared to be coming from one of the rooftops. She shivered with anticipation, and it was nothing to do with the cooling evening air. Still, she was glad of the trainers and warm jumper her uncle had told her to wear.

  ‘You know, I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned at the thought of you and my uncle conspiring against me.’

  ‘Whichever you prefer.’

  She could hear the smile in his voice.

  Together, they made their way past the deserted buildings until the source of the glow became more apparent. She detected the woody scent of a burn, tasting it faintly on the air even before the flickering firelight spilled from the roof of the building in front of her. The crackle of it carried in the still air, making it feel romantic, Fliss thought as they crossed the road and headed up the stone steps which led to the roof.