by Jen Calonita
"Shouldn't we look for Cole first? Someone on the path said they saw a knight heading this way a few minutes ago. He's got to be down here somewhere."
"I don't see anyone," one of the others protested. "Let's just take Dylan and score a point and worry about Cole later. He's probably in the boathouse thinking no one would look there because it's usually locked. That's where my brother hid last year when he was a counselor. Apparently they unlock the boathouse for the hunt. We'll come back for him if we have time."
I wanted to reach over and kiss that pez right on the cheek! I couldn't believe they weren't rushing over to check right now. But their loss was my gain. If Cole was spotted coming this way and the boathouse was unlocked, then he could be in there. It was the only hiding place at the lake I could think of other than lying in one of the canoes. But they always had lake water hanging out in the bottom and were all moldy. Eww.
"Guys, we only have a half hour left," said one of the pez. "Let's get Dylan to the jail before it's too late."
They headed off, leaving me alone again and my eyes narrowed in on the small, wooden boathouse. Instead of running, however, my feet felt like they were glued to the sand. I was possibly thisclose to finding Cole and part of me suddenly didn't want to. My hands felt sweaty, my mouth was dry, and I was beginning to hyperventilate. Maybe I wasn't ready to do this after all.
"I thought I saw a counselor go this way!" I heard a camper yell.
Maybe I didn't have a choice. The boat shack was a few feet away. I could make it inside before I was spotted. I fumbled for the door and miraculously it really was unlocked. I shut it quietly behind me and looked around hopefully in the dark. There didn't seem to be anyone in here. Disappointed, I waited till I heard the campers run by to continue my search.
The shack was kind of spooky at night. The only way I could see was the illumination of the moon shining in the windows. I tried not to think about spiders and counted the seconds till the coast was clear. That's when I heard a noise. I spun around and there in the moonlight was a knight. Cole! I gasped.
My heart started beating madly and I thought I would pass out. This was really happening. I was alone with Cole and I was about to tell him the truth. Cole moved to take off his mask. "No! Wait. Don't do that!" I blurted out. I could barely breath I was so nervous. I had to do this and I had to do it quickly. "I know it sounds silly, but I have something to say and it might be easier if I wasn't looking into your eyes."
I closed my eyes and tried to think of the words I'd practiced over and over in my head a hundred times before: I like you and here is why. I could hear them, but I couldn't get myself to say them out loud. I was too nervous to do it. "I..." I couldn't do this. Telling someone you liked them was harder than I imagined. How did boys do it? "I..." Think of Cole, I told myself.
I pictured Cole laughing at the mess hall, his curls bouncing as he held his stomach. I thought of that moment when he tackled me to the ground during Capture the Flag and took a few seconds longer than he should have rolling off me. I could see his bluer-than-Court's-bright-blue-nail-polish eyes looking at me at a campfire when he gave me his last roasted marshmallow. How he helped me through the woods to avoid being seen by Beaver the night of the prank. Cole wasn't afraid of being caught even if I was.
And that's when I realized: What exactly was I afraid of now? I'd liked Cole almost the entire summer and this was the first time I'd been afraid to be myself around him. That was silly, wasn't it? I'd never pretended to be someone else around him before and I wasn't about to do it now. I pulled off my wig and stared at his suit of armor.
"There is something I've wanted to say to you for weeks," I said slowly. "It's something I've never said to a guy before, but I know if I don't say it to you, I'll always regret it." I took a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs before I finally spoke. "I like you," I blurted out. "I really like you and I hope what you were trying to tell me the other night was that you like me too."
There. I said it. I stood there in the dark, breathing in the smell of wet wood and I waited for Cole to say something. The seconds felt like hours. An owl hooted and I was still waiting. And then Cole removed his mask and I heard myself scream, as if I was standing outside my body.
"I think you're looking for Cole," Hunter said, shaking his sweaty hair. I could faintly make out a smile on his lips. "But I like your forwardness, champ." Then he walked toward me, his armor creaking, while I stood cemented to the ground. Before I knew what was happening, Hunter grabbed my face, tilted my chin, pulled me toward him, and kissed me.
The seconds felt like hours. Before I could even react, I heard the doorknob to the boathouse jingle. "I bet someone is hiding in here," I heard someone say as Hunter kissed me. Terrified of getting caught with the wrong guy, I stayed frozen like a statue, knowing that a single sound from us and we'd be caught for sure. Please don't open the door. Please, please, please don't open the door... .
When camp started that summer, I used to wonder what a kiss from Hunter would be like. I would lie in my bunk and imagine what his lips felt like, what he smelled like, how experienced he was in the kissing department. And yet, now that it was actually happening, I was... disappointed. Hunter's lips were rough and he kissed me hard, almost banging my lips with every semi-sloppy lock. He was a pro, but it wasn't what I was looking for.
"We checked there already!" someone else said and I heard them leave just as quickly.
I pulled away from Hunter and looked at him. Part of me wanted to hit him, but he was a senior counselor. That move was out of the question. "But I'm supposed to kiss Cole," I said stupidly.
Hunter touched my cheek. "Maybe. But I've wanted to see what it would be like to kiss you all summer." He leaned forward again and I stumbled backward. A shadow passed Hunter's face and I turned around. Someone was staring in the boathouse window. I quickly opened the door. Ashley was standing there in her Wonder Woman costume, smiling wickedly.
I heard a whistle. The game was over. I looked from Ashley to Hunter, who was now standing in the boathouse doorway, holding his helmet, and the only thing I could think of doing was run. I ran as fast as I could, past a group of campers, past the horse stables, and didn't stop till I reached the main part of campus. I didn't know how to feel at that moment. My body and mind were numb. I was angry at Hunter, even though part of me was sort of flattered -- when had a guy ever said something like that to me before? -- and I was freaked out and upset that Ashley saw us. But my biggest concern was Cole. He was going to find out.
If I could have kept running, all the way back to Carle Place, I might have, but my lungs were on fire and my feet finally gave out. I stopped in front of one of the large leafy trees and rested my head on the bark.
Someone grabbed my shoulder and I whirled around. If it was Ashley, I was going to yell. Instead, there was a Scream mask inches from my face. Before I could react, the mask came off. It was Cole. I felt woozy.
"You were supposed to be a knight," I said weakly.
"Sorry to disappoint you," Cole said with one of his trademark adorable grins. "I wanted to be the knight, but Hunter pulled rank and I got stuck with this at the last minute." He pointed to his black robe and mask. "Pretty lame, huh?" He laughed.
But I didn't feel like laughing. My hands were cold and it wasn't because it was nine at night and we were in the mountains. The guilt was overwhelming me and my mouth was so dry I could barely speak. Hunter kissed me, my brain wanted to scream, but my mouth thankfully kept quiet.
Hunter kissed me and I didn't stop him. And Ashley saw me. Ashley saw me! She was going to tell Cole. He wouldn't know that it was all an honest mistake on my part. And then any chance I had at being with Cole would be over.
"Don't say anything," Cole said. "I want to ask you this before we're interrupted again." He moved closer and grabbed my hand. His felt warm and sweaty. "What I was trying to tell you the other night was that I wanted you to go to the dance with me. I know that probably sounds strange s
ince everyone at camp has to go to the dance, but I want to feel like I'm there with you and only you."
Cole was saying exactly what I hoped he'd say and I couldn't even look at him. I was staring at the ground. He put a finger under my chin and made me look at him and I thought I might cry. My perfect moment with Cole was ruined because of Hunter, and I knew that when Cole found out he would be crushed.
"Sam, I like you," he said. "I've liked you for a while and I wanted you to know."
"Cole," I said hoarsely. I should tell him right now what happened. Before he heard it from someone else. It wasn't fair to keep it from him. I had to be honest. It was an honest mistake. An accident. He had to understand. Right? "Cole, listen," I started to say.
Somewhere far away I heard Hitch's whistle again. Cole tugged on my hand.
"We should get to the mess hall, but you have to give me an answer first," he teased.
A group of screaming campers ran by us and my heart sank. I couldn't tell Cole in front of other people. We needed to be alone. Here. Now. And we had to go. "Cole, I..."
Even in a black robe, Cole couldn't help but look good. His curly hair was kind of matted thanks to the Scream mask, but his eyes looked amazing in the moonlight. His face was so open and hopeful.
"Cole, we've got to go!" one of his bunkmates yelled as he hurried past.
Cole pulled on my hand again and I looked down at our fingers. They were intertwined. I was afraid to let go. "Of course I'll go with you to the dance," I said.
That made Cole smile wider, which only made me feel worse. "I was hoping you'd say that," he said. "Ready to go?"
I wanted to hold Cole's hand and walk back to the mess hall more than anything, but I couldn't. I felt too guilty. I shook my head. "I have to wait for Em," I said. "You go ahead."
Thankfully, Cole didn't question me. "Don't take too long."
"I promise," I said weakly.
When Cole was gone, I sank onto the grass and let the tree support my limp body. Maybe they could plant me there and I'd never have to move.
"Sam! Sam!" I heard Em's voice. "Guys, she's over here." Em ran over. "We just saw Cole and he was smiling!" Em said gleefully. "Did you tell him, Sam? Because I was all set to tell Dylan when I got captured. Then Dylan turned up in the holding cell and he said it to me first. We're going to the dance together!"
My face must have said it all because suddenly Em's face was dark and it wasn't because the moon had just hidden behind a few clouds. "Sam?" she said nervously.
"She doesn't look good," Grace said, leaning down to my level and taking my pulse. "Sam? Talk to us."
"She's fine!" Court said. "She's probably just in shock. Did you kiss Cole? What happened? Was he a bad kisser?"
I never got to answer that question. Ashley was standing right in front of us.
"Hi girls," she said, a little too cheerfully. "Did you have fun?" She smirked at me. "I know you did, Sam, but we can talk later. Kiss kiss!"
Court looked at me. "What is she talking about? Did Ashley see you kiss Cole? Who cares! I'm so proud of you! You did it, Sam! How was it?"
I felt faint. "No," I said weakly. "Hunter kissed me. And Ashley saw it happen."
16 Confession Is Good for the Soul
Saying the truth out loud didn't make it any easier to swallow. Nor did it make it easier for my friends to understand.
"How could this have happened?" Grace asked for what felt like the millionth time as Court kept my palmcorder on me to record my misery.
"I was in shock," I said miserably, going over the moment yet again. "I'd said everything in my heart to the wrong guy. By the time I realized what was happening, Hunter had started kissing me. He just heard me say all these things he knew were meant for Cole and yet he kissed me anyway! How could he do that to Cole, his CIT? Or to me?" I buried my head in my lap. "I can't believe I kissed Hunter."
"Would you stop blaming yourself as always?" Court reprimanded me. "Hunter kissed you. He's the bad guy here."
It was almost three hours after the infamous Hunter incident and I was supposed to be tucked into my bunk bed dreaming about kissing Cole. Except it wasn't Cole who had kissed me, it was Hunter. My perfect daydream had turned into a nightmare.
That was why we had snuck out to the canteen shack. Even though it was risky to sneak out right now with Ashley and Gabby watching our every move, everyone agreed that my crisis deserved an emergency sleepaway girls meeting.
The canteen was the first place we thought of, since Hunter had already found us in the mess hall kitchen. The canteen was dark, but we had our flashlights and I could see bags of potato chips and mounds of candy bars lining the shelves. The freezer, full of ice cream and frozen yogurt pops, purred in protest of our arrival. I could have eaten everything in the room and it still wouldn't have calmed my nerves.
No one wanted to risk turning on the lights and getting caught so we took a seat on the floor and placed our flashlights in a circle. The light illuminated our faces, making us look pale and nervous, which was exactly how I felt.
"Are you sure no one saw us leave?" Em took a puff of her inhaler. "I could have sworn I saw Ashley's head pop up when we left the bunk."
"You're just imagining things," Court said dismissively. "They were both asleep. Gabby was snoring louder than Ashley."
"Were they real snores?" Grace asked, worriedly. "Maybe they were trying to trick us. If Ashley saw Hunter and Sam kissing, she's not going to wait long to take Sam down." Grace looked panicked. "And us with her! If she saw us sneak out tonight, I could lose my Color War captain status!"
Grace looked like she was going to bolt, but Court grabbed her arm. "You won't lose your Color War title, okay? They were asleep. I swear. Ashley would not miss her beauty sleep to tell Cole what she saw." Court looked at me. "She'll do it in the morning."
I moaned. "There is no fixing this, is there? What I did is beyond forgivable."
"Stop it!" Grace yelled. "Hunter is the one who should be apologizing. He knew you were giving this big speech about Cole and then he came on to you anyway. He's such a pig." Grace rolled her eyes. "I'm going to tell him that when I see him!"
"Ooh, this is good," Court said and turned the camera on her. "I like Grace angry."
"I'm not sure this is a memory I want to keep," I complained. I held my hands to my stomach and curled into a ball. No one said anything for a minute.
"Did you kiss him back?" Court asked suddenly. I hit her. So did Em. "What? It's an honest question! You're all wondering the same thing and you know it."
"I don't think I did," I said tentatively. "My lips were frozen. I know Hunter is gorgeous, and it was obvious he knew what he was doing in the lip-lock department. I was in shock. I didn't feel any fireworks. I was actually disappointed."
Em nodded appreciatively. "You wanted a first kiss and Hunter gave you sloppy seconds. It happens all the time in my books. A kiss doesn't feel right if it's not from the right guy."
"A kiss is a kiss," Court scoffed.
"You're just saying that because you probably haven't had a great one yet," Em said defensively. "Kisses are different depending on who they're from."
"You kissed Dylan, didn't you?" Court freaked.
"SHHHHH!" We hushed her. Em covered her face with her hands.
"Em, I'm so proud of you!" Court said, jumping up and down. Court's camera work was going to be all over the place. I was sure when I watched it, I would throw up. Not that I didn't feel like doing that already.
"I didn't want to say anything because Sam was so upset," Em said awkwardly, "but Dylan kissed me after he asked me to the dance and it was... perfect." She had a dreamy expression on her face.
I grabbed her hand. "Em, I would have been happy for you. I am happy for you! Just because I screwed up doesn't mean your big moment doesn't matter."
Em smiled shyly. "Thanks. I keep replaying it in my head. I actually banged my head on his chin when he leaned in to kiss me, but then we laughed, got our positions just
right, and he kissed me."
Grace sighed. "That does sound perfect."
"It really does," I agreed, feeling sorry for myself all over again, which was terrible, I know, because we were supposed to be enjoying Em's moment.
"Oh, Sam, don't worry," Em said, putting an arm around me. "It'll work out."
I buried my head in her shoulder. "I don't know about that. I screwed up big time. I think what makes this whole disaster worse was that it happened with Hunter. Cole knows I used to like Hunter. Now he's going to think I liked Hunter this entire time."
"He won't because the truth is you don't actually like Hunter," Court reminded me. "Yes, you thought he was hot. It's okay to think someone is hot other than the guy you like. Like, I love Joe Jonas, but that doesn't mean I like Donovan any less. I have zero chance with Joe Jonas. At least there's some possibility with Donovan."
"I think what Court is trying to say is that Cole has to appreciate the fact that Hunter does want you -- that's obvious now -- but you don't want him," said Em. "You want Cole."
"Em's right. You just have to get to Cole before Ashley does," Grace said darkly. "If she tells him first, she's going to spin the story differently, like she did to the peeps with your commercial. You won't be able to explain how you told Hunter your speech was for Cole, and he kissed you, not the other way around. That's the most important thing to stress. Your lips were meant for Cole that night, not Hunter. You have to make him understand that it's him you want, not his senior counselor."
I groaned some more. Why did love have to be so complicated? At the start of the summer, all I was looking for was some independence. I didn't even think I'd grab one guy's attention, let alone two.
"Cole is a good guy," Em said to me. "When you tell him you like him, he's going to realize that you don't like Hunter and that the kiss was completely accidental."
"And what if he can't forgive that it was Hunter?" I asked quietly.
"Then he wasn't worth your time anyway," Em said simply.
I didn't think that was true, but I knew Em was just trying to make me feel better. I covered my face with my hands and took a few deep breaths. They were right. It was an accident. An honest mistake. Hunter kissed me! But I should have pulled away quicker. Why didn't I do that? It didn't matter now. I had to stop beating myself up over it. "I'll tell Cole the truth tomorrow morning," I said, determined to make things right. "I'll grab him when we take the peeps for their allergy shots."
