It was wrong of me for wishing Adam would get mad at me. I wanted him to get mad at me so I could get mad at him in return. I felt anger bubbling inside of me. I wanted to fight with someone. To argue with someone. To somehow relieve all this anger and guilt eating me alive.
Adam walked passed me like I was invisible. I had lost the one person who truly cared for me. He was willing to put me before himself. He was someone I could trust with my life and my emotions. I dropped my head and stared at the floor. I needed to do something. Anything to relieve this anger.
I wanted to hit things. Break things. To scream at the top of my lungs. I was a ball of emotions and I was about to explode. Instead, I walked down the hall to where the soldier was being tortured. I wanted to see it. Experience it. This was the way the world was now and I needed to toughen up. I needed to stop hiding behind closed doors, pretending that this wasn't happening.
I needed to stop being weak.
Chapter Twenty Four
A couple days had passed. Long days. More doctors showed up. Adam got the clear to go out to battle.
He left. With an arm he couldn't even lift up. He just left. I tried to ask him to stay, but he wasn't talking to me. He only gave me one-word answers.
Seth was pulling in soldier after soldier and torturing them. None of them had the answers that he needed. He kept asking where Stephan was. Nobody knew.
I wasn't needed anymore. We had plenty of doctors, so I couldn't help in that way. I was not trained, so I could not go out into battle. All I could do was sit and wait for all of this to be over.
It would never be over. At least, not at the rate we were going. The walls in the tunnel shook when bombs were dropped. I had peaked outside once only to see that the sky was covered with smoke. The smoke hasn't dwindled down. People were dying. People were crying. People were injured.
All this because of a stupid speech I gave. I shouldn't have gone up there and talked.
There was some good news. Something to cover all the blackness I was seeing and feeling. The rebellion took over a few towns. They had won a few of the battles. Some soldiers went over to the rebellion side. They weren't allowed to carry weapons or fight. They got to help make food and bring people in. For them, it was some sort of redemption.
Nobody heard anything about David. It was like he disappeared. Seth didn't need David though. He held everyone in line easily. Everyone listened to him like he was a God. Nobody questioned whose side he was really on. Just me.
When the tunnels shook from another bomb, I got tired of being in the dark. Pulling myself up from a cot bed, I navigated the tunnels like it was the back of my hand. I had had plenty of time to wonder and learn the way.
Climbing up the latter that led to the top, I held my breath. The last time I opened the top, smoke fluttered in and choked me. Lifting myself up and out of the tunnel, I closed the top. I put the shirt up and over my mouth making it easier to breathe. My eyes watered at the burn of the smoke.
I could hear a lot of gunshots out in the distance. Following the sound, I took my handgun out of the holster. Seth had given me a gun for my safety after I got attacked by an enforcer. He didn't know I was on the rebellion side.
Some of the rebels had warmed up to me. They said they liked my dry sense of humor and attitude.
Walking through the abandoned town, I took it in. Empty stores, broken cars, and garbage littered the streets. Weeds and grass were growing everywhere.
When I made it into the woods, fear crawled into me. It was dark and smoky. I could barely see in front of me. The leafs used to look a beautiful, luscious green. Now when they touched me I could feel their dryness. I didn't have to have good vision to know they were a yellow, brown color.
When I made it out if the forest, I stopped in surprise. The once little-rebuilt town was now in shambles. Houses had broken windows, broken down doors, and some looked as if they used to be on fire.
I walked into one house.
"Hello?" I called out.
No answer. The door was broken off of its hinge and the couch was turned over on its side. Other than that, there didn't look to be a struggle.
Where did the family go? Seth was supposed to be protecting them.
It was nice in here. Fine china in a glass cupboard, crystal on the coffee table, and the couch was leather without any cracks.
I walked around the house and observed it. Pictures of a happy family were hung up on the wall. I stopped when I saw whose face was in the picture. It was the soldier that had gotten tortured. He stood smiling with pride surrounded by four little kids and a happy looking wife.
He was dead now. Where did the family go? I walked up the spiral stairs. There were three bedroom doors. Picking the one that looked like a master bedroom, I opened it.
The moment I stepped inside, I regretted wondering. The wife and kids were all laying in bed. There was no movement. Walking closer, I looked at their peaceful faces. Hoping I was wrong, I pressed my fingers against the woman's throat. No pulse.
They were dead. Suppressing a gag, I ran out of the room and slammed the door. There was no blood and no bruises. I had a feeling it was suicide. Dropping to the floor, I lowered my head.
That soldier was a bad man, but he had a family. People who loved him and depended on him. They were gone now. He was gone now.
The kids were so young. They had not even lived their lives yet. Tears filled my eyes and I shoved them back.
This was the world I lived in now. I stood up and left the house. Walking down the empty road, I looked at every single vacant house. Were they filled with dead families too? People who had given up? I kept walking.
This neighborhood was quiet, but I could still hear all the gunshots. They echoed down the empty street. Everything felt ominous. There was no noise other than the war. No people. No children outside playing. No movement other than me.
I paused. There was movement. I was wrong. A woman was walking down the street singing without a care in the world. The melody was beautiful. She wore a long red dress.
What was she doing out here? It was dangerous. She was probably thinking the same thing about me. I walked a couple of more steps forward. Maybe she needed help. Maybe she was lost.
When I got closer, I realized her dress was torn, battered, and bloody.
"Are you alright?" I questioned, slowly moving forward.
I put my gun in my holster, not wanting her to feel threatened.
The woman dropped her head and faced the ground. "I have lost my baby." Her voice was depressed.
Her baby? I looked around. How could someone lose a baby? "Where at?"
"Somewhere. Everywhere."
I took a step back. Her once soft voice now had a scratch in it that I was all too familiar with. When she noticed me step back, she lifted her head up. Blood was leaking out of her nose and eyes. She was like all the other diseased, no iris and all pupil.
Her face was bruised and bloody. Her hand shook at her side.
"My baby." She whispered quickly.
I took one step back and she took one step forward.
"Please stay back. I don't want to hurt you." I warned her. Out of a new habit, I grabbed my handgun from the holster.
Her hair blew in the wind. She watched me with crazed eyes. Baring her teeth at me, she began to cough up blood. "Baby. My baby. Baby." Her voice sounded like she had smoked an entire carton of cigarettes in one sitting.
I kept my gun pointed at the ground. "I can help you find your baby." I offered. What if she really did have a baby and she only recently got infected? If she is infected, that means someone got her infected. Uneasily, I looked around. Were there more diseased?
The woman fell to her knees and began sobbing. "My baby is dead. Bye baby. No more baby."
She began to rip her hair out and scream. She was going to give our location away. Without batting an eyelash, I shot her. Her body thumped to the ground. I didn't look back as I walked away. Guilt did not consume me. My hea
rt had changed along with this world I called home.
I walked down the middle of the road and looked at the houses. I imagined happy family's living there. I imagined homes full of love and joy. Hopes and dreams. Laughter. I mostly imagined laughter.
I walked through the roads until the sun began to set. Behind the gray filter over the sky, I could see streaks of red. That was probably the only thing that stayed the same. The sky. It would never change. It would always be what it always was. Beautiful.
I paused when I came across the big parking lot where the execution was held. It was full of unmoving bodies on the floor.
I turned on my heels and walked in the opposite direction. It would be a nightmare I did not want to experience. I already couldn't get the image of the dead family out of my head. I didn't need to emotionally scar myself some more.
I jumped when the ground shook with an explosion. More smoke and fire erupted into the sky. The bomb came from the direction of the house that The Unit had taken us to. Is that where the battle was at now?
I backed up a few steps. I should probably head back to the tunnels. I opened my mouth to scream when a hand wrapped around my arm, but a hand covered my mouth too.
Preparing to fight for my life, I paused at the smell. At the familiar feel of the calloused hand. It was Adam.
Adam tugged me backwards until we were hidden behind a car. He bent down to the ground and I followed suit.
Adam shook his head at me. "What are you doing out here?" His husky voice was laced with anger.
I didn't respond. I didn't have an answer to his question. There was no reason for me to be out here.
Adam looked around us. From the slight sunlight, I could see blood trickling down his face. He had an open wound on his eyebrow. He was hurt.
I lifted my hand to wipe the blood, but when he flinched away from my touch, my hand fell to my side. He hated me.
Adam breathed heavily through his nose. "We need to get you back to the tunnels."
"I just wanted fresh air." I said lamely as smoke danced around us.
Adam didn't say anything else to me while we walked back to the tunnels. He was constantly aiming his weapon at sounds. He was paranoid.
When we made it back into the safety of the tunnel, I finally spoke again. "What are you so afraid of?" Something was scaring him. I was sure of it. He didn't react this way to the soldiers. Something was off. I could feel it in my gut.
Adam ran his hands over his face. His shoulders were tense. It was like he was ready for a monster to pop out of the shadows at any moment. I'd never seen him so afraid.
He made an irritated noise in the back of his throat, then answered me. "They are using the sick against us."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "The diseased?" I was surprised he actually spoke to me.
Adam full on faced me and grabbed onto my shoulders. Green eyes blazed at me. His usual smiling face was grim. "Promise me not to leave the tunnels."
I bit my tongue and shook my head no. I couldn't be locked up in here anymore. I was going to go mad.
"You don't understand." He whispered. "The whole country wants you dead. The rebellions. The soldiers. The citizens. The diseased. Everywhere you go, someone is willing to kill you."
I took a step back, crossing my arms. I suddenly felt cold. "It's been that way since I woke up." Why was he acting like he cared? He hated me.
Adam dropped his arms to his side. "You started this war and everyone knows it. Before there was a balance of good and bad. That balance is gone and people are blaming you. People in the rebellion are blaming you. We had a plan to take over peacefully and you destroyed all hope of that."
I frowned. "All I did was speak. Use my voice."
Adam chuckled, but it wasn't a happy noise. "You influenced people to fight without meaning to. You planted a seed into everyone's brain. Some people took what you said one way and others took it differently." He pointed to the exit of the tunnels. "They are using the diseased against us. The soldiers are hiding. Why should they fight? They have the crazies doing it for them."
I thought for a second. "Why can't we lay low until the diseased go away? Wonder off?" The diseased woman from earlier floated across my mind. She was only a tool to win a war. A woman who once had a family and people who loved her.
Adam leaned against the wall. The muscles in his biceps flexed as he crossed his arms. Tilting his head back, he took in a deep breath of air. "They won't wonder. They are going into evacuated houses and using them as homes. The soldiers know we don't want to kill them. We aren't as ruthless as Stephan's men."
My heart stopped. I killed that woman in a heartbeat. Was I as ruthless as the bad? Had I changed that much? I thought back to the person I was when I woke up. Before I wouldn't have killed her. I would have ran. Before. That was before. She was just another number on all the lives I have taken. I was different now. Weaker now. The light I once held was dwindling down to nothing. The world was changing me and I knew I needed that for survival.
I broke the silence. "What do we do now?"
Adam stood up straight. He blanked his face and turned to walk away. "Whatever Seth tells us to do."
I followed Adam like a lost puppy. I wanted his warmth back. His acceptance... His love. I've grown fond of him through the past month or so that I have known him. He was always there whenever things were at the lowest point. All he ever showed was warmth to me and I made him this cold man walking in front of me. I wanted him back. He wanted nothing to do with me. His spine was rigid, but he walked with confidence.
We made it to the side of the tunnel with the injured rebellions. It was quiet. No shouting. No fighting. No cursing. The ones that were in pain weren't even groaning. The atmosphere was depressive. Sad. What had changed since I left?
I looked to Adam for answers, but he was back to pretending I didn't exist. I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort. I was cold and alone.
It took me a few moments to notice Seth. His lips were turned down in a deep frown. He had a map bunched up in his hand. His copper hair hung in his face blocking his dark eyes. Everything about him seemed dark and sinister. He was the moon while his brother was the sun.
Seth spoke, his voice was deep and calm. I had a feeling he wasn't feeling very calm. "As you all know they are using the diseased against us. The diseased will kill us, will infect us, so we have no choice but to execute the threat." He looked around at everyone making sure he had their attention. His eyes hovered over me long enough to make me squirm. Adam took a step away from me. Seth continued to speak. "I understand that you may know some of the diseased, but we have no choice but to kill them. Right now it's killed or be killed. I'm going to send troops out and on top of our priority list will be to take out the diseased."
Whispers filled the tunnel. I saw disagreement on everyone's face. Seth watched with a calm and collected look. Nobody wanted to follow his order. Nobody wanted to obey him. I understood where he was coming from. We can't fight a war against soldiers and the diseased. If we didn't kill the diseased, they would either kill us or infect us. Is that what being a leader was like? Making tough decisions that would make everyone hate you?
Adam turned and walked down the tunnel. I glanced back at his retreating figure. Something overcame me and I followed him.
"Leave Brianna." He demanded.
I didn't say anything but continued to follow him. I was going to make him talk to me. I was done with the silent treatment. He or I could die any moment. Then one of us would be living our life with regret.
"I remember the first time I met you." The random thought escaped my lips. "In the forest. I was so lost and so confused."
Adam picked his pace up. "Sleep Brianna. I need to patrol."
"I'll come with you."
Adams back tensed. "Just leave. I don't want you here."
My step faltered, but I pushed myself to keep going. He was probably my only real friend here. I was not going to let him get rid of me that easily. Feel
ing like a puppy that kept getting slapped in the face, I fought back my hurt. He was hurting. I was hurting. We were all hurting right now.
We were quiet as we slid out of the tunnel again. Adam led us to an abandoned building. Chills slid down my spine when we went inside. He ducked by a window, aimed his gun, and took watch. I watched him watch everything. His eyes were alert. He was completely focused on his task. It was like I wasn't here. In his mind, I did not exist.
I flinched when he fired his gun. My stomach turned when I heard a body drop to the ground. Looking, I saw it was a diseased. I would have thought he was unaffected by taking her life if it wasn't for the slight clench in his jaw.
Revolutionary Love (The Revolution Series Book 1) Page 24
