by Renee Roman
“Are you okay?”
Blaze stood and smiled. “Yes. It gets me every time.”
The tech laughed. “You aren’t the only one. If you’re dizzy I can walk you to the waiting room and get you something to drink.”
“No, no. I’m fine. I have a ride home, so no worries.” What she needed was fresh air. She’d been in the basement of the hospital more in the last month than she’d been in her shop, and she wanted out. Every time she was there, she relived unpleasant memories. Her pulse raced as she walked through the corridors trying to find the way out. She took another left and somehow ended up inside the emergency department. Blaze swore under her breath. She began backtracking, reassuring herself she’d find the elevator soon. Instead, she took the corner too tight and ran into someone who had been moving quickly. They grabbed on to each other to keep from falling, then the air left her lungs.
“Blaze?” Trinity asked, then looked around. “What are you doing here?”
Her stomach dropped and she hoped her voice didn’t betray how glad she was to see her again. “I was here for a scan and got turned around.” She breathed a little easier with Trinity’s nearness.
Trinity’s hand slid down her arm. “Hey, are you okay?”
Blaze liked the physical contact. “A little lost is all.” She didn’t mean location alone. Blaze was lost in emotions and feelings she’d sworn off after a relationship had gone south a few years ago. Lost in all things regarding Trinity.
“I can help.” Trinity took a step back, breaking their connection.
Even wearing scrubs, Trinity was beautiful. As she led her through the maze of corridors, Blaze got to admire her profile, noting the fine contours of her cheekbones and the perfectly shaped nose, and lips begging to be kissed.
“Here we are.” Trinity gave her a sweet, small smile. “Take this elevator to the first floor, then turn left.” She waited as though wrestling with internal thoughts.
Trinity might have wanted to say more, but since she didn’t, Blaze did. “Thank you. And thanks for texting to check on me. It’s meant a lot.”
Trinity’s smile was wider this time. “You’re welcome. I hope your scan results are good.” She turned to leave after quickly squeezing Blaze’s arm.
Blaze caught her hand. “Can I see you? Outside of work?” Blood rushed through her veins as she watched Trinity’s facial expression change.
“What do you mean?”
Trinity glanced at their entwined fingers and Blaze was afraid to let go, that the fragile connection would end before she got an answer. “Do you like to hike? Outside?” Good Lord, she was a hot mess. But what did she have to lose?
Chapter Ten
Trinity laughed. When she’d said yes, Blaze’s surprise had been priceless. She didn’t know if she was excited or terrified by the invitation. On the one hand, she enjoyed the tingling sensation when they touched. On the other, the one that ruled her practical side, she was terrified of the implications. Is hiking considered a date? No. She wanted to get to know Blaze and this was a perfect opportunity. There was nothing intimate about being sweaty and out of breath. She could fantasize about Blaze all she wanted, but that’s where it stopped, even if they did get together socially. Her career meant everything to her, and though she’d never had one, she was convinced relationships got in the way of chasing your dreams. Since Blaze wasn’t a patient anymore and she’d made the first move, ethics weren’t involved. But that didn’t mean Trinity would give in and lose sight of the big prize.
Still, it was as though she were meant to see Blaze. Was this a stroke of fate intervening to reassure her she hadn’t been mistaken about Blaze wanting to get to know her better, too? Trinity was at a loss and having second thoughts. Should she send a text saying it wasn’t a good idea after all, or should she forge ahead? Either way, she needed to clear the air between them. They could be friends, but nothing more.
She headed to her locker. There were a half-dozen errands she needed to run, and if she continued to ignore them, she’d have a lot of explaining to do. Not that Kelly lacked understanding. With their schedules as all over the place as they were, everyday chores like laundry and grocery shopping tended to fall by the wayside, but they’d worked out a system of taking turns and ready or not, it was hers.
The midmorning sunlight greeted her, and she turned to face the sun, enjoying the warmth. Fall was beginning to show its colors, and she was grateful for each warm day. And each new day brought her closer to her plans. Her latest goal had been obtained—she’d earned her degree. Now she had a new one. She’d turned in her application for the promotion on the first day Marge’s job had posted. If…no…when she got it, she’d have to come up with more goals. They kept her motivated. They also gave her an excuse to avoid relationships, which in her opinion only caused trouble.
If only she knew where her focus should be next. Something that would carry her through not only the not-so-distant future, but further. That’s where she was stumbling. Every decision up to this point had been directly related to work, and while she loved what she did, she was also aware there had to be more.
Kelly was her best friend and shared in all her highs and lows, but she couldn’t take the place of a partner. She wondered what real intimacy felt like, though that was just a pipe dream because she hadn’t been in anything she could even call an intimate relationship. Ever. As a child, she’d watched her parents’ interactions and saw the dismal complexities of being with someone long-term, especially when the odds hadn’t been in their favor from the start. It was hard to tell if they liked each other, let alone loved one another. So, rather than fail the way they had, Trinity had shied away from letting anyone close, but it had come at a price. Moments that should have been spent in celebration with her partner she’d spent formulating her next goal, never enjoying the success in the moment.
She walked across the parking lot and the smell of warm tar assaulted her. As she slid onto the upholstered seat, she admitted her life was busy but simple. She’d given herself plenty of opportunities to be intellectually stimulated. However, when it came to emotional stimulation there hadn’t been any. Inertia kept her from starting the car, and Trinity stared out the windshield. The future was out there, she just needed an idea of what it looked like, and no matter how much she fought against it, she kept coming back to Blaze. And that’s where things became complicated.
* * *
Trinity folded the last towel and stowed the stack in the linen closet. The clock on the kitchen wall got her moving. She’d planned on making a casserole and a salad for dinner. Kelly would be too exhausted to care if she ate, but they both needed food to survive the demand of long hours. She checked the calendar where they wrote their shifts, a routine they’d adopted shortly after moving in together. Kelly was off for the next thirty-six hours, part of which would be spent in a sleep coma following the twelve hours she was finishing. Their jobs were demanding, but rewarding, too.
She piled the counter with ingredients and got to work chopping the vegetables and pulling apart the roasted chicken, cutting and shredding it into bite-sized pieces. A drizzle of olive oil in a hot pan would ensure the shallots and garlic burst with flavor, and once they began to turn translucent, she added the veggies. Trinity had even splurged by buying fresh pasta and quickly cooked the tender noodles in boiling water. Everything went into a huge bowl and she mixed the ingredients with a jar of alfredo sauce before filling a casserole dish and sprinkling grated cheese over the top. The casserole needed thirty minutes in a hot oven which gave her enough time to make a tossed salad. She stored the remainder from the bowl in zippered baggies and stowed them in the freezer for quick meals. Neither of them ate well when working, so they tried to prepare food ahead of time.
She texted Kelly to let her know she’d taken care of dinner and hoped she made it home for a hot meal. While she washed and spun the lettuce, her mind wandered back to her encounter with Blaze. Her phone vibrated and she swiped the screen
with her pinkie.
“Hi.”
“I’m leaving the hospital now, so wait for me. I know it will be delicious.”
She giggled. Kelly loved when she cooked and begged her to do it more. “Okay. I’m going to open a bottle of wine.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” She tried to keep her voice even.
“We’ll talk over dinner. See you in twenty.”
Sliced cucumbers, radishes, red onions, and grape tomatoes tumbled on top of the greens. The nice bottle of Chianti she’d bought a few weeks ago was a bit of a splurge, but she didn’t treat herself often and pushed away the guilt. While she pulled the cork, she thought about one of the recent conversations she and Kelly had about needing to be good to herself more often, and that included letting herself love and be loved.
She nearly dropped the plates. Love? The word wasn’t often a part of her vocabulary, and she needed to ruminate why. Sure, if she was thinking about becoming involved with someone, her goal should include love.
“Huh.” There she was again. Making one more part of her life goal oriented. How silly was that? Wasn’t it?
“God, that smells good.” Kelly bowled through the door and dropped her backpack with a loud thud. She went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, downing half before sitting in her usual seat at the table.
Trinity took the casserole out of the oven and placed it on the hot pads, then shook off her gloves, but didn’t move. If she sat, she’d have to have the conversation she was suddenly dreading. Kelly must have sensed her hesitancy and poured wine into her goblet, then waved for her to join her.
“Unless someone you know and love died, admit you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you.” Kelly began scooping food. “But I’m starved, so I’m not waiting for you to decide.”
She laughed. Leave it to Kelly to break the ice and get her talking. “Fine.” She scooped a small portion onto her plate and added some salad. Somewhere along the way she’d lost her appetite. She took a sip of wine and a deep breath. “I saw Blaze today.”
Kelly chewed a mouthful of salad, then sipped more wine. “Oh. How is she?”
“She was upset when I found her. She’d gotten turned around in radiology and I brought her to the elevator.”
“Do you think she’s having memory issues?”
Remembering the look on Blaze’s face, Trinity grinned. “No. I think she felt like a rat in a maze.”
Kelly nodded. “Understandable,” she said as she studied her. “What else did she say?”
Trinity sighed. “She asked if I wanted to go hiking.”
“Like on a date?”
She pushed her food around, not looking up. “No.” She tried to ignore the feeling of being watched, but it didn’t work. “Yes?” She dropped her fork. “Christ, I don’t know. She was sweet and nervous, too. I’m not sure what to make of it.”
“Ah,” Kelly said, holding up the wine bottle. “The real reason for this.”
She nodded. “I’ve never gone out with a patient socially, and…” Trinity was having a hard time explaining her feelings. “Her life seems so together. How could I ever be her equal? I’ve had to fight every step of the way for what I want. Could she even understand nothing’s come easy for me?”
“Slow down. You’ve had, what? One actual conversation with her over a scone? Unless you’ve been pouring your heart out in those quick little texts you’ve sent, you have no idea what baggage she has. You’re making assumptions based on how you see yourself. So what if you’ve come from different backgrounds? That doesn’t mean you can’t find common ground. You’ll figure it out, if you want to.”
“I suppose you’re right.” She needed to remember to not make a rash decision when it came to Blaze. “There’s something else, though.”
“Like?” Kelly sipped her wine, giving her time to identify what else was bothering her.
“There’s this whole other issue with her friend.”
Kelly shoved another forkful of food in her mouth. “You won’t know what that’s about unless you ask her.”
Trinity remained quiet.
“Now what?” Kelly rolled her eyes.
“What if I’m wrong about Blaze’s interest?”
“For once, will you not worry? Go have a good time and see what happens. Stop trying to plan everything. Sometimes you just have to fly by the seat of your pants,” Kelly said.
Trinity smiled and shook her head. “You’re right.” She stood, needing to let Kelly’s words sink in. “I’ll get these. You go take a shower.”
“You sure?”
Trinity gave her a gentle shove. “Go.” She brought the casserole dish to the counter. “But I get to pick what we watch tonight,” she said over her shoulder. Kelly would likely pass out after a short time anyway.
“Deal,” Kelly yelled from the hallway, making her smile.
“I’m so glad you’re in my life.” It was good to have someone to focus on other than Blaze. There may not ever be anything between her and Blaze, but at the very least she could enjoy whatever time they spent together.
Chapter Eleven
“Hi.” Blaze leaned against her vehicle, not wanting to appear desperate to close the distance between them.
Trinity smiled shyly, then glanced up at the expansive blue sky. “You’ve picked a perfect day for an outing.”
Occasional puffy white clouds floated on the breeze. She glanced at Trinity. “It’s definitely perfect now.” She hadn’t meant to say the words out loud. Blaze cleared her throat and hefted her backpack. “Ready?” she asked after Trinity put on hers.
“Lead the way.” Trinity’s green eyes rivaled the still lush grass beneath their feet, though it wouldn’t be long before the first frost came to the mountains.
She took in the familiar surroundings and ruminated about safe topics, a hard task to accomplish since she was already feeling the effects of having Trinity by her side. “This is one of my favorite trails. It’s less than five miles long and loops around a pond.” She thought of the wildlife she’d seen the last time she was there and hoped there would be some today. Dappled sunlight soon gave way to full exposure as they made it to the edge of a meadow and Blaze stopped long enough to shed her windbreaker.
“How does your arm feel?” Trinity drew closer.
“Today’s a good day.” She’d been downgraded to twice a week PT for a month and had been given the okay to drive, as long as she wore the sleeve. Cassie told her she wasn’t going to promise she wouldn’t need her soon, but when that day came she’d be both happy and sad. She enjoyed their conversations.
“That’s good. Are you back to work?” Trinity stumbled and Blaze caught her.
“Soon. Before the holidays.” Trinity was so close. Close enough to lean in for a kiss. A kiss that shouldn’t happen anytime soon. Blaze backed away. “I forgot to warn you about the rocks. Sorry.”
Trinity waved her off. “I should pay attention to where I’m stepping, but just in case, how are your first aid skills?” She winked, and the air left Blaze’s lungs.
“I’d manage to save you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Good to know.”
A while later, they made it to the edge of the pond, and Blaze picked out a spot before pulling a small blanket from her pack and spreading it on the ground. “M’lady.” She made a grand gesture, making Trinity giggle. She began removing several small containers, a baguette, and a thermos. She poured iced tea into one of the paper cups. “I was going to bring wine but decided against it.” She displayed the cheese, meats, and olives.
“That would have been nice,” Trinity said. “But it’s a tad early for me.”
“Yeah,” she said, grinning. “That’s what I thought, too.” She crossed her legs and handed an eco-friendly paper plate to Trinity.
“So,” Trinity said. “Is this a date?”
“Uh…”
Trinity laughed. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. It�
�s just…”
She tipped her head. “Just what?”
“I was wondering why you didn’t have more visitors at the hospital.”
“You mean a partner?” Blaze didn’t want to seem like she hadn’t had a serious relationship, and she tried to remember the last time she’d been interested in a woman enough to date. It had been years.
“Yes. A partner.”
Blaze shrugged. “Not in a while.”
“Tell me more.” Trinity took a chunk of bread and a wedge of cheese.
“There’s been several women over the last decade. I thought we’d hit it off well and we’d make a good couple, but something always happened to end the relationship before it got very serious.” She’d never bothered to analyze why they’d ended.
Trinity was paying close attention. “Please tell me you had a first love.”
Blaze laughed. “I’m not going to tell you about my high school crush. That was embarrassing.” Trinity smiled and she went on. “Chloe was my first partner as an adult. A friend gave her my name. She wanted someone to build a curio cabinet for her parents’ anniversary. We had several meetings to go over details and agreed on a design.” Blaze took a breath before continuing. “Chloe’s parents fell in love with it, and Chloe was so happy with the end result, she insisted on taking me to dinner as a thank you. We dated for six months before Chloe moved in and we settled into a comfortable relationship. A little less than two years later, we decided our lives were taking divergent paths. The split was amicable, and we’d kept in touch until Chloe moved out west to follow her dream of making it big as an actress. Last I knew, she’d managed to land a few minor parts and was contemplating surgery to make her ‘stand out’ from the field of wannabes.” Blaze shook her head. “Like I thought—our lives were on different paths.”
“It sounds like it worked out for the best.”
“I think so. I hope Chloe got to follow her dream.” Blaze watched Trinity delicately chew, fascinated by the movement of her mouth. She caught Trinity staring at her when the movement stopped. “What about you? Any past loves you want to share with me?”
