by Renee Roman
“He loves you, Momma.”
“I know, dear,” her mother said, her voice softening. “It’s the only reason I put up with him. How’s your arm?” She became somber, her voice carrying the concern of a loving mother.
She heard the screen door again, and her father mumbling about squirrels. “It’s good. Getting better all the time.”
“When are you coming home?”
Blaze glanced at the work orders again. “I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, so don’t give my room away.”
“Oh, not till then?”
Her stomach twisted. How was it that her parents knew how to make her feel guilty? “I’ll try to come up before then and help Pop with whatever needs fixing.” Her father wasn’t getting any younger, and there were times when he wasn’t strong enough to do household repairs, though she always told him she needed his know how and the only way she could learn was by doing. They both knew the real reason, but neither mentioned the words “getting old.”
“I’d like that. Are you bringing anyone to the feast?”
Her mother asked the same question before every visit, but this time the vision of Trinity flashed in her mind. “I’m not sure yet, Momma. I’ll let you know if I am.” She surprised herself by mentioning the possibility of bringing a date. Trinity had left the door open to seeing her again, but that didn’t mean she wanted to spend time with Blaze’s family, though she’d met them already. The holiday was still a month away. Maybe she’d call or make a surprise visit to the hospital. Nothing stalkerish about that. A text. She’d send a text.
“No pressure. I’d just like to see you spend some time with an actual person rather than wood.”
“So would I, Momma.” There was that melancholy feeling again.
“You okay, baby girl?”
Was she okay? Physically, she was almost as good as ever. Emotionally, she was fighting to right herself from being off kilter and out of sorts. “I will be. I have to get back to work, Momma. I’ll call you soon about a visit.”
“I love you, Blaze, and it’s time you found a love of your own.”
Blaze knew her mother was right, but she couldn’t talk about her loneliness over the phone. She’d have that conversation when she got home. “I love you, too. Tell Pop I love him.”
Tears pooled in her eyes as she hung up. Her parents’ love had been the cornerstone of her youth and she relied on that strength now to push through the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. Time to get serious about building my own future. All she had to do was find the right person, and her heart said Trinity was the right one for her. Her head argued it was way too soon. But maybe they could start spending more time together. That’s how it worked, right? Dating, getting to know someone. That sounded right.
* * *
“So, what are you doing right now?” Trinity asked.
Blaze glanced around. “Working in my shop.”
“Have you had lunch?”
She laughed. “I tend to forget meals when I’m working.”
“You could be a nurse. We forget to eat, too, and when we do its usually junk. I need to get back in the gym.”
“I could never do your job. There’s too much stress, and I like to eat too much.” Blaze could hear Trinity open a beverage can and take a slurp.
“Can I come see where you do what you do?”
“If you’d like. I’ll be here the rest of the day.” She glanced at the clock, surprised she’d been there for five hours. Blaze sent Trinity the address and she said she would find it. Blaze had wanted physical space between her home and her shop, needing to keep the two parts of her life separate.
“What kind of food do you want?”
“You don’t have to do that.” This was one of the reasons Trinity’s profession suited her. Caring about others seemed to come naturally.
“I’m going to eat, too.”
The silence on the other end meant she was expected to come up with an answer. “Burgers.” If only she could answer her own questions with that much confidence.
Blaze went back to working on the sink cabinet she was making. She felt the smile move her cheeks as she replayed the last time she and Trinity were together.
A little while later, she heard a car door and looked up as she set down the planer and wiped her hands on a damp towel. “Aren’t you starting to feel like a delivery service?”
Trinity laughed. “What can I say? I have to eat whenever I can.”
She leaned in and kissed Trinity lightly on the mouth. “Lucky me. So do I.” The innuendo wasn’t lost. Trinity’s face flushed.
“Yes, well, it’s burgers today.”
“A close second,” she said as she led her inside.
“This is quite the space. How long have you been here?”
Blaze tore off sheets of white paper from a big roll and made placemats for the desk, then picked up a framed one-hundred-dollar bill and handed it to Trinity. “About eight years. That was from my first order.”
Trinity set it back down reverently and went to the large worktable, where she slid her hand over it like a caress. “And what happens here?” she asked, one brow raised.
Heat rose up her neck. “I lay out projects, make measurements, fit pieces together.” She stood across from Trinity. “This is a child’s bed frame. I just finished the dovetail joints and glued them together. Once it’s dry, I’ll sand everything smooth.”
“Dovetail. That’s interesting. Why is it called that?”
“It’s one of the strongest joints because there are tails and pins that fit snug together. I can also use nails for additional support, but I prefer to glue them.”
Trinity tossed her jacket on a hook. “Can you show me?”
“Sure.” She squared off a couple of small boards, then made measurements and marked the wood. Once she set the depth on the router, she handed Trinity a vise grip. “This is a Keller jig.” She held up a long, narrow board with insets. “It’s a template for making dovetails. I line up the center mark on the jig with the center mark on the board. Then we clamp it in place.” She demonstrated on one side.
“Like this?”
Blaze nodded. Then she took a scrap of wood and clamped it tight to the first piece. “This will help hold the wood in place.” She handed a pair of safety glasses to Trinity and put on a pair, too. “Want to help guide the cut?”
Trinity nodded, and she moved her into place and stood behind her. “The router is loud.” She placed a pair of noise canceling headphones over Trinity’s ears. She looked adorable and sexy at the same time. Blaze tapped her on the shoulder. “Ready?” she mouthed. Trinity gave her a thumbs-up. She flicked the switch and the machine roared to life. She pressed close to Trinity with her hands over Trinity’s smaller ones and guided her movements. Once the first set of cuts were made, they cut the pins, then removed the protective gear.
“This is how the two fit perfectly together.” Blaze dry fit the joints.
“It’s like they were made for each other.”
“Yes. Once they’re glued, they’ll be bonded for life. A marriage of the two.” She’d often thought of the joint that way. Strong together, weaker when apart. Trinity appeared deep in thought and she would have liked to know what she was thinking. “We’d better eat before the burgers get cold.”
“Yes, we should.” Trinity smiled.
Blaze led her to the desk, wishing they could work on projects together more. Though concentrating on work would be difficult when Trinity was around.
* * *
Two days later, Josh rode up on his sleek black Harley-Davidson. There was six years between them. Growing up, he’d mimicked everything she did, and the behavior had followed him into adulthood. She’d been a typical unashamed tomboy and her parents had encouraged her to be whoever she wanted to be. Another reason she was grateful to have the love of her family when so many in the LGBTQ community didn’t.
“Well, if it isn’t my wanderlust brother.” She hugged him tightly. Bla
ze hadn’t seen him since she could start doing stuff on her own, and she had sorely missed his presence in her life. “Were you missing me?”
Josh shrugged. “Just passing through and hoping to crash for a night or two. We need to catch up.”
Though he was younger he was two inches taller, a fact he never let her forget, and he ruffled her hair the same way he had when he finally shot past her own impressive height as a youngster. “Glad you found the time. Of course, you can stay. You’re always welcome here. You know that.” She loved having him around. Though he didn’t have the same passion she had for woodwork, he always told her how beautiful her pieces were, and she appreciated his eye for detail.
“I don’t want to crowd your scene. You could be holed up with a woman.” He winked.
“Not tonight.” She had wanted Trinity to stay with her yesterday, but she was scheduled for a night shift, so she didn’t ask. Blaze couldn’t help wondering if Trinity was making excuses or there was more to it. Maybe it really had been a one-night stand and nothing more, and they’d end up firmly in a friends only arrangement. They’d already gone way beyond that, and the thought made her ache. Josh must have noticed her mood shift and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah.” After a minute she shook her head. “No.”
“Good thing I’m here then. Let’s go grab steaks for the grill and some beer, then you can tell me what has my big sister down in the dumps.” Worry creased his forehead.
She had never been one to complain about her life because there was rarely anything to complain about. This was different. This wasn’t something happening to her. Loneliness was a feeling she’d never experienced before.
* * *
Blaze enjoyed her buzz as she sank into the cool sheets, feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. Josh’s arrival had been what she needed. They’d talked for hours, hashing out the whys and wherefores of her feelings. He’d tried to talk her into making the three-hour trip home—the next pit stop on his trek—but she’d told him the timing wasn’t good.
“When will the timing ever be good?” he’d asked.
It was true. She’d gone home only twice in the last year, both for family gatherings. It had been the usual hectic, raucous chaos that she loved, but she hadn’t had time to talk with her parents alone. Now she longed to do just that, and she was done making excuses.
When morning came, she was going to tell him she’d changed her mind. Her projects could wait another couple of days. She needed her parents’ wisdom. She needed their hugs and their unwavering love. She needed to know she wasn’t crazy for feeling so unsettled, and that she had to trust her gut when it came to affairs of the heart. Even though she knew all this was true, Blaze had to hear it. The trip would do her good.
As sleep began to overtake her, a familiar vision appeared. Trinity’s smile. Trinity’s concern while she’d been in the ED. Trinity’s lush body and warm gaze. They all brought her a sense of peace. Her last thought was the one she’d asked herself a hundred times since they’d first met. Why do I feel so different around her? It was a thought that would follow her into slumber.
Chapter Twenty-one
“We should go shopping. Treat ourselves to something new,” Kelly said as she licked her fingers clean of the powdered sugar from her donut. A grateful patient had dropped off two dozen treats from a local bakery to show her appreciation for the staff taking care of her elderly mother after a fall that resulted in a broken wrist.
Trinity pulled a piece of pastry from the Danish she was working on and popped it in her mouth. “Shopping is a luxury.”
Kelly groaned. “One we both deserve. Have you done anything to celebrate earning your degree? Like buy new lingerie?” Her eyebrows rose.
Her wardrobe was serviceable but dated. Spending money on herself had never been a priority. Maybe the time had come to think otherwise. Besides, she was planning on going to a fundraiser in a couple of weeks and it would be nice to have something new to wear. Something sleek and sexy, but professional.
“Fine, but don’t try to talk me into anything outrageous. You know how I feel about wasting money.” Trinity drank the last of her coffee and made a note in the chart of her only patient, then pulled her study guide from her bag. She was going to take advantage of the rare quiet in the ED while she could. She hadn’t heard anything about her application for the promotion, which wasn’t unusual considering how HR worked, but she’d be ready when she did.
“Deal. Let’s start at the outlets. We can always go to the mall if we need to.” Kelly tossed her napkin and cup in the trash. “I’m going to gain a pound from that damn donut, but it was totally worth it.”
Trinity watched her disappear into the restroom. She hadn’t really thought much about the fundraiser for the Capital Pride Center where she’d volunteered while attending SUNY Albany for her bachelor’s degree. The annual event was one she hadn’t been able to go to the last few years due to her work schedule, but she loved the Fall Gala, which was rich with camaraderie and run by those in the community who cared about people who struggled to have their voices heard. Maybe she would ask Blaze to go. She felt bad for not making more time to see her, but she simply hadn’t had a breath to herself, and when she did, she’d been barely functional before falling into bed exhausted.
“I need sleep,” Kelly said when she returned.
Their shift was scheduled to end in two hours, but that was always subject to change. If an emergency hit the door, she’d automatically kick into high gear and any fatigue she might have felt would dissipate until the crisis was over.
“You sound like you’re eighty years old. Maybe you need vitamins.”
“Maybe I like getting my beauty rest.”
“I should be worried then. I rarely sleep more than six hours.”
Kelly guffawed. “You’re beautiful. Whatever sleep you’re getting is plenty. I’m the one who needs all I can get.”
Trinity felt the heat in her face. She wasn’t beautiful. If anything, she might lean to the pretty side, but she disliked some of her features. Her eyes were too big, her lips were rather thin, and her cheekbones were hidden under the layer of baby fat she’d never outgrown. “If you think complimenting me will get you out of the housework this week think again.” She laughed when Kelly stuck her chin out.
“You’re such a taskmaster.”
“Hard-ass me isn’t buying it. You should—” She started to give Kelly the reason she’d been lucky to have the nickname, but the dispatch radio crackled to life and they both jumped to attention.
“Go ahead,” Trinity said and jotted notes as the paramedic talked.
A forty-two-year-old male in cardiac distress. She glanced at his vitals and headed to triage room one to prep for his arrival. Her shift would officially go into overtime, and she might be looking at a long morning ahead.
“Get your roller skates on, girl,” Kelly said while prepping the crash tray.
“On and oiled.”
The EMTs arrived with the patient and she ushered them into the room. “Mr. Harris, there’s going to be a lot happening in the next few minutes, but I want you to keep calm. We’re all here to help. Okay?” The man shook his head, though his eyes were wide with fear. The oxygen mask over his mouth kept him from asking questions she probably didn’t have answers to, but that was okay. She’d make sure the physician on duty set his mind at ease.
* * *
Three hours later, she and Kelly dropped onto the couch with a stack of pancakes and a carton of milk between them. She slid a forkful of syrup-soaked goodness into her mouth and moaned. Maybe she’d regret the sugar intake, but she’d spent all her reserves on their last patient, and she desperately needed a shower before hitting her bed.
“These are sinful.” Kelly crammed half of a blueberry pancake in her mouth and chewed. “It’s a good thing we burned enough calories tonight for a double portion.”
Trinity washed down
the last of her midmorning breakfast with a couple of swallows of milk. “It’s times like these I wish I took more vacations.” When was the last time she took a real vacation? It had to have been at least two years ago, when she and Kelly had splurged and taken a cruise to the Bahamas.
“Linda wants to go to Aruba. Maybe we should join her.”
She sat back and put her feet up on the worn coffee table to think about it. She’d squirreled away every extra penny for the last five years and her savings account bore witness to the overtime she’d endured. Would it matter if she took a few hundred for a much-needed break? Or would she be better off spending it on something more practical? Maybe she could cuddle up with Blaze for a few days instead. Her wondering was interrupted.
“What are you thinking about?” Kelly asked.
“Nothing.”
Kelly backed her into the corner of the couch and stared her down. “I know you too well to believe that. Come on. Tell me.”
Trinity sighed. There was no way around it. Kelly would see right through her. “I was thinking about a woman.” Perhaps that would be enough.
“Oh, it’s getting good now. Not just any woman, though, is it?”
She wasn’t sure why she was reluctant to admit it was Blaze she’d been thinking of, and not just because she was great in bed. There was a noble quality to her that drew Trinity in, making her head swim and her heart beat a little faster. She was the type of woman Trinity often dreamt of though rarely thought herself worthy of having in real life. It was also why she was married to her career. Trinity had no time to mourn what she would never have.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I don’t have time for anyone.” At least that was the truth.
Kelly took her hand and squeezed. “You could make time for the right person. Why do you insist on thinking you can’t have it all?”
“Because I don’t want it all. I’ve had to scrape my way along all my life, and when I finally get the position I’ve wanted, I’m not going to squander it by trying to juggle my time between work and a partner. It never turns out the way you think it will.” Trinity had seen her parents struggle for decades. They loved each other—at least she thought they did, but the years hadn’t been kind to either of them. They looked much older than they were. And she and her siblings hadn’t helped. One had been missing for years. She’d finally managed to track him down through a high school acquaintance. Rumor had it, he was living in a trailer up north with a woman twice his age. All she could think of was his being destined to repeat the misfortune of their parents. Her next oldest sister had died of an overdose. Her younger sister was fighting the trappings of her circumstances, but Trinity had hope.
