I stayed on the couch, icing my ankle. Mr. Markman had never answered the phone.
“Does the house smell?” my father said, wrinkling his nose. I was lying on the couch, covered in a blanket, my hair was dirty, and for a second, at least, he looked concerned. “Should we start with the presents?”
I did not get up, so my mother knelt down. She gave my head a meaningful pat. “We are here now, baby,” she said, but then, to my surprise, she headed straight upstairs. She was looking, I supposed, for Sue, only Sue had not come home, and she hadn’t called either. I did not understand how Sue could leave like that. We hadn’t even had a disagreement.
I sat up on the couch, and my father sat down next to me. He seemed eager that I open my gifts, so I started with the first box. It was a red silk scarf, just like my mother’s. I touched it with my finger. I had never worn red before. My father draped it round my neck. “Gorgeous,” he said. “You look like a movie star.” Then he asked me to help unload the trunk, which he said was loaded with groceries.
“I can’t,” I said.
“Are you sick?” My father put his hand on my forehead.
“I twisted my ankle,” I said. “I can’t help you carry anything.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “You poor thing.”
His voice was far too jovial, a tone that was not familiar to me. “We can’t have you outside then, can we, carrying heavy packages on a sore ankle? No worries. I’ll take care of the bags.”
I hopped upstairs, looking for my mother. I found her in the bathroom, taking notes in her legal pad.
“Does it smell mildewed to you?” she asked.
I shrugged. Not only was my ankle sprained; my entire body felt sore. It was already nighttime, but I felt as if I had never properly woken up. I had not showered or washed my hair or made myself anything to eat. I had only changed out of my basketball uniform and put on Sue’s clothes, an oversize T-shirt and a pair of baggy carpenter pants.
“We will have to get the carpets professionally cleaned,” my mother said as we left the bedroom and started down the hall toward the bedrooms. “And if that doesn’t work, we can always replace them.” She gave me a quick, spontaneous hug. “You did the right thing asking for help. With Daniel away at college, and the way you’ve always been so self-sufficient, I sometimes forget that you are not all grown up.”
“I’m not,” I said.
My mother squeezed my hand. Then she continued to inspect the house. I made my way back downstairs, back to my spot on the couch, and waited until my parents were ready to talk to me. My mother examined the state of the curtains. She checked the paint on the walls and knocked on the wooden banister. My father brought the groceries into the kitchen; I could hear him unpacking. I stared out the living room window, still looking for Sue. I wondered if I could ask my parents to cook me dinner. I put my hand on my forehead. I was not sick. I had a headache but no fever.
Finally, my parents stopped moving and joined me in the living room. They sat down in opposite armchairs. My father put the tape recorder on the coffee table, and my mother had her yellow legal pad on her lap. I still had a pile of presents to open: three more boxes and a brown bag from Bloomingdale’s, my mother’s favorite store.
“We have a lot to talk about, princess,” my father said.
I blinked. My mother had opened the linen closet and noticed the lack of clean sheets and towels, but she never said, Is this house missing something, perhaps our other twin daughter? Maybe my parents were confused. They had not been home for a while. Maybe they had noticed my dirty hair and the clothes I was wearing and my parents had mistaken me for Sue. Their minds were playing sinister tricks on them.
“We can’t have a meeting without Sue,” I said. “She hasn’t been home in days. I guess we have to call the police, but I kept putting it off hoping she would come home. I should have told you earlier, but Mom was asking me about boyfriends, and then she put me on hold. I didn’t want to tell the receptionist. But it’s been almost three days. Sue always comes home. She always does. You wouldn’t know it, because you don’t know us, you’re never here, but this is not like her at all.”
I listened to myself talk and could tell that I might sound hysterical to my parents. It might sound to them like I was babbling out of control—the way Sue would go on and on when she got excited—but I could not make myself stop. I felt somehow that when I did, I was going to break out in tears, and I did not want to do that in front of my parents. I felt that something was very wrong with me. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I desperately needed to wash my hair.
My father smiled at me. It was the smile he used at trials, when he focused on female members of the jury. Phony and insincere. This smile gave me chills down my spine. Cocksucker, Sue would say. I had begun hearing Sue’s voice in my head. She spoke to me when I least expected it; she put me down at the moments I felt most vulnerable. “Who’s a moron?” she’d say to me when I would sit down to take a test and stare blankly at the questions.
My father looked confused. “We’ve been home for almost an hour,” he said to my mother. “You didn’t tell her?”
My mother shook her head. “I thought you would talk to her about it,” she said. “While you were putting away the groceries.”
“Ah.” My father nodded. “There lies the confusion.”
“My ankle is hurt,” I said, in case my mother had not noticed.
“We know where Sue is,” my father said to me. He spoke slowly, as if he were talking to a child. “Your sister, Sue, is fine. Your brother, Daniel, called. He says that he spoke to Sue at a party.”
“She went to see Daniel?” I said.
My mother snorted.
My father laughed.
“Unfortunately no,” he said. “Sue is staying with the girlfriend, that little Asian girl.”
“Yumiko,” my mother said. “She’s a very intelligent young woman.”
My father sighed. “Apparently, your brother and Yumiko are no longer seeing each other.”
“Then what is Sue doing with her?” I said. “I don’t understand.”
Sue had stopped talking about Yumiko a while ago. I had forgotten all about her.
“He says Sue shaved her head.” My father laughed.
I looked at both of my parents.
“Sue ran away from home?” I said. “Why would she do that?”
How, I wondered, could she do that? Why didn’t she take me with her? I was her identical twin sister and she had left me behind. My head was spinning. But I knew I would have laughed in Sue’s face if she had asked me to go with her. I wouldn’t consider going anywhere with her. I would have stayed, hoping that one day Mr. Markman might call, wanting to take me to another Knicks game. Sue had left without me because she hated me, but I was the one who had hated her first. For so long now, Sue had been steadily trying to drive me mad. She was always there, right behind me, watching every little thing I did. Now that Sue was gone, there was Daisy, wagging her tail, expectant. My parents were staring at me. The tape recorder was running.
“Are you feeling okay, Chloe, honey?” my mother said.
I shook my head.
“I need to take a shower.” My hair was the dirtiest it had ever been.
“We’re having a meeting, Chloe,” my father said. He straightened his red tie. “You can take your shower when we’re done.”
“After,” my mother repeated. She twisted her red scarf between her fingers. “There are just a couple of things we need to talk about. Perhaps you’d like to open another present,” she said, handing me the Bloomingdale’s bag.
I stood up from the couch.
“No,” I said. “You can wait for me. I have waited almost three days for you.”
I walked slowly out of the living room, careful not to put too much weight on my ankle, careful to maintain my dignity. It was amazing, the way my parents watched me go, startled into silence. They were used to this behavior only from Sue.
At the top
of the stairs, I turned to look at them.
“I have been waiting for you all my life,” I said.
My mother’s jaw dropped.
“Drama queen,” I could hear Sue tell me.
I sat on my bed for a long time before getting dressed. I sat there, combing my wet hair, contemplating the damage. It had never occurred to me to check my room while I waited for Sue. My dresser drawers were wide open, clothes thrown all over the floor. My new jeans were gone. She had also taken the first pair of basketball sneakers Mr. Markman had ever given me, my leather jump rope, and my fluffy white polar bear, also from Mr. Markman. Somehow, the bear struck me as the very worst thing.
I didn’t know what I had done, but I must have done something terribly wrong to make my twin sister want to rob me of my favorite things. I felt so tired even though I hadn’t left the house for days. I slid my comb through my clean hair and leaned down to kiss my knee. My skin was warm, and I smelled nice, like lavender soap.
Downstairs, I knew, my parents were waiting, impatient. They did not seem the least bit concerned that Sue had run away. Perhaps they were glad Sue was Daniel’s problem now. I had handled her all these years. I hugged a pillow to my chest, wishing it was my polar bear. I wanted to put off going downstairs as long as I could. I got out the cell phone I never used and tried to call Mr. Markman, even though I no longer had a reason to call. I expected no answer; instead Todd picked up. I hung up. My legs started to shake. A moment later, the phone rang.
“Hello,” I said.
“Who is this?”
I recognized Todd Markman’s voice. I didn’t know what to say. I had nothing to say to Todd.
“Who is this?” he repeated.
“Hey, Todd,” I said. “It’s Chloe.”
“Did you call to ask me out on a date?” he said. “Do you want to give me a blow job?”
I shook my head. I did not know why Todd was still so angry.
“Chloe,” he said, laughing into the phone. “My dad is not home. You’re out of luck.”
Then he hung up. I listened to the dial tone. My father was knocking on my door.
“Are you ready to come downstairs, princess?” he said.
I put my head on my knees and breathed.
“Focus on the ball,” Mr. Markman would say. “Quiet your mind.”
I didn’t know what to do. I could challenge my father to a game of one on one.
My parents were not going to do a thing about Sue. They wouldn’t lift a finger to bring her back home. My father stated what I already knew, that Sue had been stealing from him for years. He said he understood that Sue was an angry young woman. Guidance counselors had recently informed my parents that she was failing out of school. “I appreciate,” my father said, “that Sue is too much for you to handle.”
“So it’s your turn?” I said.
“Some people are not meant to be parents,” my mother said, her voice quiet. “You have grown up. Your characters are formed.”
“We’re only sixteen,” I said quietly. But our birthdays were coming up soon. Sue and I were actually closer to seventeen, old enough to drive. I did not have my learner’s permit or a car or a parent to practice my driving with.
“Sue hasn’t listened to us in years. You were the only one she listened to,” my father said. “That’s over, so now it’s time to put our faith in Sue. Let’s see what she can do for herself. She’s already taken the first step.”
My parents were afraid of Sue. Perhaps they always had been.
My father slid a manila folder between my fingers. Inside was an article about teenagers who had legally emancipated themselves from their parents. I recognized several of the examples: Drew Barrymore and Macaulay Culkin, child actors who had earned millions of dollars. The next document was a bank statement in my name. The numbers swam before me. From a distance, I could hear that my parents were still talking. It turned out they liked New York. My parents found that it was much more convenient for them to commute from my father’s apartment. They had chosen the suburbs as a wholesome place to raise their children, and now we were grown. These documents were not binding. Our family was merely on a trial separation.
“For now, Daniel is going to watch out for Sue,” my father said. “He’ll contact us if he believes she is in trouble. If she chooses to remain with Yumiko, at his school, we will send the appropriate allowance that Daniel will then pass along to Sue.”
“You are divorcing us,” I said quietly.
My mother sat back in her armchair.
“You misunderstand us,” she said. “This is difficult, but we are trying to be practical. We are trying to respect your rights as grown-ups. Sue is allowed to live her life. She is angry and she is acting out. Let her act out in a safe environment.”
“With Yumiko,” I said.
My mother smiled.
“I was impressed with her,” she said. “She took a considerable interest in your sister.”
“Oh,” I said. They had been arrested for shoplifting.
But what I understood more clearly than anything else was that my parents wanted to sell the house in New Jersey and live permanently in Manhattan. They were finished with us.
“I have one more year of school,” I said.
My mother frowned. “It might be possible,” she said, “to delay the sale of the house so as not to disrupt your education.”
“I wouldn’t want to start again on a new basketball team.”
“Basketball,” my mother said. She looked at my father.
“You haven’t finished opening your presents, princess,” he said. I nodded. There were enough gift-wrapped packages on the table that I was certain they would not feel the need to see me on my birthday.
“Open a present, Chloe,” my mother said, eagerly. “You will like them, I think.”
I opened another box. Inside was a pink linen sundress. I knew that I would have once thought the dress lovely and been excited to wear it. But somehow it seemed too young for me now. I opened more boxes: there was a makeup kit, bubble bath, and a necklace, a thin gold chain with a pearl pendant. These were pretty and expensive items, and for the first time in my life, they would be safe. Sue was far away. She could not steal my things or destroy them when the mood struck her. I gathered my clean hair in one hand, and dropped the necklace over my head. I touched the pendant with my finger. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever owned.
“Thank you,” I said. I smiled, trying to remove the frown from my face. I wanted to appear grateful. It was possible, because I was not difficult, because I bathed regularly and did well in school, that my parents might not want to divorce me. Perhaps they did not realize that Sue and I were not a package deal. We had the same DNA, but our limbs were not connected.
“Have you seen much of Rodney Markman lately?” my father asked.
“No,” I said, surprised. “Not lately.”
I watched my mother take note of the fact in her yellow pad. I noticed the small but unmistakable smile that passed between my parents.
“Why?”
“It was a wonderful thing for Lisa’s father to take an interest in you,” my mother said. “Your father called him to thank him for his time. Mr. Markman says that you are a talented athlete.”
“You talked to him?”
Mr. Markman never told me that my father had called him. For what seemed like no reason at all, he had practically cut off all contact from me. He had left my last game of the season early, without a good-bye. I took off the beautiful necklace and gently lay it back in the black jewelry case.
“What else did you say to him?”
My father shut his briefcase. I knew this meant that our meeting was coming to an end, but I still did not understand why my parents were leaving or where they were going. They lived somewhere else, in a fancy apartment in Manhattan I had never seen. It did not make sense to me. This was their house and I was their daughter.
“Do you know why he’s staying away from me?” I
said. “Did you say something to him?”
I could not believe what my father calmly proceeded to tell me. Not only had he talked with Mr. Markman but they had met for lunch several weeks ago. “I felt that it was my duty to clarify the terms of your friendship. He is an adult, a wealthy man, and in a position to take advantage of your trust. That photo in People had implications that I was not comfortable with.”
“You told this to Mr. Markman?”
I watched in disbelief as my father put on his coat.
“One day you’ll know why I did this, Chloe,” my father said. “I wanted to make sure Mr. Markman understood what was appropriate. I felt it was a necessary precaution to inform Mr. Markman of the legal definition of statutory rape and the minimum mandatory sentence.”
“You didn’t do that?” I said. My face had turned hot.
“It had to be done. You are still naïve in so many ways.”
I could feel the blood rush to my head. I could not believe my father would have suggested such a thing to Mr. Markman. There was no person on the planet more honorable than Rodney Markman. But for weeks and weeks he had kept this conversation secret. He had stayed with me through the end of the season, and now it was over. Knowing what I now knew, I could not imagine seeing him again. I did not know how anything would ever be the same after such horrible words had been spoken. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them close.
“How could you do that to me?”
My father kissed me on the forehead.
“Don’t have any wild parties,” he said.
My parents looked at me, rocking on the couch, hugging my knees.
My mother gave me an awkward hug. “The kitchen,” she said, “is stocked. You’ll come see us this weekend.”
I watched them leave, their hands clasped.
“Gone,” I said out loud.
I used to think it was Sue that drove my parents away. Only now she was gone, and so were they.
Twins Page 19
