He smiles faintly when I shut the door behind me. “I was just waiting to make sure you got back safely. Care to tell me what else was in the letter?”
I let out a breath, my eyes meeting his. “Ma wants me to go to Northwood, Kansas. And I really want to Pa, but the truth is, I think I’m too afraid to go.”
“Lydia, dear. Your ma would never ask you to do something that wasn’t good for you. If she thought it were too dangerous, she never would’ve asked you to go. Why don’t you think about it for a little while more?”
“I know, Pa. And the thing is, I think I might want to go, but how will you all manage without me here?”
He smiles. “Don’t worry about us. We will be fine and support whatever decision you make.”
I don’t say anything as he stands from his chair and crosses the room to kiss my forehead. “Good night, dear.”
“Good night, Pa,” I reply in barely more than a whisper as he makes his way to his room and shuts the door behind him.
Eventually, I make my way up to the loft and lie down in my bed, pulling the covers up over me. Since Genevieve has now moved out, Hazel and I have our own beds.
I look over at my sister, her blonde hair spread across her pillow, her breathing, slow. How can I leave my sister? Basically, my only true friend in this world. With Hazel and I only a year apart, we really have a deep connection to each other. We have strong relationships with our other sisters too, but with Hazel it’s just…different.
We balance each other out well too. She’s loud and outgoing, whereas I’m the opposite. Hazel does the talking for me, while I smile. It’s kind of our thing. I’ve never really had to be alone before. Never.
This is when a thought comes to me. Maybe that’s why I need to do this. Why my ma, Pa, and even Darlene want me to go. Because they think I’m not independent enough around Hazel, and they’re worried for me. I don’t disagree with them. It’s true.
I know I need to confide in Hazel about this, though. Tell her about it all. She’s my sister after all. But she won’t be able to change the decision I’ve made just now—that I’m going to go to Northwood as soon as I can.
Chapter 3
I’m sitting on Hazel’s bed, and she’s awake now. I’ve explained the contents of the letter, and what I think I should do.
She rubs her eyes, clearly tired. “But why would you go? You don’t know what to expect there. Ma wrote that from what you were like when she died. You’ve gotten better.”
“Hazel. I really haven’t. And you know it.”
She sighs, reaching for my hands. “I suppose it would be good for you. But how long will you go?”
“I don’t know. For as long as I need to complete the tasks I guess.”
“Why can’t I at least come with you?” Her blue eyes are tearing up.
I squeeze her hands, trying to smile. “Because I think this is a journey I have to go on by myself.”
“I’ll miss you,” she says, a tear rolling down her face.
“I will too. I’ll write to you. I promise. And you have to write to me and keep me updated about everything.” I pull her into a hug and feel tears running down my face too.
Truth is, I’m beyond terrified.
But I need to do this. I need to.
“When will you go?” she whispers.
“Whenever we can get things arranged I suppose.”
It’s quiet in the loft for a minute, before she looks up at me.
“Are you afraid?”
“Absolutely, Hazel. Absolutely.”
* * *
The next morning, I wake up beside Hazel. She’s still asleep, so I quietly roll out of the bed and locate my pale pink dress hanging on the back of a chair. I tie my white apron around my waist and begin to brush my hair.
When I’m ready, I head downstairs where Pa and Freida are already up. Pa’s sitting at the table reading something while Freida hums quietly to herself as she stirs the eggs.
“Good morning, Lydia.” Pa beams, looking up at me.
“Morning,” I say, walking toward them.
I pause in front of him before saying, “Pa. I’ve decided that I want to go. I think it’s what is best for me.”
“I’m glad, dear. Freida and I will look into getting a train ticket for you. Then we can arrange what you’ll need.”
I feel my stomach physically turn. “Train?”
Pa laughs. “Yes. How else did you think you would get there?”
I’m now slightly panicking. How did I think I would get there? I certainly didn’t imagine going on a train. Feeling faint, I sit down beside Pa, and he smiles at me as if he knows the fear I’m trying to contain inside me.
* * *
Pa and I explain to Freida, and Bradley, and Douglas when they wake up what I’m going to do. Hazel just pokes at her breakfast quietly.
Pa says he’ll arrange everything, and all I have to worry about is having my things ready. For some reason, this doesn’t reassure me.
“Oh. We just have to make you a brand-new dress for this! Don’t you think, Freida?” Hazel exclaims after a while.
Freida nods, smiling at me. “For sure. We can go buy some fabric from Riverbend today, and use some of the old stuff we have lying around.”
“Girls.” Douglas rolls his eyes.
“You wouldn’t understand, Douglas. Lydia is going on a train all by herself to this huge town with lots of people. She has to have a dress that makes her feel confident.” Hazel beams at me. At least she’s now excited about this, even though I know she’s upset on the inside.
Even though, I’m upset on the inside.
* * *
I’m sitting in the wagon by Freida and Hazel. Freida has the reins in her hand and gets the horses to go ahead slowly.
We’re on our way to do some shopping which they’re adamant about, and we might also stop to visit Adeline.
“You’re so brave, Lydia.” Freida smiles, looking over at me.
“I don’t feel it. I’m so scared.”
“Bravery is doing something even when you’re afraid.”
“I agree, Lyd. Even though I’m going to miss you something terrible when you’re away.”
“I’ll miss you too. All of you.”
* * *
We arrive in Riverbend after a drive of Freida explaining her first journey away from home. Now we’re browsing around the local mercantile for fabric. It’s just Hazel and I, though, because Freida needed to find some flour.
“This one’s nice.” Hazel rubs her hands along a velvet purple fabric.
I take the price tag in my hand, and my eyes widen. “That’s too much money, Hazel.”
“You’ve said that about every one I’ve pointed out. Fabric is expensive, Lydia, but you haven’t had a new dress in years. Besides, you need at least one new one while you’re there.”
“I suppose.” I feel my eyes move toward an off-white bluey fabric. I reach out to feel it.
Hazel grins. “That’s a lovely color. It would go so well with your eyes. Oh and then we have that light blue fabric at home we could use with it. Oh, this is so exciting. You will let me make it for you, right?”
I chuckle. “Don’t get too excited, Hazel. We must consider the price a little.”
“No. This is the one. Pa said to get whatever one we needed.”
I sigh. “All right, Hazel. And yes, you can make it.”
I follow Hazel to the counter. She smiles at the man working. “She would like some of that fabric over there.”
“All right. Come show me which one.”
Eventually, we’ve got the right amount of fabric Hazel thinks she will need. And we’ve paid for it. Freida thinks it’s lovely material as well.
Now we’re in the wagon, with all our stuff in the back and on our way to see Adeline.
The wagon bumps over the road until we reach Adeline’s house on the outskirts of Riverbend.
I know I will need to explain everything to Adeline. Out of every
one, she’ll be so excited for me. She loves adventure and will be so happy. At least I hope so.
Chapter 4
It’s been almost a month since I made the decision to go to Northwood. All of my family knows I’m going, and the day I have to get on the train and leave, is getting nearer and nearer. With every day that passes I feel more afraid for what will come.
In three days, the train will take me away from here, but tomorrow I say goodbye to Darlene and her family as well as Adeline and hers. Genevieve and Joel have decided to come with us in the wagon to the big city, Willowcreek, where the train will be. Since Darlene and Adeline have kids, the journey just to see me off is too much.
But today, I’m with all my sisters again and their families to help me pack and have a final supper.
My bag is open on my bed, and Hazel, Adeline, and Genevieve stand beside me in the loft. I go to the top of the ladder while Robert holds Darlene’s hand as she slowly makes her way up the ladder to come help.
She lets out a frustrated sigh. “I took climbing up and down this ladder for granted all the time.”
“Well you weren’t pregnant then either.” I laugh, reaching down to grab her hand as she pushes herself up the final way.
“You okay?” Robert asks from down below.
“I’m good, thank you.” She smiles before making her way to the bed.
“I’m so glad you’re all here to help me pack.”
Darlene smiles, sitting down on the bed. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
“Well where should we start?” Adeline grins, looking down at my bag.
“Oh, that reminds me.” Hazel rushes down the ladder, and we wait quietly for her to come back.
As she climbs back up the ladder, she carefully hands a beautiful dress to Adeline, who in turn holds it up for me to see.
I see the off-white bluey fabric Hazel and I had picked up is on the outside of the light blue fabric. It’s a long sleeve dress, with a deep blue, satin bow that hangs down the back of it.
It’s absolutely stunning.
“You did too much, Hazel. That’s so beautiful.” I feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“It wasn’t just me. Darlene helped me with the design of it, and Adeline helped me with it one day. Genevieve was the one who found the fabric for the bow.”
“Thank you. All of you. I love it.” I hug each of my sisters before turning back to look at my empty bag. “Shall we?”
By the time we’re finished, my bag is nearly overflowing, but luckily everything fits. I packed a few of my dresses in but left the new one out for me to wear when I leave. I also put in my nightgown, hair brush, ribbon for my hair, and a few other things. I have my weaving bag separate. Bradley says my big bag will go in a separate car, and I will have to go find it when I arrive in Northwood. But I’m allowed one bag in the train car with me. So I make sure to have all my weaving supplies in a bag, as well as the letter Ma wrote.
“Oh, I brought this for you.” Genevieve climbs back up the ladder with a book. “I absolutely loved this book, and I thought it would be comforting on the train for you.”
“Thank you, Genevieve.” I pull her in for a hug before adding the book to my weaving bag. “Am I ready then?”
“It would seem so. And Pa said he’ll give you some money tomorrow, just in case.” Hazel smiles.
“I’m going to miss you all,” I say, looking down at my hands.
“We will too.” Darlene pushes herself up from the bed, making her way over to me. “But this is your big adventure, Lydia. You’ll have fun, you’ll see.”
“I know. But I’m not going to be here when your baby is born, Darlene.”
“Hazel will tell you all about it. And you won’t be gone forever. The baby will wait for you and in the meantime, I’ll tell him or her all about their brave, aunt Lydia.”
I feel a tear run down my face, before Darlene pulls me in for a hug. I’m going to miss this, but she’s right. It’s time to face my fears.
* * *
When everyone goes to leave, my stomach tightens again.
“Goodbye, Lydia. I wish we could come with you to see you off.” Adeline pulls me into a hug. She’s crying and so am I.
Soon she’s in the wagon with August and her kids and I watch the wagon pull away. Next Robert lifts Alice up to me.
I take her from him and smile at her. “You be good for your ma and pa, Alice. I will see you soon.”
“Okay. I love you.” Alice wraps her tiny arms around my neck. I know she likely has no clue what the big fuss is this time, but she goes with it anyway.
I hug Darlene last, and she’s still crying as she gets into the wagon.
It’s clear my family has never gone too far away from each other before.
Joel and Genevieve are staying the night for when we leave tomorrow morning for the train station.
Feeling exhausted, I make my way inside and up to the loft where I practically fall onto the bed.
I feel myself drifting into a deep sleep. And I hope morning doesn’t come around too soon.
Chapter 5
As I walk down the path toward the wagon, I feel sick. Hazel walks beside me, as I lift the skirts of my new dress up off the ground, and Bradley lifts my bag into the wagon. I look back at the only house I can ever remember living in and feel sad—even though I remind myself I’m coming back soon.
I feel excited at the same time too. Just to be able to say I’ve gone to where my ma grew up. And maybe I’ll see something remarkable there.
I climb into the wagon and sit beside Genevieve. She rests her hand on top of mine, giving me a smile, before resting her head on Joel’s shoulder. Hazel sits on my other side. Soon everyone is settled.
The wagon starts to move, slowly at first but then picks up speed a little.
We’re all sitting quietly. It’s rather early and we’re all tired. I’m also lost in thought about what I’m even doing.
I don’t really know what I’m doing. But I do know this is what Ma thought would be good for me. I also know this is what I need to do. Not just for the people around me and my ma. But for me as well.
* * *
As darkness descends, Pa stops the wagon. We’re going to stop for the night and continue on in the morning.
Genevieve, Freida, Hazel, and I give the men their blankets, and they set up outside the wagon. It’s actually quite a warm spring night, and the sky is clear, so the men decided to sleep outside while we sleep in the wagon. Pa and Douglas take the horses to the river to have a drink as well.
I help Genevieve lay the blankets out on the wagon floor before we all climb under them. Soon everyone is asleep.
Except me.
I lay quietly listening to the crickets nearby and the breathing of my family. I can’t fall asleep, I don’t even feel tired.
“Hazel,” I hesitantly whisper. “Hazel,” I whisper a little louder this time.
She rolls over with a moan until she faces me. “Yes, Lydia?”
“I’m scared.”
Hazel smiles. I can just see the gleam of her white teeth in the darkness. “Don’t worry. We’re safe in the wagon.”
I want to laugh, but I don’t want to wake anyone else up. “No. Not that. For tomorrow. I’ve never been on a train before. What if it crashes? And I’m going to live with some stranger. That’s absurd.”
“I know, Lydia. I’m scared too.”
“You are?”
She smiles, reaching for my hand. “I’m scared for you. But you will always be able to say you were the first of us sisters to ride on a train. When you get there and are settled, you have to write to me all about it. Then I will know you made it safe, and I can write you back.”
“I will. I promise.”
“Now go to sleep, Lydia. You have a big day tomorrow.”
I smile, closing my eyes. “Thank you, Hazel.”
She doesn’t say anything, and it’s quiet again, until eventual
ly, somehow, I manage to fall into a restless sleep.
* * *
I’m beginning to panic. Why am I doing this to myself? Who am I actually to think I can get on that train without passing out? I will be so scared and will faint dead away in a train station with all the people around me. No. I say to myself. This is the exact reason I must do this.
We woke up early this morning and packed all the blankets up before taking off again in the direction of the train station. Now, I can hear the bustle of the city. There are people everywhere and as we near the train station the noise increases. I also hear a train blowing its horn. I must admit it’s rather wonderful to be able to hear a train whistle. I’ve never heard one before.
The wagon stops, and I note how unsettled my stomach is. It’s nerves. But what if I’m sick? I will be sick all the way there. Sighing, I shake my head, telling myself to stop imagining it.
Bradley carries my big bag. And I clutch my smaller one to me as Pa helps me out of the wagon.
When we’re all out, we begin to walk toward where I assume the train I’m meant to get on is. How Pa knows where we’re going, I’ll never know.
Bradley falls in step beside me and elbows me with one arm. “How much stuff do you need?”
“I’m not exactly in the mood for being teased, Bradley.” I look up at my step-brother. He’s younger than me, but way taller. His dark hair falls in front of his eyes.
“I’ve been on a train before.”
“Really?”
He smiles. “Yeah. When we were moving here before my father passed away. He had already come out to build our house a year ahead of us. My poor ma had to get both me and Douglas on the train. It wasn’t as scary as you might think.”
“Thank you for carrying my bag, Bradley.”
He chuckles. “If I let you carry it, we would still be by the wagon.”
“I think I might miss your teasing while I’m away.”
The Letter (Carter Sisters Series Book 4) Page 2
