by Ella Miles
I’ll just pick her up and get her to change into a nice dress. I know her well enough to know that she has plenty of nice dresses hanging in her closet.
I pick the lock on the door and enter her condo. I take a deep breath as I always do when I enter her condo. It smells like clean linen. It’s Sloane’s smell. Clean and perfect, just like her.
I’m sure she has her faults, but these last few weeks, I haven’t found any. She’s perfect. Intelligent, sassy, caring, and beautiful. She’s everything I never knew I wanted.
The linen scent that is Sloane is covering the condo. It smells stronger than usual, like she was recently here even though I know she’s been in her office all day long. I could just stand here and smell her all day, but I have to work fast.
So, I start walking to her bedroom when I hear soft music playing. I shake my head. Her alarm clock plays music like that. She must have forgotten to turn it off when she left for work this morning. She stayed in bed while I got up to go surfing this morning, like usual.
I open the door and freeze.
I feel like I’ve just been stabbed in the heart.
Shot.
Broken.
And left for dead.
I can’t move.
I can’t breathe.
And I’m sure that my heart has stopped beating.
I close my eyes, hoping that this is a nightmare. That, at any second, I’m going to wake up and realize that what I’m seeing isn’t really happening.
But, when I open my eyes, she’s still there, lying naked, in her bed with another man.
It has to be a mistake.
She’s perfect.
She loves me.
She would never hurt me like this.
Never.
I take a breath, finally able to breathe, when I realize that it is some sort of mistake. She has to have an explanation for what is happening.
“Sloane, what’s going on?” I ask like I’m not witnessing what I am.
“I’m sorry,” she says with tears in her eyes.
Two words.
“I’m sorry.”
They tell me everything I need to know.
She cheated on me.
She broke my heart.
She made me believe in love and then destroyed me.
I’ll never recover from this.
I know that.
I loved her more than I loved stealing.
I loved her more than I loved surfing.
I loved her more than I loved breathing.
But she didn’t love me back.
Or, if she did, she was too scared to just be in love with me.
She had to ruin any chance that we had.
My initial gut reaction is to walk over and punch the naked man in the face. He deserves it.
But then, when women slept with me, I never thought I was the reason for them to have strayed. Well, at least, not the full reason.
People aren’t supposed to get married. Everlasting love doesn’t exist.
I knew that.
But I let myself fall in love with Sloane anyway.
I want to hate her. Yell at her. Do something to show her how angry I am with her.
But I’m not really angry. At least, not with her.
I’m angry with myself.
Love doesn’t exist. And, when it does, it’s selfish love that only lasts until that person falls in love again—with someone else.
So, as much as I want to yell at Sloane, ask her why, try to understand her, try to forgive her…
I can’t do any of those things.
All I can do is turn around and walk back out the door, pretending like life didn’t just fuck me over again. Like the only woman I’ve ever loved didn’t just steal my heart and then destroy it.
I hold out my shot glass. “Another.”
Paige smiles sweetly. “I’ll just leave the bottle here for you guys. Don’t tell anyone.”
Luca takes the bottle and pours me another one. “I hate to say this, but I told you so.”
I glare at Luca as I lift the glass of tequila to my lips and pour the shot down my throat. I’ve lost track of how many shots I’ve done. I don’t care anymore. I need something to numb the pain. And tequila is that something.
“Say it all you want. I need to hear it. I should have listened to you.”
Luca laughs. “You shouldn’t ever listen to me. You know that.”
Luca looks down at the prenup contract. “You also shouldn’t sign anything without talking to a lawyer first. You do understand that you are an idiot for signing this.”
“I don’t care.”
“You are going to care when she takes everything you own. Your house, your money, your trucks—everything is now hers.”
I shrug. “Let her have it. I don’t want it.”
Luca shakes his head. “You aren’t sleeping on my couch when you have nowhere else to go.”
“I’ll make more money. I only get one heart, and it’s gone now.”
He shakes his head at me. “I don’t know what you have turned into, but you are one giant mess, man. She’s really fucked you up. You know that, right?”
I dump more of the tequila into the shot glass and take a drink. I don’t care anymore. I have lost everything I cared about. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life here, at this bar, drinking. I no longer have a home. That’s now hers. I no longer have either trucks. They are now hers. I can’t go back to the beach, to the ocean. Everything I ever owned or loved is now hers.
* * *
“You need to leave this bar, man. It’s been two weeks since the divorce was finalized. You weren’t even married for real. You thought you were in love, but you can’t fall in love with a chick that fast. You have to get over her. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and if you got out of here and started training, you could actually earn some money and buy yourself another shack on the beach instead of sleeping outside a bar every night,” Luca says.
I lay my head down on my folded arms on the table as I stare at the empty shot glass. After I puked about a week ago, Paige implemented a new rule where I can only have one shot every half hour. It doesn’t matter though anyway. The pain is always here now. The alcohol is no longer strong enough to take the pain away.
Luca sighs. “Well, cheer up. I have great news for you.”
My eyes dart up to him and then back to the glass in front of me. There is no way he has great news.
“I’m going to introduce you to my girlfriend. You can play your silly games on her. You can try to steal her and fuck her and do whatever you do to cheer yourself up.”
“Get rid of your girlfriend yourself, Luca. I’m not going to do it for you.”
Luca sighs again. “You really have to get over this girl. This isn’t healthy. Have you even talked to her since she cheated on you?”
I shake my head.
“You need closure. Go talk to her. Yell at her. Whatever you need to do. Then, move on.” Luca grabs my arm and lifts me out of my chair. “You are going to go talk to her. Now.”
He walks me out of the building. “How much have you had to drink?” he asks.
“Not enough,” I say.
Luca studies my eyes and then confirms that I haven’t really been drinking. Not since Paige implemented her new rule. I’ve had maybe two drinks today since I also know, every other shot, she just fills with water, hoping I won’t notice. I noticed though.
He reaches in his pocket and then flips me the keys to his car. “Go get closure. Get revenge. Get even. Apologize. Whatever you fucking need, go get it.”
* * *
I started at her office, but she wasn’t there. I talked to her receptionist, who said she hadn’t been in, in weeks. Probably off fucking her new beau. I should warn him that she’s going to do the same thing she did to me to him. Fuck him, make him fall in love, and then rip out his heart.
I thought I was a monster. But she’s just as bad. No, she’s worse. Because I tell peop
le up front who I am. And, if they let me into their life, that is their problem. She pretends to be an angel for those less fortunate. She protects kids and gives them the help they need. But then she goes and hurts men without a second thought.
I tried her condo, but Archie wouldn’t let me up to see her. He looked sad when he talked to me. I finally got him to tell me that she wasn’t there, and her missing car from the parking lot confirmed it.
When I exited her building, I was swarmed with reporters. I ignored them all. I shouldn’t have. I should have told them the real reason for our divorce. That she cheated. Not the crap that she has been feeding them about a whirlwind romance that ended because we were too different and we realized our love would never last. That we were just together to help each other through a difficult time. I should leak the prenup agreement that she had me sign that caused me to fucking lose everything. Then, we will see whose side the media is on.
I can’t do that to her though, as much as I want revenge. I want her to feel exactly how I feel right now, but I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to hurt her like that. Because, for reasons I will never understand, I still love her.
And, if she did one thing for me, she helped me realize that, even though I don’t believe in lasting love, I shouldn’t destroy it for those who do. Because, just maybe, if a couple has a fighting chance to last forever, then they actually will.
Even if they don’t, I know I will never get the same thrill out of breaking a couple up again. Because every time I tried, I would be brought back to this feeling. This desperate, angry, sad feeling that I will never be able to escape from again because of her. But, for some stupid fucking reason, it makes me want to try again. Find some woman who can actually love me. That I could feel that way blows my mind the most.
I jump back in the car and start driving. First, I need closure. That is what Luca said. And, for once, I believe him. He’s been in enough relationships to know that, that is what I need right now.
I don’t know where else to look for her. I’m guessing that she’s in that asshole’s bed. But I have no idea where he lives, and that isn’t the best place to get closure. All I would end up doing is getting in a fight that could land me back in jail.
So, I just drive. I guess I’ll eventually go back to her place and see if she ever shows up. But, for now, I drive. I drive to our place on the beach and stop Luca’s car. Maybe this is a way to get closure without actually having to speak to her. Maybe, if I tell the world how I’m feeling here, in our place, it will be enough that I can figure out how to move on.
I get out of the car, and a cold draft of wind blows, sending a shiver through my body. It doesn’t really ever get cold here. Not enough to need anything but an occasional rain jacket. But that wind felt different. It felt cold, chilling.
I smile weakly. At least Hawaii still gets me. Still understands me and supports me. I just have to convince myself to get my ass back out into the ocean again.
I walk down the beach before I spot her blonde hair blowing in the wind. She has a light sweater wrapped around her shoulders as she sits on the beach, looking out at the storm that seems to be rolling in over the ocean.
I stop for a second. I could turn around, and she would never know that I was here.
Pussy, I think. Just go talk to her. Get closure.
I’ll go pick up a six-pack of beer on my way back to Luca and drink the night away. But, first, I have to go talk to her.
I walk to where she is sitting and sit down next to her without a word. She doesn’t glance over at me. She just tightens her grip on her sweater, and I know that she knows it is me sitting next to her.
I sit there, just staring out at the ocean with her, trying to figure out what I need from her. What I need to get over her. I don’t have a clue. But the longer I sit next to her, the clearer what I need becomes.
I reach out and softly touch her chin to get her to look at me. She flinches at my touch.
I pull my hand back and wait for her to look at me. “Why?”
He asked, “Why?”
That’s the first word I’ve heard him say since that night. That’s all he gave me. One word.
No context about how he is feeling. Although I can tell, from the pain that is apparent on his face, the alcohol on his breath, and the brokenness of his body, I hurt him. More than I even thought I would.
I hurt Asher.
Ruined him.
Destroyed him.
And all he wants to know now is why.
I don’t have to tell him. In fact, I thought I never would. But I think the story needs to be told. He needs to understand why. Then, maybe all can be forgiven. Both of us can be forgiven.
* * *
One Year Earlier
I hear the door to my condo slam as my roommate and best friend in the whole wide world walks in.
“Did you pick up groceries?” I ask from my spot on the couch. I don’t know why I ask. I already know that she didn’t pick up any groceries.
“Oh, Sloane, I just met the most amazing man!” Danielle says, flopping onto the couch.
I sit up, panicked now. “What do you mean, met? Like, as a friend? You’re engaged, Danielle. You don’t meet new men.”
“Yeah, like a friend. Of course I didn’t mean, like a boyfriend. I’m engaged to the most amazing man. But this guy, I could talk to him for hours. He just gets me. You know? I think he might be gay, or I would hook him up with you.”
“I’m happily dating Wes,” I say.
“No, you’re boringly dating Wes. That guy is a complete bore. You need to find someone better. Hotter. This guy is hot. Did I tell you that?”
“No, but you shouldn’t be determining how hot other guys are. You are engaged to Wade. Wade should be the hottest guy in your world.”
Danielle rolls her eyes. “Of course Wade is the hottest guy in my world. But this guy, he’s dreamy. But, like I said, I’m pretty sure he’s gay.”
“How sure?”
She shrugs and then skips off to her bedroom across from mine.
“Danielle, it’s your turn to get groceries this week!” I shout from the couch.
But it’s too late. Danielle already has her music turned way up, and I know she won’t be coming back out for hours. I sigh and grab my keys to head to the grocery store. I really don’t understand why I even bother with a roommate.
I open the door and smile. Sitting on our doorstep are three boxes filled with groceries.
I laugh. Danielle might never do things the same way as me or any other normal person would, but at least she gets things done.
* * *
I open the door to my condo and start walking toward my bathroom. I’m exhausted, and I need a hot shower to help me relax.
The hall bathroom door opens, and I step back as my mouth falls open.
A naked man steps out. Well, naked, except for the tiny towel wrapped around his waist. When he sees me staring, he rips the towel off and throws it over his shoulder as he walks past me and to Danielle’s room. He gives me a little wink first and then disappears into her bedroom.
“Danielle!” I yell at the top of my lungs.
Danielle comes running out of her bedroom. “What’s going on? I didn’t leave the toaster on again, did I? I promise, I didn’t mean to.”
I sigh. Living with Danielle is like raising a little sister. “No, you didn’t almost burn down our condo again. No, you did something far worse than that,” I say, scowling at her.
“What?” she says, still not getting it.
“What is a half-naked man who isn’t your fiancé doing in our condo?”
“Oh. That’s Asher. He needed a place to shower after he was finished surfing. I let him come up here to use ours since we live so close to him.”
“Asher, the gay guy?”
“Technically, he’s not gay,” Danielle says, not meeting my eyes.
“What do you mean, technically? He either is or isn�
�t.”
“That’s not true. There are plenty of bi people in the world, you know.”
I frown. “Is he one of those people?”
“No.”
“Then, what is he doing in our condo?” I hiss.
“He’s a friend.”
“A friend you need to get rid of ASAP if you still want to get married next week.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m still getting married next week. He’s just a good friend.”
“Get rid of him.”
Danielle huffs and then walks back into her room without saying another word to me. I doubt she talks to me for a few days. That’s her usual way of dealing with a fight. She doesn’t speak to me for days. She’s still very much a child. But I’m not ready to be a mother yet. Well, not to any more kids than I already am a makeshift mother to.
* * *
I sit down on my couch with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine. I have a chick flick ready to go. I just got back from Danielle’s rehearsal dinner, and I just want to sit here and relax before the chaos of tomorrow starts.
And I remind myself that it is okay that I’m not even close to getting married. Wes is nice, but he’s not the kind of guy I want to marry. Even he knows that.
Danielle bursts through the door just as I’m about to press play on the video.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were staying in a suite at the hotel tonight.”
“I was,” she says through sobs.
I put the bowl of popcorn down as I look up at Danielle, who is soaking wet and sobbing.
“Sweetie, what is wrong?” I ask, getting up and running over to her. “Did Wade do something? Is there something wrong with the wedding? What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head and walks over to the couch. I sit next to her, and she collapses into my lap. My arms automatically go around her.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure things will be better in the morning.”
“No, they won’t.”
