by Lily Graison
Someone knocked on the door and he didn't bother looking up when he saw a shadow on the floor. He knew it wasn't Jessi.
"How you feeling, kiddo?"
He snorted and felt tears burn in the back of his eyes. He blinked to stop them from falling. “Like shit. You?"
"Pretty much the same."
Roxy sat down beside him and leaned back against the wall. She didn't say anything, just sat there with him in silence.
"How did everything get so screwed up?” he finally asked.
"Most things in life worth having always get screwed up. It's nature's way of making you work for what you want. Nothing in life is free, you know. Not even happiness."
"If this is the price of happiness, I think I prefer to stay miserable."
"You don't mean that,” she said.
He sighed. She was right.
"Holly and I searched the hotel for her. She wasn't in her room and the place is too big for just two people to do a thorough search for one person. We had her paged but she never answered."
"I didn't much think she would. She's probably half way back to New York by now."
"I wouldn't bet on it."
"You didn't see the look on her face when she saw Delilah in my bed either. I've never had anyone look at me with so much contempt in my life. She probably cursed my name all the way to the airport."
She turned her head to him and smiled. “You're in love with her, aren't you? You don't have to say anything. I already know the answer. All anyone has to do is look at you when you're with her to know.” She sat quietly for long moments before sighing. “I'm going to give you a little piece of advice that you'll be much happier for if you take."
"And what's that?"
"Don't walk away. Don't let her walk away. She wouldn't have been so upset if she didn't care about you."
"You're mistaking anger for something else entirely."
"No I'm not. I saw her face when she ran out. I know the difference between anger and having your heart broke. It looks the same to most but if you know what to look for, you can tell the difference. She's hurt, not angry. Trust me. Now come here,” she said, holding her arms out to him. “Let me mother you a bit and whatever happens won't go any further than this room."
He laughed lightly and laid his head on her shoulder, letting her wrap her arms around him and felt tears burning his eyes again when she pulled him closer to her. He shut his eyes, forcing the tears away and knew even if he weren't able to stop them, Roxy would be true to her word. She wouldn't tell.
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Chapter 7
Nothing was working properly. Her camera's lens fogged up for some unknown reason. She couldn't get her fingers to hit the correct buttons to adjust the settings and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see anything without the picture being blurred by tears pooling in her eyes.
The rehearsal dinner was a joyous occasion and she'd spent most of the night moving around the room taking shots of people she didn't even know. She had less of Joan and Michael than she needed but every time she looked at them her heart broke a little bit more. They looked so happy. Everything in their world was just as it should be and a small part of her hated seeing them smile at each other so lovingly. Why should anyone be able to laugh when she felt so miserable?
She hadn't managed but a few hours sleep the night before. Every noise she heard caused her to sit up straight in the bed and listen. People had been knocking on her door all day. She hadn't had the energy to look and see who it was. She already knew. It was either Christian, Roxy or Holly or, possibly, one of the guys and she didn't have anything to say to any of them, especially Christian. It didn't matter anyway. Once the wedding was over, she was on a flight back to New York and she couldn't wait to be rid of this town.
"What's wrong?"
Jessi looked up and saw Faith staring at her. “Wrong?"
"Yeah. You look like someone killed your puppy."
She shrugged a shoulder and looked back down at her camera. “Nothings wrong,” she lied. “I just didn't get much sleep last night."
"Rock star keep you up again all night?” Faith asked, laughing. “They're good at that you know. I think the sex is what keeps them from going insane after all the parties, booze and loose women. Although, they're having sex with all the loose women so I think it's just a vicious cycle. It's why so many of them are eccentric."
Faith couldn't have said anything that would have hurt less and she knew her face reflected that fact. Her friend's face fell, her smile falling away as her eyes filled with concern. “What is it?” she asked. “Don't say nothing cause I can see it all over your face. What happened?"
Jessi blinked repeatedly, driving the tears trying to form away and bit her tongue to keep from blabbing. It was bad enough to live with the knowledge she'd been played for a fool without anyone else knowing it. She tried to smile but failed miserably. “I just don't feel well today. I think I've picked up a bug or something. I'll be fine in a day or two.” When I'm finally out of this cursed city.
"Are you sure that's all it is?” Faith asked. “Cause you don't look sick. You look miserable. Did something happen?"
The list of questions grew until the sound of Faith's voice grated on her nerves. She sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I've just done something really stupid and now I'll have to live with it."
"What? It can't be all that bad. Unless you're about to be arrested..."
"I'm not. It's nothing like that.” She looked away from her friend's concerned face and let her shoulders fall. “I just...” she forced a smile onto her face and stared down at her camera. “I just made a bad decision and it came back to bite me on the ass. It's nothing, really. I'll be fine once I get home and life gets back to normal."
Faith stared at her for long moments and Jessi could tell she really didn't believe her. It didn't matter if she did or not. Once the wedding was over, Faith would head back to Georgia and she'd be lucky to see her again anytime soon.
"I'm going to go grab a few more shots and head back to my room. I'll catch up with you tomorrow at the wedding."
She walked away without waiting for Faith's reply. She felt bad leaving her standing there with no real answers but didn't have the strength to explain, or try to lie her way out of what was really wrong. As far as her friends were concerned, she was sick. And really she was. A heartsick fool.
* * * *
Christian leaned back against the wall outside Jessi's door and sighed. He'd searched the hotel for nearly two hours, knocked on Jessi's hotel room door until his knuckles felt bruised and still, he couldn't find her. She hadn't checked out of the hotel. The concierge did give him that much information but nothing else.
It was growing late, the light from the windows dimming and reminding him he still hadn't eaten. Pushing from the wall, he headed back down the hall toward the elevators. He would check the casino and bars again. Maybe he'd get lucky and spot her. She couldn't hide forever. He'd wait for her at the airport if he had to.
The elevator ride down seemed to take ages. The bottom floor was packed with people and he kept his head down while making his way through the crowd. The majority of them were headed for the casino, he noticed. This late in the evening he knew his chances of catching a glimpse of Jessi in the casino were slim to none, especially with that many people milling around. He didn't think she was there anyway. She was probably in her room, watching him through the peephole and cursing his name every time he knocked on her door.
He paused at the end of the hall, staring at nothing when a girl with short dark hair caught his attention. He thought it was Faith at first but when she turned around, he saw that it was just a young girl. Thinking of Faith gave him the first smart idea he'd had all day.
Walking to a secluded corner, he dragged his cell phone from his pocket and dialed Mick's number. His friend picked up on the first ring. “Would you by chance know what Faith's room number is?"
"Of
course I do,” Mick said, laughing. “She's in eight forty-six."
"You're a life saver, man."
He hung up without saying goodbye and headed back toward the elevators. When he reached Faith's door, his body was humming with energy by the time she answered his knock.
"Christian,” she said, smiling. “What's up?"
"I need your help."
She raised an eyebrow at him and leaned her hip against the door. “What kind of help?"
He really didn't want to get into the details with her but couldn't see a way around it. He gave her a cliff's notes version and watched her as she took it all in.
"I knew something was wrong with her,” she said. “She told me she wasn't feeling well but I've known her my whole life and I know when she's lying."
"You'll help me then?"
"If I can. What do you have in mind?"
He smiled for the first time all day.
* * * *
"If you keep doing that, she's going to know."
"I can't help it,” Faith whispered, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. “You're distracting."
"I'm just standing here. How can that be distracting?"
"I don't know. It just is."
Christian bit his tongue and motioned to the door with his head. “Just do it and for gods sake, don't look over at me again."
"Fine,” she said, raising her hand to knock. “But you're going to owe me big time for this. I'm missing American Idol."
Christian rolled his eyes and flattened against the wall at his back. Faith knocked no less than six times before he finally heard the doorknob jiggle. The door cracked open a moment later.
"Hey!” Faith said.
"Hey."
"I know you don't want any company right now but, being your oldest friend, I know better so, I came to cheer you up."
"That's not necessary, Faith."
"Of course its not!” she said, laughing. “That's not the point."
"Thanks, but maybe some other time?"
"Nope. Won't do. Beside, I brought the girlfriend survival pack.” She held up the brown paper bag and rattled the contents and smiled. “Nothing beats the blues like Ben & Jerry and chocolate pecan fudge."
"I don't know, Faith. I'm really tired. I haven't slept since yesterday."
"Well, you're unlikely to get any tonight either so why not sugar up and forget about everything else. We can find an old movie on TV, turn the volume down and make up our own dialogue. We haven't done that in years."
Jessi didn't say anything for long moments and Christian prayed under his breath she'd open the door. When he heard it shut instead, his breath left in a rush and he closed his eyes.
He heard the chain locks on the door move and his eyes snapped back open. He locked eyes with Faith and smiled. Turning, he readied himself to make a dash for the door.
"Come on in."
Faith smiled and walked through the door. Christian waited in his hiding place until he saw the shadow of the door move before he stepped away from the wall and reached inside, grabbing the door so she couldn't shut it and walked inside the room.
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Chapter 8
Jessi's eyes widened when Christian barged into the room and pulled the door from her hand. She vaguely heard Faith say she was sorry before her friend ran out of the room and pulled the door shut behind her.
Seeing Christian again brought the numbing hurt racing back to the surface and the anger at him along with it. She squared her shoulders before looking him in the eye and hoped her voice didn't tremble. “Get out."
He shook his head and said, “I can't do that. Not until you let me explain."
"I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Now, get out."
"Jessi..."
"Get out, Christian!” The tears started forming in her eyes with her outburst and her lips formed a tight line as she stared at him. He looked as bad as she felt. His face was pale, dark circles appeared under his eyes and a bandage was around his right hand. His clothes were rumpled and looked as if he'd slept in them and nothing had touched his soft brown locks but his fingers. His hair was a wild mass of strands standing up in every direction. You don't care. You just need him gone.
When he just stood there staring at her, she knew he wouldn't leave without being forced. She turned and walked across the room to the table by the bed and picked up the phones receiver. She'd just reached down to ring the front desk when he snatched the phone from her hand.
"Jessi, just hear me out."
"What makes you think I want to hear anything you have to say?” she asked, turning on him. “I've heard enough of your lies to last me a lifetime."
"I've never lied to you."
She laughed but nothing about the sound was amusing. “Fine. You haven't lied. I'm glad to clear that up. Now, have a good life and stay out of mine.” She walked back to the door and opened it, turning her head to look at him. He was still standing in the same spot, staring at the wall. She watched him for long moments, sighing when she realized he wasn't leaving. She slammed the door and crossed her arms under her breasts and waited.
Minutes ticked by, the only sound in the room was the air blowing in from the roof vents. He turned finally, looking at her before crossing the room and stopping in front of her. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't look away from him. The pain in his eyes caused her heart to clench, until she remembered why it was there. This is his fault, she reminded herself. His pretty lies and his whore, Delilah. Just thinking of the girl made her stomach knot and churn.
"I'm sorry,” he said.
She finally looked away, staring at the wall. He took a step toward her and she backed up, throwing a glance at him that must have told him more than words to keep his distance. He sighed heavily, running his left hand through his hair before she saw his shoulders droop.
"I'm not sure what lies you think I've told but I've never lied to you."
"Of course not,” she said, her voice cold and exact. “You being a twenty-four year old virgin is completely believable. Most rock stars abstain from pre-marital sex. It's in all the papers."
"I didn't lie to you about that."
"So you say."
"Why would you think I lied about that?"
"Well, finding a naked woman in your bed for one,” she said. “Not to mention you know a lot about the female body to be the blushing virgin you claimed to be."
"I was a virgin, Jessi, not a monk. I've done ... things. I just hadn't actually had sex with anyone. I wasn't completely clueless. You can't spend as much time around groupies as we do without being propositioned with something."
"You said you'd never been with anyone, Christian. To me that means nothing, no contact at all. You lied."
"Fine then. I lied. I've messed around with my fair share of girls but I'd never fucked one."
"What kind of fool do you take me for, Christian?” she yelled, turning to look at him. “Did I have gullible groupie written across my forehead? Do I look like the type of person who will believe any bullshit line they're fed?” The minute she said it she knew she was. The tears burnt hot in her eyes then and she blinked them away.
"I've been nothing but honest with you, Jessi. Believe it or not. There isn't anything I can say to make you believe me."
"Then why are you wasting my time?"
"Because..."
He paused and stared at her, his gaze so intent she felt it crawl across her skin.
"Because, I love you."
Hot, stabbing pain sent spider webs of icy fingers creeping through her veins. She lost her breath and her ears were ringing. “You bastard,” she said, a sob escaping her throat before she could stop it. “Get out of my room."
"I'm not leaving."
"Get out!” she screamed, reaching toward him and grabbing his arm. “Get out!"
"I'm not leaving!"
"You fucking asshole! You can't just say I love you and make it all right."
> "I'm not just saying it. I do love you, Jessi, and I'm not leaving until you believe me."
"Like I'm supposed to believe you were a twenty-four year old virgin?"
"What? Only women are supposed to have morals? Men can't possibly want anything other than to fuck every slut that offers it to him? I wasn't raised that way, Jessi. I wasn't going to share myself with just some random girl when I knew you were out there, waiting. I waited for you. For the one woman in the whole world I knew was special enough."
He grabbed her, holding her flailing arms and she snapped. The anger, the heartbreaking pain and gut wrenching loss tore through her until she was crying hysterically as she tried to break from his grasp. He was yelling at her to listen and she didn't hear anything but the blood rushing past her ears.
They struggled against the other, each trying to be heard and it was too much. His hold on her was fierce, his voice beating against the exterior of her control and she lashed out, raising a hand and struck out at him.
The slap landed on the side of his face, his head turning to the side with impact and he let go of her. Jessi gasped, both hands rising to cover her mouth as she stared at him in horror, his cheek already turning red. Her tears doubled, her stomach turned and she shook her head before backing up, stopping when her back hit the wall.
Christian's eyes watered from the sting. He wasn't sure what stung more though. The thought of her slapping him or her thinking he'd lied to her and wouldn't believe otherwise.
He turned his head to look at her. She was leaning against the wall, hands over her mouth, crying. His heart broke all over again, then. He reached out for her, pulling her to him and for once, she didn't fight him. Her arms wound around his waist and he held her as she cried. When her sobs quieted to small sniffles, he tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head.
"I never lied to you,” he whispered against her hair. “About anything.” He sighed and laid his cheek against the top of her head. He held her while trying to figure out where to start. Nothing he said would make her trust him or believe him.
