Shelby chuckled. “I’ve run into a few of them. The ones who can’t understand why I left, and the ones who don’t understand why I came back.”
“I guess we never understand the decisions of others.” He sensed Shelby stiffen.
“Probably not.”
Did they understand each other? Things had been different between them since they’d declared their truce. Their relationship was less tense, more comfortable and friendly. He had to admit his resentment had eased. Even the wound of her rejection was healing over. The concern about her eventual departure and her health issues, however, remained. He was still sorting out his feelings about that.
*
Matt refilled his drink cup and turned around, catching sight of Shelby and his children huddled at the table, laughing. They looked like a family. He was the only one missing from the picture. When he sat down, anyone who glanced their way would assume they were a family. The idea sent a fist of pain into his gut. But they weren’t. Shelby could never be part of the picture. His life was here. Hers was a thousand miles away. Something deep in his chest stirred, leaving him uneasy. He tried to shake off the feeling as he returned to the table, grateful for once that his daughter talked nonstop.
Kenny bit off a large hunk of pizza. “Can we play the games?”
Matt frowned. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.” He handed each child a few dollars. One of the things that made Angelo’s so successful was the area in the back filled with an assortment of video and arcade games. The room was well supervised, and there was only one way in or out of the pizza parlor, so he didn’t have to worry about their safety.
Matt watched his son and daughter dash off, only too aware that for the next half hour or so he and Shelby would be forced to converse alone. His earlier comment about understanding another’s position had been replaying in his mind. He’d learned long ago to look for the positive in any situation, no matter how bad. He’d also learned that God really did make all things work for good.
He gathered his thoughts. “I owe you a debt of gratitude.”
Shelby looked at him, a puzzled expression on her face. “It’s not necessary. I enjoy watching the children and it helps fill up my days.”
Matt shook his head. “I don’t mean that. I mean—” He glanced out the window, gauging his words. “Leaving the way you did taught me a lot.”
Shelby stared down at her glass, her fingers tracing lines in the condensation. “I’m sorry.”
He was saying this all wrong. “No. You taught me things while we were together.” He hesitated again. “I’ll admit my attitude when I went back to college was to prove that I wasn’t small-town.”
“Matt—”
“I came to see that you’d shown me how to think outside the box. I guess your creativity rubbed off on me. It was probably the reason for my success as a businessman.” He shrugged. “In an odd way, I owe a lot to you.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
Matt wiped his palm across his jaw. “That didn’t come out right.” He turned to face her. “I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that God took my anger and resentment toward you and used it to make me a better businessman.” He sighed. “I’m sorry if that came out as a backhanded compliment.”
“No. I understand.” A small smile moved her lips. “I was angry and resentful, too. I was determined to excel in school and go to work for a prestigious magazine the minute I graduated. And I did. The difference was, I didn’t ask God for any help. I was sure I could do it all on my own. Until recently.”
“What changed?”
Shelby looked away. “I hadn’t counted on the stress factor.”
Matt glanced down at her plate and the barely touched slice of vegetarian pizza. The heart thing. Her job must have been more hectic than he’d suspected. “Do you miss it? Your work?”
She shrugged, toying with her napkin. “Not as much as I’d expected to. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll even have a job to go back to. The publisher I work for was bought out. No one knows yet exactly what that will mean for our futures, but probably layoffs and eliminations of most of our publications.”
“I’m sorry, Shelby. That’s tough.” Matt’s heart went out to her even as another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Shelby was staying here because she was out of work.
“My whole adult life has been focused on this job. Now it might all be gone.”
“I get that. I loved my job, the company I built. But it took all my time and energy and there wasn’t a lot left over for my family. I didn’t want to sell, but neither did I want to ignore my kids. In the end, I’m much happier here in this new job than I ever would have imagined. Maybe you need to look in a new direction, too.”
“That’s what Gramma keeps telling me. Actually, I’ve been thinking about starting an online magazine. Something aimed at girls like Cassidy, only with a Christian focus.”
Her idea surprised him. He’d seen a change in her on the outside, perhaps the bigger change was on the inside. Their situation, however, hadn’t changed. Whether because of health or career, she would leave Dover sooner or later. “So, you’ll be going back?”
“That’s where all the publishers are.” She stared out the window for a while then looked down at her plate.
Her tone lacked the conviction he’d heard in it previously. Was she changing her mind? Only a short time ago she’d admitted she felt at home here in Dover. Matt wondered if perhaps Shelby wasn’t certain herself.
As the silence dragged on, Matt searched for a topic of conversation that didn’t involve their past. He realized there wasn’t one. She was ingrained with his past the way she was becoming part of his present. He glanced over at her, his gaze locking with hers. Was he crazy or was that affection he glimpsed in her brown eyes? Affection for him. The thought shook him.
Cassidy and Kenny skidded to a stop at Matt’s side, forestalling any further small talk. “Can we have more money for the games?”
He shook his head. “Time to go.”
Kenny’s shoulders sagged, and he tilted his head backward in protest. “Aw. But I don’t want to.” A stern look from his father abruptly ended the whiny attitude.
“Then could we stop at the Picture Box and get a movie? Please.” Kenny clasped his fingers together like a little beggar.
Cassidy chimed in, “Please. It’s Friday night. No school tomorrow.”
Matt laid a tip on the table, then glanced at Shelby. She was smiling.
“Friday night movie night.”
His mind snapped back to when he and Shelby were dating. Friday night was his night off and his brother’s night to work in the store. It was the one night when he and Shelby could drive over to Sawyers Bend and catch a movie. They’d sit in the back, share a big bucket of popcorn and snuggle as close as the seat would allow.
“Miss Shelby could watch it with us, too.”
The hopeful tone in his daughter’s voice brought him back to the present. He started to kill the idea, then remembered she was alone in that big old house of Ellen’s. “You’re welcome to join us.”
“Thank you, but I have some things to do at home. Maybe next time.”
Was she telling the truth or was she remembering the past, as well, and not wanting to relive it?
Darkness was closing in quickly as they crossed the street and strolled through the park toward the far end of town. Matt again questioned his impulse in asking Shelby along tonight. Being around her always left him with a strange longing deep in his gut and wondering if kids and job were enough and if being alone was going to be his future.
He shook off the pointless speculation. Shelby could never be part of his future. She was all about career, not family. Her health issues were an obstacle he could never overcome. He glanced over at her and she smiled, sending a pinprick of guilt into his heart. Okay, that wasn’t completely fair. She’d stepped into his life as if she’d always been there. As if she belonged. He’d been worried about
her ability to manage two active kids. At times they were more than he could handle. But Shelby had taken charge like she was born to it. What would their lives have been like if things had turned out differently? It didn’t matter. There were no do-overs in life. But there were second chances. If a person was willing to brave the dangers.
Was he ready to brave the dangers of loving again? Of risking the loss of someone he loved? Never! Yet he couldn’t deny the longing he had to be part of a family again, a complete family. He couldn’t ignore the ache inside that cried out for a wife to share his hopes and dreams and those of his children.
Matt turned back to Shelby. His throat thickened at the affection for his children displayed in her soft brown eyes. She’d always had a heart overflowing with love. He’d forgotten that. He’d forgotten many of the good things about their relationship.
As they continued strolling toward the gazebo, the lights flickered on, bathing the Victorian structure in a gentle light.
“Oh.” Shelby exhaled softly. “I’d forgotten how beautiful it was.”
Matt looked at the large ornate structure, then turned his gaze to Shelby. Her eyes were bright with happiness. Her brown hair was bathed in the glow from the light on the gazebo. The smile on her face was sweet and lovely and weakened his knees. He remembered a time when they had sat here late at night, talking about their future, holding each other. The memory was too real, too unexpected. Each moment he spent with her further weakened his barriers, and he couldn’t afford to let that happen.
He was afraid it was too late.
*
Shelby let her gaze travel around the framework of the octagonal gazebo, memories resurfacing with each beat of her heart. Many times she’d come here alone to think when she didn’t want to go home and face her mother’s anger. Other times she’d come simply for the peace and quiet or to be with friends.
Her most cherished memories, however, centered around Matt. They’d often sit in here and talk about the life they would have together. As long as she could remember, she’d been marching toward college. Nothing and no one was going to get in her way. Until Matt. He’d taken her dreams to new levels, given her the courage to dream of things she’d never imagined before. He’d made her believe that together, they could do anything. It had all ended in a flash, leaving their love a pile of tiny shattered remnants.
They started forward again across the park and toward home. The walk home was quiet and thoughtful. Companionable. Shelby allowed herself to enjoy it while it lasted. What a mess. Everything was so complicated. Being near him again, caring for his children and getting involved with his daily life had only created turmoil in her own.
Each day she experienced an odd mixture of joy and despair when she entered Matt’s home. The only things keeping her anchored were the comforting task of putting the scrapbook together and the steady resurfacing of her faith.
She had found another ray of sunshine in all of it. Thanks to Cassidy and Kenny, she’d discovered a nurturing side of herself she hadn’t been aware of. She loved caring for them, and she liked being back home in Dover. But she relished putting the scrapbook together, as well. It brought back all the reasons she loved working for a magazine. She wasn’t ready to give that up. Was it possible to have both? Did she even want both?
Yes. She did.
She glanced over at Matt. He was so close she could easily brush her hand against his arm. The thing that made it all so difficult was that she was still in love with him. She’d never stopped. But it was strictly one-sided, and that was all it would ever be. Even if he had feelings for her, there were too many barriers between them to take down. Her career and her past mistakes, but mostly her health. She couldn’t expect him to take on that kind of uncertainty. It would be cruel.
Before she realized it they were home. The kids waved goodbye, and Matt walked with her to the door of Gramma’s house. She turned to say good-night. Their eyes locked. For one fleeting moment, Shelby was eighteen again and seeing her future in a pair of navy blue eyes. She forced herself to think clearly. “Thank you for a lovely evening. I had a good time.”
“Thank you for taking such good care of my son and daughter.”
“You’re welcome, but it’s my pleasure.” She braved another look into his eyes and saw the questions deep within, the lingering doubts. He was still wary of her health and of her return to New York. Two barriers that were too high to scale.
“Good night, Matt.” Quickly she stepped back, digging her house key from her purse. Her shaky fingers refused to grasp it tightly, and it fell to the porch floor. She reached to pick it up at the same moment as Matt. The contact knocked her off balance.
“Whoa.” Matt grabbed her shoulders to steady her, and she smiled up at him. The look in his eyes froze her breath in her lungs. Her hand rested against the solid wall of his chest. His breath caressed her cheek. Time ceased. It was summer. They were young and in love. Shelby closed her eyes, her senses remembering every detail from long ago. The scent of him. The warmth of him. The tenderness.
“Shelby.”
Her name whispered on his lips drew her eyes open. The look she saw reflected in his deep blue eyes was familiar. He lowered his head, lips slightly parted. Shelby trembled and closed her eyes, her heart singing. And then reality reared its ugly head. She couldn’t let this happen. If they let old feelings cloud their judgment, both of them would be hurt. She pushed back, struggling to inhale. “It’s late.”
Matt stiffened. “Yeah.” He bent down and picked up the key, handing it to her. He stared at her a moment, then walked down the steps and across the drive. It was over.
She’d never felt so alone in her whole life.
Chapter Eight
The knock came at the same instant Shelby touched the tip of the glue bottle to the back of the photograph. Letting out a puff of irritation, she quickly and carefully placed it on the page, trying to keep it centered.
Her new hobby had quickly become a passion and given her a special connection to Cassidy and Kenny as they worked on their scrapbook for their dad. The knock came again. Except of course when she was interrupted.
“I’m coming!” She scooted back her chair and trotted toward the front door, pulling it open. A surge of warm affection flowed through her when she recognized her visitor. “Laura Durrant.”
“Hi, Shelby.” The young woman opened her arms for a hug. “I’m so sorry it took me this long to come see you but I’ve been working over in Mobile.”
Shelby held the hug an extra moment, basking in the warmth of her friendship. One of the joys of loving Matt had been the family that had come with him. Laura had been like the sister she’d never had.
“Come on in. I want to hear all about you.” She led Laura to the sunroom, then brought iced tea and fruit to munch on. Once settled in they quickly covered the lost years.
“Okay,” Shelby said a while later, after giving Laura a truncated version of her life story. “Enough about me. Tell me about you.”
Laura accepted the refill on her glass of tea and picked up another apple slice. “Not much to tell.”
“How did you end up running your own construction business? I thought you wanted to be an architect.”
Laura stared at her glass a moment. “I did. I went to State, got my degree. Got a job in Houston. Met a guy and got married.”
Shelby eyed her closely. From the tone of her voice there was much more to her story. “What happened?”
“He decided being married wasn’t for him. He’d rather spend time with his buddies and enjoy a variety of lady friends.” She shrugged. “Unlike you, I didn’t adjust to big-city life very well. So I came home and bought this business from Mr. Olsen when he retired. We specialize in historic restoration projects.”
“I’ve seen those trucks around town, but I had no idea they were yours. You must be doing really well.”
Laura smiled. “So far so good. LC Construction is never out of work.”
“Why the
LC?”
She grinned and shrugged. “Laura Claire Constructions sounded too girlie. The initials were more professional.”
Shelby couldn’t fault her logic. “I see what you mean.”
“So, are you coming to Mom and Dad’s party tomorrow after church?”
“Oh, I’d like to, but I don’t want to intrude.”
Laura emitted a short grunt. “Don’t be silly. You won’t be. Didn’t Matt invite you? He was supposed to.”
Shelby took a bite of her apple slice, avoiding her friend’s gaze. “Not exactly. The kids did. I think he went along with it not to be rude.”
“Well, I’m inviting you. I know Mom and Dad would love to have you come. They’ve asked about you several times.”
Her heart warmed. She’d expected them to view her as the villain in her relationship with their son. “I saw your dad the other day. I’m surprised he even remembers me.”
Laura peered at her closely. “They loved you, Shelby. They expected you to be their daughter-in-law. We were all shocked and saddened when you two broke up. Don’t misunderstand.” Laura leaned forward to emphasize her point. “We all loved Katie, but we loved you, too.”
“And I loved all of you. Things just didn’t work between us. It wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”
“Well, that’s all in the past. So will you come to the picnic? You can hang out with me if you’d like. Ignore that bullheaded brother of mine. Shiloh Lake is a big place.”
Laura had a point. “Okay. I’d love to come.”
“Good. Well, I have to go.” Laura stood and opened her arms for another hug. “Don’t be a stranger. We can be friends no matter what your relationship with my brother, you know.”
Laura’s visit had lifted Shelby’s spirits. She’d always assumed that since she’d jilted Matt, the rest of his family hated her. It was wonderful to find she’d been wrong. She’d loved his whole family and had looked forward to being part of it. Laura’s history had surprised her. She’d always assumed that other people’s lives were perfect, that hers was the only one filled with trouble. But Matt had lost his wife. Laura had endured a failed marriage. Yet both had found new purpose and new focus in their lives. Even her friend Pam had managed to achieve her goals.
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