by Jo Ann Brown
Help me remember what’s best for both of us, she prayed.
She put a smile on her face. “Perfect timing, Leah. I can’t make any other preparations for supper until after the casserole has cooked for half an hour. Would you like something to drink?”
“Do you have lemonade or cider?” asked Leah. “It’s too hot for anything else.”
“I know.” Esther opened the fridge and took out a pitcher of cool cider. Moisture immediately formed on its sides and around the bottom when she set it on the counter. “It feels more like August than October.”
Leah took two glasses out of the cupboard and picked up the pitcher, then gave Esther a shy smile because she’d acted as if she already lived in the farmhouse.
With a laugh, Esther asked, “If you hold that pitcher all afternoon, the cider will get warm.”
“Oh, ja.” Leah poured two glasses before handing Esther the pitcher.
She put it in the fridge. “Let’s sit on the porch. Maybe there’s a breath of air out there.” She gave Leah another teasing grin. “And who knows? You might catch sight of your future husband.”
“I like how you think.”
Esther kept her smile in place by exerting all her willpower. If Leah had any idea of the course of Esther’s endless circle of thoughts about Nathaniel and Katie Kay, she’d know Esther’s teasing was only an act.
They sat on the porch and sipped their drinks. Few insects could be seen in the wake of overnight frosts the previous week, so there were no distractions as the sun fell slowly toward the western horizon.
Leah put her emptied glass on the floor by her chair. “Would you be one of my Newehockers? Unless Ezra has already asked you.”
“He hasn’t, and I’d be honored.” The four attendants to the bride and groom needed to be available throughout the wedding day to help with everything from emotional support to running errands.
“Gut!” Leah’s smile became bashful. “I can’t believe this is finally happening.”
“I can. Ezra never looked at another girl until you came back.”
Leah flushed. “You shouldn’t say such things.”
“I’m only being honest.”
“Esther, will you be as honest when I ask you what I have to ask you?”
“I’m always honest.”
“Except when you think you might hurt someone’s feelings with the truth. Don’t deny it. I’ve seen you skirt the truth, though I’ve never heard you lie.” She looked steadily at Esther. “Tell me the truth. Are you going to be okay with me taking over the household chores?” Before Esther could answer, Leah hurried on, “I know you’ve been in charge of the household since Wanda moved into the dawdi haus. Your brothers tell me what a gut job you’ve been doing.”
“I’ll be more than okay with you taking over the house.”
“I’m glad that’s cleared up. I didn’t want to step on your toes.”
She took Leah’s hand and squeezed it. “Please feel free to step on my toes. I’ll be glad to hand over anything you prefer to do yourself. It’ll give me more time to focus on my scholars.”
“How are the lessons going?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Leah’s twinkling eyes warned she wasn’t talking about school. She laughed. “Just teasing. How’s Nathaniel doing with learning to take care of his alpacas?”
“I’ve taught him pretty much all I know until one of the pregnant females is ready to deliver. Once one of them has its cria, he’ll know everything I know about them.”
“I’m sure you’ll find some other reason to visit the farm and make sure he’s doing things right.” With a wink, Leah stood. She picked up her empty glass and went into the house.
Esther didn’t move. She should have been accustomed to the matchmaking now, and Leah hadn’t been at the singing to see Nathaniel drive away with Katie Kay. Why hadn’t Esther given her soon-to-be sister-in-law a teasing answer in return, as she had when Leah talked about taking over the household chores?
Because, she knew too well, she didn’t care who did the cooking and cleaning, but she cared far too much about Nathaniel. The worrisome part was she didn’t know how to change that.
Or if she wanted to, and that troubled her the most.
* * *
Nathaniel turned his buggy onto the lane leading to the Stoltzfus farm. Beside him, Jacob was almost jumping in his excitement and anticipation. The boy held his skates, the ones Esther had found in the attic, on his lap. He’d wanted to wear them in the buggy, but Nathaniel had refused. The boy could slip and fall getting in or out.
As he drew the buggy around the back of the house, he smiled. Esther was outside hanging up laundry. The clothes flapped around her in the gentle breeze, sending the fragrance of detergent spilling through the air.
She paused and looked around the shirt she held. Her eyes widened, and he knew she was surprised to see him and Jacob. After she finished pinning the shirt, she picked up the empty laundry basket and walked toward the buggy.
Nathaniel had already climbed out, and Jacob was jumping down beside him, his roller skates thumping against its side.
“Ready?” Nathaniel called to her.
“For what?”
He heard the note of caution in her voice that never had been there when they were younger. What—or who—had stolen Esther’s daring attitude? It couldn’t be just growing up and becoming a teacher and wanting to be a role model for her scholars.
He lifted two pairs of Rollerblades out of the buggy. One was black and his perfect size. The other pair was a garish pink, the only ones he’d seen in what he guessed was her size. “It’s past time to prove you’ve still got your skating skills. These should fit you.”
“I’ve got some, too!” piped up Jacob.
Esther put the basket on the grass. Her gaze riveted on the bright pink skates. “Where did you find those?”
“At a sports store Amos recommended.” Nathaniel grinned. “They didn’t have any black or white ones in your size on the shelves, so I got these.”
When he held them out to her, she took the Rollerblades, examining them with curiosity. “I’ve never used these kinds of skates.”
“You’ve been ice skating, right?”
She nodded. “Years ago. The pond seldom freezes hard enough.”
“This is supposed to be like ice skating.”
“Supposed to be?” Her eyes widened again. “Don’t you know?”
“I haven’t tried mine yet.”
She pressed the pink skates into his hand. “Let me know how it goes.”
“You don’t want to try?”
“Even if I did, those are so—so—”
“Pink?” He chuckled. “If it makes you feel better, get some black shoe polish and cover the color. We’ll wait.”
Jacob frowned. “I want to skate now. You said as soon as we got here, we’d skate.”
Nathaniel motioned toward the boy with the hand holding the pink skates. “You heard him. Are you going to disappoint him because of the color of a pair of skates?” He leaned toward her. “Don’t you want to try them?”
He could see she was torn as she looked from where Jacob sat on the buggy’s step lacing on his skates. Maybe the daring young girl hadn’t vanished completely.
She grabbed the basket and said, “Have fun.” She started toward the house.
“I dare you to try them,” he called to her back.
He half expected her to keep walking as she ignored his soft words. Esther the Pester wouldn’t have been able to, but this far more cautious woman probably could.
When she faced him, he made sure he wasn’t grinning in triumph. She wagged a finger toward him. “I don’t take dares any longer. I’m not a kind.”
“I can se
e that, but if you don’t take dares, do you still have fun?”
“In bright pink Rollerblades?”
“Don’t you at least want to try them?” He raised his brows in an expression he hoped said he was daring her again.
With a mutter of something he didn’t quite get and knew he’d be wise not to ask her to repeat, she dropped the basket and snatched the Rollerblades out of his hand. She sat, pulling the skates onto her bare feet.
Nathaniel yanked off his workboots and secured his skates tightly. He hadn’t been ice-skating in years, but he remembered the boots needed to be secure or he was more likely to fall.
Esther stood beside him, rocking gently in every direction. She raised her arms to try to keep her balance. She almost fell when she laughed as Jacob couldn’t stop before hitting the grass and dropped to his knees in it. The boy laughed, but Nathaniel’s eyes were focused on her face.
It glowed with an excitement he’d seen only when she was playing ball with her scholars or working with the alpacas. This, he was convinced, was the real Esther, the one she struggled to submerge behind a cloak of utter respectability.
Why? he ached to shout. Why can’t you be yourself all the time?
He didn’t ask the question. Instead, he got to his feet. He took her hands and struggled not to wobble. The man at the shop had assured him anyone who had experience with ice-skating would have no trouble with inline skates. Nathaniel had had plenty of practice during the long, cold winters in Indiana. Now he wondered if the man had said that in hopes of making a sale.
As he drew Esther with slow, unsteady steps into the middle of the paved area between the house and the barn, he admitted to himself that the real reason he’d bought her the skates was for the opportunity to hold her hands as they had fun. She laughed when he struck the grass at the far end of the pavement and collapsed as Jacob had. Somehow she managed to remain on her feet.
Pushing himself back up, he dusted off his trousers. “You could have warned me how close I was to the edge.”
“You could have found me skates that aren’t bright pink.” She folded her arms in front of her, but her scowl didn’t match her sparkling eyes.
“I told you they were the only ones in your size.”
“On the shelves. Did you ask what was stored in the back?”
He shook his head, unable to keep from grinning. “Probably should have.”
“Ja. You probably should have.” Her feigned frown fell away, and she chuckled. “Let’s see if we can go a little farther.”
She pushed off and was gliding across the pavement before he could grasp her hands again. With the skill she’d always had as a kind, she quickly mastered the Rollerblades and was spinning forward and backward.
More slowly, Nathaniel figured out how to remain on his feet. He doubted he’d ever be able to go backward, as she was, but he enjoyed skating with her and Jacob. The boy didn’t seem to be bothered by his falls. He bounced up after each one, including one that left his trousers with a ripped knee.
“Someone’s coming,” called Jacob.
Nathaniel looped one arm around Jacob and another around Esther as a buggy came at a fast pace up the farm lane. He saw Reuben holding the reins. When Esther tensed beside him, he knew she’d recognized the bishop, too. There could be only one reason for Reuben to be driving with such a determined expression on his face.
“Esther,” he began.
She didn’t let him finish. Sitting, she began to unhook the bright pink skates as she said, “Jacob, let’s go inside and get some cookies and cider.”
“Are there any of your mamm’s chocolate chip cookies?”
“Let’s see.” She had the skates off and was herding the boy ahead of her toward the house by the time the bishop’s buggy stopped next to Nathaniel’s. She glanced back, and Nathaniel saw anxiety on her face.
Reuben didn’t waste time with a greeting as he stepped out of his buggy. “I don’t think we can wait any longer. The doktors are concerned because Titus seems to be taking a turn for the worse. They told me if the boy wants to see his onkel alive, he should come soon.”
“We’ll arrange for him to go tomorrow.”
The bishop nodded, his face lined with exhaustion and sorrow. “Danki, Nathaniel. You and Esther have been a blessing for that boy.” He glanced at the pink Rollerblades she’d left in the grass and smiled. “Though I can’t say I would have approved of those if I’d been asked. Gut neither of you asked me.” He turned to his buggy. “Let me know how the visit to the hospital goes.”
“If Jacob wants to go.”
Reuben halted. “You don’t think he’ll want to go?”
“He’s been reluctant when I’ve asked him. Esther believes it’s because he was in the hospital so long himself.”
The bishop considered Nathaniel’s words, then nodded. “We’re blessed to have Esther as our teacher. She understands kinder well. Someday, she’ll be a fine mamm.”
Nathaniel must have said something sensible because the bishop continued on to his buggy. He had no idea what he’d said. Reuben’s words were a cold slap of reality. Ja, Esther would be an excellent mamm. She deserved a man who could give her kinder. That couldn’t be Nathaniel Zook.
The thought followed him into the house as he gently broke the news to Jacob, who was enjoying some cookies, that his onkel wasn’t doing well. He didn’t have details, because he realized he hadn’t gotten them from Reuben.
“Do you want to go to the hospital to see your onkel?” he asked.
“Why can’t I wait until he comes home? I hate hospitals!”
He looked over the boy’s head to Esther whose face had lost all color. She comprehended, as the boy didn’t, what it meant for the doktors to suggest he visit.
She sat beside Jacob. “I don’t like hospitals either, but I think it’s important you visit your onkel.”
“Will you come with me, Esther?”
Surprise filled her eyes, and Nathaniel couldn’t fault her. He hadn’t expected Jacob to ask her to join them at the hospital that was on the western edge of the city of Lancaster.
She didn’t hesitate. “If you want me to, I will.”
Her response didn’t surprise Nathaniel. Esther would always be there for her scholars or any kind. Another sign that he needed to spend less time with her because he was the wrong man for her.
So, why did life feel perfect when they were together?
Chapter Eleven
Esther didn’t regret agreeing to go with Nathaniel and Jacob to the hospital, but that did nothing to lessen her dread about what they’d find there. In the weeks since Titus Fisher had his stroke, no gut news had come from the hospital. The reports she’d heard from Reuben and from Isaiah were the same—the old man showed no signs of recovery. His heart remained strong, but it was as if his mind had already departed.
She made arrangements for an Englisch driver, Gerry, to take them to the hospital the next morning in his white van. Also, she alerted her assistant teacher that Neva would be the sole teacher today.
When Gerry’s van pulled into the farm lane, Esther hurried outside. The day promised to be another unseasonably warm one, so she didn’t bring a coat or a shawl. She wore her cranberry dress and her best black apron. Beneath her black bonnet, her kapp was crisply pressed, and she wore unsnagged black stockings and her sneakers.
She watched while Gerry turned his van around so it was headed toward the road. The white van with a dent in its rear left bumper beside a Phillies bumper sticker was a familiar sight in Paradise Springs. The retired Englischer, who always wore a baseball cap, no matter the season, provided a vital service to the plain communities. He was available to drive anyone to places too far to travel to in a buggy. Also he’d drop passengers off and pick them up at the train station and the bus station in Lancast
er. Englischers could leave their cars in the parking lot, but that wouldn’t work with a horse and buggy. Though he claimed not to understand Deitsch, Esther suspected Gerry knew quite a few basic phrases after spending so much time with Amish and Mennonites.
“Good morning, Esther,” he said when he opened the door to let her climb in. “It’s good to see you again.”
“How are you, Gerry?” She sat on the middle bench.
“Good enough for an old coot.” He winked and closed the door as she pulled the seat belt over her shoulder. As she locked it in place, he slid behind the wheel. “Did your students like those colored pencils you bought for them before school started?”
“Ja.” The Englisch driver had a sharp memory, another sign he cared about his passengers.
While Gerry chattered about baseball, his favorite topic even when the Philadelphia team wasn’t in the playoffs, Esther sat with her purse on her lap and stared straight ahead. If she looked out the side windows at the landscape racing past at a speed no buggy could ever obtain, her stomach would rebel. She was already distressed enough about how Jacob would handle the upcoming visit. She didn’t need to add nausea to the situation.
Gerry flipped the turn signal and pulled into the lane to Nathaniel’s farm more quickly than she’d expected. She took a steadying breath when the van slowed to a stop between the house and the barn. Glancing at the empty field where the alpacas had been, she wondered how they were faring inside. They’d be as eager to return outdoors as she was to have the visit to the hospital over.
As if he were bound for the circus rather than the hospital, Jacob bounced out of the house. He would have examined every inch of the van if Nathaniel hadn’t told him that they needed to get in because Gerry might have other people waiting for a ride. As he climbed in, the boy noticed Gerry’s Phillies cap. He edged past Esther and perched behind their driver. Nathaniel sat on the back bench and reminded Jacob to latch his seat belt. When she realized he didn’t know how, Esther helped him.
Jacob peppered Gerry with questions about post-season baseball games as they drove to the hospital. Soon they were talking as if they were the best of friends, arguing the strengths and weaknesses of the various teams.
