by Joyce Meyer
This woman’s description of her childhood and her feeling invisible was so sad, and it made me wonder how often I have made people feel invisible simply because I was so focused on what I was doing or the goal I was trying to accomplish that I did not even take the time to acknowledge their presence. I am a type A personality who is very focused and determined to reach my goals in life. I accomplish a lot, but have had to learn not to wound other people in the process. Nobody succeeds without the help of a lot of other dedicated people and failing to show them appreciation and give credit where it is due is a terrible tragedy and a type of behavior God is not pleased with.
Simple Things Can Be Great Things
God speaks frequently in the Bible of our responsibility to the oppressed, widows, orphans, fatherless, and foreigners. He mentions those who are lonely and those who feel neglected, forgotten, and devalued. He cares deeply for the oppressed and the hungry. People can be hungry in many ways. They may have plenty of food to eat but be starving for encouragement or some word that makes them feel valuable. God lifts up those who are bowed down with sorrow, He protects the stranger and He upholds the fatherless and the widow (see Ps. 146:7–9). How does He do this? He works through people! He needs committed, submitted, dedicated people who live to make others feel valuable. Mother Teresa gave her life to make the outcasts feel loved and valuable. The things she did were simple things, they were usually little things, yet they were great things. She said, “Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”
We’re Adopted
A Scripture that has encouraged me greatly is Psalm 27:10: “Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”
My mother was deeply afraid of my father, so she was unable to rescue me from the various kinds of abuse he perpetrated against me. I felt very alone, forgotten, and abandoned in my nightmare. I finally decided that nobody was going to help me, so I proceeded to “survive” my circumstances until I could escape them. I have come to understand that multitudes of people that we encounter daily are just trying to survive until someone rescues them—and that someone could be you or me.
The Bible says that in God’s love, “He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world” (Eph. 1:4). He planned in love for us to be adopted as His own children. Those beautiful words brought a great deal of healing to my wounded soul. God adopts the forsaken and the lonely and He lifts them up and gives them value. He works through His Word, through the Holy Spirit, and through Spirit-led people who live to help others.
Mother Teresa felt that each person she met was “Jesus in disguise.” Just try to imagine how much differently we would treat people if we really looked at them the way she did. Jesus said that if we do good or bad to even “the least” of people, we do it to Him (see Matt. 25:45). In other words, He takes our treatment of others personally. If someone insulted, slighted, ignored, or devalued one of my children, I would take it as a personal insult, so why is it so hard to understand that God feels the same way? Let us all strive to build people up, to make everyone we encounter feel better, and to add value to their lives.
Start with a Smile
A smile is the beginning of love. It signifies acceptance and approval. We should learn to smile at everyone and when we do, not only will they feel better, we will feel better too.
I am usually deep in thought and because of that I can look rather intense. I also carry a lot of responsibility and, if I am not careful, that can make me appear somber. I am learning to take the time to smile at people, ask how they are, and find something friendly to say to them. Surely if we are too busy to be friendly then we are out of balance and headed for relational disaster. Relationships are a large part of life and actually I have found the Bible to be a book about relationships. It is about our relationships with God, with ourselves, and with other people.
It is amazing how a smile and a friendly greeting put people at ease. These are two of many ways we can give to others everywhere we go. You might be thinking, Well, that is just not me. I am more reserved and private. I just prefer not to get involved with people that much, especially people I don’t know. If you feel that way, I understand because I was exactly the same way until I kept seeing what the Bible says about encouragement, edification, exhortation, and making people feel valuable. I have learned that the fact that I may not be naturally gifted in an area doesn’t mean I can’t learn how to do it.
For years, I excused myself from being friendly by saying, “That just isn’t me; I am more of a loner,” but I realized that “loner” is not listed as a gift in the Bible. Thinking of ourselves as “loners” is simply an excuse to avoid the often messy business of being vulnerable. After all, we think, How will I feel if I smile at people and they don’t smile back? I will feel rejected, and that never feels good. Most of us spend more time in life trying to avoid rejection than we do trying to develop good, healthy relationships. What if I try to make friendly conversation with a stranger while waiting at the doctor’s office and it is evident he or she wants to be left alone? Suddenly I am now embarrassed and feeling odd, so rather than “chance it,” I may remain isolated for my own protection. When this happens, we are missing the opportunity to touch people with the love of God through a smile or friendly word. When we give our smiles, we can make someone else smile and that is one of the best gifts we can give.
Being part of a Love Revolution will require effort and practice. It will demand that we be willing to change some of our ways and begin asking God to show us His ways. Can you really imagine Jesus frowning and being unfriendly or ignoring people just so He did not feel rejected or merely because He was too busy doing His own thing to even notice them? Of course we know Jesus could never act that way and we should decide that we will not either. Start smiling more, you can even try smiling when you are alone and you will see that it makes you feel lighter and happier. The apostle Paul told those to whom he ministered to greet one another with a holy kiss (see Rom. 16:16), which was customary in their day. I am only asking for a smile!
Don’t Worry If It Doesn’t Come Naturally
At the end of this chapter, you will read a contribution to this book from John Maxwell, an international speaker and author on the subject of leadership and a friend of ours. Within a few minutes of being in John’s presence, everyone feels amazingly valuable. He and I have talked about his great ability in this area and he readily admits that his father affected him the same way. Not only did John have a good example as he was growing up, he also has the gift (talent, ability) of encouragement given to him from God.
The Bible speaks of the gift of encouragement (see Rom. 12:8) and says people who have been given that gift should embrace it with zeal and cheerful, joyful eagerness. Just as I have a gift of communication that enables me to speak effectively without much effort, some people have the gift of encouragement. They encourage others without much effort at all; it comes naturally for them. Although some might devalue the gift of encouragement, I think it is one of the most needed gifts in the world.
These people are wonderful to know or be around, but once again, I urge you not to discount yourself just because encouraging others does not come naturally to you. I have the gift of giving and can remember as a small child loving to make plans to give someone a present that would make him or her happy. Everyone may not have the spiritual gift of giving (which is also listed in Romans 12, along with being able to encourage others), but everyone is instructed to give and to do so on purpose.
Go Ahead and Laugh
Most of us have heard at least something about the value of laughter to our physical and psychological health. Smiling is the doorway to laughter, which is something we need to do frequently and on purpose.
The Bible says that a merry heart does good like a medicine (see Prov. 17:22). One of the amazing things I have n
oticed about my teaching ministry is that I am very funny. I call it amazing, because in what I would call “normal life,” that would not be the way people would describe me. I have realized that since it is the Holy Spirit speaking through me He obviously knows the value of humor and the healing effect it brings.
God wants us to laugh, and He wants us to make other people laugh. That does not mean we should all become jesters or laugh at inappropriate times, but we can certainly aid one another in taking a more lighthearted approach to life. We would all be much better off if we would learn to laugh at ourselves sometimes instead of taking ourselves so seriously.
The last three times I have worn white pants, I have spilled coffee on myself. I can either think I am a klutz who cannot hold on to anything and begin to devalue myself or I can make a joke out of it and try harder to stay clean next time. For years, I have listened to people downgrade themselves verbally for every mistake they make and I believe that grieves God. If we know our value in Christ we should never say things about ourselves that devalue what God has created.
Why not make a habit of helping people to see that we all make silly mistakes and we can choose to laugh or to get upset about them? Give people permission to not be perfect! The world is filled with pressure to perform and excel, but when don’t we need a word of kindness that lets us know we are still accepted and valuable.
When you are with people who make mistakes, try immediately reminding them of the strengths they have or of something amazing you have seen them do recently. My two daughters are both wonderful, dedicated mothers. When they are feeling bad about something they have not done correctly, I remind them that they are great moms and emphasize how important that is. We should not take anything that people do well for granted. The devil works overtime trying to make people feel like a failure and we should work equally hard to make them feel like a success.
Nothing turns a bad situation around faster than laughter. We stifle the “little child” in us far too early in life. Children don’t seem to get so upset about dropping something, messing up their clothes, tripping and falling, or making a mistake. They usually find a way to keep laughing and having fun as long as adults will let them. Jesus said that we could not enter the wonderful life God promises unless we come as little children (see Luke 18:17), so I highly recommend that we help one another in this area.
I love to be around people who do not pressure me to be perfect. God loves us unconditionally and that means He accepts us the way we are and then helps us to be all we can be. Smiling is a sign of acceptance. Helping people laugh at themselves is a way of saying, “I accept you, faults and all.”
Bearing with one another’s weaknesses is just one simple way of showing love. The apostle Paul had taught people to encourage and build up others and he frequently reminded them to keep doing it. “Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11). The Holy Spirit Himself is the One who lives in us and walks alongside us in life and comforts, encourages, and edifies us. He urges us to become all we can be. When we make mistakes, He does not condemn us; He urges us forward.
Lack of encouragement causes depression, despair, failure, and divorce, and it prevents people from reaching their potential in life. We all need to be encouraged and once again I want to press the point that simple encouragement is one of the primary ways we can fuel a Love Revolution in our society.
Accentuate the Positive
God began showing me that one way I could love my husband was by simply not mentioning little mistakes he made—things like not turning off the light in his closet or not replacing the toilet paper. Perhaps he forgot to do something I had asked him to do—such as taking my briefcase upstairs to my office so I would not have to carry it up the next morning while trying to balance my coffee. There are literally hundreds of little things we all do that tend to irritate one another, but we can choose to let them go and remember that we all make little mistakes and would rather people not keep reminding us of them.
If you really need to confront an issue then by all means do it, but most relationships that are torn apart end because someone makes a huge deal out of a little thing that was not really important after all. People are torn down and actually weakened each time they are reminded of something they did not do right. I spent a lot of years “mentioning” the things that irritated me in the hopes that people would stop doing them, but I found my comments only pressured them and made them uncomfortable in my presence. I have found prayer and accentuating the positive to be much more effective.
When we make a big deal out of people’s strengths and the things they do right, they are motivated to overcome their weaknesses and faults. I was surprised to find what a huge challenge it was for me in the beginning of my quest to just not mention something that irritated me and totally let it go. I have now come to the place where I understand my irritation over little things is a bigger problem than the things themselves. Why is leaving a closet light on something that should irritate me? Do I ever leave lights on? Of course, I do.
I recently corrected Dave for sitting on the end of the bed I had already made and then walking off without fixing it. He looked at me, shocked, and called to my attention that I was actually the one who had been sitting on the bed; he wasn’t! Amazing! I was so sure it was Dave that I totally forgot that I was the guilty party! This example shows how a faultfinding spirit can blind us to our own faults while urging us to accuse others.
Show love by accentuating the positive in people. Oddly enough, we don’t have to try to find the negative things they do. Those seem to stick out like red flashing lights. But we have to look for the positive on purpose—or at least until we form new habits!
As I suggested earlier, start by having a goal of encouraging or complimenting three people every day without fail. At the end of the day, ask yourself who they were as a method of accountability. When three becomes natural increase your goal to six, then 10, and by then it will be natural for you to encourage everyone you contact in everyday life.
Your compliment does not have to be something major. Little things such as, “That color really looks good on you,” “I like your hair that way,” “Your shirt is nice,” “You make me feel safe,” “You work hard,” “I appreciate you,” or “I am glad you are my friend” are very effective and meaningful. As you give out and accentuate the positive, you will feel happier. So not only are you giving, you are receiving a benefit at the same time.
LOVE REVOLUTIONARY
John C. Maxwell
Encouragement Changes Everything
Encouragement is incredible. Its impact can be profound—nearly miraculous. A word of encouragement from a teacher to a child can change his life. A word of encouragement from a spouse can save a marriage. A word of encouragement from a leader can inspire a person to reach her potential. As Zig Ziglar says, “You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.” To encourage people is to help them gain courage they might not otherwise possess—courage to face the day, to do what’s right, to take risks, to make a difference. And the heart of encouragement is to communicate a person’s value. When we help people feel valuable, capable, and motivated, we often get to see their lives change forever. And we sometimes get to see them go on to change the world.
If you are a parent, you have a responsibility to encourage members of your family. If you are an organizational leader, you can increase the effectiveness of your team dramatically in proportion to the amount of encouragement you give the people you lead. As a friend, you have the privilege of sharing encouraging words that may help someone persevere through a rough time or strive for greatness. As a Christian, you have the power to represent Jesus by loving others and lifting them up with an encouraging word.
Join the Club
Never underestimate the power of encouragement. In the 1920s, physician, consultant, and psychologist George W. Crane
began teaching social psychology at Northwestern University in Chicago. Though he was new to teaching, he was an astute student of human nature, and he believed strongly in making the study of psychology practical to his students.
One of the first classes he taught contained evening students who were older than the average college student. The young men and women worked in the department stores, offices, and factories of Chicago by day and were trying to improve themselves by attending classes at night.
After class one evening a young woman named Lois, who had moved to Chicago from a small town in Wisconsin to take a civil service job, confided in Crane that she felt isolated and lonely.
“I don’t know anybody, except a few girls at the office,” she lamented. “At night I go to my room and write letters home. The only thing that keeps me living from day to day is the hope of receiving a letter from my friends in Wisconsin.”
It was largely in response to Lois’s problem that Crane came up with what he called the Compliment Club, which he announced to his class the following week. It was to be the first of several practical assignments he would give his students that term.
“You are to use your psychology every day either at home or at work or on the streetcars and buses,” Crane told them. “For the first month, your written assignment will be the Compliment Club. Every day you are to pay an honest compliment to each of three different persons. You can increase that number if you wish, but to qualify for a class grade, you must have complimented at least three people every day for thirty days… Then, at the end of the thirty-day experiment, I want you to write a theme or paper on your experiences,” he continued. “Include the changes you have noted in the people around you, as well as your own altered outlook on life.” 1
