by Joyce Meyer
Jesus gave instructions about how to handle it when a brother wrongs you (see Matt. 18:15–17). He said the first thing to do is to go to him privately and talk to him about it. If that doesn’t work, take two or three others with you in the hopes that he will come to his senses and repent. If we would follow these simple instructions, a great deal of trouble would be avoided. I can’t tell you how many times people come to me to solve things they should be dealing with privately—things that should be between them and the person they feel has wronged them. Don’t be fearful of confronting someone if you really feel you need to. Sometimes the quickest way to forgive is to get the issue out in the open and discuss it. Hidden offenses are like untreated infections. They silently get worse until they have infected an entire area and we are sick. We need to clean the wound immediately, before it is too late.
The Bible tells the story of a man named Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers. When Joseph’s brothers discovered years later that he was alive and in charge of the food supply they desperately needed, they were afraid. They remembered how badly they had treated Joseph and so did he, but he chose not to reveal it to anyone else. He spoke with them privately and simply told them he was not God and vengeance belonged to God, not to him. He freely forgave them, urged them not to be afraid, and proceeded to provide for them and their families. No wonder Joseph was a powerful leader who found favor everywhere he went. He knew the power of love and the importance of total forgiveness!
Clear All Your Records
Why not get out all the past-due accounts you have kept on anyone and mark them, “Paid in full”? “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him” (Rom. 4:8 NIV). That does not mean that God does not see the sin. It means that because of love He does not charge it against the sinner. Love can acknowledge that a wrong has been done and erase it before it becomes lodged in the heart. Love does not register or record the wrong; this way resentment does not have a chance to grow.
Some of us worry about our memory, but to be truthful we probably need to get better at forgetting some things. I think we often forget what we should remember and remember what we should forget. Perhaps one of the most godlike things we can ever do in life is to forgive and forget. Some people say, “I will forgive them, but I will never forget it.” The reality of that statement is that if we cling to the memory, we are not truly forgiving. You might ask how we can forget things that have hurt us. The answer is that we must choose not to think about it. When those things come to mind, we must cast down the thoughts and choose to think about things that will benefit us.
Clearing all your records will produce good results. It will relieve pressure and improve the quality of your life. Intimacy between you and God will be restored, and your joy and peace will increase. Your health may even improve because a calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body (see Prov. 14:30). Resentment builds walls. Love builds bridges!
CHAPTER
14
Practical Ways to Show Love
Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words.
St. Francis of Assisi
This book is useless if I don’t offer practical ways you can begin immediately showing love. As I have said previously, love is not a theory or mere talk, it is action. As Love Revolutionaries, we should constantly be looking for new and better ways to bring love into this world.
Let me remind you that no matter what we have or do, if we have not love then we have nothing and we are nothing (see 1 Cor. 13:1–3). It is imperative to the future of society that we begin aggressively showing love. People today are desperate to know whether God exists or not, what their purpose is for being here, and why the world is so filled with evil if God does indeed exist. I believe if they can see love in action, that will answer their questions. God is love and He does exist, and one major way He reveals Himself is through His people. The world needs to see the qualities of love lived out. They need to see patience, kindness, unselfishness, and willingness to forgive. They need to see people sacrificing to help others who are less fortunate. Being touched by love is like snuggling up in front of a fire under a warm, fuzzy blanket. It’s a feeling like nothing else. And we have the power to give that gift to others!
No matter what we have or do, if we have not love then we have nothing and we are nothing.
Be Patient
The first quality of love listed in Paul’s discourse in 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible is patience. Paul writes that love endures long and is patient. Love is long-suffering. It remains steady and consistent when things are not going the way you wish they would.
I have been practicing being patient with clerks who are slow, who can’t find prices for items, who run out of register tape, or who linger on the phone trying to calm down an irate customer when I am standing right there, waiting to be helped. I have had several store clerks actually thank me for being patient. I am sure they take a lot of abuse from frustrated, impatient, unloving customers, and I have decided I don’t want to add to the problem; I want to be part of the answer. Sure, we are all in a hurry and want to get waited on right away, but since love is not self-seeking we must learn to put how the clerk feels ahead of how we feel. Recently a store clerk apologized for being so slow and I told her that nothing I was doing was so important that I could not wait. I saw her visibly relax and I realized that I had just shown her love.
We are encouraged in the Bible to be very patient with everybody, always keeping our temper in check (see 1 Thess. 5:14). That is not only good for our witness to other people, but it’s also good for us. The more patient we are, the less stress we have! Peter said that the Lord is extraordinarily patient with us because it is His desire that none of us perish (see 2 Pet. 3:9). That is the same reason we should be patient with one another and especially with those in the world who are looking for God.
Paul told Timothy that servants of the Lord must be skilled and suitable teachers, mild-tempered, willing to suffer wrong, kind and patient with everyone (see 2 Tim. 2:24). We teach people every day by our actions. Teaching is done not only with words—action is often even more effective. We all have influence, and we should be careful how we use it. It doesn’t do me or Christ’s reputation any good to wear my rhinestone Jesus pendant and then be impatient and unloving with a sales clerk. To be honest, I’ve seen enough of that kind of stuff in the past twenty years to make me sick to my stomach.
We should not wear symbols of our Christian faith if we are not prepared to live up to it. The proof of my relationship with God is not my bumper sticker or my Christian jewelry or my record of church attendance. It is not how many Scriptures I have memorized or how extensive my Christian library is of books, DVDs, and CDs. The proof of my Christianity is seen in the fruit of Revolutionary Love.
I urge you to pray regularly that you will be able to endure whatever comes with a good temper. Trust me, things will come that have the ability to upset you, but if you are prepared ahead of time, you will be able to remain calm as you face those things. Displaying stability in our moods and temperament is very important. Too many people in the world are explosive when things don’t go their way. I sincerely believe that one of the ways we can make an impact is to be patient when things go wrong.
A few weeks ago I preached on patience and being thankful no matter what your circumstances. I had done three major conferences in six weeks in addition to fulfilling several other commitments, and that Saturday morning session was the last of that string of commitments. I was really looking forward to getting home early that day, eating a good meal, having Dave take me shopping for a while, taking a hot bath at home, eating ice cream, and watching a good movie. You can see I was prepared to reward myself for my hard work. I had a good plan for myself!
We got on the plane to return home, and the flight was scheduled to be only thirty-five minutes. I was so thrilled… and then something went wrong. The airplane door wouldn’t shut properly so we sa
t for almost an hour and a half while they worked on the door. There was talk of not being able to fly out that day and perhaps renting cars and driving home. I cannot tell you how hard it was for me to be patient. Just keeping my mouth shut was a huge accomplishment. I had preached on patience but forgotten to pray that if I was tested I would pass the test with flying colors.
Have you ever had the experience of hearing a great sermon that you really needed and finding yourself being tested on it in life immediately? Well, you should try preaching and see how quickly you’re tested then! I realize we may not always feel patient, but we can still discipline ourselves to be patient. I can’t do anything about how I feel sometimes, but I can control how I behave and so can you. I can assure you that I did not feel patient sitting on that runway, but I kept praying, Oh God, please help me stay calm so I am not a poor witness for what I just finished preaching. God helped me, and while things don’t always turn out the way I want them to in those situations, in that case we ended up getting home in plenty of time for me to still do all the things I had planned.
When you find yourself in difficult situations, make an effort to hold your peace and you will see God work in your behalf. When the Israelites were between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army, Moses said, “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest” (Exod. 14:14).
Give Time
Time is the most valuable commodity most of us have. When we ask people to give us their time, we should realize that we are asking for a valuable gift and we should greatly appreciate it when we get it. People frequently ask for my time, and unfortunately I cannot give it to all of them. If I tried, not only would I burn out but I would not have time to finish what God has given me to do during my life on earth.
We cannot say yes to everyone, but we should not say no to everyone either. I highly recommend giving some time away because it is a way to demonstrate love. I recently spoke at a church in Tennessee as a favor to a friend, and while I was there I sensed the Lord nudging me to return the offering they received for me that night to help the poor in their city. I realized right away that God wanted me to give my time and money freely. He wanted me to get nothing out of it except the joy of giving, which was more than enough. I find that God tests me in this way a couple of times each year and I am glad He does because I don’t ever want to get into the habit of thinking I need to get something out of everything I do for others.
I confess that it is harder for me to give my time than it is to give my money or other possessions. At this point, I have lived at least two-thirds of my life, and I realize that what I have left needs to be focused and purposeful. Out of necessity I find myself needing to say no more often, yet I do say yes when I can since I know that my time is a valuable gift of love.
When someone helps you move, they are giving you the valuable gift of time. When you get someone’s undivided attention, they are honoring you and showing love. Each time we ask, “Can you do something for me?” we are asking for the most valuable thing a person has because we are asking for a block of their time.
Think about your time. Be sure to give plenty of it to developing an intimate relationship with God, and make sure you give some of it to His people as a demonstration of His love. Tommy Barnett, senior pastor of Phoenix First Assembly of God, one of the fastest growing churches in America, said, “Life is something we are constantly losing.” That is why we should take everything we do seriously. When people say they have nothing to give, they are forgetting that as long as we are alive we have something to give: our time.
Since time is such a valuable commodity, we should give it away purposefully and wisely. Don’t let people steal your time, don’t waste your time, and never say, “I’m just trying to kill a little time.” Know what your priorities are and devote your time to those things. God and family should be at the top of your list. You also need to give time to taking care of yourself. You need to work, to rest, and to play in order to be a balanced individual. You also need to give some of your time away helping people who need you.
If you think you don’t have time to get everything done and still give to others, I encourage you to do what God told Tommy Barnett to do. He told him to use his half hours wisely. He showed him that he had several half-hour spaces. Pastor Barnett says that if you will tell him what you do with your half hours he can tell you what your life is about. What are you doing with the half-hour drive to work and home each day? What do you do with the half hour you wait in the doctor’s office? What about the half hour you wait for your meal to come in the restaurant? Do you have time in those half hours to show love to someone? Could you use those minutes to encourage someone by phone or letter? Could you pray for someone? Could you pray about what you can do for someone? Use the time to think creatively about what you have to give.
You could write a book in your half hours. You could win a soul. You could make a major decision in a half hour. A half hour could be the difference between a clean house and a dirty one. Your half hours are important, and you probably have a lot of them if you begin to look. Am I saying that you need to be doing something every second of the day? No, I am not saying that. In fact, you might decide you need to take a half hour and rest, and if you do that’s okay, but at least you have used it on purpose rather than wasting it doing nothing.
Remember that every day that goes by is one you will never get back. Invest it; don’t waste it.
Love with Your Thoughts, Words, and Possessions
The Power of Thoughts A woman shared this story to show the power of thoughts:
During Christmas I moved a fig tree upstairs to the bedroom to make room for the Christmas tree. It had a small branch with about a dozen leaves on it down below the rest of the branches. It didn’t look right, ruining the shape of the tree.
When I would wake up in the morning I’d see that tree in the window and think, I’m going to cut that branch off. Every time I passed that tree I’d think, That branch doesn’t look right, I’m going to get rid of it.
Time went by. The tree was moved back to the living room. I continued to think a negative thought each time I noticed it. All total this lasted about a month and a half.
One morning I walked by the tree and every leaf on that little branch was yellow. There was not one other yellow leaf on the whole tree. I got kind of goose bumpy and told my husband. He looked at me and said, “I’m sure glad you think nice things about me.”
I cut that branch off that day!
I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother-in-law. Of course I never thought I had any blame, being so sweet and all. I decided this was worth an experiment. Every time I thought about my mother-in-law I determined to bless her, to go out of my way to think about her and bless her!
She seldom calls me or has interest in chatting with me. But within five days she had called me three times—just for a moment, but they were friendly calls! She hadn’t called me more than six times the whole last year.
This woman ordered my teaching series on the power of thoughts and said, “I watch what I think about other people now.”
We think countless thoughts about other people, but we should do it more responsibly. I believe thoughts work in the spiritual realm, and although they cannot be seen with the naked eye, I do believe our thoughts are felt by other people. Just as the fig tree was negatively affected by the woman’s negative thoughts, I believe people are affected by our thoughts.
What we think about people not only affects them, it also affects the way we treat them when we are around them. If I think secretly about how much I don’t like someone and mentally go over all the faults I believe they have, when I see them I treat them according to the image I have formed in my mind.
One day I was shopping with my daughter, who was a teenager at the time. She had lots of pimples on her face that day and her hair was a mess. I remember thinking each time I looked at her, You sure don’t look very good today. I noticed as the day
wore on that she seemed to be depressed so I asked her what was wrong. She replied, “I just feel really ugly today.” God taught me a lesson that day about the power of thoughts. We can help people with good, loving, and positive thoughts, but we can hurt them with evil, unloving, negative thoughts.
I encourage you to take a person a day as a prayer project and practice thinking good things about them on purpose. Throughout the day have some think sessions where you meditate on the strengths of the person, every good quality you can think of that they have, every favor they have ever done you, and any complimentary thing you can think of about their appearance. The next day, practice on another person, and keep rotating the important people in your life until you have formed a habit of thinking good things.
