“All my life, I’ve been part of a family but I didn’t belong.” She understood his words. “What I do, the organization, it’s what I’m supposed to do.”
“But…?” she prodded softly.
“I haven’t experienced a real emotion in years. I work, I fight, I have sex when the mood strikes.” He met her eyes and she saw agony in the silver-gray depths. “I feel nothing.”
“What do you think you should feel?”
“I don’t know.” He raked his fingers through silken black hair. “Something is wrong with me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Someone I rescued…he died.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I sent him into a situation and wasn’t able to keep him safe.” His face contorted in pain. “H-he loved me, Galina. I mean really loved me. I felt nothing.”
Inhaling carefully, she said, “First, you can’t choose who you love. It doesn’t work like that. Second, I know you wouldn’t have sent anyone into a situation without letting them know the risks. He made a choice and you aren’t God.”
Elbows on the table, he put his face in his hands. “I’m so fucking cold.”
Moving her chair closer, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “By necessity, you insulate yourself. With the work you do, you can’t afford to feel every loss, every failure acutely. You can’t. That doesn’t make you cold.” Placing her hand over his wrist, she made him look at her.
“You’re a good man, Hay…Hollow. You use your own experiences, your own pain, to help fight horror in the world.”
“My heart is damaged…”
“Bullshit. Your heart works just fine, scars and all. It will take something amazing to show you that. You can’t give up.”
“How did you get so smart?”
She shook her head. “We shut down, people like us. Go through the motions. The mistake is buying into our own bad press. I was nothing more than a body and a fucking pout for years. A doll stored on a shelf, taken down when it had to be posed. I know better now. You helped me.”
A slow smile spread over his face. “I love your house.”
“I love it, too. More than any mansion I’ve ever lived in.” She smoothed his hair. “Stay as long as you need. Breathe the clean air and let your lieutenant run things. You need a break.”
“You look better. The weight looks incredible on you.”
“I work through the food problems and drink way too much coffee.” Winking, she added, “It’s nice to keep my clothes on.”
He laughed. “And your protectors? How’s that going?”
“You’re fishing.”
“Absolutely.”
“I love them.” His eyes went wide and she shrugged. “I don’t have anyone else to tell.”
“Do they know?”
“Of course not. I wouldn’t choose between them.”
He stilled and stared at her intensely. “Maybe you wouldn’t have to.”
Tilting her head, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“I’m not having that conversation. You’re like my sister. Just know the world accommodates many different lifestyles. Some might surprise you.”
“Hmm. Intriguing.”
Nonchalantly, he mentioned, “You have company.”
The front and back doors of the cabin slammed open simultaneously and Galina screamed. Knox stood just inside the back door with a weapon drawn, Wade quickly hid his behind his back in her living room.
Sipping his coffee, Hollow murmured, “I wondered how long it would take you guys to show.”
“A social visit.” Closing the door quietly, Wade exhaled roughly and tucked his gun into a holster on his shoulder.
Knox followed his friend’s lead and the back door clicked shut quietly. “How you doing, man?”
Grinning, Hollow answered, “I’m breathing. Weight triggers in the road? Cameras? I didn’t see your cars when I drove past your place.”
“I was at the store. Wade came from the ranger station.”
Glancing at his watch, Hollow looked impressed. “You made great time.”
“Will you two sit down? You’re making me nervous.” Galina stood up and poured them coffee, grabbing extra plates for muffins. Setting them down in front of them, she whispered, “It’s the cranberry lemon ones.”
“Oh, my god.” Wade’s eyes rolled back in his head as he shook Hollow’s hand and sat down. “Tell me you made more.”
“The first tray is packed up for you to take home.”
“Best person on the planet.” Knox shook hands with Hollow and quickly grabbed two muffins. “Checking up on us?”
“Making sure Galina is alright.”
Wade bit into a muffin with a soft moan. “Please don’t take her.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Hollow winked. “Tell me what life is like now.”
“Quiet. Relaxing. I go to work with the guys sometimes to get a change of scenery and I’ve completed the course three times.”
“She’s more like an instructor now,” Knox told him. “Even in the disguise, the clients eat out of her hand day one.”
“I can see that,” Hollow said with a smile.
Wade took another muffin. “She has an entire book of notes about the wilderness along with photos and samples. Her retention is incredible.”
“I like hiking through rather than driving.”
Her friend teased her, “Look at you becoming one with nature. You camp.”
Grinning, she said, “I love it.”
“Do you see anyone else?”
“Not really. Just the guys and Tuck brings me supplies every week. I thought he’d have a coronary the first time he realized who I was. He’s a good guy. I don’t think he even told his wife Becky.”
“You don’t feel too isolated? You don’t get lonely?”
She shook her head. In her peripheral vision, she watched Knox and Wade still. “I have all the company I need.”
Leaning forward on his elbows, he stared into her eyes. “Ana showed up at the safe house in New York. She wants to see you. Shall I arrange it?”
“I…yes.”
“You don’t seem certain.”
“I miss her. I’d love to see her.”
“But…?”
“It’s a little unorthodox. You know, the way I’m living. I don’t want her to think badly of me.”
“You know her better than that.”
Inhaling deeply, she nodded. “You’re right.”
He smiled. “I’ll set it up.” Tapping on the table top, he added, “Show me your mountain.”
“It’s not my mountain but you’ll love it.” Standing, she put away the food and walked to the door. “I love it.”
Hollow stayed for two days and slept on her couch. Every morning, they walked and she made him do yoga with her.
He talked to her about the final straw he believed broke his heart for good and she cried for him. “So much loss,” he said quietly. “That one was one too many.”
“She was young, Hollow. Young and probably naïve. The person I was even a year ago was pathetically weak compared to the person I am now. Time forces us to grow.”
“I won’t forgive her. She doesn’t deserve it.”
Reaching out, she held his hand in both of hers. “You know better. Everyone deserves forgiveness. Besides, you don’t forgive for them, you forgive for you.”
“When the fuck did you get so smart?”
“It’s the hiking. Let’s take one.”
As the sun went down that night, she made him help her bake and he chuckled. “It really is pretty damn relaxing.”
“I told you.”
By the morning of the third day, he looked better.
She came out of her room to see him packing his duffle. “Heading out already?”
Taking her shoulders, he said, “I needed this. I needed to purge the weight, the history, to someone I don’t see every day. I know I dumped a lot on you but it helped. I can’t tell
you how much I appreciate it, Galina.”
“You’re welcome. Consider me your personal confessor. No one knows we even know each other. Your secrets are safe with me.”
In the kitchen, she made him a travel mug of coffee and placed several baked treats in a container.
Walking him out to the car, she hugged him. “You’re always welcome here. No questions asked. I sent the transfer.”
“I didn’t come here for money, sweetheart.”
“I know you didn’t. You have plenty of people willing to bankroll the amazing work you do…I want to be one of them.”
Smoothing his hand over her hair, he kissed her forehead. “Tell them, Galina. You deserve all the happiness you can grab with both hands.”
Smiling, she whispered, “So do you.”
He got in his SUV and rolled down the window. “The next time I come, I’ll bring more books.”
“Next time, I’ll curse more in Russian.”
She watched as he turned around and headed down the mountain. When his vehicle was out of sight, she poured a cup of coffee and sat on her porch.
An hour later, Wade and Knox pulled into the clearing. She smiled as they got out.
“Hollow stop to say goodbye?” They nodded. “I think this time was good for him. He has a lot of responsibility.”
Leaning against her porch railing, Wade said, “You’re calm. Like a still pond. It’s comforting.”
“People like us, like Hollow…we rarely have the chance to interact with people like you. None of us take it for granted.”
The friends looked introspective.
She stood up and gestured for them to follow her inside. “Fresh coffee and scones while you tell me about your time in the military. I know about your childhoods, your friendship, and your lives now. Tell me the rest.”
They talked for hours and she saw many of the same scars in the two men she loved as those apparent in Hollow.
Men such as them were encouraged to bury emotions like sadness, guilt, and grief.
She was glad they shared them with her.
Chapter Fifteen
August 2013
Galina was nervous the day her aunt arrived.
Ana followed Hollow’s instructions exactly and rented a truck at an airport several hours away.
Wade and Knox watched from her living room window and groaned in disappointment when she jumped to the ground wearing plain clothing instead of a habit.
Her aunt’s hair was dark blonde, styled in a shaggy bob cut that flattered her narrow face. Like her niece, her figure was tall and lean, with fewer curves.
From the moment she stepped from the car, her dark purple eyes took in everything. They twinkled when her niece walked out on the porch to greet her.
“Galina! How healthy and happy you look!” Her Russian accent was more pronounced. They hugged tightly, Ana a couple of inches shorter. “My bright and beautiful girl. I love your emails but I need to see your face while you tell me everything!”
“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.” She didn’t want to let the older woman go.
“The sisters sent presents but I’ll get them later. I’ve never seen you so relaxed. Not even when you were a baby.”
“It’s the fresh air and good company.”
“Hmm. I may have noticed your hints at the men who guard you. I managed to get a bit more from your Hollow but that man is a vault.”
Laughing, she linked arms. “Come meet Wade and Knox.”
“They’re inside?” Ana asked in Russian.
“Yes. They very much wanted to meet you.”
“How do I look, little one?”
“Beautiful as always.”
The pair stepped inside and her friends stood next to the dining table. She knew they’d raced across the room so they didn’t appear nosy.
Galina made introductions and Ana looked them over shrewdly. “I have many questions. Sit so I may intrude on your privacy.”
Wade and Knox grinned and did as she instructed.
While Galina kept them supplied in coffee and snacks, Ana grilled the friends about their lives, families, jobs, and personal outlooks. No question was off limits and they answered her inquiries honestly.
Finally, it seemed she reached the end of her questions and simply stared at them. Smiling, she nodded.
“You’re likeable, intelligent, and very pretty to look at.” Galina was shocked at their blushes. “You will do nicely.”
“Uh…” Wade was stumped.
Waving her hand, Ana explained, “Only the best for my niece. Only the best, do you understand?” She accepted a refill of her coffee cup and winked at Galina.
“Have mercy, Ana,” she told her in Russian.
Replying in her native language, her aunt said bluntly, “The babies you would have with such men…stunning.”
Almost dropping the pot, Galina gasped. Thankful the men didn’t understand, she murmured, “Ana! What a thing to say.”
“As if I do not know your heart’s desire to be a mother. Hmm. You will stay here and make pretty babies with these men.”
She couldn’t control the shaking of her hands and quickly walked to the kitchen to put the carafe down before she spilled it everywhere.
Knox asked cheerfully, “Everything okay?”
“Yes. Yes, of course. Ana likes to shock me.”
“Excellent,” Wade told her with a smile. “I like that she keeps you off balance. You’re always so calm. What did she say?”
“Nothing. It’s silly. An old joke between us.” Anxious to change the subject she said loudly, “Ana, will you help me get things ready for dinner?”
“Of course, my darling.”
Knox joined them in the kitchen and set the table. From the basket they brought, Wade removed two bottles of wine and opened them so they could breathe.
Ana examined the label. “One of my favorite wineries. I know the family who owns it. Excellent choice.” Grinning, she added, “Pour me a glass, won’t you? It’ll breathe while I’m drinking it.”
Laughing warmly, Wade did so immediately.
“They’re so accommodating, Galina.”
Thankful for Russian, she replied, “Yes, they’re amazing in the kitchen. Good men all around so behave.”
“Ah, but how are they in bed?”
Galina dropped the glass bowl she took from the cabinet and the friends wasted no time lifting the women out of the way so they could clean up the glass.
“Strong as oxen, these two.” Her aunt frowned. “You’ve been here almost a year and you haven’t…”
“Ana! No. I have not.”
Contemplating the friends as they worked, she said, “I bet they’d be spectacular. You should know that before you commit to them.”
Feeling lightheaded, Galina braced herself on the back of the couch. “You’re…what are you saying?”
“I can see you love them, little one. I can see it. Knowing you, they love you as much. Men don’t spend so much time with a woman they don’t feel strongly for. You can’t possibly pick one. Why should you? Take them both. They can keep up.”
“I-I…”
“Look at them. Gorgeous and strong. If they can provide what you need in bed, I think you have the perfect life laid out for you.”
“You’re a nun, Ana.”
Taking her hands, she said, “And you’re a grown woman who’s never had the chance to live as one. I don’t particularly like your mother but she was right about that boy. He was infatuated with you but he never would have held your interest.” She grunted. “He’d have been a disappointment as a lover, I’m sure.”
“She killed him, Ana.”
“How she handled it was evil but I prefer to focus on the silver lining. You’d have stayed with him out of kindness and obligation. Not love. She did save you that.”
“All set, ladies,” Wade announced.
“Before you walk in here barefoot, we need to move everything. Do a thorough sweep and mo
p to make sure we got all the tiny shards.”
Smiling at the friends, Ana said, “How efficient you are! Let us finish, little one. I’m starving.” As she turned, she switched back to Russian. “My word, these two couldn’t possibly disappoint. As I said, you deserve the best, Galina.”
Trembling, she managed to finish preparing the stroganoff and salads, relieved that her friends carried everything to the table.
While helping, Wade and Knox brushed against her several times. Normally hyper-sensitive to maintaining her personal space, the innocent touches made her heart race.
Sitting around her little table, the friends on either side, she was ready to vibrate out of her skin when their knees or hands made contact.
“This is delicious! What an incredible talent you’ve developed in your time here!”
“Thank you. I love cooking.”
Wade and Knox filled Ana in on their favorite meals and desserts she prepared and her aunt had many questions.
Conversation didn’t lag and their wine glasses remained filled. It went a long way to calming the nerves in her body that felt as if they’d roared to life.
“You cooked. We clean up. Go enjoy time with your aunt and we’ll have dessert when you get back.” Knox stood to pull out her chair and Wade did the same for Ana. “She’ll love the sunset from the back porch.”
“Here.” Wade topped off their glasses. “Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll come get you when everything is set to rights.”
Nodding, she led Ana through the back door and they settled in the chairs there. She listened to the men move around the kitchen and turned to look at her aunt.
Not wanting to be overheard, she maintained their conversation in Russian. “Do you really think it would work?”
“I know it would.”
“You’re not advising me as a nun.”
“I’ve never envied your beauty, Galina. I’ve watched your mother all but prostitute you since you were a small child, surrounded by too many strangers. Considering the life you’ve led, you’re unusually modest. I wish only for you to be happy.” She patted her hand. “God would understand your choice of both men to love.”
Chuckling nervously, she said, “Like making up for lost time?”
“Exactly! This place is good for you. They would be, too.”
Embrace the Wild (The Great Outdoors Book 5) Page 8
