Black Desire (A Kelly Black Affair Book 1)

by C. J. Thomas

Each flower produced heady scents that nearly choked me with tears.

  It was all a blur. The last few steps, I couldn’t remember. My mind went blank and I felt numb. But as soon as I reached her plot, the ground where she was buried, my strength fell away and I collapsed.

  The bouquet of flowers fell with me and I began to sob.

  “I’m sorry, my love.” My chin trembled with the deep pain I was experiencing. “I’m here now. Everything will be all right.”

  Even as I heard myself saying all those things, I knew them to be a lie. All except for the one about me being sorry. Because I was sorry. More than anything. If I could take back that day, I would. I deeply regretted that I couldn’t save her—do something—before it was too late.

  “This is all my fault,” I cried. “I should have been there for you. But I wasn’t.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks. Inside, I was hollow. Completely lonely and incredibly depressed. My body filled with aches and pains as I thought about how much I hated this cruel world. It wasn’t fair. Wasn’t kind. And it seemed like no matter what I did to try to make it a better place, it only got worse.

  “I let you down and I hope that you can forgive me.” I tipped my head back, wailing into the cloudless sky.

  I didn’t care if anyone heard. This was my grief, my way of dealing with the loss of my wife. I could give a fuck about anything else right now. The only thing that mattered was her.

  Reaching inside my jacket, I pulled out the handgun I had tucked away in its holster beneath my arm. I looked at that thing, thinking through my situation and how I could choose to end the intense suffering right here, right now, with a pull of the trigger.

  My chest heaved through my cries that seemed impossible to stop as my thumb stroked the black metal of the gun. I thought I could do it. Join my wife in the afterlife. But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be what she would want. And besides, would she even be happy to see me?

  Tucking my weapon away, I wiped my eyes dry, blinking away the swollen grief that clouded my vision. “You’re right,” I said, nodding to my wife’s name engraved on the rock. “You’re right.”

  I crawled on my hands and knees, cleaning off the gravestone before reaching back around and laying down the fresh flowers I had bought for her.

  “For you.” I smiled, laughing a little.

  We shared a moment in silence before I looked around, thinking that the view wasn’t what it once was, like when she first came to rest here. It had changed considerably but it was still beautiful because she was here.

  “I’m sure she was beautiful,” a familiar voice said behind me.

  When I looked to see who it was, I found Adrianna Eastman approaching. She was wearing a leather jacket with white slacks and had her hands hidden inside her jacket pockets.

  I stood and wiped my face, knowing that not too many people knew about my wife because I was ashamed of how she died. “If Wes knew you were here, he’d kill you.”

  “He doesn’t know,” she said, stopping in front of the gravestone. We both stood there staring at the flowers with our heads down as if silently praying for peace to comfort us through the pain. “I came alone.”

  “How did you know where to find me?”

  She turned to look at me. “You’re not the only one who suspects the Madam is up to something.”

  The crease between my brows deepened as I stared back at her.

  “I’ve been keeping an eye on Emmanuel. When I saw that he stopped by your office …” She dropped her gaze back to my dead wife.

  “Why didn’t you come inside?”

  “I saw you leaving—”

  “—you followed me here,” I said, interrupting her.

  She nodded. “I’m sorry for your loss. Even after all this time, I can’t imagine it gets any easier.”

  My chest tightened, thinking that she had no idea what it was like to be me. “The Madam is definitely up to something.”

  “What do you think it is?”

  “You don’t know?”

  The wind picked up and blew hair across her face. “I’d like to know what it is you’re thinking.”

  My eye caught a seagull floating nearby. I watched it ride the drifts of air, plunging before soaring, and I said, “I hate to be saying this, especially to you, but I believe the Madam wants to be the one to fill the gap Blake Stone left in the market.”

  She hung her head and frowned. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  No one wanted to see Stone rot more than Adrianna. He set her up, got her hooked on blow, and it was amazing that she made it out as strong as she had—completely clean.

  “Look, I’m sorry that I had to follow you here.” She turned to look at me, smiling. “If you need anything—even just to talk—I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

  I nodded as she smoothed her hand down my arm, then she left.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked.

  She spun around, her hair blowing wild in the wind. “Tell Wes. He needs to know about this.”

  23

  Kendra

  Timothy Parker brought his A-game.

  There was nothing I didn’t like about the man. And I tried to not like him.

  Believe me. I did.

  Hell, I even went into tonight with plans on how I could sabotage the date just so I wouldn’t have to make an excuse of why I couldn’t sleep with him like the Madam had asked me to do.

  He had a slender neck with a sharp Adam’s apple that cut through the center of his throat. I’d never seen such shiny silver hair like he had. It glimmered like the mined metal and though he was old enough to be my father, it was impossible to not imagine what it would be like to fully step into his world of luxury.

  “This steak never disappoints.” He smiled as he cut through his nearly finished slab of meat.

  I nodded, fully enjoying my own meal of braised lamb shanks.

  Alex was pissed that we didn’t have our talk, but how could I possibly talk about something so dark when I had this amazing man sitting across from me to look forward to?

  “You know,” he lifted his head, still holding a fork in one hand and a knife in the other, “you remind me of someone I know.”

  I swallowed down my last bite, clearing my plate. “Oh, yeah? I hope she’s nice.”

  “The funny thing is, I can’t recall who that person is.” His eyes smiled as he chewed with his mouth closed.

  “Maybe it’s me,” I said, dabbing the corners of my mouth clean with my napkin.

  He finished chewing and smiled, showing me his teeth. I couldn’t help but notice how good he looked. Or maybe it was the restaurant, the soft glow of seduction swirling around him that made him seem so handsome. Whatever the reason, I liked my view tonight.

  “I suppose it could be.” He sipped his wine.

  “Except we haven’t met until tonight,” I reminded him.

  “Isn’t that a shame?”

  “Ask me tomorrow.” My eyes narrowed as I grinned.

  He chuckled as he worked to finish his own plate. “What’s your last name?”

  “Oh, no. I don’t give out those kinds of details until the third date.”

  His eyes sparkled when he lifted his head. His gaze was as steady as his posture and with his pupils big and round, it was clear that he adored my company as much as I did his. “I can wait then.”

  “A confident man.” I pinched the stem of my wine glass, picking it up from the table. “I like that.” My lips curled over the rim as I stole a sip while keeping my eye on him.

  “And I like that you’re cautious.” He grinned. “Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?”

  The candle flickered in his eyes as they drifted over me. “Not nearly enough,” I teased. A man could compliment me night and day. It would never get old, I thought, as long as they did it in a classy manner.

  “Well, you are absolutely stunning.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of me.

  All night he peppered complim
ents about something he liked about me. Whether it be the amazing dress Madam had given me to wear, or the diamond earrings that complemented the shade of red lipstick I wore. Timothy found reason to share his desires whenever he got the chance. At first I didn’t think much of it, then when he did it again, I knew his words to be sincere.

  “Do you always wear three-piece suits?” I asked. I liked how well he fit into his tailored clothes.

  “Every day I’m at the office.” He pulled in a deep breath.

  When I finished my glass, Timothy reached for the bottle and held it up, asking me if I wanted more with his eyes. I nodded, watching him pour my glass half full, realizing we were close to polishing off a second bottle already.

  “Tell me, Mr. CEO,” I brought my glass close to my mouth as I smiled, “what is work like for you?”

  Timothy leaned forward and started talking about his business empire. It was made clear to me that he enjoyed talking about himself, so I did him the honor of being curious about what it would be like to be an entrepreneur who worked around the clock, seven days a week.

  I could appreciate the ambition but the schedule seemed grueling.

  His hands waved through the air as his story of empire building continued. It was unbelievable, really. Incredible what a little bit of ambition could achieve. He had his hands in real estate, fashion, start-up technologies, everything under the sun. Some of which were sure to take off and be the next greatest thing. But as he talked about his own accomplishments and the celebrities he knew, all I could think about was Kelly.

  My finger circled the rim of my wine glass as I pretended to listen.

  I knew I needed to talk to Kelly. It would be stupid of me to think that this would just pass. Or that he’d let it go. He needed to know that it wasn’t him, but me. I was the reason I ran.

  My fingers pushed the hair out of my face as the thought alone left a sour taste in my mouth.

  There was so much I still needed to know about him. And I hadn’t forgotten Angel’s catty comment about how I should be careful to not get hurt if Kelly left me after first finding his way into fucking me. It’s him who has the commitment problem, I could still hear her say.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Timothy reached over and touched my frown.

  “Yeah.” I smiled. “I’m fine.” Except now I was thinking about that fucking contract Kelly swore I needed to sign before allowing our relationship to go any deeper.

  “Anyway, enough about me.” Timothy’s fingers walked their way over to my side of the table. “I was thinking of ordering dessert.”

  I glanced down at my empty plate, completely stuffed. The meal was exquisite but I couldn’t refuse dessert. But when I flicked my gaze up to him, I wondered if he was even thinking about food.

  “Dessert, you say?” I twisted a lock of hair around my finger, debating whether or not to reach out and touch his hand that was clearly trespassing on my side of the table.

  “We can eat it here,” he flipped his hand palm up, “or we can take it to-go.” He smiled.

  He had the whitest teeth I’d ever seen. They glowed like bleached coral and if I didn’t know what he did for a living already, I would have guessed he was a dentist.

  He was waiting for an answer and I was thankful the waiter came to clear the table. I was saved from having to decide, at least for another minute. A tab was left and despite all my thoughts being consumed by Kelly, I needed to remain present for the man who’d paid for my company tonight.

  “What would you like?” I asked, letting my hand fall into his.

  I watched as his long fingers closed around my bones, stroking my moisturized flesh with clear intention. He was hungry for more of me, but even with the Madam specifically instructing me to fuck this man, a man who most definitely pulled out all the right stops and deserved a good romping, I couldn’t.

  “I want what you want.”

  I dropped my gaze and thought about how best to respond.

  It wasn’t his fault that I was dragging my feet. Only days ago I would have totally done it. And despite his relentless attempt at seducing me, Kelly was the man who deserved to be wrapped up between my legs. Not Timothy.

  He squeezed my hand and craned his neck forward.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

  “Kendra, beautiful Kendra.”

  I flicked my eyes to his but couldn’t hold his strong, curious gaze.

  “Where did you go? Have you left for the evening already?”

  “I haven’t gone anywhere.” It was a lie, and despite my best efforts to hide the truth of what it was I was thinking, I couldn’t fake it. He’d read between the lines. It was written all over my face. “I’m not ready for dessert, but I would like another ride in your car.”

  Timothy’s sports car was the hottest thing I’d ridden in. It was a classic 1955 Ford Thunderbird that had all the American ingenuity and muscle packed into one engine.

  He rested his other hand on the table and I let him pull me to my feet. “Where would you like to go?”

  I slid my hand beneath his jacket and hooked my fingers on his surprisingly tight waist. “Do you like to dance?”

  “I’d love to dance,” he said, tossing five one-hundred dollar bills to the table. “As long as it’s with you.” He tightened his arm around me as we walked toward the exit.

  I wondered who still carried that much cash when I said, “You’d do anything with me, wouldn’t you?”

  “Is that an invitation?” He peered down at me with a wide grin.

  “Drive fast. Warm me up,” we stepped outside, leaving the restaurant, “and we’ll see where the night takes us.”

  The valet brought his car around shortly after we hit the curb. Timothy towed me by the hand to the passenger side and I watched him open the door. “Wait one second,” he said, twirling me around so that my back was pressed up against the window glass. Our eyes danced when he said, “You were such a joy tonight.”

  “I thought it wasn’t over?”

  He chuckled as he stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I’ve been wanting to do this since I first saw you.” He dropped his head and pressed his lips against mine.

  My heart stopped and I fought to keep my body from freezing up but it proved to be impossible. I’d known this was coming. Known that he’d make his move sooner or later. But when it finally came, I couldn’t give it back.

  He pulled me closer to him, demanding I open my mouth for him to explore.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, not liking how the Madam dictated who I fucked and who I didn’t. It took all the fun out of it. For me, it was about the experience. The act of living without fear. Yet, it seemed ever since Kelly unknowingly resurfaced my rape, that was all I felt when a man touched me.

  Timothy poked his tongue against the seam of my lips, and just as I was about to open up for him I heard a man yelling from afar, “That’s my girl. Don’t touch her!”

  My eyes flew open and I gasped, not believing my eyes. “Kelly?”

  He rushed toward Timothy faster than my mind could comprehend. And I couldn’t believe what happened next.

  24

  Kelly

  My head spun with what she was saying.

  It didn’t make sense why she was telling me this.

  I kept an ear on her words as my fist clenched. “Okay, got it. Thanks,” I said, ending my call.

  Then I was in my car and racing across town as fast as I could drive.

  I swore the Madam was purposely filling my head with doubts. I was a pawn in her game of chess, but after what she just told me, I couldn’t leave it to chance.

  Kendra was about to get fucked by another man and it was my job to stop it.

  The tires squealed as I sped around a curve. My knuckles were white from how tightly my fingers gripped the wheel and no matter how fast I drove, I couldn’t run away from the shit that my life had become.

  My stomach clenched as I thought about Mario and what
I might learn after meeting with him. The Madam already had taken a position in her head—I knew that much—so the reasons for her mind games had to be a power play.

  I downshifted, letting the engine roar as I cautiously rolled through a stop sign. When I saw that it was clear, I hit the accelerator and sped off.

  I dreaded what could be, especially after Adrianna Eastman surprised me at the cemetery. Once she involved Wesley Reid, there would be no turning back to how things once were. If the Madam was up to what we all speculated she was, then God help us all. Fear hardened my stomach as I imagined what Wes and Adrianna were going to do to counter-attack the Madam’s pursuit.

  The stress was enough for me to steal Kendra away and lose myself in her.

  Not to mention, save her before something bad happened.

  I needed her to know that I didn’t mean to hurt her last night. I didn’t like the way we’d left things, quiet and awkward, leaving us to only guess what the other was thinking. It was the pursuit of sex that introduced us, but it was something much deeper that had me speeding through the city in an attempt to get to her before it was too late.

  A car honked when I cut someone off. Nearly getting t-boned, I continued weaving in and out of traffic. “Move it,” I cursed under my breath.

  Whatever that internal drive was, I wasn’t sure. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone, but I wasn’t in need of a girlfriend. We could fuck, be there for each other, and stall the engine there before it got complicated.

  But I couldn’t allow her to be with any other man.

  It had to be me.

  No exceptions.

  I slammed on the brakes, skidding to a complete stop the moment I whipped my ride into the parking lot of the restaurant.

  As soon as I stashed my gun in the glovebox, I caught Kendra and her date leaving. They walked through the front doors, hand-in-hand, with looks on their faces that sent me over the edge. Spots flashed across my vision as jealousy burned deep. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew I wanted to kill him.

  He was seducing my girl.