“Rosie.” I start, feeling like I just need to say something.
We have yet to discuss anything relating to Charlie. I don’t know how she feels about any of this, especially the baby. Given that she’s always been like a second mom to me, I feel I at least owe her an explanation.
“Here.” She sets a half-gallon of milk next to me. “And no, you don’t have to explain anything.” She responds, retrieving a bowl from the cabinet above her before reaching for the eggs.
Am I that easy to read or does she really just know me that well?
“I just need you to know that I love Charlie.” I turn slightly to face her as she cracks an egg shell and empties the contents into the bowl.
“I know you do.” She doesn’t look at me as she repeats the process with another egg.
“I’m going to take of her and the baby. I swear to you. I will make her happy.”
“I know you will.” She finally meets my gaze, a small smile pulling up her lips.
“She means everything to me.”
“I know she does.” She reaches out, cupping my cheek. “You don’t have to convince me of one single thing Paxton Stewart.” She pats my face before letting her hand fall. “I know you. I know the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.” She chuckles, once again reminding me of some of the very embarrassing things Rosie may or may not have caught me doing in my youth.
“Yeah, about that...” I laugh nervously.
“But more than anything.” She interrupts without hesitation. “I see the way you look at my daughter. And I see the way she looks at you.”
She takes a long pause before continuing. “I didn’t know what happened to her in New York when she came home, but I knew something was off. There was a shadow in her eyes, like someone had snuffed out her light. She smiled and acted like everything was fine but deep down I knew something dark was brewing inside of her. That is, until you. You changed her Paxton. You brought her back to life. You put the light back in her eyes. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.”
“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” I insist, feeling like I should be thanking her for being so incredibly supportive when I’ve given her hundreds of reasons over the years not to trust me.
“You’ll understand soon enough.” Her eyes well with tears but not a single one falls. “You’ll hold that baby in your arms and nothing else will matter. You will spend the rest of your life praying that that child finds the happiness you have given mine. That’s all it’s about in the end. You want to leave this world knowing that you did everything you could to ensure your children’s happiness.”
“I’m nervous.” I admit, letting out a slow breath.
“I’d be worried if you weren’t.” She laughs lightly, turning her attention back to the bowl of eggs in front of her. “When I was pregnant with Mia, Tim was a wreck. He was so certain he was going to muck it up even though I told him over and over again how amazing I knew he would be. You see who was right.” She nudges me with her hip as she whips the eggs with a fork.
“I just wish things with Gavin weren’t so rocky right now.” I let out a deep sigh.
“Give him time. He’ll come around.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“I am.” She says it like there’s no question in her mind. Wish I shared her optimism. “You are like a brother to Gavin. Brothers fight. But the three of you are thick as thieves. There’s no way he will let something like this ruin that bond. I know it may not seem like it now, but this is something you will look back on one day and laugh about.”
“I don’t know Rose. I lied to him. I feel like I pissed on that bond pretty good.” She eyes me sternly for my choice of words.
“Do you regret it?” Her question catches me off guard.
Do I regret it?
Would I go back and do it all over again if I knew the outcome would be the same?
Yes.
Yes I would.
“No.” I shake my head, wishing I felt guiltier for my answer.
“Then there you have it. Sometimes you have to do what’s right for you. Whether Gavin likes it not, you’re family. And we stand by our family no matter what.” She gives me a sincere smile, letting me know she means every word.
“I was going to do this ya know?” I finally turn back toward the counter, handing Rosie the milk when she reaches for it.
“I know, but I like it. Before too long I won’t have anyone to cook for on a daily basis. I assume Charlie is moving in with you.” She hits me with a sideways glance.
“We haven’t really figured all that out yet but I think that’s the plan. I’ve been thinking about selling the condo in the next few months and buying a house a little closer out this way.” I admit.
“But you just bought the condo.” She interjects.
“It’s worth it though. I don’t really like the idea of raising a child in downtown Portland. Plus, I think Charlie would be happier closer to you, not to mention school.”
“See, I knew I was right about you.” She waves her finger at me playfully.
“Don’t count me out just yet. I may still prove you wrong.” I tease, turning when I hear a soft throat clear behind us.
“Babe, why are you up?” I’m in front of Charlie within seconds, guiding her toward the kitchen table.
“I came to see what’s taking my French toast so long. You two chatty Cathy’s in here.” She gestures between me and her mom, swatting at me when I attempt to help her sit. “I’m capable of walking and sitting on my own you know?”
“I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard too fast.” I say, wondering when the hell I became so overprotective.
She’s right... I am that guy.
“Mom, would you please tell this man to stop.” She calls to Rosie for back up.
“I will do no such thing.” She says, facing away from us as she drops a couple slices of French toast onto the griddle. “He’s right.” She finally spins toward us. “It’s not just you anymore.”
“What the crap is with you two?” She throws her hands up in playful defeat. “Are you in cahoots?”
“Maybe we are.” I slide down in the chair next to Charlie.
Lifting her hand from the table, I turn it face up and gently kiss her palm.
“I love you.” I mouth, loving the way heat rushes to her face every time I say it.
“I love you.” She mouths back before her wide gaze flips behind me.
“Sorry. Fuck. I didn’t realize.” Gavin flusters in the doorway and then spins around, disappearing as quickly as he appeared.
“Don’t.” Charlie grabs my forearm when I move to stand.
“I’m just going to talk to him.” I reassure her, leaning forward to lay a gentle kiss to her forehead before taking off after Gavin.
I catch up to him just as he rounds his truck on the street corner and peels the driver’s side door open.
“Gav, wait.” I call out, surprised when he hesitates instead of climbing in.
“What?” He bites, clearly still angry with me. “Want to take another swing at me?” He points to his right eye which is a dark purple and still slightly swollen from our altercation a couple of days ago.
“I’m fucking sorry dude.” I step up to the side of the truck just feet in front of him. “I never should have hit you.”
“I shouldn’t have said that shit about your mom. That was a dick move.” He grumbles, slamming the driver’s door before leaning casually against it, his hands shoved in his pockets.
“I don’t know how to fix this. But I need to fix it. You’re my fucking family, man. I can’t stand this wall between us.”
“You’re the one that chose this.” He hits me with a hard glare, but I can sense the hurt behind the mask.
“You’re right. I did. And I would do it all over again if it meant that Charlie would be mine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret the way shit went down. I lied to you. I know that’s fucking huge.�
�
“We’ve always been honest with each other. Me. You. Deck. It fucking sucks because I don’t feel like I can trust you anymore.” He scratches the scruff across his chin, having clearly not shaved for days.
“This isn’t about Charlie.” He continues. “I mean, it is. Fuck dude you knocked up my fucking sister.” He grinds out. “But it’s the fucking lying and sneaking around bull shit that really just eats at me. I thought we were above that. I’ve never questioned anything you’ve said or done no matter how sketch that shit seemed, because at the end of the day I fucking trusted you. Guess you did a good job making an ass out of me.”
“That was never my intention dude and you know it. I fucking fell in love. I didn’t set out trying to find it. It wasn’t some master plan to fuck you over. It just happened and I couldn’t fucking stop it. I knew lying to you was a shit move but fuck, I didn’t know what else to do. What the fuck should I have done? I fell in love with my best friend’s little sister and I was so certain he would never approve that I did the only thing that made sense to me.”
“Glad to know lying to me made sense to you in that fucked up head of yours.”
“You know what I mean.” I let out a slow sigh, silence stretching between us.
“You know what’s really fucked up?” Gavin finally speaks after what feels like forever. “I would have supported you guys. A hundred percent from go.”
“What?” I question, not able to hide my skepticism.
“Seriously. Why wouldn’t I have? You were my best friend.” I ignore the sting that comes along with the way he phrases it past tense. “I know you better than you probably know your fucking self.” He continues. “Why wouldn’t I want someone like you with my sister? I know you’ll take care of her. I know you’ll love her. I know that you will never hurt her because Pax, that’s who you are. Charlie is lucky to have you.”
His statement knocks me back a beat and it takes me a few moments to gather my thoughts enough to respond.
“That’s not how you made it seem at the hospital.” I interject.
“Fuck what I said at the hospital dude. I was fucking pissed. I would have said anything I could to hurt you because in the moment, I wanted to fucking hurt you. But all bullshit aside, I’m good with this. I don’t like how it happened and I think a baby probably isn’t the most responsible thing to be bringing into the world right now but at this point, it is what it is.” He shrugs.
“I plan to ask her to marry me.” I speak the words, deciding right here on the spot that this is what I want.
“Wow.” Gavin seems a bit taken aback but also kind of impressed at the same time. “That’s a big step.”
“It is.” I agree. “But fuck me dude, I love that girl more than anything. She’s all I want. She’s all I’ll ever want.”
“Well then.” He nods. “I’m happy for the two of you.”
As if that’s all there is to say, he turns, peeling open the truck door. He hesitates for a long moment before finally turning his attention back to me.
“I’ll see you later.” He gives me a half grin before climbing into the truck and firing the engine to life.
Stepping back into the yard, I can’t help but smile as I watch him drive away. I know it’s not much and that the shit between us is still very real but in that one conversation I have learned one very important fact; our friendship is not beyond saving. There is time to make this right and based on what just happened, I’d say Gavin wants that too.
I walk back inside feeling like a thousand pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Smiling at Charlie, whose eyes catch mine the moment I step into the kitchen, I reclaim the seat next to her.
“Everything okay?” She eyes me curiously.
“It is.” I confirm. “Not a hundred percent, but we’ll get there.”
“Good.” She gives me a wide smile, her relief evident.
“Who’s ready for French toast?” Rosie practically sings as she sets two platefuls down in front of me and Charlie.
I spend the remainder of the afternoon watching my girl cut up and laugh like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I don’t think I have ever seen her quite this relaxed and it feels good to know that the events of the last couple of days are not weighing her down. If anything she seems more weightless than ever.
Minutes bleed into hours and I swear, I could spend an eternity just watching her, breathing her in, soaking up the utter joy she brings to my life. I knew it years ago, when she was just a teenager, that she would be the one woman to tame the wildness within me.
She’s brought me peace. She’s shown me how to love. She’s taught me how to forgive myself and how to live with the things I can’t change. There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t look at this girl and wonder how in the fuck I ever got so lucky.
Why this girl, this crazy beautiful picture of perfection, ever chose me, I’m not sure I’ll ever understand. But I will spend every fucking day of the rest of my life making sure damn sure she’s glad she did.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Six months later...
Charlie
“She’s so fucking beautiful Char.” Gavin looks down at the tiny baby wrapped in his arms, his eyes swimming with emotion.
“She’s perfect isn’t she?” I smile at the two of them.
Nothing could have ever prepared me for the pure joy I feel right now. It’s been six hours since Lorelei Rose Stewart was introduced to the world. Named after both of our mother’s, she is the absolute definition of perfection.
“She is. Though she kind of looks like her dad.” He crinkles his nose playfully.
“What the hell are you trying to say dude?” Paxton appears in the doorway, laughter vibrating through his chest.
“I’m just saying. Out of the two of you, I think Charlie’s the prettier one.” Gavin jokes, his eyes not leaving the little girl in his arms.
“You don’t think I’m pretty?” Paxton pouts, sliding into the bed next me before dropping an arm over my shoulder and pulling me toward him.
Gavin doesn’t respond, giving Paxton a look that says hell no before talking baby gibberish to his niece who sleeps right through it without even stirring.
“Hey baby.” Paxton’s lips on the side of my neck pull my attention from our daughter and I turn, snuggling into his chest.
“Hey.” I smile, breathing in his scent.
Even though I’m dressed in a ratty hospital gown, my face free of makeup, and my hair looking like a bird could nest in it, Paxton still looks down at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
God this man is perfect.
“As much as I want to stay here and hold this little girl forever.” Gavin interrupts the moment. “Duty calls.” He stands, laying Lorelei in my arms when I reach for her.
“You headed to the bar?” Paxton watches the exchange between the two of us, his eyes fixated on his daughter until she’s back safely against my chest.
“Yeah, we got the remodel going on right now and I promised Deck I would get back with enough time for him and Kimber to pop over for a bit. Kimber is dying to get her hands on that baby.” He gestures to Lorelei. “Mark my words, they’ll be popping one of their own out within a year.”
“Cousins.” I exclaim, getting a death stare from Gavin.
“Y’all need to wrap your shit up. The last thing I need is Harlee jumping on the baby band wagon.”
“Where is Harlee anyway?”
“Class.” He shrugs. “She’ll probably stop by later on this evening. Hopefully she doesn’t get any fucking ideas.” He gestures to the baby.
“Come on man.” Paxton interjects. “You know you want one.”
“I do.” He answers immediately. “But I want a couple more years of Harlee all to myself, if you know what I mean.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively.
“Um gross.” I purse my lips. “You can go now.” I laugh, shaking my head in disgust.
“How do you thin
k I feel?” He gestures between me and Paxton, shuttering playfully.
“Fuck you too dude.” Paxton laughs, standing to walk Gavin out.
“They’re so silly.” I talk to the silent baby in my arms.
“Call me if you need anything Char.” Gavin pulls my attention back up to him, throwing me a wave as he exits the room, Paxton directly behind him.
It makes me so happy that the two of them are almost normal again. It took some time, but they are finally getting there.
I turn my attention from the doorway to stare down at the tiny child in my arms, still not able to believe that she’s actually here. I felt like this day would never come and now that it has, I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I can hardly make it five minutes without crying.
As if right on cue, tears swell in my eyes, blurring my vision. I blink rapidly, trying my hardest to fight them back but it’s no use. It’s as if my body is just doing whatever it wants today and to hell with what my mind has to say about it.
“Char?” Paxton hits me with a look of concern the second he steps back into the room. “You okay?” He reclaims his place next to me in the bed, one arm pulling me into him, the other resting gently against my arm where our baby is cradled.
“Stupid emotions.” I laugh out through my tears, wiping them away with my free hand.
“It’s normal.” He reassures me, having spent hours researching everything regarding child birth, wanting to make sure he was prepared for it all.
It amazes me how quickly he fell into the roll. I was barely into my second trimester before he started baby proofing the condo. Even though we plan to move before the baby is walking, he still went to great lengths to make sure there was not an inch of our home that wasn’t a hundred percent safe for our daughter.
It was beyond entertaining watching him freak out every other day when he realized there was something he forgot, as if we didn’t have the time to get it all done. Needless to say, we’ve been ready for baby Lorelei for quite some time now.
“She really is perfect isn’t she?” He watches our daughter sleep in my arms, his hand brushing gently against her tiny fingers.
Crazy Stupid Perfection (Crazy Love, #3) Page 18
