by Nicole Casey
“Things are getting a little… dull recently. Maybe it’s time for me to spice things up.”
What was that look in his eye? Was he trying to communicate something with me? Was this… did he want me now? God, that was a turn up for the books! I’d spent so long wanting him, if this conversation had come about just a little sooner, then I probably would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but now I didn’t want anything to do with it. Tony was just adding more complication to my life, and I really didn’t need it.
“Right, well good luck with that,” I slowly moved away, trying to distance myself.
I needed him to get the hint, to leave me already. I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
“I need to try and sort out…”
“You cannot be serious,” he exclaimed, throwing his arms angrily above his head.
“You are not going to chase after that weed are you? After he walked out on you like that? He didn’t even bother to fight for you. You don’t need someone like that. You need me…” he brushed his fingers against mine, but I didn’t feel anything. I just wanted to get away.
“Wait,” I snapped my skin away and stared angrily at him. “How the fuck do you know what went on?”
It was the just the way he worded that, it made me suspicious. No one knew a single thing about me and Max, so how did he know that he hadn’t fought for anything? It didn’t make any sense.
“Oh come on,” he shrugged, but his cheeks flamed giving him away. “You know, it was obvious.”
“No, it wasn’t.” I threw my hands on my hips and stared angrily at him.
I wasn’t about to take this, I needed to know the truth, and I needed it now.
“Now tell me what I’m missing.”
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled, totally uncaring that my heart was crashing in my chest all over again.
“Look, I know that I hurt you with all the Desi stuff, and that was wrong of me. I guess I got bored because you never really showed me how you felt. I didn’t think you really liked me, so I jumped on the first person who showed me affection.”
My arms fell away; my heart stopped dead in my chest.
Was he right?
Did I push Tony into Desi’s arms?
I’d never considered that I played any role in us falling apart, but maybe if I’d opened myself up more, none of that would’ve happened. It wasn’t too different to what I did with Max. I could’ve just told him what was going on, but I didn’t. I kept it to myself, and it’d blown up in my face.
Maybe communication was my big failure.
“I guess I just didn’t want to see you getting hurt,” Tony continued, seemingly oblivious to my inner turmoil.
“I could see that things with him weren’t really a thing; it was an obvious ploy to make me jealous, and it worked.”
Those words weren’t even registering in my mind anymore. He was saying the very thing that I’d always wanted him to, and I really didn’t care.
“So I told him that I wanted you back, and as you can see he ran off scared.”
“When did you say that?” My mind spun. I felt dizzy and stressed; this was utterly crazy. Me and Max had been together all night long…
Oh, until I went to put Sally to bed.
I’d come back to find him cold and distant, which was actually fair enough because he found out that he was a pawn in a game, and he assumed I’d take Tony back. If only I’d gotten it out of him. If only I’d managed to open him up, I could’ve explained.
Although I probably wouldn’t have come off of that very well at all. How could I explain my insane plan without sounding like a total dick? That was mission impossible!
“I bumped into him in the bathroom,” Tony replied, confirming exactly what I’d assumed.
“We had a little chat, I made him see sense. Now he’s gone.” Then he stepped closer to me, and I could feel the heat of his body burning into mine.
“So now we can see what’s going on here. I’ll even get rid of Desi for you. I really think that we could have another shot here, if you’re just more honest with me.”
His fingers laced through mine, and in numb shock I allowed it to happen.
“We could easily fall back into love.”
“No,” I shook my head firmly. “No way.” I moved slowly backward, a hard realization hitting me. In a way, I would take his advice, but not in the way that Tony wanted me to. I would go now, be brave and catch up to Max. He might’ve gone home, but I knew where he lived now. I could speak to him, explain, and promise to be better.
Maybe I would come out of this still looking like a dick. Maybe Max wouldn’t listen to me, but I had to try. I had to at least give this thing we could potentially have a go, even if it wasn’t easy. Hopefully, it would be worth it in the end.
“No, I have to go. I need to get out of here. There’s something I have to do.”
I turned my back on Tony, finally feeling that powerful sense of closure overcoming my heart. I was done now. I had something else to look forward to now. I just had to hope that I could make it work in the way that I so desperately wanted it to.
Chapter Eighteen
Max
I was lying on my couch, feeling like I would never get up again.
If this was heartbreak, then it was absolutely bloody awful. I guess I never assumed that it was going to be lovely, but I didn’t think it would hurt this intensely, especially not with a guy I really barely knew. It wasn’t as if we’d been something long term, so this was just silly. It probably had more to do with my crappy judgment than anything else. I just didn’t know who I’d ever be able to trust again.
Knock, knock…
Urgh, someone was at my door, and I really didn’t have any energy to move. I hadn’t ordered any food, so it wasn’t going to be anyone I wanted to talk to. If I lay here just a little while longer, they’d give up and go away for sure.
Knock, knock…
I moved slightly, turning onto my back, still refusing to stand. It was too late for visitors now, I had no idea what time it even was, the only thing I was certain of was nothing could make me move. I was done with the day; there wasn’t a single face I wanted to look at.
Knock, knock…
“No one’s home,” I yelled morosely, just trying to get whoever it was to shut up now.
“Go away.”
“Max.”
Oh my God, I bolted into an upright position as I realized that it was Bryant standing on the other side of that door, the only person who had the potential to shift my mood entirely. My heart raced like crazy, my mind spun, and I didn’t know what to do. I glanced my eyes from side to side, almost as if I was looking for an escape route. I couldn’t see him, not now… yet at the same time, I felt like I wanted to hear him out. Maybe that made me pathetic, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. It was just for the explanation…
No, I couldn’t. I needed to be strong, I’d just decided to be better in the future. I couldn’t go back on that already.
“I said go away,” I repeated a little louder as terror raced through my veins.
“Please, Max, just let me in. I want to tell you why I did what I did. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to even care, but I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you.”
If I allowed him to go now, I shut the door forever. Sure, maybe he’d already done that, but now I felt like I might always be left wondering. I didn’t want any regrets. I didn’t want to constantly be wondering ‘what if’. Maybe I needed to let him in, just to get some closure.
Or the more likely possibility was that I was looking for an excuse to do what I’d already decided that I wanted to.
I stood up slowly, an ice-cold sensation creeping up and down my body, and I moved my way towards the front door. As my hand reached out to open it, my heart was pounding hard. I had no idea whether or not this was the right thing to do, and I was undeniably petrified.
I tugged on the door slowly, brin
ging his face into view, and I couldn’t help remember the last time that we were in the exact same situation. I had no idea who was going to be there then. I didn’t know what to expect, and I’d been so pleasantly surprised when I found myself faced with Bryant. I thought that all my dreams were coming true.
That was only a couple of days ago… so much had changed. Now I didn’t know how to feel about him anymore.
“What are you doing here?” I snapped angrily at him, trying to ignore the way my stomach soared with happiness seeing him. I shouldn’t have felt anything positive because of Bryant… where was the hurt, the anger? Why had it all deserted me now?
“What do you want?”
“I just want to tell you why.”
He looked so haggard, so stressed and upset, which was the only reason that I stepped aside. I didn’t feel ready to have him here, but my heart yearned desperately for answers, and I felt compelled to get them.
“Come through here,” I led him into the front room and perched on the edge of the seat while I waited for him to talk.
“Please don’t insult my intelligence,” I warned him quickly. “I already know about your little plan, so you might as well skip the part where you pretend I meant something to you.”
“Maybe it started off that way,” he sighed deeply and met my eyes. “But it quickly turned into something more.”
I made a scoffing noise, but that didn’t go anywhere towards stopping him.
“I hated Tony and Desi for what they did to me; they ripped my life apart. I never thought that I’d be able to let anyone in again. Then when Sally confirmed to me that they were both going to be at the wedding, I freaked out.”
“Sorry, why exactly were they at your sister’s wedding in the first place?” If this was going to be some complex family issue, then it might be best for me to get out now while I still could.
“He’s the groom’s cousin, which I guess I didn’t really think about until it was too late.” I nodded, not fully understanding that but I was doing my utmost to remain a little open minded. “So I freaked out, and I got Hayley involved which I really shouldn’t have done. She told me that she knew someone I might like, which of course was you, and I begged her not to tell you what the real deal was. I know that it might be tempting to blame her for her role in this, but really it’s all my fault.”
I did feel a bit guilty for the way that I yelled at my friend earlier on, but still, this wasn’t all making sense.
“Why didn’t you just tell me what the game was? I might have still come…”
“Because, I didn’t want you to think that I was pathetic,” my argument fell away from my lips when I saw how upset he was about that.
“Trust me, I know how sad it is to still be hung up on something that happened a year ago. I guess I saw your picture and I liked you… I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me before we’d even gotten started.”
Hmm, okay, maybe I could see that, but that still didn’t justify everything.
“But what about when you got to know me a bit? You must have seen that I’m a good guy, and I wouldn’t have judged you. I opened up to you about things that are really embarrassing to me, and still you said nothing.”
He stared deeply into my eyes, trying to communicate something monumental, but in my emotional state I couldn’t totally work out what he found himself resorting to using words instead.
“Because then I thought that I would lose you.”
My answer got stuck in my throat; my heart fluttered like crazy. He didn’t tell me after we slept together because it was so awkward. Again, I didn’t want it to, but it actually made some serious sense. Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be so open and honest about me either once that had happened.
“Oh right,” my ears buzzed with the intense knowledge that somehow, through all of this, Bryant still seemed to want me.
The question was, did I still want him too? Was there any way that I could forgive him?
“So I guess you didn’t go back to Tony then, since you’re here?”
“I honestly don’t think he wanted me really,” Bryant shrugged, and as he spoke I stared into his eyes, trying to find a flicker of emotion there, but it seemed that there was nothing. Maybe he really was over his ex after all.
“I think life is all just a game to him, but to be honest, even if he had I wouldn’t have wanted him. Maybe before I met you, but that’s only because I was sad. I never got any closure, I just felt hurt while he was happy and it didn’t feel fair.”
“Right…”
Did I want to hear this? Did I really want him to be saying what I thought that he was going to? Of course I did, but it didn’t make me feel like I was being as strong as I would have liked.
“Now I can look back at what I had with Tony, and I can learn from it. He cheated on me, but I wasn’t perfect either. I’ve always been terrible at communicating, which I think all of this has proven, but that isn’t who I want to be anymore. I want to be better,” he moved forwards until he was close enough to take my hands in his. I probably should’ve resisted, but I didn’t. He had me mesmerized with his words.
“I want to be better for you. I know that this might be a big ask, but do you think you could give me another shot? I know that I’ve probably blown my chance, and that I come with a whole lot of baggage… but I want to try. Do you?”
He stared at me, waiting desperately for an answer, and all I wanted to do was tell him what he wanted to hear. I wanted all of that too. I had from the very first second that I’d laid my eyes on him, but now I had to be smart.
This was my heart, and I knew all too well now that I had to be careful with it. Just because he had those gorgeous eyes, and that lovely hair, and a smile to die for… just because he made my heart beat faster, and my mind spin, just because I wanted to be with him, didn’t mean I had to be… did it?
Oh what the hell was I playing at? There was no way I could pass up on this chance! Maybe it would work, maybe not, but if I didn’t try then I’d never know!
“Yes,” I whispered, an intense happiness making its way back up onto my face.
“Yes, let’s give this a go.”
Chapter Nineteen
Bryant
“Oh my God, are you serious?” I gasped happily, as Max gave me the answer I was so desperate to hear. “I’m not going to lie, I really thought that you would say no.”
“Maybe I should,” he warned me. “I’m trusting you with this. I don’t ever want to be anything other than your one and only, do you understand?”
“Of course I do, that’s all I want, too. This whole mess might’ve started out as a stupid game, but as soon as I laid my eyes on you that changed. You’ve altered everything about me.” I was opening up my soul and being really truthful now, and to be honest it felt a whole lot easier when I knew that Max wanted me, too. “I really like you, more than I’ve ever liked someone before, and I really want to know where this thing is going to go.”
The air became thick with lust. I could feel it buzzing between me and Max, taking us right back to where we first started with all of this. He moved to the chair I was sitting on, bringing that electricity so close that it could zing right through me, then he slowly, tantalizingly, brought his head closer to mine.
“I’ve never felt this way either,” he confessed, brushing his lips gently against mine with every word, igniting that fire deep inside of me. “I like you a whole lot, too.”
“I better not screw it up then,” I mumbled against his lips, barely making my words audible.
As our lips connected, I felt whole once more. Max completed me, and I could feel that right down to my core. We kissed long and lovingly, and I clamped my hands around the back of his neck while we did. I felt like I could really stake my claim now, and that was exactly what I was doing. I was taking control of the situation… that was until Max moved me backward into a lying position, leaving me totally helpless to him. I didn’t mind that, if he wanted to have al
l of the power, then that was fine with me. Looking up at him from this angle made me so damn happy that I would’ve given him absolutely everything.
“I see how it is,” I smirked up at him teasingly, losing myself in his eyes for a moment. “This is all on your terms, is it?”
“It is tonight!” he said. He touched my face and our eyes met with such passion and hunger.
I ran my fingers along the edge of his trousers, watching as his face became a little less confident. He might have assumed that he had me right where he wanted me, but I knew what he liked now. I knew what made his body react and I wasn’t going to just sit back and let him have all the control.
I slowly dipped my hand into his underwear, feeling out his thick, throbbing erection between my fingers. He groaned and I knew that I was exactly where he wanted me.
He was having a hard time keeping himself upright and that pleased me greatly. While I stroked his cock, I used my other hand to tug at his shirt. Some of his buttons were ripped free along the way, but as I revealed his glistening, muscular body, I gasped.
Max was amazing. He was the sexiest guy I’d ever seen and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have him with me. I’d nearly blown it. I thought I had, but he was here with me all the same. He was so easy to be around, so simple to fall for, and that felt awesome.
My eyes met his and he bit his lower lip, causing me to take my lips to his and kiss him, while I continued to run my fingers over his cock. His cock expanded in my grasp as his tongue dove into my mouth.
The feeling I had for Max was unique, in that it wasn’t like this with Tony. Even though we were friends first, I always felt like I wasn’t quite myself with him. The fact that I could just be me with Max gave me the confidence to believe that we could really make this last.
I dipped my tongue back into his mouth as I splayed one hand over his erection and the other over his bare chest, touching his muscles and gliding my hand down his firm body. Wanting to explore his chest more, I drifted my lips from his and trailed down over his chest as I ran my hand over his cock. The combination of sensations seemed to send him wild. He could barely control himself anymore, which in the end forced him to push himself backward into a sitting position.
