He managed to shift his concern aside, so he could accomplish his tasks, but it hovered in the peripheral of his thoughts, never vanishing completely. When anyone interacted with her, she was polite but clipped the conversation. She stayed at her desk during lunch, nibbling on vending machine chips and soda, but that was typical for half his team.
As the clock crept up on five, Justin sent him a message. I need to cancel tonight. Sorry for the late notice.
Antonio scowled at the note. The two of them were going to celebrate meeting their deadline. Did something come up?
Nothing work related. Dinner with Lia. Turns out I missed her more than I realized.
Totally understand. Have fun. Antonio was glad the conversation was remote, so Justin couldn’t see the way he glowered at the screen. He was irritated with being stood up, but it did give him an excuse. He sent Emily a note. Do you have a minute?
On my way out.
It was five on a Friday. That made sense. Thirty seconds then.
Through the doorway, he saw her shoulders slump. She stood and strolled into his office. He nodded at the door, and she shut it.
“I know I don’t have any right to press, but it’s clear something’s wrong.” He kept his tone gentle and sympathetic, to not aggravate whatever this was. “I’m grilling tonight, and I’ve got an extra steak if you want to keep me company. No obligation to talk, though the offer is there.” Was he asking her out? No. This was the concerned gesture of a friend.
“You said I not we.”
He shrugged. “I got stood up. Hence the extra steak.”
She looked up, her smile looking more genuine than it had all day. “That sounds nice.”
“I’m not firing up the grill for a few hours, so I’ll give you my address, and you can head over when you’re ready.”
She turned her gaze to her shuffling feet. “Would you mind if I followed you over now? Or, rather, when you leave for the day? Is that all right?”
“Absolutely.” It was more than all right. It made his pulse skip in a way he didn’t expect. “In fact, I’m ready to go now."
The corners of her eyes pulled up, as more of the tension lifted from her face. She let out a half-sigh, half-chuckle. “Sounds perfect.”
Joy nudged Antonio’s thoughts, at the realization he was the cause of that. He’d do an awful lot to keep her smiling. Where did that come from? He and Emily had a friendship, at best. A shared connection he’d only felt with a handful of other people, but still friendship.
He didn’t know which was worse—that he was trying so hard to convince himself it was true, or that he didn’t believe it.
Chapter Eighteen
“YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU have this gorgeous home and you never spend any time here?” Awe filled Emily’s voice. She stood in Antonio’s foyer, gaze drifting around the living room. It was nice to see her more calm than an hour ago.
Antonio laughed. “I only miss it when I think about it.” He gestured toward the plush furniture. “Have a seat. Can I get you a beer or anything?”
“No.” The word landed sharply between them, and she frowned. “The last thing I need right now is alcohol sucking me back into the pit.”
The verbal confirmation something was bothering her brought his curiosity back. “This is the last time I’ll ask. Tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “What’s wrong?”
She sank onto his loveseat and nodded at the spot next to her. “You’re hovering. It’s awkward.”
“My apologies.” He kept as much space between them as was possible without looking forced, given the confined spot.
Silence settled over them, and he bit his tongue to keep from saying anything. He promised not to ask again, but he was worried, if he changed the subject, she might not open up. It was clear she needed to get something off her mind.
“It’s really nothing. I meant that.” She fiddled with a thin spot on her jeans, dragging her nail over the loose threads. “I’ll tell you, and you’ll agree.”
He had a feeling it went deeper than that. “Okay.”
“My roommate’s brother is staying with us. He does that sometimes, when money is tight and he can’t find a contract. I’ve known them both forever. She’s my best friend. Apparently he wants... He got a little aggressive this morning is all. Nothing more than that.” Her insistence ran together. “But she’s taking his side, and home feels a little alienating right now. Anyway.” Emily looked up, smile so thin it stretched over her teeth. “It’ll pass in a few days, once I’ve had some time to mope.”
As she told the story, Antonio’s anger heated from simmering to boiling. His imagination filled in the details she glossed over. “That doesn’t sound like nothing.” He forced himself to not speak through clenched teeth.
“It really isn’t a deal. It’s so far from being one that it’s not on the same planet.” She sank back against the cushions and scrubbed her face. “That’s what I’ve been telling myself all morning. It’s not like he touched me or tried to force himself on me. Problem is I’m not having any of my own crap.”
The assurance was enough to help him put a lid on his response. Showing her his fury wouldn’t help, but it was clear she was talking herself down when she was justified in being upset. “Stop trying to convince yourself you were in the wrong. No one deserves to be treated like that.” Especially you. The surge of protectiveness caught him off guard. He wanted to pull her into his lap, wrap her up, and keep her safe. The feeling was foreign and impossible to shake.
She also didn’t need him being grabby.
“Thank you for that.” She seemed to relax a little.
“For the truth? Always. What can I do to help?”
“Distract me. We can talk about anything but this morning.”
“Did you have another topic in mind?” If he were the one to choose, he’d want to know what happened when she was done with her contract. Would she move on and never see them again? Was there the potential for something more, without the confines of work bearing down on them? Now wasn’t the time to press for details like that, though.
She looked around the room. “I don’t know. Um... Why a dragon tattoo?”
“It matches Justin’s phoenix.” Easy answer but hardly a conversation starter.
“Really?” She scrunched up her face. “He told me— Never mind.”
“That it was Dark Phoenix? Like in the XMen comics? It’s true. The original was.” Maybe there was a story here after all. He never talked about things in this way, because it meant delving into how he felt about Justin, and he didn’t want that showing in front of the wrong people. With Emily, he wasn’t concerned. “A year or two after we met, I was ready to head back home. Obligation and the family business waited, and I thought I was done seeing the world.
“My dad’s company hires a lot of foreign contractors. Not as in overseas work, but people who do exactly what I had. Twenty-somethings backpacking around the world. He hires people from everywhere and never expects them to say more than six months to a year. It gives the company new vision and direction, and keeps things from getting stale. I didn’t want to leave Justin behind, so I landed him a job, to convince him to come back to Italy with me, and crossed my fingers he’d be one of the few who stayed.”
“Instead, somewhere along the way, he sold you on this idea and convinced you to come back to the States with him?” She shifted her position so one foot was tucked under the other knee, and she faced him, leg pressing against his thigh.
“Pretty much. Not that he had to work hard, to sell me. It’s a good idea—one I still believe in—and I would have followed him even if he wanted to sell snake oil.” It felt odd to admit that aloud, but it was a relief. He trailed his finger over the back of her knuckles, only half-aware of the gesture.
She turned her palm up, sighing when he brushed along the lines of her hand. “That doesn’t explain the tattoo.”
“When we got to Italy, we were handed a big p
roject. Most of the junior developers didn’t get things like that, but I was the boss’s son, and I wanted a challenge. We nailed it. There was a synchronicity there that I didn’t expect. Like yin and yang. In fact, that was the comment I made to him. He had a habit of commemorating milestones with ink, and said we should pick the same thing because neither of us could have done it alone. He’d been wanting to touch up the phoenix for a while, so that was what we decided on.” Telling the story dragged up feelings Antonio hadn’t touched in years. That original spark he felt for Justin—an intensity that had changed with time but was as strong as back then.
Maybe Susan was right; he was a fool to give up on Justin. He looked at Emily, and bright green eyes stared back. Then again, Andrew had seen the pining from the outside for a decade, and cynic or not, he had a good point too. Antonio might be missing out on a lot by nursing a crush that would never go anywhere.
He moved his hand to Emily’s cheek, keeping his touch so light he felt heat more than skin. “It’s probably the wrong time to ask this,” he said.
“If it’s not about my morning, it’s the perfect time.”
He drew his fingers along her ear, and she fluttered her lashes. When he cupped her face, she leaned into his palm. Christ. He wanted to kiss her without pretense. To find out if there was more potential here than a little kinky fucking around. “What happens when your contract is up?”
“I should be more careful next time I say, anything else is fine.” She gave a choked laugh.
“You don’t want to talk about it.”
“Exactly the opposite.” She gazed at him. “I want to toss it out in the open, hash the entire thing out, and get answers. But I don’t know what to say.”
“How about we start with this?” He dipped his head and brushed his lips over hers. She whimpered and leaned into the kiss. His pulse kick-started so loud, it hammered in his ears. How was such a simple gesture turning him on?
She rested her hand on his chest and pushed him away. “Stop.”
“I’m sorry. After what you’ve been through, that was thoughtless of me.”
“It’s not that.” She gave a bitter chuckle. “Though that you noticed and you care makes me feel stupid for what I’m about to say.”
He watched her, not wanting to interrupt.
“I can’t do whatever this is with you.”
“Because of Justin.” Antonio should have seen that coming. She’d always been in this for Justin.
“Yes, but I suspect I don’t mean it the same way you do.” She didn’t break the contact between them, which meant she had him at arm’s length, the warmth of her palm threatening to burn through his T-shirt. “I didn’t realize it until you were telling your story, a few minutes ago. I get along with you better than almost anyone I know. It’s easy with you. Things click. I don’t know where the two of you will wind up, but it’s real apparent how much you adore him. If I have to choose between being a rebound girl and seeing what kind of friendship we could have, I’m not choosing rebound girl.”
Her words settled deep, knocking loose an avalanche he couldn’t process all at once. But she had a good point. “You’re right; that’s not what I was thinking. Keeping that in mind, I’ll ask again. What happens when your contract is up?” It was unfair of him to push the question on her twice, when he couldn’t vocalize what he wanted.
She seemed to be thinking more clearly than him, though. “In a perfect world, where I get to write things out and they happen exactly like I say?” she asked. “We still hang out, but we stop keeping it a secret. We learn more about each other. We see what happens next.”
She made it sound so simple. Could it be that straightforward?
JUSTIN SAT ACROSS FROM Lia in the restaurant, doing his damnedest to hear every word she said. When she called and said she wanted to meet, he agreed out of politeness. However, yesterday over coffee, things were wonderful. She was bubbly, he was drawn into the conversation, and the entire thing reminded him why he proposed to her.
He didn’t have to schedule dinner for tonight, and he felt bad about bailing on Antonio at the last minute. That was the plan, though. Justin saw how Antonio and Emily interacted day to day. Intimacy radiated from them when they did simple things, like talking about directory structure. Whatever the three of them had done sex-wise needed to end. Justin hoped he could spend some more time with Lia, if he stepped aside tonight. Make things really work this time, the way they should have six months ago.
If Antonio was smart, he’d snag the free evening and spend some time with Emily.
The gnawing behind Justin’s ribs every time he thought about Antonio and Emily together was reflex. A fake bond formed because of the physical one. It would fade quickly, and he’d have the life back that he should have had.
“And then I told her lemons aren’t going to grow out of that old Subaru unless you swap the gasoline for diesel,” Lia said.
Justin stared at her, forcing the words through his head, to make sense of them. Nope. It was gibberish. “I’m sorry—lemons?”
“You were good for almost an entire day.” Her laugh sounded tired. “Would you rather be somewhere else?”
“No. This is the only place I want to be. Here. With you. I promise.” He knew as he said it that the words were false. He reached across the table and grasped her fingers. “That’s a lie. I’m sorry. I loved you. Maybe I still do, but we’re better off without each other.”
Her chin quivered and tears welled in her eyes.
“Shit. Lia, hon, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay.” Her voice cracked. “I... Did it hurt when I did this to you?”
“Yes.” But it hadn’t. Not like this. He felt rejected. He was pissed off and confused. But he never once mourned her leaving. It took him this long to figure out he never quite loved her? There was no reason to be that blunt with her. “I’m glad you called, and I’m happy to see you’re doing well. You and me? It’s a bad idea.”
The rest of the meal passed in awkward silence. He paid the bill, walked her to her car, and gave her the most tentative hug he remembered giving someone.
Justin drove to Antonio’s house out of habit. When he saw Emily’s car parked out front, his mind ground to a halt. It figured; his half-assed fucking plan had one thing go right. Seeing the familiar sedan in the driveway hurt as much as telling Lia there was no chance for them. That made no sense, but realizing it was a far cry from being able to stop the painful throb of his heart. The pain didn’t even do him the courtesy of explaining itself.
Chapter Nineteen
JUSTIN SHOULD TURN and go home. A tiny spark of his mind—one the rest insisted was delusional—told him he was making some pretty broad assumptions The thought was enough to prompt him to send Antonio a quick text. My evening freed up. You doing anything?
A reply buzzed through, seconds later. Hanging out. Emily says hi. You coming over?
The simple note washed away the cloud hanging over Justin’s head. Already here. He shut off his car and headed inside. He and Antonio had keys to each other’s houses since they bought the properties. As Justin stepped through the front door, he saw Emily leaned against Antonio, his arm around her shoulders. Justin stalled, unable to process his reaction.
Emily looked up and grinned, and his mind was clear again. She held out her hand. “Perfect timing. Come join us.”
“What are we doing?” Despite his sort-of attempt to set the two up, Justin was grateful to walk into the welcoming and innocent-looking scene. He didn’t know where she expected him to sit, though. The loveseat was only meant for two.
She tugged his arm and shifted as he sat, somehow making the arrangement work. “Distracting me,” she said.
“From what?”
“If we tell you, it’s not distracting.” Antonio’s posture wasn’t as casual as Emily’s. A tension coiled in the way he moved, and faint lines marred his face.
Justin would ask about it later. The overall mood in the room was l
ight, and he wasn’t going to spoil that. “How does this distracting work?”
“First of all, she promised not to vanish into oblivion when her contract is up.” Antonio sounded calm.
“Oblivion?” Justin tried to look incredulous. “That sounds like a difficult place to get to. You’re sure you’re not agreeing for convenience’s sake?”
Emily screwed her face up in thought. “Maybe. A little bit. Seriously, though. I told him, I’m addicted to your company, so I don’t want to sever ties.”
“I’m great with that.” And he was. “But that took about a minute to tell me, so now what?”
“Hmm... Now you tell me—why Brazil?” Emily said.
Fuck. He hadn’t thought about his reasons in ages. It had been even longer since he shared any bit of the story. “Antonio already knows. I don’t want to bore him.” Why was Justin hesitating to share something so simple?
Because it wasn’t simple; it was personal. Even if he glossed parts over, he had to reach deep inside for the words. Did he want this woman seeing those hints?
Antonio met his gaze. “I never mind hearing it again. If you want to keep it to yourself, say so. Don’t use me as an excuse.”
“All right.” Justin pushed out the doubt. No reason to make a bigger deal out of this than it was. “It was because of my grandpa.”
“Thank God.” Emily sounded relieved.
Justin raised his brows in question.
She gave him an impish smirk. “I thought you were going to say it was because a random mugger killed your parents and left you alone as a poor but hyper-wealthy orphan.”
“Sorry my origin story isn’t as glamorous as Batman’s.” When did the ribbing become so comfortable?
“I’m glad.” She sounded sincere. “I want to hear your story, not a comic book exaggeration. What about your grandpa?”
“He fought in Korea.” Dredging up the tale summoned a muddled swarm of emotion. Happy memories, mingled with grief and everything in-between. “I didn’t know it until I was twenty-one, because he never talked about it. I pushed through college, to graduate early, and I was back home, trying to figure out what to do with my life. The internship offers were lined up, or I could get my M.B.A. It was all collapsing in on me, demanding I decide now, and I couldn’t handle the stress. I snapped at everyone who tried to talk to me. My parents shrugged it off as me being a moody, hormonal asshole.”
The Nerds and the CEO (The Nerd Love Equation, #5) Page 14
