‘So you learned not to trust other people?’ A quiet question.
‘I’ll give you a poetic answer. It’s easier for me to trust people with my life than with my heart.’
He nodded, as if she had just confirmed something that he already knew. ‘I’m not sure that I believe that entirely,’ he said.
Then he shocked her by saying, ‘You have a contract to stay here for three months. At the end of that time are you going to leave us? Never see me—or Jenny—again?’
It hurt so much when he said that. It was the last thing she wanted to do. But she knew that the alternative was dangerous. ‘That would be very hard,’ she managed to mumble.
Then she felt a crushing realisation and knew that she had to admit it to herself. It was a feeling that had been growing, she now knew she had been forcing herself to ignore it. But it was there.
She loved Luc.
She stood, tried to keep the expression in her face as neutral as possible. ‘It’s getting late and we’ve both had a full day,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll go to bed now.’
He stood too, they were face to face. She was staring at his wonderful, wonderful face and she knew exactly what he was thinking. ‘I would miss you so much,’ she said, and for some reason took a step nearer him.
He didn’t speak, didn’t move back. They were so close.
She didn’t know why she did it, something other than her normal self made her do it. She leaned forward and kissed him. Just a gentle kiss but on his lips. He didn’t move. His arms stayed by his sides, only their lips were touching. But it was so good.
And then…Flashback! Suddenly she wasn’t standing in a French living room, kissing the man she loved. Suddenly she was a soldier again, in the desert. It was that last time. And they were under fire, the enemy was getting nearer. But even that wasn’t as bad as the heat.
The obvious thing to do was to close the wound she was working on, send the patient back by helicopter, get out herself. She had been ordered to do that. But in the operating theatre—tent!—her word was law. She knew that if she closed the wound, sent him off, the patient would die.
Not if he had a chance here. Not if she was in charge.
She remembered the rush of adrenalin, it had supported her, she had carried on. I would do what she wanted! Not what was cautious. She had carried on, though it had been pointless.
Now she felt that same rush. She would do what she wanted! To hell with the consequences.
She wrapped her arms round Luc, pressed her body close to him. It was good, it was right. She felt his internal struggle as he wondered if this was right—and then his acceptance of what she was offering. He seized her, pulled her to him, kissed her with the same desperation that she felt.
His kiss was so good! Her doubts seemed to fall away, she was in ecstasy. But still in him she felt unease…why?
For a moment she pulled back from him—but not too far. Hoarsely she told him, ‘I know what I’m doing. I’m my own woman now and I make my own decisions. You are not Dr Laforge now, you are Luc. You understand?’
There was tension in his voice as he replied. ‘I know what I want, I want you. I’ve wanted you for weeks now, ever since we first met, and I know you want me too. But I still—’
‘No buts! Luc, don’t you want what I’m offering?’
There was no reply—not in words. Just a moan—and then a kiss that seemed to last for ever and yet promise so much more.
Eventually she broke away—but just for a moment. ‘My bedroom,’ she said, ‘Tonight I need you in my bed.’
No more words. Just another kiss.
CHAPTER TEN
SHE led him by the hand to her bedroom. It seemed odd but still the right thing to do—they stopped on the way and went into Jenny’s bedroom, both kissed the sleeping child on the forehead. Then they looked at each other. Something else that they shared.
So to her bedroom, and as Kelly pushed open the door she felt apprehensive again. She knew that this was what she wanted—needed even—but it was a step into a territory she had never explored before. Just how well did she know Luc?
She blinked. Had she left her bedroom like this? All she remembered was taking off her dress. Perhaps it was the fairies. Did they have fairies in France? Her bedroom looked…seductive. The shutters were closed, the curtains drawn, the room was in near darkness. There were two pools of dim light, from lamps on the dressing-table and the bedside cabinet. The covers had been partly turned back, the white sheets glowing against the rich red counterpane. Her nightdress was on the pillow. Why bother? She knew she was not going to need it.
Behind her, the door shut with a click. It was a good solid door, they would not disturb anyone.
Both stood silent for a moment and then he turned to take her in his arms. She looked up, his face was shadowed but she could see longing there and she knew she felt the same way.
His voice was low, ‘Kelly, I still wonder…’
She put a finger to his lips, stopped him speaking. ‘Are we going to have a debate or are we going to make love?’ she teased. ‘Luc, I know what I want and I want it as desperately as you do.’
It was all the reassurance that he needed. His mouth crashed down on hers and she knew, half fearfully, half happily, that now there was no going back.
At first he didn’t seem to want to move. He stood there kissing her and she was happy for him to do so. She thought—it was hard to think at this moment—that she had reached a turning point, that her life would be totally different after this. And then she decided not to think. Now was a time just to feel.
He was kissing her. Then his arms relaxed their grip a little, she felt his hands slip under the hem of her sweater, ease it upwards. So she stepped back, lifted her arms over her head. She let him take the garment from her, throw it onto a chair. He groaned as he surveyed her body, half-revealed by the lacy white bra. And then she groaned too as he bent his head to kiss the swell of her breasts.
And now his hands were at her waist, undoing her belt so her trousers slipped downwards. She kicked off her shoes, so she could step out of them. Then she looked at Luc, proud of her womanhood.
He took her hands in his, moved backwards so he could look at her. ‘Kelly, you are so beautiful,’ he murmured, ‘so beautiful.’
She squeezed his hands. ‘I’m still half-dressed. And you are entirely dressed.’
Another long kiss and then he undid her bra, threw that to one side too. There was something almost ritualistic in the way that he was undressing her, slow step by slow step. She realised that it was exciting her, making her need him more than ever. Making her love him more than ever! Now, there was a thought!
One last step. He knelt before her, placed his fingertips under the elastic and slid down her white lace knickers. Slowly slowly, his fingertips trailing along the sides of her legs, and she shivered with excitement. What was this man doing to her?
He was arousing emotions in her that had been dormant for years. He was making her feel like a full woman. Because he was a man and he wanted, needed, loved her.
Kelly kicked the scrap of white lace to one side. But he remained kneeling in front of her. His hands held her thighs, he bent his head forward and kissed her—there! The merest brush of his lips but that touch held a promise of so much more that she had to sob in anticipation. She felt that things were now moving with a speed, a logic of their own.
He stood, lifted her bodily, carried her to the bed. Such strength! And she was no slight slip of a girl. He laid her gently where the bed was turned back, stole a quick kiss. Then she watched through half-closed eyes as he dragged off his own clothes, threw them wherever they might land.
She smiled, lifted her arms behind her head, knowing what effect it would have on him. She looked at him again. A well-muscled man, she knew that. And now his longing for her was obvious.
Then he lay by her side, an arm under her head. A soft kiss on the lips. ‘This should go on and on,’ he murmured. ‘I w
ant to take all night making love to you, there are so many things we can do together and all of them wonderful.’
Just one finger traced a line from her lips down to a thrusting nipple. He went on, ‘But I don’t think that I can hold myself back. I want you all now.’
‘There will be time Luc,’ she whispered back, ‘there will be time…Oh, Luc!’
His head had bent to her breasts, he took each nipple in turn into his mouth and his tongue caused her such delight that she had to cry out. ‘Luc, oh, Luc! Oh, that’s so lovely, Luc!’
She could feel his urgency against her thigh, could feel the dampness below that told her that she was so, so ready. She bent her head to kiss him again, then stretched an arm round his waist, tried to pull him on top of her. He needed no further encouragement.
For a moment he was poised above her. She looked at those blue eyes, so full of excitement and longing and…love? Then slowly, so slowly, he entered her and her world dissolved in a whirlpool of pleasure. They were so good together!
She knew what he wanted, needed, it gave her so much pleasure to offer it to him. Perhaps it would have been better to take longer, to protract the pleasure until desire became unendurable. But tonight that was not to be. Their bodies were as one and they moved together, their passion increasing until there was that explosion of sensation, until they jointly reached that pinnacle of pleasure and cried out their delight.
Gently he lay by her side. Their two bodies were damp with pleasure, both were breathing as if they had run a marathon. He reached out to caress a breast. ‘You made me so happy,’ he said. ‘Kelly, I love you.’
What could she reply? ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘and I love you.’
She was woken very early by birdsong. Luc was still asleep. She put on her dressing-gown and slipped out to the kitchen. When she returned she waved the aromatic coffee-pot under his nose and he woke at once. ‘Breakfast in bed,’ she said. ‘Just coffee and croissants.’
He made a sleepy grab for her, which she evaded easily. Mournfully, he said, ‘I’d rather have you.’
‘Well, perhaps you can later. But first we’ll have coffee. Move over.’
He moved over and they drank coffee. Then they made love to each other, slowly and languorously, again and again, till she felt that there could be no more joy in the world than what she had shared with him.
‘I’m going to sleep again now,’ she muttered. ‘It’ll be a couple more hours before Jenny wakes up. Perhaps you’d better go back to your own bed.’
‘I don’t want to leave you.’
‘And I don’t want you to go. But you know it’s the right thing to do.’
‘Perhaps so. Kelly, you know we have to talk. About us. About how we feel for each other.’
‘Not now. What I have to do now is sleep, and that’s all your fault.’ She considered a moment. ‘Well, perhaps a bit my fault.’
‘Okay, I’ll go. I’ll take the coffee-tray with me.’ He bent over the bed, kissed her now closed eyes. ‘Kelly, last night was the best night of my life. I love you.’
‘Mmm,’ she murmured. She was asleep.
She slept for an hour, then woke and was instantly alert. There was an hour before Jenny would wake, she had decisions to make. Last night had been magic—the most magic night ever. But now it was morning and she had to examine her life in the cool light of day.
Luc had said that he loved her, said it more than once. She believed him and, what was worse, she knew that she loved him back.
What would be the natural result of their love for each other? Time would tell but probably he’d ask her to marry him. Did she want to marry him? More than anything else in the world. Did she dare marry him? The more she thought about it, the more uncertain she became.
Then she smiled. It was Sunday. She had promised that today she would either sleep with him or leave him. Well, she seemed to have made that decision a day early. She had slept with him—so she couldn’t leave. And, yes, it was her fault.
She dressed, went to see Jenny. Not in her room? Strange. Luc must have come to fetch her, wheeled her into the main house.
On Jenny’s bedside table Kelly saw the packet of letters that Luc had brought for her the night before. She may as well take the packet to her bedroom, see if there was anything of interest.
The usual pile of advertising material that went straight into the bin. A brief, friendly note from Joe. A thicker, official-looking envelope with a foreign stamp.
She opened the thick letter. It was from New Zealand and offered her the job she had applied for—the one she had thought would be perfect for her. She’d almost forgotten the application form she’d filled in four weeks before, her life had been too busy. It had seemed a great opportunity then but now…she had other things to think of.
Dismayed, she put the letter to one side. What was she to do? Her life was different now, there was Luc and Jenny and…She shook her head. Too much to think about!
There was one other letter, quite large with something stiff inside. Still wondering about New Zealand, Kelly slit it open, glanced at the card. And dropped it as if it had been red hot. It was written in green ink!
She stared at it, then bent over to pick it up. It was a wedding invitation. She was invited to the wedding of Miss Evelyn Paget and Mr Gary Green. There was a pencilled note across the bottom. Do come, Kelly. We can be friends and chat about old times. Was the man mad?
Suddenly, Kelly’s world was shaken. The things that had seemed to be certain to her were now uncertain. She remembered how much in love with Gary she had been. She even remembered the fun they had had selecting their wedding invitations. She also remembered burning them. Was she going to…? Did she think she was in love again? Could her love have the same result?
She ran to her bathroom, drank a glass of cold water and then sponged her face. She needed…she didn’t know what she needed, perhaps reassurement of some kind. She needed to see Luc! But where was he?
She ran through Jenny’s room, turned into the corridor.
There were sounds of a cheerful conversation coming from ahead. Jenny’s happy voice, the darker tones of Luc and something else. A woman’s voice that Kelly didn’t recognise.
She turned the corner, looked into the main hall. The front doors were open, outside she could see a sleek red sports car. In the middle of the hall was a party of three. Jenny, Luc and a smartly dressed woman who Kelly recognised at once as Luc’s ex-wife. His ex-wife was kissing Luc. And it was not the polite, formal kiss on each cheek that the French gave so often. This seemed to be the kiss of a lover. And Jenny was looking on, delighted.
‘I’ve missed this place so much,’ Kelly heard Merryl trill. ‘After London it’s so, so wonderful. Luc, can we go for a walk outside? Take Jenny? I’d like to so much.’
‘Whatever you want,’ Luc said, smiling at her. ‘In fact, let’s go now and then—’
Kelly had not been seen yet. She turned, hoping to make her escape undetected, but Luc had seen her. ‘Kelly! Come and meet Merryl.’
It was the last thing she wanted but now she had no choice. Merryl held out her hand. ‘It’s so good to meet you at last, Kelly. Jenny has been telling me all about you—but Luc has said hardly anything. Trying to keep you a secret!’
At first, her smile looked welcoming, sincere. But Kelly noticed the expensive clothes, the expertly applied make-up, the hair that had obviously been adjusted minutes before Merryl had entered the house. With Merryl, appearance was obviously everything.
Somehow Kelly managed to return the smile. ‘Luc kindly offered me somewhere to live for a while because my own home was damaged. And I’ve enjoyed being here and spending time with Jenny.’
‘This is a lovely house, isn’t it? I was always so happy here.’
Kelly glanced at Luc. But for once his face was impassive. Whatever he was feeling, he would not let it show.
‘Anyway, Kelly, Luc, Jenny and I are just going for a quick walk around the gardens. We need to cha
t about old times. Hope to see you later, after breakfast.’
‘That will be nice,’ Kelly managed to say. She had been dismissed. Just as if she were a servant. For a moment she had the urge to scream that last night she had slept with Luc, that it had been the most magic moment of her life, that he had said that he loved her. Once again she glanced at Luc. But his neutral expression showed her that she would get no help there.
‘Perhaps see you after breakfast, then,’ she muttered. Then she turned and walked away.
She sat on her bed and tried to think, coolly, dispassionately. She couldn’t. Conflicting emotions warred within her so that she just didn’t know what to feel or think.
Last night had been so wonderful. When she thought about it she knew that never again would she feel for anyone what she felt for Luc. She had thought she’d been in love with Gary, now she knew that she was capable of a far greater love. But Gary had caused her—was still causing her—so much pain and humiliation.
So the obvious next, terrible thought. How would she feel if she lost Luc? It would be unbearable. Better by far not to fall into the trap, to remain distant. She knew it would hurt very much to part from him now. She also knew that it would hurt infinitely more if she stayed with him much longer.
She thought of Gary, she thought of Merryl and slowly she came to a conclusion. She just dared not embark upon another love affair. She wasn’t strong enough. And taking a job in New Zealand would make her decision absolute.
She hadn’t brought much with her, it only took her ten minutes to pack. Then it was a case of stealing through the house, placing her bags in the car. Last of all, a letter to Luc.
Dear Luc,
We came to an agreement a week ago that today I would either sleep with you or leave you. I’m leaving you. And I’m so sad. Knowing you—and Jenny—has meant so much to me. But I still do not have the confidence to begin an affair that might bring me so much misery again.
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