by S. H. Kolee
"Will you be okay? I mean, did you lose Canonfield as a client?"
Janet looked pained by my question. "I'm not sure yet. I have to wait to hear back from them."
"I guess...I guess I'll leave now," I stuttered, rising unsteadily from the chair.
Janet nodded, massaging the furrow of her brow. "That's a good idea. You can collect your things and H.R. will be in touch with you about the termination process."
I walked to the door and opened it but before I stepped out, I turned around. "Is your mother okay?"
Janet looked at me silently before answering. I had no idea what was going through her mind. I hoped she didn't think it was some last-ditch attempt to try to wheedle a way to keep my job. I knew that was impossible. I just understood how painful it was to have a parent in the hospital. How quickly you could lose them.
"She's doing better, thanks. They're monitoring her heart and think she'll be able to go home soon."
I nodded and left, closing the door behind me. I went to my desk, moving on autopilot as I retrieved my purse from my desk. I stuffed the picture of Jackson and me in my purse as well as a mug Jackson had given me with a picture of the Imagine memorial on it. I desperately wished that I could talk to Jackson now, but he was in an airplane heading towards his dreams.
"What's wrong?" Celeste whispered, as if she were afraid Janet would hear even though her door was closed. There was nothing left for me to take so I walked over to Celeste, determined not to cry.
"I got fired."
"What?!" shrieked Celeste, then lowered her voice quickly. "Why did you get fired?"
I shook my head. "I can't really talk about it now, Celeste. I have to leave. You have my email address. I hope we keep in touch."
Celeste gave me a fierce hug, looking confused and sad. I rode down the elevator for the last time and trudged home, not wanting to be in a crowded subway. The beautiful sunny day seemed like a slap in the face. I wanted it to be dark and stormy, just like my emotions.
After the long walk, I looked up and realized I was in front of Jackson's apartment building. I had come here automatically, wanting to feel close to him. There was no better place than his apartment where we spent so much time together.
"Hi, Sam," I said dully as I passed by him.
"Emma," he said smiling but then frowned as he got a closer look. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just tired."
I rode to the sixteenth floor as I stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. My face looked ashen and my eyes lifeless. I was still in a state of shock over what had happened.
I opened the front door with the key Jackson had given me a month into our relationship. I dropped my purse on the floor and walked to the bedroom, getting under the covers fully clothed. I was shivering even though it was warm in the apartment.
I kept replaying the scene in Janet's office over and over again. I was bitter that I hadn't defended myself more, but I hadn't known what to say. I should have insisted that she open up the file that I emailed her to show her the changes had been made.
But it was pointless to beat myself up over what I could've or should've done. It was over and I had to accept what had happened. I dragged myself out of bed to get my phone from my purse to see if Jackson had texted me.
Just landed. It's sunny and beautiful here but I'm missing you. Call you tonight. Love you.
I breathed in deeply as I stared at Jackson's words. I wondered if I was going to lose him too. I shook my head, my self-pity annoying me. I should feel lucky that I had someone so wonderful in my life, not wasting time worrying about the what-ifs. I could handle anything as long as I still had Jackson.
I texted him back quickly, trying to infuse my words with enthusiasm.
Happy to hear that! I miss and love you too. Good luck!
I returned to the bedroom and laid my cell phone on the bedside table, crawling back into bed. Despite my earlier brave thoughts, the tears I had been holding in came rushing out as I wept bitterly. I couldn't understand how this had happened.
I fell into an exhausted sleep, my tears having worn me out. I woke up with a start and checked the time. I saw that it was past seven o'clock, surprised that I had been asleep for four hours. I checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call from Jackson, feeling disappointed when I saw I hadn't. I reminded myself that Jackson was three hours behind and it was still the afternoon for him.
I dragged myself out of bed and heated a can of soup. I ruefully thought that I never lost my appetite, even when I was depressed.
I watched TV for the rest of the night, constantly checking my phone to make sure it was still working and I hadn't missed a call. But Jackson didn't call that night. I went to bed with a heavy heart and a worried mind, wondering what could have prevented him from calling.
Chapter Ten
I woke up to my cell phone ringing and I checked the time, bleary-eyed. I couldn't believe it was already nine o'clock as I scrambled for the phone. My heart leapt when I saw that it was Jackson.
"Hello?"
"Hi, sweetheart!" Jackson sounded happy.
"Hi, Jackson," I said, trying to sound normal. "How's L.A.?"
"It's great! I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, but I didn't get back to the hotel until late, even with the time difference, and I didn't want to disrupt your sleep. John Warner actually took me out to dinner along with a bunch of people from the movie. Can you believe it!?"
Jackson sounded so enthusiastic and excited; it just made me more depressed. But I tried to mask it.
"That's great! I assume that the audition went well then."
"I think so. I won't know for sure if I got the part for a while, but they want me to do some more readings with other potential cast members."
"I'm happy for you, Jackson. I'm sure you're going to impress them."
"Are you at work right now? You sound kind of funny."
I paused as my eyes filled with tears. I didn't want to bring Jackson down and I didn't want him to worry about me. He had to focus on what he was doing in L.A. There would be plenty of time for him to commiserate with me when he got back.
"I'm just feeling a little under the weather. I think I may be catching a cold. I called in sick today."
"Are you taking any medicine?" Jackson asked, sounding concerned. "Crap. Why did you have to get sick while I'm gone?"
"I'll be fine, Jackson," I said, forcing a laugh. "I think I can handle a bout with the common cold."
"Where are you right now?"
"At your apartment. I didn't want to get Claire sick since I'm probably contagious."
Jackson sighed heavily. "I'll try to get back as soon as possible. I can ask Mark if they can shift some meetings around so it's condensed into a couple of days."
"Don't you dare!" I exclaimed, feeling a true emotion finally break through the haze of depression I had been in. I was horrified at the thought that Jackson would risk his big break over something as trivial as a cold. Even if I had told him what happened and how depressed I was, there was no way I would let him risk his shot at breaking into the industry by making demands before he even got the role. "If you do that, I'll be really mad. I mean it. You said you were coming home Friday and if you come back earlier, I'll interrogate Mark to get the truth."
"Okay, okay," Jackson conceded. "I just hate the thought of you sick and alone."
I laughed, feeling some of my depression lift. I was right. Anything was bearable as long as I had Jackson. "You'd think I had some sort of terminal illness or something. I'll be fine, Jackson."
Jackson seemed to accept my answer and the rest of the call was filled with details about what Jackson had done the day before. Anytime he asked questions about work, I deflected it by asking him a question about L.A.
By the time I got off the phone, I was feeling better. I puttered around the computer, looking up John Warner's past movies and dreaming about what it would be like if Jackson got the role. I was debating what to do for dinner when I heard the
apartment phone ring, the rhythm of the rings indicating that it was Sam at the front desk.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Emma. Mia Sorenson is here to see you."
"Send her up," I said, confused by Mia's arrival.
"Hey!" Mia said when I opened the door for her. "I've got a delivery for you." She held up a plastic bag and I could smell wafts of delicious food as my stomach grumbled in response. I let her in, still confused by how she had known I was here.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but how did you know I was here?"
Mia placed the bag of food on the kitchen counter and opened cupboards until she found plates. "Jackson called me. I can't believe he didn't tell us he was going to California to audition for the great John Warner. He said you were sick and needed food. He was babbling something about feeding a fever and starving a cold, but thinking it was a good idea to feed a cold anyway."
I wished Jackson were here right now so that I could hug him tightly. He never ceased to amaze me with how caring he was. He was in L.A. with probably a ton of things going on, but he took the time to make sure I was okay.
"Jackson is definitely a keeper," I said, watching Mia open cartons of food. "Where's the food from?"
"Gramercy Tavern. They don't usually accommodate takeout requests, but apparently they will for Jackson."
"Yup, definitely a keeper."
Mia paused from portioning out lamb chops and various sides onto two plates. "You don't mind if I join you, do you?"
I shook my head. "Actually, I would appreciate the company."
Mia nodded, but didn't say anything until we sat down at the kitchen table and started eating.
"Jackson said you had a cold, but it looks more like you've been crying."
"I got fired yesterday," I said with a sigh. "I didn't want to tell Jackson because the last thing he needs to worry about right now is a depressed girlfriend."
Mia's eyes widened in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that. But how the hell did you get fired? It sounded like you were almost running the place."
I smiled ruefully. "I don't know about that, but I thought I was doing well. I ended up messing up some big meeting and my boss lost her trust in me."
I still felt like crying talking about it so I concentrated on eating.
"How did you mess it up? Did it have something to do with the stuff you were working on in the Hamptons?"
I shrugged, not wanting to go into the details. "Yeah, but it's complicated. I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind. This food is too expensive to cry into."
"Of course. But I think it's a mistake to not tell Jackson. He'll be upset that you didn't tell him the truth when he gets back."
I knew Mia was right, but I was doing it for Jackson's own good. He could be angry with me later, after he got the part in the movie.
I was happy for Mia's company since she took my mind off my troubles. She seemed to know exactly what I needed, keeping the conversation light during dinner, and then she insisted on watching a cheesy Lifetime movie afterwards.
I gave her a hug before she left, grateful that she had come to check on me and even more grateful that I had a boyfriend who cared so deeply about me.
"Call me if you need to talk," Mia said. "I'm a night owl so I'm up all hours of the night."
"Thanks. And thanks so much for coming over and bringing food."
"No problem. Have a good night."
After I locked the door behind her, I settled back into the living room couch, mindlessly flicking through the channels. I grabbed my cell phone eagerly when it rang, seeing that it was Jackson.
"Hi!"
"Hi, sweetheart. It's good to hear your voice."
"You too. What did you do today?"
Jackson gave me a rundown of his day's activities, from reading with other actors to meeting with producers. I purposely didn't mention Mia's visit, grinning to myself at my planned joke.
"So," Jackson said casually. "Did you have any visitors today?"
"No, why?"
"I'm gonna kill Mia."
I burst out laughing at Jackson's disgruntled tone. I had been planning to take the joke further but my laughter made it impossible.
"She was here. That was so sweet of you, Jackson. Really."
"Playing tricks on me, I see," Jackson said but his voice was light. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you feel well enough to go to work tomorrow? You sound much better."
"Um, I'll see." If only he knew Mia's visit wasn't the only thing I had lied about.
"Well, I'm beat. I'll give you a call tomorrow night."
"Okay," I said, although I was loathe to end the conversation with him. "I love you."
"I love you too. I can't wait to see you soon."
When Jackson called Thursday night, I lied and said I had gone to work. He accepted it since he had no reason to doubt me. I started feeling a niggling sense of guilt because I was lying to him, but I kept reminding myself it was for his own good.
I was relieved when Friday rolled around, eagerly anticipating seeing Jackson even though I was nervous about telling him I had been fired.
Jackson's flight was due in at three in the afternoon so by the time he got home, it was four o'clock. He seemed happy but surprised when he walked in and saw me sitting on the living room couch.
"I thought you'd be at work," he said, lifting me into a hug and kissing me hungrily. Even though it had been less than a week, I had missed his touch desperately. He seemed to feel the same way as he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. He lifted me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me into the bedroom, laying me gently on the bed.
"I've missed this so much," he said, his eyes glittering. "I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too," I whispered, pulling the bottom of his shirt up, wanting to feel the hard muscled planes of his chest. Jackson helped me by pulling his shirt over his head, and then reached down to do the same to mine. He unhooked my bra and leaned down, laving his tongue over my hard nipples, making me moan with pleasure.
Jackson tried to make love to me slowly, but we had been apart for too long and soon we were greedily grabbing at each other, quickening the pace until he was pounding into me, taking us both over the brink.
"It feels good to be back," Jackson said afterwards with a satisfied grin. He was laying on his back and I was nestled to his side.
"It feels good to have you back." I paused, knowing I needed to tell Jackson the truth sooner rather than later. "I have a confession to make."
Jackson pulled back slightly so that he could see me face. "What's that?"
"I didn't have a cold. I was just upset and didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to worry. I got fired."
Jackson sat up abruptly and I followed suit, wrapping the sheet around my naked body.
"Wait, what?"
"I got fired from Mass Comm. Something happened with that presentation I was working on. Somehow, the changes weren't saved, although I don't know how that's possible. I checked it over and over again to make sure it was right. But when Janet went through the presentation with the client, she ended up looking like a fool because everything was wrong."
"This happened on Tuesday?" Jackson asked, his expression thunderous. I nodded cautiously.
"Shit, Emma. You've been lying this entire time? I even asked you about work and you said everything was fine. I was babbling on and on about all the great things that were happening in L.A. while you were here depressed? How do you think that makes me feel?"
I bit my lip, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry, Jackson. I just didn't want you worrying about me. You needed to concentrate on your audition, not about your girlfriend back home who got sacked."
Jackson's eyes darkened, his face taut with tension. "You lied to me, regardless of whether or not you apologize for it afterwards."
I hadn't expected Jackson to react so fiercely. Yes, I had lied to him, but it wasn't that big of a lie. And I had done it for
his own good.
"I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry, Jackson. I thought I was helping you."
Jackson sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand, and then pulled me close, kissing my forehead. "I know I'm overreacting. It just makes me crazy that you lied to me. It makes me even crazier to think that you were here feeling sad while I was having a great time in L.A. I should be consoling you instead of yelling at you right now."
I snuggled closer to him, grateful that his anger had passed. "It's okay. And you're right. I lied, regardless of why I did it. But you deserved to have a good time in L.A. My getting fired didn't negate that."
"How are you feeling? You must have been shocked."
"I was when it first happened, but I'm starting to get used to the idea. I'm sure I'll find something else."
Jackson tipped my chin up so I was looking into his eyes. "That's my girl. You're brilliant. There's no way you won't find another job." His expression became fierce, his eyes piercing me. "Please don't ever lie to me again, Emma. I can't handle not knowing the truth, especially when it has to do with you. I want all of you, and I can't have that if you're not honest with me."
"I promise," I said solemnly, regretting ever having lied to him. "I'll never lie to you again."
Jackson kissed me softly and I melted into him. When he pulled back, there was a dawning realization in his eyes and he started grinning like a madman.
"What are you so happy about?" I asked, looking at him askance.
"I know it was a crappy way to happen, but it actually works out perfectly." Jackson took a deep breath before continuing. "Before I left today, I got an official offer for the movie. But not as a supporting actor. John Warner is casting me as the lead."
I lurched upright, my eyes widening. "Oh my God!" I screeched, feeling like I was about to explode with happiness and pride. "I can't believe it! Oh my God!!"
I tackled Jackson into a hug and he burst out laughing, our joy mingling together. I pulled back, catching my breath. "This is amazing. I mean, I feel like bouncing off the walls right now. How can you be so calm?"
"I've had a plane ride to get used to it."
I smacked Jackson on the shoulder. "You should have called and told me!"
