by Amber Garza
“So, you expect me to believe that you haven’t been seeing any girls at all since we broke up?”
“Yes, because it’s the truth. I can’t date anyone right now, Kenzie. It wouldn’t be fair because I’m still in love with you.”
I thought of Tanner saying almost the same thing about why he didn’t get back together with Scarlet.
“So, what did you need to talk to me about?” Isaac asked.
“Huh?” I was still reeling from his statement.
“When you called you said you had something you needed to talk to me about.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t remember what I had originally called about. Once the thought of Isaac having a girlfriend entered my mind, all other thoughts vanished.
“Kenzie?”
“Sorry. I got distracted.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Then it hit me and I remembered the reason for my initial call. “I just called because I wanted to invite you to my birthday party.”
“Your birthday party?”
“Uh-huh. Mom’s throwing me one this year and it’s kind of a big deal since she’s never done that before. And I’m turning eighteen and that’s, like, an even bigger deal. I know it’s not ideal since you live so far away and everything but it would be so great if you could make it.” I knew I was rambling, but I couldn’t help it. My hands were cold and clammy.
“I don’t know, Kenz.” His voice sounded sad.
My heart dropped.
“Is Tanner going?”
“Well, I was planning to invite him but I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”
“No, you should invite him.”
“Will you come if he doesn’t?”
“Kenz, please don’t put me in this situation. Don’t make me choose for you.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. It’s just that I want you both there.”
“That seems to be the ongoing issue.”
Chapter Eighteen
On Monday morning when I left for school I saw Mrs. Phillips taking another walk. Only this time she was alone.
“Good morning,” she trilled as she walked at a snail’s pace past my house.
I was surprised that she was walking without any help. Wasn’t she afraid she would fall again?
“Where is the lady who was with you Saturday?” I made my way to the end of the driveway.
She stopped and turned to face me. Cool air whipped around us. Even though it was practically spring the weather was chilly at that moment.
“What lady?”
I cringed, my insides swirling. It was like I was in the twilight zone. People kept asking me that.
“The lady who was with you on Saturday.”
She stared at me with a blank expression.
Exasperated, I added, “The one who caught you when you fell.”
She shook her head. “Oh, honey. There was no woman with me. The only person helping me with my walk was God.” When she smiled at me, her wrinkly face scrunched up. “I think it was an angel who caught me.”
That’s when it hit me. I don’t know why I hadn’t put it together sooner. Of course. That’s why I was seeing people that were invisible to others. It was just like how I could see Wesley when no one else could, and how I saw the angel who helped Haley the night she almost drank herself to death. It’s also how I could see my own angel from time to time.
For some reason, I was seeing spiritual beings. Glancing over at the Kelley’s house, I shivered, convinced the little boy was a demon.
Pulling my jacket tighter around my body, I scurried towards my car. As a violent breeze blew over me, ice filled my veins. The sky was dark as clouds rolled in overhead. The ominous feeling that something bad was about to happen re-surfaced, and fear pumped through my veins. As I drove away from my house, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw eyes peeking at me from behind the bushes in the Kelley’s front yard.
“Are you guys going to Kenzie’s party?” Haley asked Rick and Janna at lunch.
My earlier revelation was still fresh in my mind and I had a hard time focusing on the conversation at hand. So badly I wanted to share what I’d discovered with someone, but I didn’t think anyone would understand. Tanner might, but I wasn’t quite ready to tell him. The only person I wanted to talk to about it was Isaac.
“We can’t.” Janna shook her head, causing her long dark ponytail to swish behind her. “My sister is having her engagement party that night.”
I always forgot Janna was the baby of four siblings. Being an only child, I thought about how weird it would be if I had an older sister getting married. I couldn’t even fathom it.
“Yeah, and I have to go with her.” Rick didn’t look too pleased.
“You don’t have to go. You get to go.” She punched him in the shoulder good-naturedly. “There’s a difference.”
Rick nodded, taking a huge bite of his sandwich. Janna rolled her eyes. I giggled.
“So, is it just Tanner and I?” Haley asked.
Tanner slid in beside me, a lunch tray in his hand. “ What’s just you and I?”
“We’re the only ones going to Kenzie’s party.”
Tanner winked at me. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Blushing, I lowered my gaze and took a bite of my apple. It crunched between my teeth and tart juices ran over my tongue.
“So, does that mean Isaac isn’t coming?” Tanner raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, that’s right. I totally forgot about Isaac.” Haley pulled a chip out of her plastic baggie.
Janna turned away from Rick and faced me, her eyes bright. She leaned forward waiting for my answer. It seemed that I was her favorite daytime drama.
“I don’t think so.” I tried not to sound as disappointed as I felt. However, I don’t think Tanner bought it because a shadow fell over his face and he dug into his lunch without a word.
Just as I unwrapped my sandwich and brought it to my lips, I caught a glimpse of Scarlet’s gothic girl watching me from across the room. Her scowl deepened. When I noticed a few gothic boys at the table, realization struck me. The gothic kids must be demons, too. For the first time I noticed the darkness shrouding them. Why was I able to see them? What was the purpose? I had a strange feeling that I would find out soon enough. Averting my gaze, a chill ran through me.
Mom was out shopping for my party. I couldn’t believe my birthday was tomorrow. Time had flown by. I was practically a grown-up now. I thought about calling Isaac and begging him to come to my celebration, but then I stopped myself. I didn’t want to appear desperate. I’d already invited him and he declined. What more could I do?
To distract myself, I clicked on the television and found a mindless sitcom. I leaned my head back against the couch cushions and stretched my legs out over the coffee table. It had been unseasonably warm that day, so I wore shorts. As I glanced down at my bare skin, I realized I would need to shave tonight. I planned to wear a sundress to my party.
A creaking noise caught my attention. My heart sped up. Knowing my dad was still on the loose made me jumpy. Mom hadn’t left me alone at night in awhile, but tonight it just couldn’t be avoided. She worked until evening and she had to get the food before tomorrow.
A shadow swept past the window. I held my breath. Sweat broke out on my forehead. Standing, I moved stealthily to the window and peeked out. A sound behind me caused me to spin around, my pulse racing. The room was empty. After looking outside one more time and finding no one, I exhaled. It could have been the house settling. I was just being paranoid. Even so, a funny feeling descended into the pit of my stomach like a premonition.
The door burst open, almost giving me a heart attack. Mom rushed inside. In her arms she held two large bags of groceries.
“Guess who I ran into at the store?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Who?”
“Hello, Kenzie.” A man stepped inside.
Shock filled me.
Chapter Nineteen
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br /> “Drake?”
“The one and only.” He wore a black suit and dress shoes. His hair was slicked back and his dark eyes bore into mine. He was just as good-looking as I remembered, only I knew what evil lie underneath and that sickened me. After licking his lips, a large smile spread across his face.
Mom swooned beside him. Her cheeks were flush.
“Where have you been, Drake?” I placed a hand on my hip and cocked my head to the side. This time I wasn’t going down without a fight.
Mom gave me an irritated look before carrying the bag of groceries into the kitchen.
“I had business out of town, but I haven’t been far off. I was just waiting for the right moment to come back.” He winked.
Re-entering the room, Mom was beaming. “I invited Drake to your party tomorrow.”
“You did what?” I asked.
“Yes.” Drake grinned. “I hear you’re turning eighteen. I bet you’re excited, thinking you’ll finally have freedom.”
The way he said the word freedom made my skin crawl.
“Why don’t you come in and have a seat? Make yourself comfortable.” Mom pulled on Drake’s arm. He followed her and together they sat down on the couch.
“I didn’t know you two lived next door to the Kelleys,” he said.
This caught my attention. I lowered down onto the loveseat.
“How do you know them?” My heart pounded.
“Pauline is a client of mine. What a shame that she can’t have children. Pauline wants a baby so bad she’d practically sell her soul for one.” He shot me a pointed look.
I shivered.
“I know. It’s so sad.” Mom looked at Drake like he was the most empathetic man in the world. It made me sick.
“Well, not as sad as that poor Scarlet. I think she goes to school with Kenzie.”
Mom gave Drake a skeptical look. “Surely she’s not having work done.”
Drake chuckled, the sound like nails on a chalkboard. “No, she’s been seeing a friend of mine for help.”
“Is he a counselor?” Mom asked.
“Something like that.” He threw me a wink.
I actually felt bad for Scarlet. What had she gotten herself into?
“So.” Drake rubbed his palms together. “I’m excited about your party tomorrow night. I have a feeling it’s going to be full of surprises.”
My stomach twisted. “What kind of surprises?”
Mom swatted away my question. “Oh, he doesn’t know anything. I’m not sharing any of my surprises. You’ll just have to wait.”
Drake smiled. “Aren’t you looking forward to it, Kenzie?”
I knew what he was trying to do and I wasn’t going to let him rattle me. Instead, I decided it was time to get rid of him and I knew just how to do it. “Yeah, I am. Lots of my friends are coming.”
“Oh, really? Like who?” Drake raised a brow.
“Well, first off, Jesus will be there.”
Drake shuddered and his eyes widened. Mom threw me a questioning glance.
“What’s wrong, Drake? Do you have a problem with me inviting Jesus?”
His whole body went into convulsions this time and his eyes rolled back in his head. A look of sheer panic crossed Mom’s face. Drake stumbled off the couch and regained composure.
“I better go.” He sounded out of breath.
“Oh.” Mom seemed perplexed. “Okay.”
After he left, she turned to me. “What was that about?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Why did you have to say all that stuff about Jesus?”
“Because He’s coming to my party.”
She shook her head. “What an odd thing to say. Sometimes I just don’t get you, Kenzie.”
“I don’t want Drake at my party, Mom.”
She bit her lip. “But he just came back.”
I stood, crossing my arms over my chest. “You can’t honestly believe his story about being away on business.”
Mom bristled. “It’s plausible.”
“He doesn’t have a cell phone?”
“Okay, point taken.”
“I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s my birthday and you said I could invite whoever I wanted.”
“You’re right.” She walked up to me, mussed the top of my head. “I’ll call him and tell him not to come.”
That was almost too easy.
When I went to my room to get ready for bed, questions swirled in my head. Why was Drake back? Where was my dad and was he still after me? Why was I able to see demons and angels sometimes? What was the purpose behind it? What did Drake mean when he said that my party would be full of surprises? Did it have anything to do with the funny feeling I had lately?
My stomach fluttered like a million tiny butterflies batted their wings inside my belly. I was so anxious, so unsettled. There was only one person who could give me comfort and peace. Only one person whom I could trust to help me.
With the soundtrack of my mom’s snores rumbling from across the hall, I got down on my knees next to my bed. I interlocked my fingers and rested my elbows on my comforter. After leaning my forehead against my hands, I spoke softly into the room.
“Jesus, I need you. I’m so tired of being hurt. I’m so tired of being scared.”
Warmth covered me. Love washed over me. The sadness, anger and terror drifted slowly away. My mind thought back over all the things I had been through. I thought of the way Dad had hurt me, the way Tanner had treated me and how Isaac had been so distant. The realization struck me that I would always be hurt by people, whether inadvertent or not. People were flawed. There was no way around that. In that moment, the choice I had been trying to make for so long became easy. I had my answer. Lifting my head, I glanced around the illuminated room.
“Jesus, I choose you.”
The burden I had been carrying fell off my shoulders and I felt lighter. Emboldened, I stood up and walked to my dresser. Picking up my cell, I dialed the familiar numbers.
“Hey, Isaac,” I said, when he answered. “I’ve done what you asked. I’ve made my decision.” I plopped down on my bed and tucked my legs up under my body.
“You have?”
Knowing what I had to say, I hated to hear the hope in his tone.
“I have been trying to figure out which one of you I love more; which one I can’t live without.” I paused, swallowing hard.
“And?”
“And I’ve realized that there’s only one person I can’t live without.” I picked at the threads on my blanket with my fingers. “It’s Jesus.”
“That’s great, Kenz.”
“What?” I stopped moving, my fingers suspended above the fabric on my bed.
“Seriously, I’m proud of you. I would never want you to choose me over Jesus. I never asked you to do that.”
“I know but this whole thing has consumed me. The bottom line is that I’m sick of trying to figure it out. Right now I need support.” My voice cracked. “I’m going through a lot right now and I really need both of you to be my friends.”
“I understand, Kenz. I’m sorry that I haven’t been a good friend to you.”
“Please don’t apologize. Just say you’ll be my friend.”
“Of course I will.”
I could practically hear his smile coming through the phone and it made my heart skip a beat.
“I can’t promise I won’t hope for more, though” he added.
“Fair enough.”
“But I am glad you chose Jesus. He’ll never let you down.”
My conversation with Tanner didn’t go as well. After telling him my decision he said, “Kenzie, you know this will never work, right?”
“What do you mean?” I sat upright, pressing the phone against my ear.
“Being friends with both of us. We’re in love with you so we’ll always be hoping for more. You’re just postponing the inevitable.”
Irritation rose in me. “Well, this is what I need right now, Tanner.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you didn’t pick him. I’m just still bummed that you didn’t pick me.”
“I’ll never pick you over Jesus.” It hurt that he didn’t understand. It made me wonder if he’d ever be the right one.
“It seems like I’m never the one you pick.”
On the morning of my birthday I fastened the cross necklace around my neck. It had been awhile since I’d worn it but I felt compelled to put it on. I remembered when Isaac gave it to me at the end of the summer. It was to remind me that I was a child of God. Staring at my reflection, I realized that for some reason I really wanted that reminder on my birthday.
The yard was decorated with balloons and signs that read “Happy Birthday!” Mom had spent the last week or so cleaning up the back porch and planting flowers. The grass was a lush green. We had been blessed with warm weather and the clouds had cleared away leaving the sky a cornflower blue. Mom set up a patio table and chairs on the lawn and it was littered with chips and dip. There was an ice chest stocked with soda sitting on the back porch.
Haley came over early to help Mom set up and the two of them whispered and scurried around all afternoon. Neither one of them would let me help at all and when I tried to peek at the cake they shooed me away.
My heart was full of excitement. Even though I knew Isaac and Grandma wouldn’t be there, I was determined to make the most of my day.
Around four o’clock there was a knock on the door. I went to answer it, since Mom was starting the grill and Haley was slicing tomatoes and onions for the hamburgers. When I opened it, Tanner stood on the front porch wearing shorts and a t-shirt. The sun glistened in his blond hair and his blue eyes twinkled. He held a gift bag in his hand. I smiled, so happy he showed up.
“Happy Birthday.” He grinned and held out his gift.
“Thank you.” I smiled.
“Hey, I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. I’m glad you still want to be friends and of course I’m okay with your choice. How can I be mad about you choosing God, right?”
