by Lyra Shanti
Huffing and enraged, Xam grew into his Sarax form. His white wings extended far and wide - as large as his uncle’s. He then roared at the top of his lungs. It was a challenge, and Raxas was taken aback for a moment.
“If you do this, Xam,” Raxas calmly spoke, regaining his composure, “you will regret it… and you will never be able to see Irix again.”
“How dare you?!” yelled Xam. “Who do you think you are - the God of us?! Well, you are not our God! My mother is far more powerful than you, and I will become the greatest time traveler the universe has ever seen - with or without your help!”
Flapping his large, white wings, Xam flew into the sky with all his might. When he reached the clouds, he looked down and saw his beloved Irix looking up at him with fear in her eyes. “Come down and make amends,” she thought to him.
“No,” he said to her in his mind, “I will never again play Raxas’ games. He never liked my father and never approved of us mixing with the mortals. I am nothing but a half-blooded bastard to him. He will never teach me, so what is the point?”
“Please, Xam!” she begged.
“No, Irix, I’m sorry, but I will do this on my own!”
Taking one last look at her, he zoomed up into Sirin’s outer atmosphere. I know enough about time now, he thought. I can do this without anyone’s help!
Focusing his anger into pure willpower, he heard his soul vibrate, and then sensed the liquid of time. Closing his eyes, he could almost taste the plasma around him. Yes, I understand now, he thought, it’s like a river… made of time. I will swim through it and go back to when my father was alive!
“Hold on, Father!” he shouted into the darkness of space, “I’m coming to save you!”
Pushing his way into the liquid plasma, Xam suddenly felt resistance. What is happening? Wait… what is this pain? This isn’t right! Help! Irix! Raxas! Mother! Help me!”
Unexpectedly, Xam’s soul split in two, and death soon followed. However, a Sarax only dies briefly, especially when caught in time. Xam saw a bright light, and then he saw a strange image: a cage and a boy in blue, gawking at him from outside.
“Ayn?” asked Xam. “Are you here to rescue me from death?”
Suddenly, Axis woke from a deep sleep. At first, he couldn't remember who he was or where or when he was. Everything was a blur! After a few minutes, though, he slowly came back to his time and his own name.
"I am Axis, am I not?" he asked the stars as he free-floated in space. Trying his best to regain himself, he remembered Srah's sweet face. Her lavender eyes twinkled in his mind and his heart calmed with love. He then saw his beautiful children sitting by her in their home on Sirin.
"Yes," he whispered to the stars, "that's my true home and my time."
Unsure why he had such a vivid dream about Siya's rebellious son, Axis flew through the plasma around him, following his heart's desire: his lovely wife and their children.
Hoping his momentary madness and chaotic transformations were now under control, Axis shook off his nightmare and headed home.
However, his sense of time was off. When he got to Sirin, he didn't recognize a thing. Their huts were gone, replaced by large tree houses and stone structures that were surrounded by vines and what looked like living plants with mouths!
"Where am I?"
Coming out from one of the houses, came a Sirini with long red hair.
"Xam? Is that you?"
Confused, Axis said, "No, I'm... I mean, I don't think I'm him. Wait, are you Irix? Where… am I?"
"You're home!" she cried, overjoyed to see him.
It was extremely wrong, and yet right. Axis didn't feel like he was home, and yet, he was.
--
Srah paced back and forth in her large, royal hut. It had been four months since she last saw Axis on Deius, before he flew into the sky without a trace. She had been trying her best to focus on her planet’s problems: agricultural, mostly. The Saras tree she had planted from the seeds given to her by Ayn had grown into a lovely, yet still small tree. It was promising, but there was still much work to be done.
When her mind wasn’t distracted by Sirin’s issues, she was spending her time and energy with her beautiful twins. Rax and Thali missed their father, but they were too busy with their studies, and in their spare time, they pretended they were ancient Sarax who could change time and space. They had no idea that their father was currently doing precisely that.
Srah could feel Axis was still alive, but she worried nonetheless.
“My Hana,” said Kren after knocking on her door.
“Enter, Kren” she replied, trying her best to no longer pace and regain her composure.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Srah, but I thought I should tell you Ayn has sent word that Pei has made it to Ohr and is presently on Tirlen.”
“Good,” she said, nodding. “And what about Fola and Sterek?”
“Our plasma-sensors picked up Sterek’s ship, but he’s not transmitting a frequency to us about his exact coordinates.”
“That’s alright,” she said, “I’m sure Ayn’s Tah soldiers will be able to find them, and then they will report as soon as they can. Thank you, Kren.”
“My Hana,” he said in a bow. He then turned to leave.
“Oh, and Kren, thank you so much for helping me through everything, even with Rax and Thali. You’re not exactly a babysitter, and yet, you’ve been great with them. They think the world of you actually. Rax even told me he wants to be like you when he grows up.”
Slightly blushing, Kren said, “I adore your children, my Hana, so it’s my pleasure to look after them when you are busy.”
Srah smiled, halfheartedly, unable to hide her worries.
“Srah? Are you alright?”
“Oh, Kren, my dear friend," she blurted, breaking decorum, "please help me calm down. I’m a mess!”
Kren, unable to take seeing his beloved queen and best friend in pain, immediately rushed to her and held her hands. “Whatever it is I can help you with, I am here, Srah. Do not fear.”
“I can’t help it, Kren. It’s been months now, and Axis is nowhere in sight, or even in my mind! I don’t even know when, or if, he’ll be back! How can I tell the twins that their father loves them when he runs off to who-knows-where at any given time? I don’t even know what form he’ll look like when he gets back!”
Breaking into tears, Srah grabbed onto Kren’s chest, letting her usually stoic behavior crumble.
Kren hushed her and whispered, “It will be alright, Srah. Axis will return, I’m sure of it. He’s just… working things out right now, but I’m certain a great Sarax like he will be back soon, and he’ll be stronger than ever.”
She half-smiled through tears and looked up at Kren. “You have such unwavering faith, my amazing friend,” she said through sniffles.
“I try my best, my Hana,” he tenderly replied with a gentle smile.
Kren had loved Srah from the moment he saw her. Ever since they had survived slavery together, they shared a deep friendship. For Kren, however, it always felt like much more. He couldn’t act on it though. Not only did she belong to Axis, but she had children by him. If Kren was a more selfish man, he would try to win her heart at such a delicate time. He was not that sort of man, though. All he wanted was to calm her, and give her safety.
Srah sensed his love for her, but she tried to push it away. It wasn’t that she lacked romantic feelings for Kren; it was quite the opposite. Knowing how jealous Axis could be, Srah had kept her attraction for Kren at bay. He was quite handsome though, and Srah had always loved his bravery and loyalty, especially when it came to his family. In many ways, Kren was exactly the kind of husband she had always dreamed of. If it wasn’t for her intense bond with Axis, she might think twice. However, Axis had a way of cutting deep into her soul - both sexually and romantically. It felt as if she had always known and loved her husband through thousands of lifetimes. She couldn’t leave him if she tried, and life without him felt unl
ivable, empty and void.
“Oh, Kren,” she sighed as she sat down on her big, pillowy rest-chair made of the soft hair of the recently imported Deiusian farm animal, yenna. “What am I going to do?” she asked him, sad-eyed.
“I don’t know, my Hana, but you will be safe, and loved. That much, I know.”
His words made her smile. She pat the chair next to her, inviting him to sit down. “Thank you, my dear general. So… how is your family? How is Kuva doing?”
“Everyone is doing fine,” he replied as he sat. “Granjie still has that cough, but she’s alright. She says hello, by the way. Kuva… well, she’s a bit depressed. She really thought Fola might stay this time, though I don’t know why. I keep telling her that Fola is Tah, and well, not the family type. But Kuva doesn’t listen to me. She’s a healer… and lives in her own world.”
“Healers or warriors, it matters not, for love makes us all blind,” replied Srah. “I know that all too well myself.”
Kren didn’t know what to say as his mind wandered back to Srah's sadness. Even though he was in awe of Axis’ powers, he didn’t understand him at all, and he somewhat resented his king. If only Axis could control his power, Kren silently wished, then, he could be the man she deserves, and maybe I could finally get over my hunger for her.
Breaking their moment of quiet, Rax ran in with Thali close behind. They were holding wooden swords and yelling like wild Sarax. Rax and Thali’s knotted gold hair looked dirty from playing in the hills. Srah was not happy.
“What have you two been doing?” she said with a fierce expression. Kren hardly ever saw her angry, but he knew she could be tested. The twins stopped and stared at their mother, unsure how to respond.
Srah shook her head, then pointed to the washing area of their hut. “Go. Right now!” she firmly said, nearly shouting.
“But Momma! We have to conquer the dragon!” shouted Thali.
Srah’s lavender eyes almost turned red. “No, you do not!” she scolded. “But you do have to bathe!” Having quite enough of their antics, Srah grabbed them both by their wrists and pulled them into the bathing room. Kren, and the twins, were a little shocked. They had never seen her like this.
“But Momma!” they both yelled.
“No,” she said starting the water for the large ivory tub, “I don’t want to hear it. I swear, you’re both always running around, not telling me where you are, getting as dirty as animals! What am I going to do with you two? Now get in the bath. That is an order.”
Kren wasn’t sure if it was his place or not, but he slowly walked into the bathing room. He wanted to help; he knew Srah needed it more than ever.
“Srah, I can bathe them, it’s alright,” he gently offered.
“No, I can do it,” she said as she took out the soap from the shelf. “They’re my little animals, I can wash them.”
Kren watched as she began scrubbing them while muttering about their dirty faces. He could feel the pain inside her heart as she washed them. The twins could feel it too, though they didn’t know how to help. Mid scrub, Srah broke down and began to cry.
Thali looked at Rax who shrugged in return. “Momma?” asked Thali. “We can wash ourselves, it’s alright.”
Srah looked at Thali and cried even harder. “Oh, my babies,” said Srah, “I’m so sorry. I… I’m just not feeling that well.”
“It’s alright, Momma,” said Rax while flexing his arm muscles, “we’re big and strong and can wash ourselves. You don’t have to worry.”
Srah giggled through her tears, then looked at Kren. “I will watch them to make sure they are safe,” said Kren. “Go rest, my Hana.”
She nodded, sadly, and then got up with Kren’s help. “Thank you so much, Kren. I haven’t been sleeping… and I’m becoming someone I don’t want to be.”
“You will be yourself again after you’ve slept,” said Kren, wishing desperately he could kiss and hold her tight. Instead, he gave a comforting smile and held back.
Srah then took his advice and left the bathing room. She wiped her tears and lay down in her enormous fur bed. Usually, Axis and the kids would sleep with her and take up the entire space. It felt so strangely big to her now, and made her want to cry again. She wouldn’t let herself though, for she wanted to be as strong and brave as Kren and her children were being.
If only they knew how weak their queen really was, she thought, fighting tears. She wished she could speak with her long gone mother, but she never had the knack for contacting spirits. “My healing ability feels useless, Mother,” she said, hoping her mother would hear her words. “I can’t bring him back, and I can’t even feel if he’s alive. What can I do?”
Waiting for her mother’s spirit to answer, Srah fell asleep while holding on tightly to Rax’s stuffed zeewah doll. She dreamt of wild animals and ancient times - when Sirin was alive with sentient plants and families of Sarax.
Then, in the dream, someone very familiar called her Irix. It was her husband and he seemed lost. She reached to him and said, “Don’t worry, Xam, you’re home.”
Never wanting to wake, Srah let herself believe in the dream, and for the moment, time seemed to stand still.
Chapter 8: Hints
The orphaned Sirini children were everywhere: in the corners of the darkened room and on the floor. Some were just babies, and malnourished to the point of death! It was a horrific sight, and Ayn couldn’t bear the helplessness that overwhelmed him.
In his hand was a bottled protein-milk formula. He had bought it at a store near the palace at Lesnia on Ohr. Why did I only buy one? thought Ayn, beginning to panic from the guilt. I must do what I can, he decided, even if it only saves a few.
Bending to his knees, he began to hand-feed the babies. However, as he fed them, a wild wolf-like creature came to him and barked, “Why bother trying to save them? They are almost dead anyway. What about me? Do I not deserve to be fed as well?”
“I am sorry,” said Ayn, still feeding the children, “but you aren’t a helpless infant... and I must try to heal them. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try.”
Suddenly, the wolf creature grew to be Ayn’s height and howled at him in a fury. “You are a fool!” it yelled, as if in dire pain. “You cannot heal the entire universe! Go back to your own planet and stay blissfully unaware of the darkness! You are a child still yourself, Bodanya! Go back! Go before you see the truth within The Deep!”
Next thing Ayn knew, he was deep underwater, and yet, not under the water. It was the darkness of space and he was floating without a sound. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. All he could do was float and slowly drown inside the chaos of time.
The darkness surrounded him like a frightening womb. Ayn would have screamed, but he could not take a breath, for he was not even inside his body. He was mere spirit, and he was inside the world of the dead.
Knowing he too would die if he stayed any longer, he tried to wake up from the nightmare, but he couldn’t make his mind wake. It was as if he had to see something within the water of space - something specific.
The Deep, the wolf called it, thought Ayn. What is inside The Deep? Is there a way to heal the universe if I die within the depth of time and space? If so, how?
Pondering his questions, Ayn took one last look at the tiny lights within the darkness around him. He saw the static of plasma and was comforted by its electric impulses. Plasma is life, thought Ayn, and it is everywhere. He then touched the plasma with his fingers and felt its warmth. It felt like touching sunlight after a long winter’s cold.
About to cross over into the deathly plane, Ayn closed his eyes and saw the afterglow of the plasma’s light. When he opened his eyes again, he saw nothing but deep darkness. However, after a few seconds, he looked again and realized that what he thought was darkness was not emptiness. There was much more within the seemingly empty void. Ayn couldn’t quite place it, but he recognized the signs of creation. It wasn’t electric warmth like plasma, but it was the
re… deep within the particles of the darkness.
What are you? thought Ayn, crossing over into death. As he stared inside the infinitesimal particles of the void, he realized it was the core within life itself. This is the density of all matter… and the secret of time.
Breaking from the vision, Ayn felt his heart stop and his lungs fill up with water.
“No!” he shouted as he darted from his bed. Coughing, he fought to catch his breath. Ona immediately turned on the plasma-candle next to their bed and put her hand on his back, trying her best to calm her panicked husband.
“Ayn,” she hushed, “it’s alright, honey, it’s just a bad dream.”
“Again?” he said, still somewhat coughing. “I… can’t stop having these nightmares, Ona. Why?”
“I don’t know, honey. But it will be alright. Let me get you some water.”
“No,” he said, shaking his sweat-drenched head, “I feel like I’ve swallowed an ocean of water.”
Ona didn’t know what to do. She gently rubbed his back and hoped he’d feel better. It had been the third night he dreamt of drowning inside space, and she didn’t know why.
Ayn tried to focus on the feeling of Ona’s circulating hand and the warmth of their bed. He wiped off the sweat on his brow and took a deep, long breath. He was glad to be breathing, and it helped him to focus on what was real.
“Was it the same dream again?” she asked.
“Yes, but this time it had these poor Sirini babies in the beginning, and it was on Ohr and... Ona, they were starving and sick.”
“Oh, Gods, that is awful,” she replied, sad-faced.
“And the ending was a little different,” he continued. “This time, I felt like there was something living inside the darkness. It’s very hard to explain, but… it felt as though I saw the very core of life within the darkness. Ona… what am I trying to tell myself?”
“I don’t know, my love, “but I know you will understand soon, and I will love you through all of it, I promise.”
Ayn turned to her and then laid on her soft bosom. It was the only place he felt truly safe.
