For her, having stolen such a pivotal part of who I was signified a victory in our never-ending war. She had succeeded in hurting me and that was all she wanted, all she ever cared about. Our relationship never recovered from this one act more than all the others.
All the things I had always believed defined me as a person – my writing and my search for knowledge – were no longer a part of my day-to-day routine. Yes, I could have registered with another school but I was so angry, so disillusioned, that I decided to take a step back. I needed to give myself time to figure out what I really wanted.
As a result, I threw myself into the business of pleasing women with a new-found obsession.
For now, this would be my life and I was going to make the best of it. If I ever wanted to get to college, I needed to get my head straight, save as much money as I could, and be ready for the focus I would need when it happened.
I busted my ass, and a few other body parts, working towards that dream.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized it wasn’t really a dream anymore. I was fighting for something I no longer really wanted or needed anyway.
Chapter Fifteen – Monica Continued
May 2000
One person I still especially looked forward to being with after a year with the company was Monica.
Our games had grown increasingly flamboyant when we met every two or three weeks. She used me as a sort of counselor in her relationship with Jessica, her live-in love of almost ten years.
Often, I’d arrive to our appointments with a gift for Jess who was an avid reader of the classics and a fantastic cook. I’d bring something for Monica to give her that spoke closely to the person Jessica was and took Monica shopping for her lover on birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas.
My client, friend, and attorney. Monica tried to be the partner Jessica thought she was, but felt she always fell short. Their sex life, though improved since she’d begun meeting me, was still a major gap between them. Jess preferred safe, Monica anything but.
Monica felt she was too out there sexually, and too much of an A-type personality in every other aspect of her life. Jess was a free spirit, teaching English Literature at a local college and running a small catering business on the side. She lived life as it happened and had no expectations of things always being perfect.
During one appointment, we’d snuck out on the closed second-floor balcony of a crowded restaurant in Boca Raton during dinner. We told the server we needed to smoke. I slammed her up against the outer wall and ate her pussy on my knees three feet from seventy other diners. I didn’t undress her. Just hiked her suede skirt up her thighs and pulled her panties to the side.
After making her come twice, I stood and cleaned her juices from my face with a small wipe I took from my bag. I removed a silver cigarette case and lit up while she caught her breath.
“I didn’t know you smoked, Sarah. I haven’t for years…can I have one?” I offered her one of the European brand I’d started carrying and lit it for her, like the perfect gentleman. It was the same brand Vivienne smoked. I’d fooled myself into believing having one a few times a week wasn’t a problem. It was the single worst habit I ever picked up.
“You take my breath away. I love our dates. Honestly. You’re exactly what I needed to shake me up and make me appreciate sex again. I hope you know how important you are to me.” Her chest was still heaving, obvious in the second skin cashmere sweater she wore.
At my smile she added, “You think it’s just the sex, don’t you? It isn’t. There’s still an innocence about you…don’t laugh! There is, Sarah. You have a fresh way of looking at the world.”
“The world isn’t all that complicated, Monica. Simply being on the planet doesn’t entitle us to happiness. We have to work for our happiness every day. I’ve known that all my life.”
She met my eyes and said, “After the childhood you had, it’s amazing you have that outlook.” It was a rare thing for Monica to bring up our other relationship, that of attorney and client, outside her office. “I’m selfish. I can’t believe I don’t ask more about how you’re doing when you do so much for me. What escort acts as an ideal sexual outlet but still goes Christmas shopping with a client so they can find the perfect gift for the lover at home? You’re an amazing young woman.”
I blushed. I have never taken compliments well. I don’t like tempting the Fates to jack up my life. “I’m fine, Monica. I assume Viv told you about college?” She nodded cautiously. Gossiping with Vivienne about me wasn’t professional but she was unable to deny the knowledge. “Please don’t worry. I’m okay now. I am.”
She looked very angry for a moment, “I can’t believe the depths to which your family will sink, Sarah. It’s disgusting. I’m sorry. I know how hard you worked for that scholarship. I can get involved professionally if you like.”
I knew she meant it. I’d considered asking before but decided it was a battle I had no interest in fighting. If I were accepted, I’d always be watched, have the stigma, of what my mother’s letter said. I’d start over and she’d have no control over my redesigned future.
“I’m handling it and I’ll be okay. I saw my brothers on Wednesday. Thank you for fighting the restraining order so hard. My visitations are supervised but at least I can make sure they’re alright.”
“Are you kidding? It is the very least I could do after all you went through.” Her expression changed to one so many opposing attorneys feared in the courtroom. “I can fight her. Hell, I can even sue her for defamation of character if you like.”
“For me to react is what she wants, Monica. It’s what she always wants. To gain my attention. I won’t waste another moment fueling her problems.” I shook my head, “Don’t let this ruin your buzz.” I gave her a smile. “I worked so hard to put that pretty smile on your face, baby.”
I leaned in and kissed her deeply, my hand twisted in her hair as I claimed a mouth I never tired of kissing. I stepped back and took a moment to appreciate her curvy figure before stubbing out my cigarette. She did the same and we returned to our table.
Back inside, I asked her over our plates of shrimp scampi if she thought Jess would be amenable to a sort of protected sex in the open.
Monica looked at me quizzically, “I’m not sure what you mean.” She wasn’t listening. Her eyes were slowly removing my pale pink top and black slacks.
“You love sex in the open. Jess is against it because of all the rules society forces down our throats about decorum and private matters. I also think she harbors additional fears because of the lesbian aspect. Let’s face it, the world is progressing, but there are still taboos.”
I paused to sip my sparkling water. “What about starting slow? The balcony of your room in a crowded hotel. Top-side of a rented boat as it sails down the Intracoastal. The beach of a rented house with no neighbors for a mile. Compromise. You get what you want and she still has a sense of safety and concealment.”
Monica thought about for a long time. The waitress removed our plates and returned with dessert. She took tiny spoonfuls of the chocolate mousse and seemed to realize she hadn’t been willing to compromise at all up to now.
“You know me. I’m very controlling and pushy. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to understand her reservations, even after all this time. I wanted something, she wouldn’t let me have it, and I got pissy. I never suggested a half-way because I never thought about her feelings.” She sat back and sipped her wine, looking at me differently than she ever had. “How did you know?”
I smiled and leaned slightly forward, “Because Jess is a lot like me. There’s a natural simplicity to life and a Golden Rule aspect to her thinking. She wants to please you. She loves you. But she can’t just toss away a lifetime of thoughts and behaviors so easily, Monica. She would have to be introduced slowly. Let her gain a new appreciation for what you like. At the same time, it allows you the opportunity to see what she’s willing to do.”
“You mean, test her e
nvelope?”
“I mean Jess not wanting to fuck in the middle of an opera house with three thousand people might not mean she’s completely closed to the entire idea of voyeuristic sex. Maybe that’s just too much to ask straight out of the gate.”
She leaned toward me, our faces inches apart, and murmured, “It wasn’t too much for you.”
I laid my hand over hers on the table, “I’m not Jess, Monica. At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you want.” She turned her hand up and her fingers curled around my own. “If you love Jessica, and I believe you do, you have to accept her for who she is. That is the person you fell in love with, and at one time, she was enough for you.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?” She looked distressed but tried to smile. I wanted to do my best to put her at ease.
“Monica, I’ll see you as long as you need me. You should know by now how highly I think of you. Not only as my client or my boss, but as my friend. I just don’t want your relationship with me to build an expectation Jessica can’t live up to.” I squeezed her hand, “Losing her would be harder on you in the long run than losing me. You have history.”
I sat back a bit as the server refilled our drinks. “I have an idea…something that may help you with Jessica. What if we start taking things down a bit? Gradually work you back to a place you think she’d be comfortable with. Then you can begin experimenting with the woman you love and find a happy medium.”
Her smile this time was genuine. “I’d like that.” She paused before adding, “I know I can’t keep both of you forever but I’d like to wean myself from my addiction to you gradually. I know it sounds cowardly. You’re right that I’m deeply in love with Jessica but you’ve found such a place in my life. Sure, the sex is a major part of that, I admit it. But seeing things through your eyes gives me perspective I never had before. I don’t want to lose that.”
“Then you won’t. Let’s get out of here and see what milder trouble we can get into tonight. I want you to be happy when I leave.” I gave her a conspiratorial wink. “I think I can turn that frown upside down.”
Monica paid the check and we got up to leave. As I passed our server on the way out, she slipped me her number. Considering how adorable she was, I might have to file that one away for an off-night. I winked and followed Monica out.
I’d picked Monica up in the limo tonight, since I’d specifically planned on having this long-awaited talk with her about Jessica. When we exited the restaurant, Max stood by the car looking gorgeous. As she opened the door for us, she gave me a conspiratorial smile.
I climbed in next to Monica and had my mouth on hers before the car door quietly closed. By the time we’d pulled into traffic, my hand was sliding up Monica’s leg and lightly caressing her pussy through her panties.
Monica wasn’t having any of that tonight. She seemed to want to thank me for our talk and slid slowly to her knees on the floor of the limo. She pulled her sweater over her head and removed her bra, baring her to my appreciative view. She unzipped the snug skirt and shimmied it off, leaving nothing but her heels and thong.
She unbuttoned my slacks and pulled them from me as I lifted for her. She slipped the heels I was wearing off and moved to my panties, which followed everything else to the opposite seat of the limo. I glanced up and noticed Max had discreetly closed the security window, turned on the dim interior riding lights, and inserted a classic CD of slow-grind music. Sexual Healing throbbed from the speakers.
Very nice, Max.
Monica unbuttoned my blouse slowly, planting warm kisses on my already heated skin as she exposed it. She smoothed it from my shoulders; licking delicately at the hollow of my neck and moving up to lightly kiss behind my ear. I turned to her, kissing deeply, and she was gone again. She pulled my bra from me and leaned back on her calves to take in the sight.
“The way you look right now, sitting on that leather without a stitch of clothing on, I cannot tell you.” She leaned in, pushing against my knees with her hands. I spread my legs and she kept pushing, not satisfied until I was spread wide, exposed to her view.
“I want to look at you…all of you. I want every part of you available to me.” She lightly ran her perfectly manicured nails over my thighs. “I want you to talk to me this time. Tell me what pleases you. For a year, you’ve brought every fantasy of mine to life. I want to please you tonight.”
“My needs are simple,” I said softly, “I just want you to touch me.” I added with a smile, “Because I cannot wait to touch you in return.”
She kissed me again, slowly moving down my neck and across my shoulders. As she sucked on one nipple, she played with the other. This continued while she moved down my torso, stopping to lick my belly button. Her other hand massaged the inside of my knee.
She lifted her mouth from me and trailed tiny licks along my thigh, stopping just short of putting her mouth over my pussy. She rested her cheek against my thigh and used her fingers to explore me. It was almost innocent.
She raked her nails over my bare mound and gently touched my clit. She continued like this for so long I was in agony. When she finally took my tiny hard clit in her mouth, I thought I might scream. She took her time, seeming to be in no hurry as she ate me. Her tongue darted lazily in and out. When I came, I had to push against my knees to keep from instinctively locking her to me.
She sat with her ass resting against her calves, watching me come down from my orgasm. Leaning forward, she slipped two fingers into my pussy, stroking so, so gently. Having her only touching me in one place was so stimulating.
“I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you said to me tonight.” Monica couldn’t quite meet my eyes. “I think there’s going to come a time we can’t see one another anymore and I’m not going to pretend that doesn’t scare me.”
She reached out to rest her other palm on my leg, “I feel like I need you, Sarah. I know that isn’t part of our arrangement, but I can’t help it.” She continued stroking me as she sucked my swollen clit between her lips and I came hard.
I pulled my legs in and knelt on the floor in front of her. The limo continued its’ smooth drive headed north on A1A, we could have been on a boat in the middle of nowhere or in a waterbed. No friction, no noise, no interruptions.
“Monica, I know you aren’t sure if your relationship can stand on its own…but don’t you think you should know for sure before you toss it away? After all the years you’ve been together?” I brushed her beautiful black hair away from her face.
“You’re amazing, and I’m sad to think of not having time like this with you…but I’d rather you be happy. You have to promise me you’ll do what you can, everything you can, to make things right between you and the woman you’ve loved for so long.”
As I pulled her into a hug, I felt her nodding in the crook of my shoulder. When she began to cry, I felt the warm tears trail down my back.
I made her look at me, wiped her tears, and said, “This won’t do, darling. I can’t have you unhappy. Let me make you feel better.” I pushed her back until she was lying on the floor and made thorough love to her. I gently pulled pleasure from her body as we whispered into the dimness of the limousine. I touched her and kissed her more than ever before.
This time, I didn’t allow myself to fuck her.
Chapter Sixteen – Back at the Office
May 2000
The following Monday I picked up bagels for everyone before heading into the law office. I was a little tired, having enjoyed the rest of my weekend in New York City, courtesy of the Dorns. Mona and Matthew were as kinky and insatiable as ever. I’d loved seeing them in their new life, and they’d gotten a private joke from introducing me as their niece from Tulsa to friends at a museum opening.
I’d already unlocked the place and started coffee in the kitchen before the first of my co-workers trickled in. From the looks of things, I wasn’t the only one who’d partied hard. I sorted the mail and took the stack into Mon
ica’s office, setting it on her desk next to a steaming mug of java, just the way she liked it.
I turned to leave when I saw her in the office door. She looked tired but incredibly happy. She glanced behind her and closed her office door, pulling me down beside her on the couch.
“It was everything you said it would be, Sarah! Everything.” She leaned forward and hugged me fiercely, grabbing my shoulders. “Jess was thrilled with the hotel on Saturday. I made it all about her and let her set the limits. Oh, Sarah…how can you be so young and know these things? Things I should have known years ago?” She hugged me again.
I laughed before saying, “It sounds like things worked out wonderfully, and you have no idea how glad I am! Did you get a balcony?”
She was smiling and we talked like girls in school. Monica had made sure there was a balcony and both women had enjoyed it immensely. Saturday, they’d used it with abandon during the day. Though shy at first, Jess soon opened up to the adrenaline of public performance sex Monica had been addicted to for years.
There was another couple on a balcony of the hotel next door. By late Saturday, it seemed they were determined to follow Monica and Jess’s example. The man and woman watched them with pure pleasure, they’d believed privately, for almost an hour. When she noticed the audience, Monica made a point of waving to them and making eye contact over Jess’s body as she ate her.
When Jess realized they were being watched she sat up and started to retreat inside. Monica succeeded in pushing her back down, telling her to keep her eyes closed and enjoy the moment; that everything would be okay. Jess’s body was tense but she started focusing on what Monica was doing to her. Before long, she was able to relax and enjoy the moment.
The man and woman started stroking one another’s bodies, having removed the hotel robes they were wearing. When his lover couldn’t take anymore stimulation, she went down on her man with appetite. It became a competition, who could make the other couple hotter.
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