Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  She couldn’t force him to love her again. Maybe the part of Theo that had loved her was truly gone and he wasn’t coming back.

  It didn’t matter. She had to try to reach him, not for her sake but for his and TJ’s. If they couldn’t be lovers, she would settle for being his friend.

  She would love him until the day she died and that meant something to her. It meant she couldn’t rage against him in an attempt to get her way. It meant she had to find a place to hide so he could do what he needed to do without the distraction of dealing with her.

  Erin walked out of the small nursery, her heart heavier than before. Somehow she’d imagined she would walk into the conference room in the morning and he would realize how much he’d missed her and forget the dump-Erin-and-TJ-somewhere plan.

  That only worked if he loved her.

  She needed a beer. That would help. That and maybe she would pop open her tablet and take a look at Serena’s latest book. The woman knew how to write a sex scene and didn’t scrimp on the action. Blood and sex. Yeah, that could kill a few hours.

  A cold sensation snaked up her spine as she realized she wasn’t alone. There had been no creaking of floorboards or whispering of an unfamiliar voice. She simply knew. Someone was here with her, watching her.

  And she’d left Bertha in her bedroom. The tiny skirt she’d worn into the dungeon didn’t leave room for her precious Beretta M9, not that guns were allowed on the dungeon floor. She looked to her left, gauging how quickly she could get to the bedroom where the gun was locked in its case.

  Or she could go for her phone. That was on the bar in the living room. One call and the cavalry would come running, but perhaps not before someone got to her son.

  She couldn’t help who she was and she wasn’t a damn damsel in distress. She would call Knight after she’d killed the motherfucker who’d broken into her room. Or at least gotten the asshole to pee himself.

  Two steps into the bedroom and she could see the gun case, but it didn’t matter because a hard arm came around her waist and her attacker’s other hand covered her mouth.

  She immediately kicked back, but he’d moved his legs apart and angled his body so she found nothing but air. Adrenaline started to rush through her system. The fucker was good. He’d wrapped her arms up when he’d taken her waist, but he couldn’t stop her from head butting him.

  She hoped he had a nice hard head because she intended to make him hurt.

  “Baby, everyone keeps telling me how much better you are than me,” a deep voice whispered into her ear. “But I seem to have the upper hand right now. Have I ever told you how fucking good you smell to me? I could forget a lot, but I never lost your scent, and don’t think I’m talking about your skin cream. I’m talking about you. I never lost that spicy sweet scent you get when you fight or you fuck. It’s intoxicating.”

  Theo. He was here. She knew she should fight him, but damn it felt good. His body was hard against hers and she could feel that he was moved by the experience. His cock was pressed to the curve of the small of her back.

  But she also couldn’t be the girl who took shit from her man and then welcomed him between her legs. She’d thought sex might work to connect them, but he’d proven otherwise earlier this evening.

  Sex might get them in more trouble. Sure, New Theo still wanted her body, but that wouldn’t make a real relationship.

  Old Theo had taught her that.

  She went still in his arms.

  “Are you going to scream if I let you go? Because I’ve got a gag prepped and ready. I know you used to be able to manhandle me, but I’m stronger than I was back then and a little meaner. I can have you tied up and gagged before you can fight me. Is that what you want, baby?”

  What the hell was going on? Did he think he could tie her up and ship her out before morning? He wouldn’t even give her a single night before he shoved her away?

  Maybe they weren’t done with the fight for the night. All her good intentions were flying right out the door.

  Still. She had to be still and lull him into a false sense of confidence. He’d asked if she intended to scream. No. This was definitely between the two of them. When she was done with him, she’d drop him on Robert’s doorstep and let his bestie take care of him. It was obvious he cared more about Robert than her or their son.

  She would leave, but she wasn’t about to let him tie her up and ship her off. He’d humiliated her enough for one night.

  He eased his hand away from her mouth. “Be a good girl and I’ll take care of you.”

  Yes, he’d ensure she was out of his life as quickly as possible. “I’ll be good. Let me go and we can talk.”

  “I know we need to talk, but before that I’m going to show you how it’s going to go from now on.”

  Oh, the arrogance of that man. It was an actual ache in her body that he would treat her like this. Her Theo might make mistakes from time to time, but he wouldn’t have ever treated her like this. He would have apologized and talked to her. He would have made her feel precious and wanted.

  Tears threatened because she fucking missed him. She missed him so damn much and he was gone. His body was here, but he wasn’t hers.

  Loneliness threatened to swamp her every sense. She’d never been lonely until she’d met him, until he’d taught her how to truly need another person.

  And then he’d died on her.

  It hit her so harshly. He was here, but he was so far away.

  She couldn’t show this man her softness. That had been for her love and this man simply wore her lover’s skin.

  The minute he released her, she brought her elbow up and back. Shock raced through her when he sidestepped her and swiped her feet out from under her.

  “You need to fight, I’ll fight, baby,” he said as he loomed over her. His hand came out, catching her hair and twisting it lightly. “How hard do you want to go? Tell me now because the last thing I want to do is hurt you more than I already have.”

  He tugged at her hair, lighting up her scalp. Her whole body responded. It was a trigger sure to send her straight into the warmth of sub space. What was he saying? “I don’t understand.”

  He got on one knee, his hand forcing her head back. “I mean I was a complete jealous ass and I want to make it up to you. You need some play? I’ll give it to you. You need to relax, I’ll see that you do and I won’t take a damn thing in exchange. This is about you, baby. All about you. I hated seeing that fucker’s hands on you, but I should have trusted that you would handle it.”

  The sweetness of his words pierced through her and she could feel the tears welling. “You’re not sending me away?”

  He frowned and then his hands were out of her hair, arms coming around her, lifting her. He stood up, not showing that her weight bothered him at all. “I was wrong. If you want to stay here, I won’t force you to leave. But if you stay here, I’m staying with you. I know you think it’s annoying, but I was trying to protect you. And what the hell is it with you and royal assholes? While I was waiting for you, I remembered something about you and a manwhore and we were in Dubai and he hit on you. He was the king of something, right?”

  She felt like she was floating. He was here and he was saying all the right things. “Are you talking about Kash? The king of Loa Mali?”

  He frowned down at her as he stalked toward the bed. “I had a vision of you walking out of his bedroom. I didn’t like it, Erin. I wanted to murder someone. I felt it deep inside. I wanted to wrap my hands around that asshole’s throat the same way I did tonight, so I was better at hiding it then. I wasn’t different. I was smarter, but I was exactly as much of a possessive dick as I am now.”

  She clung to him like shelter from the storm she’d thought was coming. “I missed you so much this week.”

  He laid her on the bed, his eyes softening. “I missed you. I missed you before I remembered who you were. You were a hole inside me. I shoved you away because I’m afraid you won’t ever be able to accept the man
I am now. I don’t know that I’ll be able to love you the way he did.”

  She lay back, happy to just look up at him. He was the single most beautiful thing on the planet with one exception. His son matched him. His son was proof that there was good and light in the world. “I’ll take that chance. Do you know what I was doing in Kamdar’s suite that night?”

  They’d been on a mission in Dubai. It had been early on. She’d only known him for a few weeks at the time, but she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. Kash Kamdar was the king of a small but wealthy island nation and he’d made it plain he was more than willing to have some fun with her while they were working. He’d told her she was beautiful, but she hadn’t believed him. She’d rolled her eyes, though she’d found him incredibly sexy.

  She hadn’t been able to take her mind off Theo Taggart.

  “I don’t know that I want to,” he said, his voice dark. “We weren’t together then. It doesn’t matter.”

  “You remember that?”

  “No, but I know you. You wouldn’t cheat on me, which is precisely why I shouldn’t have acted like a massive ass tonight. You were going to do what you said, play for comfort, not for sex, and I took that away from you. I made it dirty when it’s not. I’m sorry, Erin.”

  She’d already forgiven him. The minute she’d realized he’d come to her seeking connection and not to send her away, she’d thrown out all her anger. Could he even understand how much of a change that was for her? Could he know that he’d been her impetus for change? That he’d shaken her whole world and turned it into a kinder place?

  “I didn’t sleep with the king. I’m going to be honest. I thought about it because it would have hurt you and at the time, you scared the hell out of me, Taggart. I was pretty self-destructive back then. I didn’t think it was possible that you could ever truly care about me so I thought long and hard about making you hate me so I wouldn’t be tempted.”

  “I think you should probably tell me this story naked and with your ass in the air.” His face had flushed a soft shade of red, a sure sign he was getting angry again.

  Not that it frightened her. Theo’s anger—even this Theo—had never been a thing to be afraid of. He could be righteously angry with her and never hurt her. It seemed like her Master needed the play tonight every bit as much as she did.

  This was what she’d been hoping for. Erin had those pants off quickly and was back on the bed, her backside on display for her Dom. She didn’t worry that he would reject her or that her butt wasn’t pretty enough. He’d told her so many times she believed him.

  Maybe she should take a page from his playbook.

  “We belong together,” she said with a sigh as she settled into her position. There was something about being half naked that was almost more erotic than being fully undressed. He’d given her an order and she’d followed it to the letter. He wanted to concentrate on her backside and she wanted so much to please him. And to find that glorious place where she worried about nothing but connecting to him.

  His big palm nearly covered her whole backside. “I feel it, but I don’t trust it, baby. I don’t trust that I’m good for you or the boy. There’s a place inside me that’s hollow now and I’m not sure anything can ever fill it up again.”

  “We belong together.” He needed to hear it over and over again. “Stay close to me and you’ll see. I’ll take care of TJ. You take care of me. In bed, in the dungeon.”

  His hand moved over her skin, warming her and making her shiver in anticipation for what he would do next. “You take care of the things that matter and I’ll handle our sexual encounters, huh?”

  “Don’t make light of sex, Theo. I’ve gone without for a long time.”

  “I want to talk about safety protocols in the morning, but if you’re staying here, I’m not about to sleep with Robert. I want back in our bed.” The words sounded stubborn coming out of his mouth, as though he fully expected her to reject him.

  “Of course.”

  His hand stilled. “Because that’s what you planned all along, isn’t it, brat? It’s why you didn’t fight me when I told you I was sending you away. You knew exactly where you would go and what you would do.”

  This could end up hurting more than she’d planned. “I knew The Garden was the best place for me and TJ, Master.”

  He slapped her ass. Hard. A rush of heat coursed through her body when she realized the first time hadn’t been a fluke. Theo was playing hard. He wasn’t holding back on her and that made her ache for more.

  “And you knew I would end up here.” His fingers brushed her backside as though he was tracing the mark his hand had left.

  Yep, she would feel this in the morning. It would sit on her skin, a delicious ache that would remind her she wasn’t alone. “I knew. It’s the best place for you, too. It’s the safest place for all of us. Though Knight might kick us out now since he has to deal with Clive Weston when he was going to play with his wife.”

  A nasty smack cracked through the air and Erin could barely breathe. “The Russian took care of it. I think Master Damon is happily balls deep in his sub by now, so we owe Nick. Tell me what you were doing with the king of Loa Mali that night. I’m remembering more. Something about spanking your pretty ass shakes the memories out.”

  Because he wasn’t concentrating on them. Kai had told her it would be like this when Theo focused on other things.

  “We were in a hotel room,” Theo continued as he gave her two more smacks. They were languid as he took his time, caressing her after each one. “Something bad happened after I found you with him.”

  “Jesse was taken.” Maybe if the damn doc would stop interrupting their scenes, Theo would remember more. Again, a good reason to be here in The Garden. “You caught me coming out of his bedroom because there was a diversion meant to throw us all off.”

  He smacked her right in the center of her ass, a hard tap that made her spine shake. “That’s right. You were in his bedroom.”

  She’d seen the look on his face when she’d raced out of Kamdar’s room. They’d had words about it, but she doubted he’d believed her when she said nothing happened. “We were talking, Master. That was all. Believe it or not, he told me I was a fool if I didn’t give you a chance. He’s the one who made me think I should try. Not that I did for a long time. I was slow back then.”

  Four hard smacks and she could feel the heat starting to coat her skin. It began in the flesh of her backside and swept outward.

  “Why did you go into his room in the first place?” He settled in, the smacks becoming a rhythm she could breathe to, her heart could beat to.

  “I was his bodyguard, Theo. And I liked him. He was a nice guy. I understood him. He was a man who enjoyed sex and wanted nothing more from a woman than a fun time. He didn’t want my soul. He didn’t ask for my love. He didn’t need anything more than a good time in bed. And I still couldn’t bring myself to touch him even though I convinced myself that was what I needed at the time.”

  “How long did I chase after you?” He smacked her thighs suddenly, causing her to groan.

  This Dom knew how to keep her off balance. It was so stimulating. She had no idea what he was going to do next. She’d always gotten the feeling that Theo had studied D/s because she needed it. He’d been good, but he’d never brought this sexy sense of anticipation. “For a very long time, Master.”

  “And you held me off because you thought I was too young and pretty.”

  There was danger in his tone, but she couldn’t lie to him. Not here. Not in this headspace. “Yes. You were younger than me and shiny. You could light up a room by walking into it and I was never that girl.”

  “I’m not shiny anymore, Erin. And I don’t fucking feel young or pretty.”

  “You are the single most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life, Theo Taggart. No amount of scars can change that. I told you, I think you’re even sexier than before.”

  “Get up.” The order came out on a har
sh bark, but Erin complied, getting to her knees before he continued. “Take off the shirt. I want you naked.”

  He was in a mood, but then she’d turned all his plans upside down. Theo needed control and she’d wrested it from him this evening so she would do anything she could to give him some measure back.

  Besides, she liked being naked with him. She definitely loved the contrast between the fire in her backside and the cool air that made her nipples tighten. Between the dry heat of her skin and how wet her pussy was getting. It made her feel alive in a way she hadn’t in forever.

  “Get in front of me.”

  His low growl went straight to her pussy, but she couldn’t help but notice how different he was. His voice was deeper, harder and more real than ever before when they were playing.

  Because they were no longer playing. It came to her as she dropped to her knees in front of him. She’d gotten hints of it before, but now she truly got it. Hope McDonald had stripped him down, peeled layers of him off, exposing that space every man needed to remain secret. He’d been laid bare and he would never be the same.

  And it didn’t fucking matter. Not at all. He’d been broken and shattered and left on the floor and he was still precious.

  She gave him her submission, kneeling between his legs, but keeping her head down because he hadn’t told her what he wanted yet. It didn’t matter. She would give it to him.

  “You have to understand that I’m not that shiny idiot who worshipped at your feet.”

  Patience. “He wasn’t an idiot.”

  His hand found her hair, tugging hard so she was looking up into his eyes. A dark storm brewed there. “This is time for you to listen to me. Can you do that for me? I don’t want to fight more tonight, but there are things I have to say to you.”

  She settled back down. No more pushing him this evening. Sometimes she had to remind herself that not every encounter was a battle to be won. Sometimes she had to bend. Like he’d done for her. “Yes, Master. I can do that.”

  He released her, but stayed close. “I’m not shiny anymore. I get flashes of how I was. I see it in my brothers’ eyes. They’re disappointed I’m not the same man. I think my function in our family was to be the one who pulled everyone else out of their darkness, but Erin, I’m a black hole now. I pull them into mine and it hurts them. It will hurt you and the boy. I dream at night of killing you.”