by Leigh Walker
“I don’t think it’s wise to speculate on such matters.” His voice was cool, neutral.
Yet I felt anything but. “I’m not sure it’s speculation—now that I know more about it, I think it’s obvious. Don’t you?”
He shook his head and didn’t say anything for several minutes. The silence stretched on, piercing my nerves. His words came back, haunting me. Intercrosses are very rare. In all my years, I have only glimpsed one.
“Dominic.” I squeezed his hand. “Answer me: did you know?”
His shoulders sagged, and he was silent for another full minute. When he finally raised his gaze to mine, marked sadness was in his eyes. “Not at first. Not for sure.”
I stared at the man I loved, the person closest to me in the world. He’d lied to me to protect me—there was nothing cruel in it. But in that moment, I saw my opportunity.
The queen said I must be loyal to him but that I must obey her. She wanted me to be a dutiful wife, and so I would be. I wouldn’t risk her wrath, because it would destroy Dominic.
But what I would risk, what I had to risk, was how close the prince and I were. Because in the back of my mind, I knew that one day soon, I would have to leave the kingdom in order to protect him and our future children. Dominic and I would be separated. I had no doubt. To stay and serve the queen was madness; to stay and have our children bear her punishment was unthinkable. So I would have to leave him.
It would be so much easier if we didn’t care about each other. If I didn’t love him, I would leave that night with no heartbreak involved, no attachment to sever.
But because I did love him, I had to protect him. I would stay and fulfill my duties as long as it was safe, but someday, I would leave the kingdom. His mother had said, “It’s my duty to show my son, my heir, the path forward. Sometimes that duty requires me to make difficult choices. But I will make them because I love my son.”
It was also my duty, as his soon-to-be wife, to help him move forward. I had to keep him safe.
And in order to do that, he had to love me less.
24
Distance
I have to protect him.
Dominic held my hand, but he seemed far away, a distant dream. Though I loved and trusted him, I had to keep a secret from him. And it wasn’t just any secret. It was a secret that threatened my life and our family.
I took a deep breath and concentrated very, very hard on putting some space between us—though I wanted the opposite. I ached to rush to him, to have him put his arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But of course, everything was not going to be okay. The sooner I faced the facts, the better.
Squaring my shoulders, I asked, “You didn’t think I had the right to know what I was?”
“I thought you had the right to not worry about things you couldn’t control.” He squeezed my hand, but I pulled away.
“You never once in these nine years thought it wise to inform me that I might be something other than wholly human?”
“Until now, it would’ve just confused you. You wouldn’t have remembered, anyway.” Dominic took a step toward me, but I stepped back. “Victoria, please.”
“Please?” I steeled myself against him. “How about please tell me the truth, then let me decide for myself what I think about it? You are my partner, Dominic, or so I thought. I do not need a master.”
His face got even paler. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t think you need to be led.”
“Yet you withheld information from me until you could find a way to guide me through these changes. Again, you treat me as an inferior, not an equal.” I pointed at the door. “Go, please. I need some time alone. It’s been a long day.”
“Victoria, think about it. You weren’t prepared to learn your history. You’d just lost your mother and sister, and coming to the kingdom has always been dangerous and confusing. I didn’t want to make it worse for you.”
“About my mother and sister. You told me that you’d never met an intercross—but you’ve seen my sister. She must be what I am!”
Dominic shook his head. “From what I understand, your sister has no talents.”
“But our father is a vampire!” I cried.
“I do not know the whole story. Only your mother knows that.” Dom came closer again, a beseeching look on his face. “I am sorry that I kept all this from you. But it’s my duty to protect you—and I will do it no matter what.”
“It’s the ‘no-matter-what’ part that concerns me. You will protect me, even from the truth? That isn’t your call to make. You cannot substitute your judgment for mine. So please, go. I need some time to think.”
I didn’t look up as he stormed off, slamming the door behind him.
Good, I thought, hating myself. But at least in my suffering, I was not alone.
Mistress Olivia bustled in, arranging a tray. “Here, my lady. Have some tea.”
“No, thank you.” I didn’t move from my position on the bed. I was sprawled out, staring at the ceiling.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, her voice soft. “The guards said the prince made haste out of here an hour ago.”
“Is it okay if I don’t want to talk about it?” I still hadn’t cried, but I was still close.
“Of course, dear.” She set a teacup on the table next to my bed. “There are some treats, too, if you’re hungry.”
“I’m not.” At her kindness, a rebel tear leaked out of my eye. “I would like to be alone if it’s okay with you.”
“Of course. Just send for me if you need anything—including a friend.”
“Thank you.” When she left, another traitorous tear got free.
I didn’t know why I was crying—because really, nothing had changed. I’d come to the kingdom alone, and I would leave that way. Though I’d thought my mom and Iz were gone forever, now I knew they were near, and my heart was breaking all over again, but for a different reason. I felt so betrayed.
My mother had hidden the truth from me. More than anyone, it was a mother’s duty to protect her child. Instead, mine had kept a secret about my father, a secret that was threatening to destroy me. If I didn’t play by the queen’s rules, she would turn me over to Emperor Lucas before the wedding. Perhaps he would finish the job he’d failed at years before and finally kill me.
Why a father would want to kill his eldest child was beyond me. It was literally too much for my addled brain to try to figure out at the moment, so I was saving that for a rainy day.
My heart ached about Isabel too. Isn’t she also an intercross? Was she a party to the plot to keep me ignorant of my history and keep the truth about our father from me? All signs pointed to yes.
So though they were alive, my mother and sister had never been so estranged from me. I had no idea what, if anything, I would say to them the next day.
Do they know I’m here? Do they know that the Lady Victoria from Margate is in fact me? They couldn’t, so our reunion was going to be quite a shock for all of us.
And I wondered about the Emperor. How many years had passed since we’d last met? Wouldn’t he recognize me in an instant? Everyone always said how much my mother, my sister, and I looked alike.
I might not live long enough to have to worry about Queen Danica. Maybe it was a backward blessing from fate. I supposed I would have to wait and find out.
While I waited, I mulled over what had happened with Dominic and tried to rationalize what I’d done—what I’d said to him, the wedge I’d driven between us. I’d feared I had no business falling in love with and marrying royalty, not to mention vampire royalty, and I’d been correct. I’d made the rash decision to marry him because I loved him; I’d taken a chance and opened my heart, but now I knew better. The forces that sought to tear us apart—his mother and Dominic’s impulses to protect me at all costs—would win in the end. My love couldn’t conquer them. All of my fears—the ones I’d known about and the ones I’d never anticipated—were coming true.
&nb
sp; I lay on the bed, replaying my words of the last few days in my mind.
“Of course I’m not ready to be married!” I finally spat out. “How could I be? I haven’t even graduated from high school!”
“There are so many things to worry about. What if I get called back? What if I leave you again, and I don’t remember you—my husband? What if I don’t get called back and I’m your eighteen-year-old vampire-bride-puppet with the mother-in-law from hell—literally—then she starts a race war and we have to fight and—”
So there we were, at the and. His mother had threatened me, securing my promise that I wouldn’t tell Dominic in exchange for my life. She wanted my child, our child, the child I hadn’t yet dreamed of having. But once I had, I knew I would love it with my whole heart. And I already felt the threat of having it taken away from me.
I could lie there and convince myself that marrying the prince had never been a reasonable idea. But what was truer was that I loved him. Worse than that, I loved him fiercely, irrevocably, and if I married him and had his child, I was opening our family up to a lifetime of agony under the queen’s rule.
You should destroy her. The thought whispered in my head over and over again, its elegant directness almost a compulsion. But the problem was that though I was an intercross, I was no match for the queen. Who knew if my blood would poison her? It was too dangerous to try and test. Not to mention that Dominic would never, in all of eternity, let me face her. I wasn’t strong enough to fight her alone, and therefore, I needed help. He would find me out—even Anthony wouldn’t keep that secret for me. If Dominic knew what I was thinking, he would go after her himself. So again, I was faced with losing.
I didn’t know what to think and felt only lost. I’d been as close to happiness as I’d believed possible, finally accepting my love for the prince, readying to be reunited with my mother and sister. But in an afternoon, all of that seemed out of reach. What can I do?
It would be difficult, but maybe I could sneak back to the lake and leave the kingdom behind. If I did that, I would leave my destiny in fate’s hands. If fate willed me to return to the prince, I would heed the call. But if fate kept me back in my own time, perhaps that was meant to be.
But running was cowardly. I would leave Dominic alone to face the realm’s disappointment and questions about my disappearance. My mother and sister were to arrive the next morning along with Emperor Lucas.
No, I wouldn’t run. My life was in the kingdom, at least until the queen threatened to take it from me.
I fell asleep with a heavy heart, with no idea what the morning would bring.
25
After All
It wasn’t daylight that roused me; it was the feeling that someone was watching me. I sat up straight, jolted from sleep. “Who’s there?”
“It’s me,” Dominic said quietly from his station next to the fire. “I was just making sure you weren’t leaving without saying goodbye.”
“Dominic.” I rubbed my eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.” But of course, I’d thought about it. I didn’t know how much I could say to him, what was safe versus what the queen would consider treason. I sat up a little. “I mean, maybe I would, but only if it were the right thing to do.”
“The right thing.” He chuckled, but he sounded like he was in pain. “What on earth is that?”
“I can’t tell anymore. Everything’s all jumbled up, and I can’t make sense of it.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I suspected earlier.” Dom’s voice was hoarse. “Believe me when I say that if I could go back and do it differently, I would.”
“I know you did it to protect me. So no offense, but I doubt you would go back and change one thing.” I studied his face in the darkness of the room, the fire casting half shadows on his rugged profile. He looked tired, something I’d never seen before.
Dominic turned his gaze toward me, his dark eyes somber. “Maybe you’re right. Perhaps I’m as bad as you say.”
“I didn’t say you were bad. Not exactly.”
He sighed. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know for sure. I only guessed.” Dominic watched me carefully. “Can you understand that I wanted to spare you pain?”
“Yes and no.” But that was a lie. Of course I understood, because I hadn’t told him about his mother for the exact same reason: I was protecting him. Keeping my distance shielded him too. If we were estranged, and something bad happened, it would surely hurt less.
“Can you explain what that means?” His voice was strained.
“Yes because I know in your heart you meant me no harm. No because by keeping the truth from me, you decided you were sparing me pain. You never gave me the opportunity to consider it for myself.”
He nodded slowly. “I understand your position. But I don’t know what you will do. We are to be married this week. You are sitting right across from me, yet you feel a million miles away.”
I hung my head. I longed to go to him, to sit on his lap and bury my face in his chest. But a gulf was between us, a chasm. His mother had seen to that.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” the prince said.
“Nothing can be done about the wedding.” Being so formal cut me, but it was for his own good. The colder I was, the easier it would be for him to let me go when the time came—when I failed at the queen’s requests, when I inevitably disappointed her, and when she took me from him for good.
“Go on. Say more.”
I glanced up to find the prince staring, a haunted look on his face, and cleared my throat. “My family arrives tomorrow—today. If I call off the wedding now, they could leave. I could miss my chance to see them. More than that, your mother would be enraged. She’s gone to great lengths to plan this ceremony and has a lot riding on its success. So I suppose common sense dictates that we go through with it.”
“Your words cut me.” Dominic winced. “I don’t see the point in continuing on with our plans. You might be prepared for such a show, but not me, my lady. If your heart is no longer in this, in us, then we must tell the truth. We must separate for good.”
I sat forward, pulse quickening. “We can’t do that. There’s too much at risk.”
“I will not marry you if you’re only going through the motions. I’ve no interest in such a course of action.” His voice was icy.
“We have to go through with the ceremony, Your Highness.” Panic seized my chest—I hadn’t meant for things to go so far. If the queen caught a whiff of it, we were done for. “To start an uproar right now, when so many foreign vampires sympathetic to your mother’s position are about to descend on us—it’s unwise. Dangerous, even. Let’s just play our parts. No one needs to be the wiser.”
He laughed, but it was completely devoid of humor. “After everything, I never believed that the stars would show me so much disfavor. But so they have.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have turned on me, my lady.” He tilted his head as his gaze swept over me. “And for a mistake of judgment.”
I wanted to run to him, to tell him I’d made a mistake, and none of it his doing. But I didn’t move—I felt cold inside, frozen. I was faced with being the queen’s subjugate for the rest of my days, and she had already squeezed the life out of me. “Maybe I’m not the person you thought I was,” I said hoarsely.
“Perhaps that’s a condition we’re both suffering from.” Dominic rose from his seat, jaw clenched. “I take it you don’t want me to spend the night?”
“Maybe it’s better if we have some space.” I sounded as miserable as I felt.
“As you wish.” But he turned back to me when he made it to the door. His eyes burned but not in the vampire way. “Victoria.”
“Yes?”
He hesitated. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Of course not.” My voice sounded like it was coming from far away, perhaps the bottom of a well. “Good night, Your Highness.”
He didn’t say another wor
d as he closed the door.
Sleep eluded me. I was left tossing and turning, wishing Dominic were near me, cursing myself for being cold to him, and cursing his mother for ruining what was most precious to me. I couldn’t wait to escape the prison that was my bed—I was up and dressed before Mistress Olivia came in with the breakfast tray.
“Here we are.” She plated a croissant then poured me a cup of tea. “You look like you could use this.”
“Thank you.” I had some tea but only stared at the pastry. “I’m afraid I’m not very hungry.”
“Ah, come now.” In a very unusual move, Mistress Olivia sank down into the armchair across from me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her sit. “I can tell by the look on your face that something’s wrong, my lady. Tell me what’s happened, and I can help. It’ll do your soul good.”
“I’m afraid I can’t.” At her kindness, I found myself on the verge of tears again.
“Did you and the prince have a lover’s quarrel?”
“Not exactly.”
“Cold feet?” She peered at me. “S’completely normal, you know. Happens to everyone. If you didn’t question joining yourself to someone for the rest of your existence, you would be either crazy or a fool. It’s no small business, marriage.”
Though I wanted more than anything to tell her the truth, I lied. “It’s very kind of you to check on me—but everything’s fine, I can assure you. I’m just a bit overwhelmed with emotion is all.” Emotional from death threats and threats to my unborn children—those can make you a basket case—trust me!
I couldn’t put Mistress Olivia in jeopardy by placing her in my confidence, but sitting there sulking was almost as bad. I forced myself to have another sip of tea and a bite of croissant. It had occurred to me in the small hours of the morning that I needed to do some damage control. I couldn’t have Dominic upset, nor could I have the staff wondering if we were arguing. Any deviation from my role as a happy bride-to-be would get back to the queen, and that would seal my fate.
