‘You need therapy if you’re thinking like that,’ said Talia.
‘If you’d grown up in my household you’d need therapy too.’
‘Forget your parents and your muscle-bound brothers for a minute and think about yourself. You’ve done well. You’ve had a successful career and you can continue to have a successful career. You have a brilliant boyfriend who’ll probably jump at the idea of moving in with you. So go for it. Ask him.’
‘What if he says no?’
‘He won’t say no,’ Talia told her. ‘You’ll only barely have the question out of your mouth when he’ll be saying yes.’
Sheridan was a little nervous about asking Griff to move in with her, but deep down she was fairly confident that her boyfriend would be excited by the idea. He stayed over often enough (her stays in his house were less frequent because of the fact that his two sisters shared it with him – she didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with him knowing that they were the other side of the wall), he liked lounging on the sofa in front of the TV with her, sometimes commenting that they were becoming a boring couple. But he always said that with a laugh.
Griff was different to any of her previous boyfriends because he didn’t treat her like a friend who just happened to be a girl. When she was with him she felt like a proper girlfriend. Someone who was cherished and looked after. Griff was romantic. He complimented her on her body (he liked curves, he said); he took her to rom-com movies as well as thrillers (she enjoyed thrillers but it was nice not to have explosions in every film she saw) and he generally made her feel wanted and special. Talia thought he was a gem of a boyfriend and that his understanding of women came from the fact that he’d been raised in an all-female household. Sheridan agreed, though on the one occasion when she’d been with Griff’s entire family she’d felt overwhelmed by the femininity of it all.
It was ironic, she sometimes thought, that her first meeting with her perfect boyfriend had, in fact, been because of sport. She’d been conducting a vox pop outside the Aviva Stadium one day and she’d collared him to talk about the candidates being touted for the role of manager of the rugby team. Griff had come up with the name of a little-known Australian coach, to which Sheridan had responded that the coach was linked to a move to Fiji and so it was probably unlikely. Griff had stared at her in amazement, confessed that he’d brought up the name just to confuse her, and apologised for being a sexist pig for assuming that she knew nothing about the game. Then he’d asked her out.
Sheridan had surprised herself by accepting. She’d thought he was a bit of a sexist pig too. She was happy to realise that she was wrong, and very happy to have finally found someone she really cared for. And someone who seemed to care for her just as much too.
I’ll ask him tonight, she said to herself, as she lay on her bed mulling over Talia’s news. Her friend had gone out for a while, knowing that Sheridan needed some solitude to recover from her hangover. It’ll be nice living with him. And maybe . . . who knows, maybe we’ll think about the whole marriage thing. It wasn’t something that had ever bothered Sheridan before. But she couldn’t help thinking about it now.
After half an hour she got up from the bed and went back into the empty living room. She knew that she’d have to ring her parents and tell them about her redundancy soon. But she wanted to feel a bit better before she did. At the same time, she also had to call them before Talia got back, because it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have in front of her friend.
But she didn’t have time to wait, because within five minutes her mobile rang and she recognised Alice’s number. She took a deep breath before answering.
‘Hi,’ she said.
‘What’s all this about jobs going at the City Scope?’ demanded Alice. ‘It was on the news today. Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I was busy,’ said Sheridan.
‘Well that’s a good sign.’ There was relief in Alice’s voice. ‘I thought maybe yours might have been one of the ones to go.’
‘Um . . .’ Sheridan gripped her phone tightly, ‘the sports department has lost two of us.’
‘Two of you? Don’t tell me you’re one of them!’
‘Afraid so.’ Sheridan kept her voice as light as she possibly could. ‘But it’s not all bad news. I get a redundancy package and hopefully I’ll find something else soon, so I could end up doing quite well out of it in the end.’
‘You’ve. Lost. Your. Job.’ Alice said each word distinctly. ‘How can that be a good thing?’
‘I didn’t say it was. I just said that I could end up doing OK.’
‘It was a great job,’ said Alice. ‘You wrote good stories. What did you do to make them fire you?’
‘I wasn’t fired,’ Sheridan reminded her. ‘It was a redundancy issue. And I didn’t do anything. It’s all about costs.’
‘You must have fluffed something,’ said Alice.
‘I bloody didn’t!’ Sheridan was getting annoyed. ‘Redundancy happens. They don’t always have to have a reason to choose you.’
‘No. I know.’ Alice’s voice suddenly softened. ‘I’m sorry, Sheridan. I was just angry on your behalf. I remember when Con was dropped from the team and there was no reason for it other than the manager wanted to try a different formation. They brought him back, of course, it was a disaster without him.’
‘I remember.’ There had been utter consternation in the Gray house that day. Nobody could believe that the manager had left Con off the team sheet. He was one of the star players. Afterwards he’d confided in Sheridan that he’d had a row with the manager and that was why. He’d never told Alice that. She didn’t believe in players arguing with managers.
‘Well, I’m sure you’re right and they’ll come crawling back looking for you,’ said Alice. ‘In the meantime, though, would you like to come to Kerry for a few days?’
‘I was thinking of going on holiday with Talia.’
‘I’m not sure you should be going off gallivanting when you need to be around looking for a job,’ said Alice.
‘Talia said it would be good for me to have a break.’
‘Perhaps,’ conceded Alice. ‘But it would be cheaper for you to have a break in Kerry.’
‘I want to go somewhere warm. Get a bit of sun into my bones. That’ll energise me.’
‘Hmm.’ Alice didn’t sound convinced. ‘Do whatever you think is best. But we’re here if you need us.’
‘Thanks, Mam. Maybe I’ll drop down for a day or two. But I need to be in Dublin to look for jobs.’
‘We do have the internet down here, you know,’ Alice remarked. ‘We’re not entirely behind the times.’
‘I know. I know.’
‘I worry about you,’ said Alice abruptly. ‘You’re not like the boys.’
‘I never made the Dublin team, no,’ agreed Sheridan.
‘You’re not as tough,’ said her mother. ‘You don’t have the hard edge.’
‘I’m hard enough,’ Sheridan told her.
‘I hope so.’
‘I’ll be fine.’
‘OK. Take care. Keep in touch.’
‘I will.’
Sheridan ended the call. There was a lump in her throat. She’d expected Alice’s initial reaction, blaming her for losing her job. She’d even expected her to be a bit snippy about her deciding to go on holiday. But she hadn’t expected her concern. Somehow that had been harder to take than the blame.
Chapter 5
Griff texted Sheridan shortly after she finished her phone conversation with Alice, and they agreed to meet up that evening in his favourite Mediterranean restaurant, off Georges Street. She arrived before him and was already sitting at a table when he arrived. He apologised for being late and she said that she was a bit early and they both ordered without looking at the menu because they ate there so often they didn’t need it any more.
‘How’s the head?’ asked Griff.
‘Not great,’ she admitted. ‘Talia should’ve stopped me.’
‘
I don’t think you were in the mood to listen.’
‘Probably not,’ she conceded, and then reached for the water that the waiter had placed on the table. ‘Thanks for looking after me and bringing me back to your place. And for letting me sleep on this morning. I’ve been chugging back isotonic drinks all day but I know I’ll be wrecked until tomorrow.’
‘Poor darling.’ He smiled at her and rested his hand on hers.
‘Ah, I’ll be fine.’ Much as she loved the sympathy, she didn’t like the use of endearments or pet names. They always seemed fake to her. She slid her hand from beneath his and pushed back her hair. She’d left it loose today because tying it back would only worsen her headache, and it fell in a cloud of vivid red around her still-pale face.
‘Of course you will,’ he said. He repeated Talia’s assertion that she was a great reporter and that she’d get another job and that this was probably an opportunity. Sheridan was already getting tired of the word ‘opportunity’, even though she’d used it herself. She wondered if other people who’d been made redundant got fed up with well-meaning friends telling them it could be an opportunity too. She told Griff about Talia’s job offer and that she was going to take it. He looked surprised.
‘I thought she was committed to the City Scope.’
‘Yeah, well, so was I and look what happened.’ Sheridan ground some black pepper over the fish she’d ordered. ‘She’s right to take the chance while she can.’
‘Absolutely. Smart girl, keeping her irons in the fire like that. I wonder, did she know what was going to happen at the Scope?’
‘There’ve been rumours for ages,’ Sheridan reminded him. ‘If I’d been less of a fool myself I’d’ve started looking for something else before now.’
‘So when she’s moving out?’ asked Griff.
Sheridan told him, and added that they were planning to go to the Canaries first.
‘Excellent idea,’ he said. ‘That’ll get your spirits up.’
‘And afterwards I’ll have to knuckle down to getting a job. And,’ she added hesitantly, ‘a new flatmate.’
Griff added some extra garlic potatoes to his plate.
‘Any thoughts?’ he asked as he sliced his steak.
‘Well . . .’ Sheridan looked at him through lowered eyes. ‘I did have an idea, yes. Well, it was Talia’s idea actually, but I think it’s a good one . . .’
Griff waited for her to speak.
‘We thought that maybe you’d like to move in with me.’ The words came in a rush, and she noticed the suspicion of a frown cross his face. ‘Of course it’s just a suggestion,’ she added quickly. ‘It’s not like you have to do it. I’m not trying to pressurise you into something you . . . you’re not ready for.’
She wished she hadn’t said anything. Griff was scratching his chin thoughtfully, as though working out how best to reply to her. But it was clear that he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea. She felt a hot flush scorch her cheeks.
‘It was just that with her moving out, I need someone, and you spend a lot of time there already, so she thought and I thought too I suppose that it would be a good idea.’ She realised that she was blathering. And that he was still scratching his chin.
‘I suppose it was a question that would come up eventually.’ He finally left his chin alone and looked at her.
‘If you’re uncomfortable about it . . .’
‘No. No. It’s something we probably needed to talk about.’
We might be going to talk about it, she thought, but I can’t believe it’s going to be in a good way. She took a gulp from her glass of wine, thinking that redundancy was turning her into a total lush. Griff took a measured sip from his own glass and then put it carefully on the table.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to be with you a lot,’ said Griff slowly. ‘I’m really fond of you, Sher. We’ve had some great times together.’
This was a sentence that was definitely going to include a ‘but’, Sheridan realised. She waited for it.
‘But I like living with Gemma and Marianne. It’s relaxing.’
‘Living with me wouldn’t be?’ Sheridan waited a moment before she spoke, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.
‘It’s not that,’ said Griff. ‘Living with you would be . . . well, living with my girlfriend. And that would kinda make you more than just a girlfriend, wouldn’t it?’
‘I guess . . .’
‘And what I’m saying is that I love you and want you to be my girlfriend, but not a girlfriend I live with. Not right now.’
Sheridan thought about this for a moment.
‘So what you’re really saying is that we have a good relationship now but you don’t want to mess it up by making it more than it is? Which would happen if you moved in with me.’
‘Exactly.’ He looked relieved. ‘You know, the thing I love best about you, Sher, is that you think like a man. You don’t get messy and emotional and cry at stupid things. You don’t think that I have to be with you twenty-four/seven for me to care about you.’
‘No, I don’t think that.’ Sheridan was picking at the corner of her paper napkin.
‘You’re one of the best women I’ve ever gone out with. There’s no bullshit with you.’
‘Thanks.’ She injected the word with as much irony as she could manage.
‘Honestly,’ said Griff. ‘I absolutely love the way things are with us. But moving in with you – that’s taking things to a whole new level, isn’t it?’
‘And that bothers you?’
‘It’s a lot to think about right away,’ said Griff. Suddenly his eyes lit up. ‘I know you’re under pressure to get someone, though. What about Eithne? Last time we spoke, she said something about the landlord needing vacant possession of her flat soon. Hey, don’t you think that’d be perfect?’
Sheridan scrunched the napkin into a ball. Eithne was the eldest of Griff’s five sisters. And the gabbiest.
‘I’m not so sure that would work out,’ she said.
‘It was just a thought,’ he told her. ‘Etty is great company, very easy to get on with.’
The idea of having Griff’s sisters in both his house and her apartment, keeping an eye on them, was too freaky for her to even contemplate. It should have been freaky for him too.
‘OK, so not Eithne,’ he said when she remained silent. ‘We’ll think of someone.’
‘But not you.’
‘No. That doesn’t matter, though, does it?’ He covered her hand with his again. ‘We’re still grand the way we are, aren’t we?’
Would she be turning into a stereotypical girl if she yelled at him that she’d asked him to move in with her and he’d said no, and so by no stretch of the imagination could she possibly think things were all right? After all, he’d told her that she thought like a man. He wasn’t the only person to have ever said that to her, although it was the first time for him. There was no reason to get emotional over something that he was regarding as practical. Was there?
‘I think we’re fine as friends,’ she told him finally.
‘I knew you’d see it like that.’
‘It’s just . . .’
‘What?’
‘Well, if we’re going out together on dates, not just as friends, but we don’t want to be in a relationship – well, where’s it all leading?’
‘Does it have to be leading anywhere?’
She hadn’t thought so before. At least, not consciously. But she was thinking about it now. He loved her, he liked sleeping with her, but he didn’t want to move in with her. That sounded like a problem to her, even if he imagined it was a perfect arrangement. She was obviously less like a man than he thought. Damn it, she thought, if it hadn’t been for the trouble at the Scope, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. And I’d be perfectly happy to think that he might come back to Kilmainham tonight but go home in the morning. As it is . . .
‘Hey, you’re just a bit upset because of your job. I understand that.’
> ‘It’s more than my job,’ she told him.
‘Why?’
‘Why d’you think?’ She felt herself suddenly losing her composure. ‘You don’t want to live with me. You don’t love me enough. But you’re OK sleeping with me whenever you feel like it. You’re happy with things the way they are, but you know what, Griff, it makes me feel a bit like . . . like your plaything.’
‘You know that’s not true.’ He looked bewildered. ‘I wouldn’t dream of regarding you as a plaything. Besides, I thought you liked how things between us were too. You did until yesterday.’
‘I lost my job yesterday and I had to do a bit of thinking, and I thought that maybe we were in the sort of place that you’d want to live with me. I know it’s Talia’s suggestion, but it matters to me too. I wanted you to move in with me because we’ve being going out for ages and it seems to me, that being the case, that moving in might be a next step. But I was wrong.’
‘You sound just like Gemma when she’s having a row with Jerry. All kind of incoherent and emotional and . . . and . . . like a girl.’
‘Because I am a girl! And I’m not incoherent. I’m making a valid point.’
‘What do you want from me?’
She sat back in her seat. She hadn’t thought it through. But she did now. The logical consequence of them living together was, perhaps, to eventually get married. Or have children. Children weren’t on her radar yet. But one day they might be. Marriage hadn’t been. Now it was.
‘I think I want a future,’ she said, after all these things had filtered through her mind. ‘A long-term future.’
Griff exhaled sharply. ‘With me?’
‘That’s the way my mind was going, obviously. But not yours,’ she added as she observed the hunted expression in his eyes.
‘It’s not that I mightn’t,’ he told her. ‘But I’m not ready yet. C’mon, Sher. With us it’s all about having a good time and great sex.’ He grinned at her. ‘Don’t tell me you don’t think the sex isn’t great.’
Better Together Page 6
