‘I’ve already told you it was nothing.’
‘She didn’t seem to think so,’ said Nina.
‘She’s young and foolish and headstrong.’
‘That’s her excuse. So what’s yours?’
‘I admit I was bowled over.’ Sean kept his eyes fixed firmly on her. ‘I let myself get carried away. She’s pretty and smart and, oh, outgoing, you know? And it was so much more exciting than being here in Ardbawn.’
‘Here in Ardbawn with me, who’s none of those things.’
‘You’re an attractive woman, Nina. I’ve always said that.’
‘But not pretty and smart. Or outgoing. And not young any more either.’
‘By outgoing I mean – well, fun.’
‘Great. I’m no fun either. It’s hard to understand why you’d want to come back.’
‘This is my home,’ said Sean.
‘You should have thought about that before you slept with her.’ Nina was surprised at how firm her voice was. ‘You should have known better. And you promised me.’
‘I know. I’m so sorry I didn’t keep that promise. It was a lapse. But it’ll never happen again, Nina. I swear.’
‘You hurt me, Sean. Not just having the affair with her, but the fact that it was so damn public.’
‘I know you’ll find this hard to believe,’ said Sean, ‘but we weren’t together that much.’
‘You were everywhere with her,’ protested Nina. ‘If you google your name, you get loads of hits of you in pictures with her. And there’s reams and reams about the pair of you. Hardly anything about you and me!’
‘Bloody internet. I bet you’ll just see the same old stories over and over. I swear to you, Nina, it was a fling. Yes, it was intense for a while. But it’s over.’
‘And that stuff is going to be there for ever!’ cried Nina. ‘It’s not like years ago when yesterday’s news was tomorrow’s fish-and-chip paper. Now yesterday’s news is permanently on the web for anyone to see. Your children, for example. Their children!’
‘I’ve said I’m sorry.’
‘And you think that makes it all right? That because you’re sorry, I should tell you to come on home? How deep do you suppose the well of my forgiveness is, Sean?’
‘I know you’re a forgiving woman. I know you’ve seen my side of things before.’
Nina said nothing.
‘Look, sweetheart, I’m not seeing Lulu Adams any more. I accept that the effects of my . . . my moment of madness have been hard on you. I understand how you feel. But I’m here, saying I’m sorry and meaning it. I want to come home. I want to make things right.’
‘What about Chandler’s Park?’ she asked. ‘How would you work on Chandler’s Park if you were back here again?’
‘There’s going to be a break for my character,’ said Sean. ‘They’re planning a special in which there’s a massive gas explosion. Not everyone survives.’
‘They’re killing you off?’ Nina looked shocked. ‘Just as we said they might.’
‘I’m not being killed off. The whole thing is being left open. I’ll be in hospital in a coma while they decide where to go with the storyline. That’s confidential, by the way,’ he added.
‘And when does this happen?’ asked Nina.
‘The end of next month.’
‘So in fact you want to come home because you’ll be out of work.’ She was feeling angry now. Angry was good, she thought. Angry was better than broken hearted.
‘I knew you’d think that, but it’s not the case at all. I’ve been offered other work. The same company that does Chandler’s Park wants me to front a special about great Irish love affairs, and I’ve already got loads of voice-over offers. It’s absolutely not about being out of work.’
Nina looked at him sceptically.
‘You can talk to them if you like.’ He took his mobile out of his pocket and handed it to her. ‘Here, phone the commissioning editor. Ronan Fleming. He’ll confirm it.’
‘I’m not phoning anyone. You coming back here has nothing to do with where you work. It’s about us.’
‘Exactly.’
‘You swore,’ she said fiercely. ‘You swore on my mother’s grave. I didn’t want you to do anything as dramatic as that, but you insisted. You told her that you loved me and that you’d always love me and that you’d never do anything to hurt me again. But you did, Sean. That’s the truth of it.’
Sean sighed. ‘And I’m paying for it every single day,’ he said. ‘In how I feel when I go back to the apartment at night. Alone. Like you.’
‘But you’re not alone every single night. I am.’
‘I swear to you, I’ve been alone for weeks.’
‘I trusted you before.’ Nina got up and stood in front of the sink, her back to him. ‘I trusted you then and I believed in you.’
‘And you were right to believe in me,’ said Sean. ‘Nina, listen, you can’t let everything we have disappear just because I had a bit of a midlife crisis. That’s what it was. But I’m over it now. I swear to you. I’m ready to come home.’
She turned to face him.
‘I wanted you to come home. I have to admit that. Living on my own and running the guesthouse by myself wasn’t where I saw myself at this point in my life. I hate the children calling up and asking me how I am as though I could top myself at any moment. I don’t like people worrying about me. Talking about me. Knowing that you made a fool out of me.’
‘I understand.’
‘It’s been hard for me,’ she said. ‘I’ve had lots of time to think and wonder and worry . . . too much time. And I know that I haven’t finished with all that yet.’
‘You just said it, Nina. Too much time. You don’t need to mope around wondering when is a good moment to forgive me. You don’t have to come up with a time frame for letting me back.’
‘That’s exactly what I have to do. If I think that getting back with you is the right thing to do.’
‘Of course it is.’ His tone was persuasive. ‘You know that. You just haven’t admitted it to yourself. We’re good together, Nina. We always were and we always will be.’
Was he right? wondered Nina. Should she have talked to him before now, instead of making the grand gesture of throwing him out and ignoring his emails and calls? Had she made things worse by doing what she’d done?
‘I need time to think,’ she told him. ‘I’m not going to let you pick up our lives from where they were before just as if nothing’s happened.’
‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘You’re right. How about I come back next week?’
‘I . . . That’s too soon. I have to . . .’
‘We need to decide. To move on.’
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to do. Without you.’
He looked at her contritely. ‘I’m sorry I put you in that position, but it doesn’t have to be that way now.’
‘Doesn’t it?’
‘I’ll give you time, Nina. To realise that we can still work things out.’
‘How much time were you thinking of?’
‘A week?’
‘Are you nuts? I can’t make important decisions like this in a week!’ cried Nina.
‘OK, OK.’ Sean looked at her placatingly. ‘A month. And after that we put the past behind us.’
‘A month, and then I decide about what I want,’ she amended.
‘Of course,’ said Sean. ‘It’s your decision.’
But why, Nina wondered, do I feel as though you’ve already made it for me? She twirled her wedding ring around on her finger. Even though she’d asked Sean to leave, she still hadn’t taken it off.
‘Can I stay the night?’ He looked at his watch. ‘It’s late.’
‘It’s not a bit late.’ Nina glanced at the kitchen clock.
‘You’re being very hard,’ he said.
‘You made me hard,’ she told him.
‘Nina . . . I can’t say sorry enough.’ He got up and went over to her. He put his arms around her a
nd drew her close. His smell was comforting and familiar. She wanted him to leave but she wanted him to stay even more. She knew she did. Even though it might be a terrible mistake.
Chapter 22
DJ was already in the office when Sheridan arrived on Monday morning, which surprised her. DJ was flexible about his working hours, sometimes not coming in until after ten but then staying late into the evening. Not a morning person, he often said, but damn good after midday. Which was true.
His expression, when she walked into the office, was grim, and she knew straight away that it was because of her. He nodded at her before she’d even put her takeaway coffee on her desk and told her that he wanted to see her in the conference room straight away.
The conference room wasn’t anything of the sort. It was just a small office off the open-plan area, with a table and six chairs around it. Shimmy had told her it was where they had strategy meetings, but since Sheridan had started work there had never been a strategy meeting. There hadn’t been formal meetings of any sort, just chats around DJ’s desk. She sat on one of the high-backed chairs. The table, she noticed, was marked by the rings of hot cups that had been placed directly on to the polished wood. There had been a table just like it at the City Scope.
‘What the hell is all this about?’ DJ didn’t bother with niceties, and although his voice was low, it was angry.
Sheridan said nothing.
‘I get a call from Paudie O’Malley last night,’ said DJ, ‘while I’m stretched out on the sofa watching the telly, enjoying my Sunday evening at home. And he tells me that my temporary employee is investigating him. Investigating him! What in God’s name are you playing at?’
‘I’m not investigating him,’ lied Sheridan. ‘I just . . . I wanted to find out more about him.’
‘Why?’
‘He’s a very interesting man.’
‘So you turned up at his house and pretended to be a taxi driver?’ DJ looked at her in bemusement. ‘What on earth were you thinking?’
‘I didn’t pretend to be anyone,’ protested Sheridan. ‘Sinead made a mistake. I tried to correct her, but she was busy and—’
‘But why go there in the first place? If you weren’t planning to “investigate” him?’
‘I was driving past. The gates were open. It seemed like a good idea to go in.’
‘How could it possibly . . .?’ DJ looked truly bewildered. ‘I don’t understand your apparent obsession with the man.’
‘It’s not an obsession. It’s simply that he’s mega-rich and mega-reclusive and he owns this paper, so I’m interested in him.’
‘In that case, why not ask me whatever you wanted to know?’
Sheridan looked uncomfortable. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘You’ve put me in an extremely awkward position,’ said DJ. ‘Paudie wasn’t one bit happy with what happened. Nor am I. I don’t see why you felt the need to sneak around spying on him. You already checked him out before you came here – you said so.’
‘Yes, but it’s not the same as meeting a person.’
‘You want to meet him?’ DJ’s eyes glinted. ‘That can be arranged!’
‘I’m sorry if I caused trouble for you . . .’
‘He wants to know why I employed you. If you’re a spy.’
‘A spy!’ She laughed and then stopped herself. ‘What sort of spy could I possibly be?’
‘When you’re a man in Paudie’s position, there could be any number of reasons for people wanting to know more about your life. He’s a private person.’
‘A private person who’s very wealthy and who controls a chunk of the media industry. Which means he’s able to stay private.’
‘That’s not a bad thing.’
‘But where are the checks and balances on his businesses?’ asked Sheridan. ‘Most of them aren’t publicly quoted companies, so he can do what he likes.’
‘That’s his prerogative.’
‘It shouldn’t be,’ she said. ‘That’s how we ended up in recession before. Businessmen doing whatever they liked and thinking they shouldn’t be questioned about their decisions.’
‘And is there a decision you want to question him about?’ asked DJ. ‘Your position on the City Scope, for example?’
‘You know I was gutted when I lost my job,’ said Sheridan. ‘I wasn’t planning to quiz him about it, though. I wasn’t planning to ask him to give it back to me.’
‘Just as well. I’m not sure how he feels about having you on the payroll here, either.’
Sheridan said nothing.
‘This is a small town,’ said DJ. ‘You can’t go around upsetting people.’
‘Hey, I haven’t upset anyone in the town!’ she cried. ‘I’ve pissed off the owner of the paper, which, I agree, is probably not a good move on my part. I knew that even when I was there. It was a mistake. But that doesn’t mean he should fire me. Does it?’ She looked anxiously at DJ.
‘If you’d prowled around the home of the editor of the City Scope, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have been too happy with you either,’ said DJ.
‘I know. I know.’
‘Paudie wanted to know more about you. So I told him.’
‘Told him what?’
‘That you’d been a great reporter on the City Scope. He was surprised to hear that you’d worked there.’
‘Did you say that it was all his fault I was given the boot?’
‘I said you weren’t happy about it.’
‘Thanks.’ She made a face. ‘Now he probably thinks I’m some nutter hell-bent on retribution.’
‘A bit,’ agreed DJ.
‘Can’t blame him, I suppose. Can’t blame him for wanting to get rid of me again, either.’
‘Paudie doesn’t hire and fire on the Central News,’ said DJ. ‘I do.’
‘Are you going to fire me?’ asked Sheridan.
‘I was very tempted to last night,’ replied DJ.
‘And this morning?’
He sighed. ‘I like you. You’re a good writer. You’ve improved Des’s match reports no end.’
She looked at him hopefully.
‘Don’t do that,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘Turn those big puppy-dog eyes on me.’
‘Sorry.’ She looked away.
‘I don’t want to fire you. And I’m sure Paudie doesn’t want me to throw you out of another job either. Fan the flames of your rage against him and all that. Turn you into some psycho killer stalking the streets of Ardbawn.’
She tried not to smile.
‘But you can’t carry on some kind of personal crusade against him.’
‘I’m not,’ she said. ‘Honestly. I’m curious by nature, that’s all.’
‘There’s nothing to be curious about as far as Paudie’s concerned.’
‘There’s loads.’
‘Leave it,’ said DJ. ‘Please.’
‘Oh, all right.’
On one level she was relieved. Meeting Paudie’s family had made her feel guilty for thinking that he had, in some way, been responsible for the death of his wife. Sinead and Peter were nice people and she couldn’t blame them for being annoyed with her (even though Peter had also seemed amused). Josh, of course, was a total treasure. It was hard to believe that his grandfather was a murderer. Or that he’d driven his wife to suicide. But even as she was thinking these things, she still wanted to know why Elva had died.
‘This is a friendly newspaper,’ said DJ. ‘Sure we talk about bad things that happen, but we’re not here to be doom-mongering and scandal driven. So whatever ideas you had from your previous employer, you can just forget them.’
‘All right.’
‘Now get outside and start doing something useful,’ said DJ. ‘There’s a dog show in the community centre next Friday. I want interviews and pictures and human-interest stories on dogs. I want dogs that look like their owners and owners who look like their dogs. I want heart-warming stories about dogs who’ve saved the day. I want cel
ebrity dogs and celebrity dog owners. I want warm and fuzzy and happy reading. OK?’
‘OK,’ said Sheridan.
‘And spend a bit more time on the horoscopes this week,’ said DJ. ‘I thought the last lot were a bit vague.’
‘They’re meant to be.’
‘Yeah, but not quite so airy-fairy. A few general pointers.’
‘Like what?
‘Like how my sign can keep calm in stressful situations.’
She grinned at him.
‘It’s not funny,’ he said.
‘Sorry.’
‘Ah, it’s all right.’ He grinned too. ‘It’d be boring if life was simple for me, now wouldn’t it?’
‘I guess it was easier with Myra around.’
‘Ah, Myra.’ DJ’s face lit up. ‘Did you hear she’s had her baby? So that’s another thing for this week’s edition. A little piece on the new mum and the new arrival. Lots of love from all of us. Give her a call and ask her for some of the gory details.’
‘I heard about the baby. You’re sure she won’t mind me calling her?’
‘Not at all. She knows how we do things.’
And I don’t, thought Sheridan as she made her way to her desk. I probably never will, either.
Nina was baking cookies while her part-time housekeeper, Anais, was vacuuming and polishing. Nina was quite happy to leave the cleaning to Anais while she concentrated on cutting the dough into different shapes and placing them carefully on the baking tray. Even when Sean had taken over the cooking for a while, Nina had always done the baking. It was soothing, and the warm aromas that wafted from the oven never failed to comfort her.
She didn’t know if she needed to be soothed or comforted following Sean’s visit. She couldn’t help feeling pleased that he wanted to come home, but there was a corner of her that continued to worry that it had more to do with his investment in the guesthouse than his love for her. Yet if that was the case, surely he’d be happy to stay away and then force her to sell it?
He’d been chivalrous enough on Saturday night, retreating to the deserted residents’ lounge to watch the TV while she stayed in the kitchen. She’d brought tea into the lounge later and they’d sat in two armchairs, the coffee table between them, as they drank it. Sean had asked her about the number of visitors she had, and she’d explained about Sheridan, and then said that there was a group coming the next week as part of one of her riding-lesson packages with Peggy. Par for the course, she’d told him, and he’d asked her about the dramatic society’s contribution to the festival. She told him that Brian Carton was going to star in Blithe Spirit this year and that Hayley had expressly forbidden him to climb down riverbanks looking for stray sheep. Sean had laughed at that, which caused her to laugh too, leading her to feel as though things between them could be retrievable and that she’d be totally wrong not to forgive him, because they were good together no matter what.
Better Together Page 26
