Twisted Love

by R. C. Stephens

  “I have to admit that I always thought our first time together would be different,” I admitted through a throaty laugh. She paused to take another deep breath.

  “I know that you know that the baby was yours, I need to explain myself,” she paused causing my heart to accelerate, I didn’t want to show her I was nervous. “I was on the pill when we slept together, I’ve never missed a pill. I guess life got busy and I didn’t realize that I missed a few periods. Then I started to feel sick when I was in Kauai with Luc. I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant, the ultrasound was dated back to the exact time we slept together in the car,” she paused tilting her head forward.

  After we slept together I realized that we got caught up and had unprotected sex and I assumed she was on the pill. When I heard of the pregnancy I figured I had been wrong.

  “I didn’t sleep with Luc for a number of weeks after we were together, I was confused and I even wanted to break up with him.” A mix of guilt and shame mar her perfect features. I wish she broke up with him and contacted me, things would be so different now. “I didn’t let him touch me. I know I should’ve told you the truth a long time ago. I really believed that I was uh… uh… uh… doing you a favor,” she said quickly like the words were hard for her and she just needed to get them out. How could she think she was doing me a favor? FUCK! I yelled out in my head, but I was trying to keep my shit together. I didn’t want her to run off.

  “I always thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that you could do so much better than a poor battered up girl, it was the same reason I didn’t listen to you on prom night, I thought I was helping you. I’m really sorry.” She finished with a long exhale then leaned on the back on her chair as if the weight of the world had lifted. Her hands looked shaky and I could see the start of tears filling her eyes.

  Fuck! Looking at her, I saw a beautiful broken girl filled with self-doubt. It broke me, I should have known better. My chest felt like hot lava waiting to erupt. It made my own sins hurt more because all our pain and heartbreak could have been avoided. I was non-responsive and making her nervous. I felt like getting up and putting my fist through the wall and taking her into my arms all at the same time. I was not mad at her. I was just fucking mad.

  Her eyes begin to water, and I willed myself to get up and stop being a douche bag. She was hiding her face behind her shirt and arm. “Don’t cry, Lex, I’m really not mad about any of it. Well actually I’m pissed at myself, not you.” She was always so strong and courageous, she held such a strong front, after beatings, after the verbal abuse, none of it made her crack and that was just fucked up, everything was bottled up inside her. She should have cried, she should have leaned on me more, I should have helped her more. “None of this was your fault and I don’t blame you at all. Listen to my words because honestly it’s the truth. I should have known better on prom night. I should have hounded you afterwards and I should have forced you to see Luc for who he was. It was me who let you down, not the other way around,” I said with deep assertion hoping that my words would penetrate her soul. She had to stop her cycle of self-blame.

  Becoming a doctor and dealing with all kinds of problems in all kinds of situations had made me grow up. She looked up at me and her dark blue eyes were red and swollen, it caused my own heart to crack.

  “Lex, everything I’ve ever felt for you was always overwhelming. When I was young it was consuming. I wanted to be with you all the time and I took heat from my friends who wanted to go around screwing every willing chick. I only wanted you, but I was a young fuck and I knew if I slept with you, I would never walk away and at age eighteen it scared the shit out of me. I’m sorry. I was an immature idiot. I’m not proud of my past behavior or my record with women for that matter, but if I get another chance with you I can guarantee that I won’t fuck up again. I know what I want,” I said, hoping that I was getting through to her. I wanted to tell her that I would never let her go, but my stupid mistake had me locked in place. I wanted to tell her the whole story, but she seemed so sad and I didn’t think it was a good idea to lay that much on her after her own difficult revelation.

  She took a tissue and wiped her eyes, she hadn’t said a thing through my rambling speech. “Do you want to get out of here? We can leave or we can eat dinner? It’s your call,” I asked staring into her lost eyes. Feeling a whirlwind of emotions, love, regret, anger and lust. This girl was the eye of my storm and the center of my being. Why couldn’t she just accept it?

  “You still want to eat dinner with me after what I just told you?” she asked furrowing her brows tightly together.

  “Yeah, I do. I said I’m not leaving you, I’m not going anywhere without you by my side, take a minute and let those words sink in because I mean it,” I said staring directly into her eyes like I meant business. I knew it took time when it came to her emotions. I sat back in my chair, she still wasn’t speaking so I continued to ramble.

  “What happened that day we met in the coffee shop tore me up. When we had sex in the car I thought it meant you would be mine. That we would have a future together and you would leave Luc. When you ran, I thought you chose Luc over me, I didn’t realize that you thought you were doing me a favor. Had I known that you may be pregnant with my baby I would have tried to contact you. I should have tried anyway, baby or no baby,” I paused contemplating if I should just tell her the truth, the ugly reason I stayed away.

  She needed to understand that yes, I was broken up over what happened to the baby, but I wanted her regardless. The question was more would she want me once she knew the truth?

  “Since I have your attention I want you to know the truth about prom night. I need you to really listen and trust that what I’m saying is the complete truth.” I inwardly cringed because although prom was one of the important issues that I had to come clean on, there was a larger issue looming over us.

  “Okay,” she nodded.

  “I was hanging out with the guys in the house. I had gone out back to the pool a few times to check on you, you were drunk and having fun with the girls. I saw you in that hot string bikini and all I could think was that you would be mine later on, I would have taken you over my shoulder out of the house if it were up to me, but I knew you wanted time with the friends.” I grinned from the memory.

  “Anyways, we started playing a drinking game and I had to drink a lot in a short time. I got totally smashed, I couldn’t see straight, I told myself I needed to sober up for you later on. I forced myself up the stairs and barely made it. I found the first empty room and crashed. I need you to know that there was no one in the room when I crashed. I… fell… asleep,” I accentuated each syllable. “I must have been having a dream about you when I felt someone touch my hair, I thought it was you in the dark. I was still too wasted to open my eyes. Then I felt someone climb on top of me. I thought it was you, my pants never came off, I need you to know that. She must have unbuttoned my shirt first. Which was lucky I might add, because that’s when you opened the door.” I paused watching her intently. “I literally felt my heart stop when I saw you at the door, I was sure it was you on top of me. I was drunk and drowsy, I pushed her off me. I ran to you, I wanted to explain that it was all a misunderstanding, but you were smashed and wouldn’t listen to a word I had to say.

  I understand it looked bad, I would never have touched any other girl. It’s important that you know this. You were my best friend my entire life, I was hoping you knew me well enough to know, I would never cheat on you,” I said pleading into her blue eyes. It was hard to relive one of the worst nights of my life especially when all the events lead up to her getting beaten so badly.

  “I understand now that you thought you weren’t good enough for me, I always felt like it was the other way around, which is ironic,” I said moving my head back and forth.

  The irony caused me to roll my eyes. “What is it?” she asked and I was relieved to finally hear her voice.

  “I always thought since we were like fift
een that you were this angel and then when we did get together, I said to myself that I was a lucky bastard that you chose me, I never felt good enough for you,” I chuckled. Her mouth fell open and she looked completely adorable.

  “Dylan, I come from a broken home, I was abused and battered. You cleaned my cuts, why would you think I was an angel? I never stood up for myself, I bowed my head and took what my mother had to dish out, I was a coward… why would you want to be with someone so damaged?” she asked, surprising me by opening up so much.

  “Really Lex? You were the bravest girl I knew, you had this smart mouth on you and a sparkle in your eye despite what your mom did. You took care of your sister keeping her away from your mom when you were only a child yourself. You know it, and Ash knows that you took all the abuse and kept her tucked away… you did well in school and you made sure Ash did well, you took care of your house. Do I need to go on with the list of things you’ve done? Because we may be sitting here all night. Don’t you remember I used to call you angel?” I asked causing her cheeks to brighten. “I thought you were supernatural or something, no one could really be as beautiful or as perfect as you and be human.” I smiled brightly, but I could tell that my compliment made her nervous, the wall around her had not been broken down yet.

  “You were probably reading too many books,” she waved me off in typical Lexi fashion.

  “I don’t think so,” I tilted my head to the side.

  “I don’t know what to say, that night my greatest fear played out. You know how traumatized I was by my father’s cheating? I was scared of that happening to me. I witnessed my mother fall apart, she was never the same again. The next morning when I woke up sober with a splitting headache, I realized that I overreacted and that I should’ve believed you, but I was thinking of self-preservation. I loved you too damn much and I was scared love would break me like it broke my mother,” she explained her voice trailing off at the end. This wasn’t easy.

  “I know what you mean, I thought about getting in touch so many times over the years. I’ve played the conversation over and over in my head, but I was a coward. I worried that too much time passed, that you would reject me. I didn’t want to hear rejection coming from you, not after I compared you to every girl I’d been with. It sounds shitty, I know, but at the end of everything all I ever wanted was you and I needed to keep that idea alive,” I said feeling slightly ashamed. I’d never opened up about my own feelings before. I couldn’t blame Lexi for not opening up either. It was harder than I thought, I kept telling myself that I was older and mature now and that if I wanted this girl to stay with me I had to say exactly how I felt and put my own heart on the line or else I couldn’t expect her to do the same.

  “Have I given too much information about my past indiscretions?” I said scrunching my lips to the side feeling guilty. I had more to confess, I was afraid that my sins would push her away.

  She leaned forward and winced. “No, this sounds crazy, and I hate to think of you with all those girls, but it’s a relief.” She blew out a breath and rolled her eyes like a weight had been lifted.

  “Come again?” I blinked, not understanding if she had heard me right. I did just tell her I was a player. I know we had this conversation the other day at her apartment but I was happy living in some sort of denial. I had convinced myself that her definition of getting around was very different from my own.

  “Seriously Dylan,” she giggled and I was dumbfounded. “I have my own extensive list of shameful hook-ups. I used those men to try and get over what I was feeling for you. I thought sleeping around would burn the ache I felt in my chest away, but it never dissipated,” she paused because I winced. It was unfair of me, I know, saying I was a player and hearing that she was a female version of me were two different things. “I’ve upset you,” she said tilting her chin down and leaning back in her chair.

  “No you haven’t.” I leaned forward to take her hand hoping to reassure her. “It’s one thing admitting my own faults and another hearing about all those guys having their way with you,” I admitted guiltily.

  This response got me a smile, “Dylan, you never let anyone come within two feet of me in high school, yet, you had your share of girls.”

  “Exactly, I really only wanted you, but I was a horny teenager and I wanted to treat you with respect, which was very different than how I treated all those other girls, unfortunately,” I conceded shamefully.

  “Dylan, I became an easy girl,” she said as her eyes glowed with challenge.

  I accidentally winced again, and she laughed even harder. “This is not funny, Lex,” I pouted.

  “Dylan, if we’re already putting all our business on the table, then you should know I thought that by screwing around with all those guys, it would make you want me less. Being a slut would make you want me less. Then I realized that seven years passed with no contact and I was sick of the same old hook-ups. That’s when I met Luc. I was determined to fall in love with him only I couldn’t. He knew my heart wasn’t capable of love and he accepted me,” she explained sadly turning down her head. Revelations were not easy. Especially when they held so much pain.

  “Pick up your head…if you think that telling me that you were a slut is going to make me run, it’s not happening. Yes, it makes me feel like shit, I pushed you into that lifestyle…” I nodded my head. “You’re in my life now and I want you anyway I can have you,” I said meaning every word.

  Her blue eyes darkened into the color of thick clouds before a storm and I could tell that I’d confused and overwhelmed her enough for one night.

  “How about we get a large order of wings? We need to eat dinner,” I said leaning forward on the table and covering my hand with hers.

  I ordered 2lbs. of mild Buffalo wings and Budweiser beer. “Dylan I’ll just have a salad,” she interrupted.

  “What? Why?” I furrowed my brows.

  “Because I don’t have the metabolism of a seventeen year old anymore,” she cackled.

  “Your body is better now than when you were seventeen,” I said, leaning sideways and checking her out, it made her blush and she agreed to eat the wings. Really, I wanted to take her back to my apartment and take off all her clothes, but I knew she wasn’t ready for that and her wounds hadn’t healed enough. Then of course I also had to man up and come clean about my own shit. I was selfish wanting to hold on to these moments with her a little longer, in case she decided she didn’t want me after she heard the truth.

  We finished our meal and I drove her back to her apartment. She looked a little fidgety and uneasy again in the car ride back. I walked her to the apartment door and I could tell that she looked torn, I was hoping for an invitation inside. I only wanted to hold her in my arms all night. It was freezing outside as we reached the front door, she reached in her purse for her keys and I noticed a white envelope with her name on it slid into the crack. She reached for it but instinct told me to grab it before she did.

  “Wait,” I put out my hand stopping her. “Let me, what is this?” I asked taking the envelope. It only had her name on it and there was no address. She unlocked the door and I followed her inside.

  She placed her purse on the bar stool and removed her coat rubbing her hands together to warm them up. My stomach dropped, I didn’t want to scare her, but something felt off.

  “Well, open the letter Dylan,” she insisted walking over to me with a soft smile.

  Testify at the trial, be careful what you say. We have your friend, this is a warning. We will return her in 48 hours as long as you’re a smart girl and say the right things on the stand. If you go to the cops you can say good-bye to her and we promise you will be next.

  Chapter 20

  Crash and Burn

  Dylan

  “Well?” she asked again. My hands turned clammy and I walked over to her protectively looking around her apartment for any signs that someone was here. They took Anna. How the fuck do I tell her that they have Anna?

  “Lexi, w
e need to get out of here…you have to come with me,” I insisted taking her by the arm.

  “What? No Dylan, what the heck is going on with you? What does the letter say?” she asked frantically.

  I placed my hands on both of her shoulders. “Lex, were you subpoenaed to testify at Luc’s trial?”

  “Yes, the subpoena came yesterday,” she gazed into my eyes looking worried. “Does this have to do with the subpoena?” Her voice was low and shaky.

  “Yes, when do you have to testify?”

  “Tuesday morning, I didn’t want to worry you. I got this Dylan. Luc wants me to say nice things about him, I get it… I don’t want to endanger my life, I will do what he wants. I just wish I could have talked to him before and told him that he should drop these ridiculous assault charges against you,” she shook her head.

  The assault charges are the least of my worries right now.

  “Lex, go get some clothes from your room, you need to stay with me,” I said in a commanding tone, I don’t meant to come off so domineering but I need to get her out of here and figure out what we should do.

  “Dylan, Geez! Tell me what’s in that letter right now.” She pulled her arm out of my reach and crossed her arms over her chest. Stubborn Lexi!

  “Can you please trust me, we need to leave,” I insisted. She glared into my eyes assessing me for a very long moment. My heart was racing so fast that I thought it may explode.

  “Okay.” She turned around and went into her room. Instinctively I followed her and her forehead scrunched together probably wondering why I was keeping her close.

  “Hurry.”

  She walked over to her closet and took a black gym bag out and began to fill it with clothes and her laptop. I couldn’t help tapping my foot and gaging our surroundings wondering if someone was still here and if they were armed. Lexi took her time filling her backpack and the gym bag with her text books. Shit, I forgot she had to go back to class tomorrow. Sweat began to trickle down my forehead. Luc was right, his family had threatened her, I had hoped it was only a ploy to keep her close to him. This was bad, I worried how she would take the news. I knew how important Anna was to her.