by Beth Shriver
He chuckled. “I guess I’m missing something.”
“Jah, my daed. I wish you would have met him.”
“Me too, but if he’s anything like you, I guess I already have, in a way.”
“You heard Fannie say that, didn’t you?”
“I suppose I did. But she’s usually right about those kinds of things.”
“Don’t tell her that. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
He stopped, turned her toward him, and wiped a tear from her cheek. Then he held her close and waited until she stopped shivering.
“You’re a gut man, Manny. I’m glad Gott gave you to me.”
“I’d say the same thing, but I think I’ll show you, instead.” He took her by the waist and held her close, kissing her long and hard on the lips. Then he let go, took her hand, and started walking again. He grinned when she let out a breath, and she decided she liked it.
“Manny Keim, I didn’t know you had it in you,” she said after she caught her breath. He was always so private and slow to show affection, this had taken her off guard.
“I’m sorry I’ve kept us in Mammi’s haus all this time. I know you want to spend more time at your farm. I’ve kept you from that, and it’s time I let go and let us be a family, just the four of us.”
Manny’s head shot up, and he nodded. “I’m glad to hear you say that.”
“Well, we can pack up and go tonight if you want to. I’ve made you wait long enough, and I’m sorry for that.”
She truly was, but was more concerned about the trouble she had with Timmy. She hadn’t dared to say it, but he needed a lot of care, and she felt badly that she didn’t have the energy to care for him as she wished. Mamm had told her she was a fussy child, but it went away once she was a bit older.
She appreciated the fact that he was his own little person, not Sam but Timmy, innocent of anything similar to Sam. She’d prayed her heart out asking Gott to put her mind in the right place so she could love her son and daughter, but the feeling of having two children all at once tested her confidence, and she was plagued with guilt.
As she stared at Timmy in his crib, his wide newborn fastened on hers. The more she gazed at him, the more she could see the hint of a dimple on his chin and more hair than Rhoda had.
“Lucy, where were you?” Manny had stopped on the porch, waiting for her attention.
“I . . . guess I’m tired. Can we wait until tomorrow to settle in at your haus? I just don’t have the energy right now.” It was a big job to move and to make his home hers. She was just happy to be with a man who she believed truly loved her. Each and every time she looked at her son and daughter, she felt blessed to have Manny as her husband but worried his haus might not feel like hers.
When they returned, Nellie handed Rhoda to Lucy. When she looked over at Manny, she knew she had to say something to him. It had become so obvious, he had to know something was amiss. So she decided to tell him a bit of how she felt.
“Does it feel strange to you that we’ll be living in the haus you and your wife had together?” She glanced down at the babe she held and turned away.
“Nee, we’re a family now. It doesn’t matter where we live as long as we’re together. I’m more worried about Rhoda than anything else.”
Lucy paused but finally responded. “I worry about her too.”
“Maybe it’s okay for now that you spent more time with her, but your boy needs you too. Fannie and the girls are good to love on him, but he needs his mamm.”
She nodded toward Rosy as she walked away from the basket on the table and watched Timmy’s eyes catch hers. “Timmy just looks so much like Sam. It’s been hard.” A comfortable feeling took over as his eyes met hers. His brown eyes, large and focused on hers, caused her to go to him. She had too many images in her mind of times Sam would simply stare at her for something she had done that he disapproved of, she was so glad Manny was his daed now. Maybe she was overreacting, but Lucy didn’t know how to make it right, to clear her mind of Sam and create a new view of how to care for her children.
A warm hand grasped her wrist, and Manny held her close. “You have to stop yourself from letting the evil one take you places in your mind that aren’t safe. Pray it away, and eventually you will see Timmy in a different light.” He pulled her away. “The doctor will let us know if he needs anything from us.”
Lucy shook her head, wishing she had never said anything, and waited for it to all go away. “I’ll try. I want it to be different.”
Manny picked up Timmy and cradled him in his arms. “I don’t know what went on between you and Sam—I can only imagine—but this is your chance to start over with me, Rhoda, and Timmy.” Little Timmy grasped Manny’s callused finger and kicked his feet.
Mammi walked into the kitchen. “Oops, didn’t mean to interrupt some family time.”
“We were just talking about packing the babies up and moving to Manny’s. Do you feel all right if we do that, Mammi?” She’d been so good to take them in that Lucy didn’t want to upset her in any way, but after what Manny had said, she knew she had to face what was yet to come and in her own home with Manny.
“Well, it’s about time.” Mammi took Timmy and cradled him close to her. “You need to grow as a family.” But the tears that filled her eyes said something different indeed. “You can go as long as you promise to come visit often.”
“You know we will,” Manny responded to give Lucy a minute to compose herself.
“I’ll be expecting you at our haus.” Lucy couldn’t say more, knowing she would be living in a home she didn’t know would feel like hers only if the girls came to visit.
There wasn’t a dry face in the haus as Rosy, Nellie, and Frieda all came around and helped them pack up and then worked together and promised they would make a scrumptious meal. Fannie wouldn’t be coming with them, so she said her good-byes for the moment.
Lucy worried that all of them could live in harmony in the strange new place they would now call home.
Manny looked over his shoulder again. Milking seemed to last forever. He was more concerned about Lucy than the milk that served as part of their livelihood. She’d come out with Rhoda and stood on the porch three times now to try and keep her from crying. If it happened again, he’d leave his chore, at least for a minute or two.
Little Rhoda’s wails were weak and pitiful. Her voice wasn’t as strong as Timmy’s or any baby that he’d heard cry. It was as if her lungs were deflated, barely pumping in the oxygen she needed. He’d asked Lucy if she thought they should take her to the doctor early, before her regular visit, but Lucy said she could hold out until the week was over. He wasn’t sure if that was wise at this point. At least one of the girls had made the effort to visit each day, usually more, but today no one had come over, and this was a day they needed the help.
A Holstein kicked the ground and mooed, bringing Manny’s attention away from the haus and back to the job at hand. He removed the cups from the cow’s udder and cleaned them, then put away the machine until he would repeat the process that evening. He opened the stalls and guided the cows out of the barn one by one, with a few pushing their way through. He had started to muck the stalls when he heard sobbing.
It was too loud to be either of the babies. He dropped the pitchfork and came running. “Lucy!” Manny ran faster than he knew he could, when he saw her shaking body and the tears falling against Rhoda’s bla
nket.
He slowed when he got closer, and eased in beside her, sitting on the porch step. He put his arm around her and waited for her to calm down.
He asked her what was wrong, whether the children were all right, and every other question he could think of. She nodded her responses.
He was out of words. The more he tried to guess if she was happy or sad, the harder it was. First with Sam and all she’d gone through with him, and then the pregnancy. He’d known what he was getting into with two little ones to tend to right after marriage, but all it took was one look, and he was smitten with both of them—no second thoughts or regrets.
She had come such a long way since he first met her, coming down the lane, worried about a coyote and telling him so. He’d appreciated her unexpected bold comment defending the animal that had been tearing into his livestock. He grinned.
“What made you smile?” She turned to him with a smile.
“I was just thinking about how we met.” He turned to look at her, with her freckled nose and blue eyes. “Do you remember?”
She smiled. “How could I forget?”
“You were out walking down the road, heading home, and I was looking for the varmint that was eating my chickens.” He liked the thought of her scolding him for hunting, and him mystified with this petite little redhead, alone and with child.
She turned toward him and drew her brows together in confusion. It was better than the puckered forehead she seemed to have most of the time now. There were just certain things you didn’t expect in life, and Lucy had had plenty of that in her lifetime. So had Manny.
“I still don’t like guns and never will.” She paused. “Neither will Timmy, if I have anything to say about it.”
He’d changed her orneriness to her bright side, and now that he’d done it, he wasn’t sure which one was easier to deal with. But he could see the fight going out of her. She was getting some of her energy back and must be feeling it too, by the look of her. He wished he could sweep her up and take her to bed. That was probably all Lucy needed. She’d feel better in the morning if she got some decent sleep. Manny hated to admit it, but he was really missing Frieda and Fannie about now.
Manny took Rhoda from her when Timmy he started to fuss, and nodded toward the haus. “Go fetch him. I’ve got Rhoda.”
He watched her thinking about it as she tried to push herself off the steps and looked from him to the baby. Manny hadn’t realized how tiny Rhoda really was or how soft her cries were. One of her tiny squeals was nothing compared to Timmy’s, which might be one reason why Lucy didn’t worry about him as much.
“I wish Rhoda would eat more. Does that worry you?”
Her question caught him off guard. He’d been thinking along the same line, only about her lack of sleep more than her lack of appetite. He moved back a bit and then looked over at little Timmy. “I know he’s stronger and a minute or two older than Rhoda, but Timmy needs his mamm too.” He took her by the arms and stared into her eyes, waiting for a response he wanted to hear.
“I’m trying, Manny. These little ones are a lot of work, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She squeezed her hands together until they turned white.
“I don’t know what that’s like, but what I do know is you’re going to be a great mamm to him once you trust Gott to get you there. He doesn’t do anything without a reason. Find out what that is, and maybe you’ll be able to be the mamm you want to be.”
She turned to look at him. “I do want that, Manny.” She picked at some grass coming up around the cracks in the porch, now brown and withered from the change in the temperature. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
He almost started to talk again with wisdom that was redundant, words he had repeated too many times already, but finally realized that as much as he wanted to make everything all right, he couldn’t. It was up to her now with Timmy and Rhoda. Even though he felt those babies were as much his as hers, she was the one who’d carried them and now fed them each and every morning. She looked at her son, an innocent little angel who grew on Manny more and more each day.
“I can’t imagine what Timmy might be like as he gets older.” Manny grinned. “He’ll probably be a mama’s boy.” He loved the smile that slowly grew on her face as her spirits lifted. That was one thing he’d learned to do right with her—get her to smile.
He thought he’d ask her the question he’d been holding aside until the time was right. “Dr. Kauffman thought it would be a good idea to take Rhoda into the hospital, just so he could get a better look at her. It might tell us why she cries so much.” He thought he knew, just from the information he’d read and talking to another family in the community who had a similar situation to contend with. The more he thought about the different families in the area, the more he realized how common it was. Yet it wasn’t something so out of the ordinary that any of them would make a fuss over the special needs of the affected children. But now that it was happening to Manny, he was noticing much more than he’d ever thought he would.
“I’m sure it’s nothing the doctor can help us with. She just needs time to gain her strength.”
“Well, that’s just it. The doc said she won’t change a lot, that they have to have help the rest of their lives. Like the Benders and the Grabers and the other kids around who need a little more help.” The more he explained it to her, the more real it seemed that their little girl would have special needs. He thanked Gott they lived around others who would help them and love their child unconditionally and without blame.
She nodded. “I’m scared, Manny.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed.
He wasn’t sure what to say to that, since he was feeling the same way. Then he remembered the minister talking about fear and how it’s all Satan’s and not Gott at all.
“The first thing you do after being scared is the most important thing you’ll do. That’s what makes you do what’s good or bad.” He was scared too but knew his place as a father and husband was to grow his family up and teach them to honor the Lord, and that’s what he intended to do. “Fear makes you isolate yourself and make wrong decisions that get you stuck.”
“Jah, it does.”
She seemed relieved to hear what he was saying, so he continued. “Whatever the enemy makes bad, Gott turns to good.”
She lifted her tired blue eyes. “Where’s the good, Manny?”
He didn’t know the answer but thought about what he’d been praying and where he’d found comfort. “Gott’s there, waiting for us to be in His presence. He comes; sometimes we just miss Him.”
“I’ve missed Him, not you. I’ve been too busy for Gott lately, and I’m feeling it right now.” She took in a long breath and slowly let it out. “You’re a good man, Manny Keim.”
He almost had a minute to appreciate her compliment before both babies started to cry. They stood and walked side by side as they made their way into the haus.
They found their rocking chairs and rocked the babies and then spoke soft words to each other until everyone was resting comfortably. “Wouldn’t it be nice if it was always like this?” He asked but didn’t expect an answer. It was obvious that it wouldn’t be. The babies would grow up, but he didn’t want to take this time for granted.
“Manny.” She rocked quietly except for a slight creaking from her rocker. “Maybe we should listen to the doctor and take her in for a checkup.”
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br /> “It might put our minds to rest and answer some questions.” Or it would make things worse, which was why Lucy was scared. He understood that. Everything he’d just told her was what he told himself. It would be nice if they could stay strong together. “I can call and ask the doc.”
He said it with hope. He had never been a big proponent of doctors and hospitals until recently. These two little people who had come along in their lives had changed him about a lot of things. One of the biggest revelations was how small he was without a family and how much he loved these little ones he called his own.
“Manny, I never thought I’d like having a doctor, especially for my children . . . ” Her voice trailed off. Whether she didn’t know what to say or the emotions took over, he wasn’t sure. “You’ve been through this before. I hate to bring it up, but—”
He held up a hand. “It’s all right to talk about Glenda and what she went through. Although I don’t like to relive it, you might feel better about taking Rhoda to a hospital.”
“You don’t have to explain. I just want to know we’ve tried everything before we go there.”
Rosy was the one they turned to for remedies, so this would be outside Lucy’s element and maybe her loyalties, as well. He had seen Glenda decline all too quickly, and only after going to the hospitals had they been allowed another month together before she passed away.
“Are you comfortable with Dr. Kauffman taking care of us at the clinic?” That was the biggest question, and Manny knew where he stood. Although he’d been skeptical at first with the doctor’s brash manner, his confident way with Rhoda assured Manny that this man knew what he was doing. “I know I am.”
“Jah, he does make me feel that he knows the ways of medicine, and his direct approach is something I’m used to.” She shrugged. “With Mamm.”
