by A. J. Downey
She melted against me, and turned her head so it was pillowed half on my chest and half on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew, the water was cold and we were both jerking awake at a hard thumping on the door.
“Y’allright in there?” Bobby called through the wood.
“Yeah, Man!” I laughed, “We fell asleep!”
“There’s a bed for that y’know. See y’all tomorrow.”
Faith rolled her head back and looked up at me, blinking owlishly, she shivered beneath the tepid-at-best water and I chuckled.
“I think we’re both tired.”
She nodded and winced as she moved, stiffly, to let me up. I pulled the drain and stood with her and reached for the towel rack, wrapping her in it first. We were prunes, and she was cold. I dried her off and she stood hugging the towel around her. I dried off, double timing it, so I could chivvy us a couple doors down to the guest room. I shut the door behind us and lifted the bedding so she could crawl in. I got in right behind her and she didn’t hesitate to cuddle up to my side. I got comfortable and her body heat combined with mine had us warm enough and drifting off pretty quick.
Truthfully, we both passed right the hell back out again. It was nice, it was comfortable, and the next morning showed up too damn quick. Faith slept on, but I needed to make a run back out to my boat for a few reasons. Knowing she would be safe enough here, I laid out some clothes for her for the day and took myself downstairs. Bobby was in the kitchen and passed me a cup of strong, black coffee.
“Morning!”
I took the cup and nodded, grunting out a half assed, inarticulate reply.
“So, what’s your plan for today?” he asked and looked entirely too pleased at my rough state. I was used to getting up early, fishing being my trade; I still didn’t have to like it.
“Have t’ head back to m’ boat. Pick up some more clothes and shit for the both of us, talk to my brother… I might have to head back to work even though we’ll be stayin’ here, if that’s cool.”
“That’s cool.”
“Can’t really bring Faith around Ft. Royal for much more’n a visit until the rest of the crew is back.”
“I get you; remind me again what’s up?”
I did, explained about the Russians and the whole bit. Bobby sniffed, and nodded.
“She’s safe enough here, I’ll keep an eye on her.”
“Anyplace you don’t want her poking around?”
“I’ll give her the full tour when I see her up and moving around, set some boundaries for safety around the equipment. Shouldn’t be bad, though. I’ll tell the workers they’ll be seeing her around and I’ll also tell ‘em to stay in their lane. She’ll be fine.”
I nodded carefully, and Bobby eyed me, “You got it bad for this chick, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
That was all that needed to be said about it, too.
“I’ll bring back some fish outta my freezer,” I told him and he nodded.
“Sounds good.”
I downed my coffee and headed for my bike, I knew Faith was safe enough with my best friend, but that still didn’t mean I liked leaving her here like this one bit. I shot a text to her phone with where I was headed and to call me when she woke up so she didn’t worry or have to contend with wondering if I was coming back. I figured she’d be freaked out enough.
With a heavy sigh, I fired my bike back up and made for Ft. Royal, I wanted to get back here sooner rather than later.
Chapter 34
Faith
I woke and it was so quiet, there was no distant crash of waves on the shore, and there wasn’t any hum from the A/C unit. It was so very still, too, which meant I wasn’t on the boat, either. I pushed myself into a sitting position and heaved out a breath.
No, I wasn’t in familiar surroundings, but I was safe. I was on the orange farm and if Marlin wasn’t here in the bedroom, knowing him, he wasn’t likely far away. I got up and had to smile. He’d laid out my favorite, long, summer dress and sandals for me. He’d even remembered clean underthings. I dressed quickly and sighed out. It was warm in here. Too warm, almost like the house didn’t have A/C, but what home in Florida didn’t? Also, it’d been much cooler the night before. I wondered if Bobby had turned it off.
I let the dress fall around my body, the soft, breathable, jersey knit, fit well in the chest, but didn’t cling badly to the rest of me. The teal and white chevron pattern was flattering, too. I picked up the light, white lace wrap that I liked to wear with it and slid my feet into the white sandals that waited for them. I went downstairs, figuring that I would find Marlin in the kitchen, but the house was deserted.
Panic began to swell in my breast and I forced it down, my fingertips finding the metal and leather cuff around my wrist. I opened the door to the house and pushed on the old, wooden screen door, letting myself out onto the porch. It was oppressively hot out here too, only marginally less bad than inside but that was due to the slight breeze rustling through the trees which marched in lines away from the house.
It was as if the house had been built, and orange trees had been planted in the back yard, but then the owner decided that he wanted more. The next thing you knew, there were rows of trees in all four directions, though they’d had the foresight to leave a little bit of a front yard, not only for kids to play on, but also an expanse to park cars on.
Marlin’s motorcycle was conspicuously absent, and so was Bobby’s battered old truck. I bit my bottom lip and listened, and hearing distant voices, picked that direction to walk in. I stayed out in the middle, between two rows of trees, so I wouldn’t be missed, and took my time making my way towards the talking and laughing I could hear.
“Whoa! Hey, look who’s up.” Bobby smiled and waved at me from further up the row, and I slowed. I didn’t see Marlin with him, or among the other men standing around the back of his truck.
“I was looking for Marlin,” I called softly.
“Ah, he went back to his boat to pick up a few things for y’all. He should be back soon, he’s been gone for a fair bit.”
I smoothed my face into a mask of neutrality; I didn’t want to show any of these men that this news upset me, or how afraid I was. Besides, if Marlin entrusted Bobby with my care, then I was reasonably sure that I could, too.
“You hungry?” Bobby called and I nodded carefully. He looked me over, considering and said to one of the men standing near the front of the truck, “Miguel, grab me the blanket off the front seat, would you?”
The man complied. He was older than Bobby, by quite a bit, maybe fifties or sixties, and a deep, deep, tan from too much time in the sun. He smiled at me and handed Bobby, who was clearly his boss, the blanket. Bobby laid the blanket across the tailgate of his pickup and then held out a hand, motioning for me to come closer. I took stock of the situation.
Bobby, sure, but there were five other men standing around with him including Miguel. All of them appeared to be a worker of some sort in overalls with tank tops underneath, skin gleaming with a coat of sunscreen. Some wore heavy carpenter like pants and tees. I chewed my bottom lip in consideration and Bobby smiled.
“Boys, give the lady some room,” he said and all of them looked at him quizzically but stepped further out from the truck. I sighed inwardly, and felt terrible. I gripped the leather cuff around my wrist and forced my feet into motion.
“There you are,” Bobby said with mild strain as he caught me around the waist and lifted me, setting me on the blanket on the bed of the truck. I squeaked and tried to remember to keep my breathing under control. He eyed me and handed me an icy bottle of water out of a cooler in the back of his truck.
“Am I not supposed to be out here alone?” I asked.
“Nah, you’re good,” he said and his smile was warm with adorable dimples that would have made my sister Charity go on for hours. He pulled the red trucker hat off his head and scratched the top of his sweat-soaked, dark brown hair before replacing it. He reached into anot
her cooler and handed me a half a sandwich wrapped in waxed paper.
“Thank you,” I murmured.
“You’re good, you’re good,” he repeated, though he was studying me rather intently. Some of the other men were, too. I shifted uncomfortably and with shaking hands unwrapped the sandwich.
“Lunch time is over boys, head on back to work,” Bobby said quietly and the men nodded and began cleaning up.
“Thought you was gonna sleep all day, Darlin’.”
“It was too hot, I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.”
Bobby swore, “A/C went out again. I’ll head back to the house to fix it in a little while. First, I figure I should go over the rules of this place with yah.” He chuckled, “You ain’t done nothin’ wrong Sweetheart, just some things to go over for your own safety.”
“Oh, okay.”
He told me if I went walking and found some men, to let them know I was there. He also told me to stick to the middle of the rows like I’d done, and to steer clear if I heard or saw any machinery operating and to watch and listen for yellow jackets. They liked the fallen fruit from the trees and could be aggressive; he didn’t want me to get stung. He told me that I was free to go wherever I’d like and he pointed out where the groves gave way to a pond and a swimming hole, but warned me to look out for alligators. I didn’t imagine I would see myself swimming after that bit of knowledge.
We were silent for a long time, and I finished my sandwich and half the bottle of water. Bobby wandered over to one of the trees and reached up into the greenery, “Ever had an orange fresh off the tree?” he asked. I shook my head and he pulled, the branch bowed for a second and snapped back up into place, the leaves rustling. He held a bright orange globe of fruit in his big hands and briskly, started to peel it. Citrus kissed the air and I breathed deep, the bright scent.
“Nothing like it really,” he said and broke the fruit in half, handing me some of the smiles.
I peeled one off and ate it, the juice bursting in my mouth, cleansing my palate from the residual sandwich flavors. It was good. Probably the best orange I had ever tasted and I smiled, laughing a little. Bobby smiled, but soon the smile slipped and I sobered.
“Tell me something, Faith.”
“Yes?”
“How do you feel about my friend, Jimmy?”
I eyed him carefully, and he eyed me back just as hard… considering.
“I, I care about him very much.”
He nodded carefully, “But?” he asked.
“But he deserves to be happy, and I don’t think I can possibly do that for him.”
“Why would you say a thing like that?”
“He’s told you, I’m sure.”
“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you.”
I put another bite of orange in my mouth instead, and chewed thoughtfully.
“What difference does that make?” I asked.
“You talk about it with anyone?”
“My doctor, and Marlin… sometimes.”
Bobby nodded, “Don’t trust me yet. I get you, that’s okay,” he was nodding but he wasn’t looking at me, when he did, he pinned me with his hazel eyes. I swallowed hard and felt like my throat was going to close up with fear.
“Never seen Jimmy look at any girl like he does you. Never had him ask me to take care of one like his life depended on it neither. He’s got it bad for you, Faith, and he’s been my best friend since ever. Do me a favor and don’t rip out his heart.”
“I don’t want that,” I said, genuinely distressed by his words.
“No, I don’t figure you do,” he replied softly. He handed me a paper towel and I wiped off my hands, the juice from the orange making them sticky. “Do me another favor?” he asked.
“What?”
“Don’t sell yourself short, neither. You seem like a nice girl and I get that bad shit happened to you, some really bad shit, but don’t let it define you. Only you get to do that. Love yourself, then love my boy back. You get me?”
“I don’t think I do,” I told him.
“Hey, Bobby!” We both turned our heads at the shout of one of his workers; he was tromping through the aisle of trees in our direction from the front of the truck.
“You think about it, Darlin’. If you still don’t get it in a day or so, we’ll talk again. In the meantime I gotta deal with this,” he helped me down to the ground. “Wander where you’d like, just remember to be safe.” He gave me a wink and walked down the aisle a ways to speak to the approaching man. I stared after them for a moment but I knew when I’d been dismissed. Hard not to know after living with Hope, the mistress of dismissals.
I wandered among the trees, up and down the aisles and thought hard about what Bobby had said to me. It was clear he cared a great deal about Marlin, which I could understand completely. Marlin made it so very easy to love him, but that still didn’t mean I was good for him. Not with everything wrong with me, that would be wrong with me for a long time to come.
I sighed out, I think I knew what Bobby meant by loving myself, I was hard on myself but it was hard not to be. I felt like a curse, like a blight upon the lives of the people closest to me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. I also couldn’t decide if that were incredibly brave or an act of complete cowardice. Everything about me felt so upside down and inside out and I didn’t know what I could do to straighten my ass out.
Living inside my head was like being scared and tired at the same time. I felt like I should be doing something, anything to be useful, but terrified I would screw it up if I tried and equally terrified of the repercussions from that failure. Like now, I wanted to be alone, but I suddenly felt incredibly lonely and suddenly wished that Marlin were here, walking beside me like he so often did along the beach. Silent, but a presence, a comfort like a candle in the dark. It was like I cared so much about these things, but at the same time, I didn’t really have the energy to care and it all amounted to me being so numb I couldn’t be moved.
I gently wiped a stray tear as the yellow glimmer of Bobby’s house loomed through the trunks and canopies of the trees to my left. The white trim glaringly bright in the Florida sun. I stopped and looked for a long time, at the shiny chrome and black motorcycle with its colorful blue Marlin fish painted on the tank. Relief flooded me, followed by soul crushing disappointment that he hadn’t left a note, or anything that he’d gone. I swallowed hard and continued my walk, stopping again to watch him, sitting on the front step of the porch, cigarette between his lips as he texted or played a game on his phone; squinting at the screen.
It was overwhelming, how deeply I felt for this man. Overwhelming, and terrifying, but at the same time, something I so desperately wanted. He’d said he loved me, and I knew he meant it. I knew he meant it to the very bottom of my soul, but he’d left without saying a word, knowing…
I picked my way carefully through the trees and across the grass in his direction, his nose buried in the phone as he took a long drag on his cigarette. I would go inside. I wanted to be near him, but I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want him to know how much I felt like I needed him and that his going like that, without saying anything, had rattled me so badly, so I would slip past him and go inside.
That’s what I would do.
Chapter 35
Marlin
Her shadow fell across me as I shot yet another text to her phone, to see where she was at. I looked up and squinted, until she moved into the sun to block it out. Her face was reserved, with that tightness around her eyes that told me she was struggling with something. I looked down to where my hand unconsciously curled around her calf, rubbing soothingly up to her knee and back down.
My girl’s toenail polish was chipped, I noted, and I couldn’t remember the last time she and Hope had gone to get pedicures together. I didn’t know if it warranted the risk of being out and about with the folks that’d taken her hot on our trail. I’d spent longer than I’d wanted to in Ft. Royal. The word was
out to keep watch for rude dudes with tattoos, particularly any bearing Russian or Eastern European accents. I was going to have to commute, and keep working the boat. The best I could do for that was to make the ride slick backed and make sure I wasn’t tailed but nothing was ever truly one hundred percent.
Taking Faith into town just for a pedicure seemed like a bad idea, but still… maybe it was something I could fix. I looked up at her again and smiled.
“You doin’ okay, Baby Girl?” I asked.
“No.”
I cocked my head to the side at her frank answer, and took my hand off her leg, waiting for her to finish.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“You just left; you didn’t wake me up or say anything.”
“I texted your phone, I figured you could use the sleep.” She frowned and looked perplexed. I raised an eyebrow, “What’s that look for?”
She didn’t answer, she blew past me and went into the house, and I got up and followed her. All the way up the stairs, down the hall, into the bedroom where she snatched her phone off the bedside table and looked at it. Her face immediately crumbled and she started to cry.
“Hey, hey, hey! What’s this now?” I asked and dropped onto the edge of the bed beside her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and kissing her temple.
“I’ve been so hurt and mad all day, that Bobby had to be the one to tell me that you’d gone and it’s not fair to you that I didn’t even think to check this thing.”
I tried not to laugh, that would just upset her more and honestly, she was right too, in a way. She’d been without a phone, conditioned after a fashion, to never go near one on threat of pain and heartbreak I couldn’t even imagine. A couple of months doesn’t fix that kind of thing, or bring the whole having a phone to the forethought at all. Plus, one of us was usually with her, so it wasn’t like she got a lot of calls anyways. Nine times out of ten when we wanted to reach Faith, when we weren’t right with her, we called the person she was with, be it me, Hope, the Captain or whoever. This was as much our fault for trying to wrap her up in bubble wrap and keep her on a shelf as it was any fault of hers.
