‘Don’t you keep in touch?’ I asked, thinking of my own loving father and realizing how lucky I was to have such a caring man in my life.
‘There’s little point, I didn’t get to know him,’ he replied with a shrug. ‘Not properly, I’m not even sure Mum did.’
‘Sidney said she lives abroad now; you must miss her?’
‘I do.’ His face softened. ‘She found happiness second time around with a golf professional called Victor. He’s a good guy; I’m pleased for her. Victor was headhunted by a brand-new golf club in Shanghai and they live the life of Riley now. I don’t get to see her much, but I know she’s happier than she’s ever been.’
At that moment, several starlings dared to swoop down on the vines just behind us. Starsky shot out from under the bench, barked furiously at them until they disappeared and then trotted back to flop down looking very pleased with himself. We both laughed at his smug expression.
‘So,’ I pursed my lips playfully, ‘we’ve established that you have goals not dreams, so what is your goal?’
He laughed. ‘Sorry, that was a long-winded answer. Am I boring you?’
‘Not at all.’ I shielded my eyes from the sun to study him. ‘Your upbringing is a lot more exciting than mine, not that I’m complaining.’
He pressed a fingertip to my arm. ‘I think we should get out of the sun; you’re going a bit pink. I don’t want you collapsing on me again.’
I gave him a stern look. ‘You’re not trying to get out of telling me your ambitions, are you?’
‘No, no,’ he said softly, ‘I’m just trying to look after you.’
Which made me go a bit pinker.
‘I’m happy to talk,’ he went on. ‘I want you to understand why I can’t come back to the vineyard.’
He stood and offered his hand to pull me up. I took it gratefully; my legs felt heavy after all that running up and down and I was ready for a drink. He tucked my hand through his arm and with Starsky pottering beside us we walked slowly back towards the house using the thin line of shadow from the conifers as shade.
He paused when we got to the top of the vineyard and together we turned to admire the view.
It never failed to take my breath away and I glanced at Jensen’s face, unable to believe he wasn’t as in love with this place as I was.
‘If I had the choice, I don’t think I’d ever leave here,’ I said, trying to keep the note of melancholy from my voice.
‘It would certainly be a great place to raise a family,’ he said with a faraway look in his eye.
I followed his gaze and tried to see my future self here, with a child playing alongside me as I tended the vines but I couldn’t; I just couldn’t picture myself as a mother yet. It all seemed so surreal. The thought that I was somehow failing at all this brought a lump to my throat and it took a moment to realize that Jensen was still talking …
‘But despite having reached my self-imposed saddo deadline to meet the one and settle down by thirty-five, I’m single.’ He was single. A flicker of an emotion I wasn’t quite ready to name danced in my stomach.
‘You’re not quite past it yet,’ I said lightly. ‘There’s plenty of time to meet the one.’
He grinned. ‘I hope so. But the upside of that is that I can throw myself one hundred per cent into my career. Within the next five years my goal is to be my own boss.’
‘You’re planning on giving up corporate life?’
He lifted the latch on the wide gate and nodded. Starsky scampered off up the steps and disappeared into the cool of the house. We followed at a more leisurely pace towards my cottage.
‘Right now I’m serving my time, learning everything I can, growing a network, and waiting for the right moment to set up my own consultancy. I’m with a good solid firm; they make sure their staff are at the cutting edge of the modern architectural world, they send us around the globe to learn the latest advances in building technology and pick up best practice. And most importantly, they respect me and I respect them. I’m fairly confident when the time comes for me to go it alone, they’ll back me all the way and employ my services.’
Jensen’s blue eyes glittered determinedly; I was in no doubt he’d be successful.
‘Do you have a goal?’ he asked.
‘Not really.’ I wrinkled my nose. ‘Mine have all been short-term things. I’m not very ambitious; I’ve always been content to go with the flow.’
‘You do yourself a disservice,’ he said with a bark of laughter. ‘Within your first month at Butterworth Wines, you’d whipped the vineyard into shape, restored confidence in the team and organized the company’s first ever open day. We’ve sold more wine in the last two weeks than in the last six months. We’ve had press coverage, sales enquiries from all over the country and you somehow managed to get an old man with thirty years’ winemaking experience to finish off the 2016 vintage and blend the new one. On top of all that, you’ve made it possible for Gran to carry on living here. Lottie, those are not the result of being not very ambitious.’
‘Well, since you put it like that …’ My chest swelled with pride. ‘I guess my immediate priority is family. I’ve been so lucky. Two parents who loved me and my sister and loved each other. Family is important to me.’ I automatically reached for my bump and Jensen didn’t miss the gesture. ‘And that was what I wanted for myself. I thought by the time I brought a child into the world, I’d have a loving cushion of family to fall back on.’
‘And don’t you?’
I told him about my parents’ retirement plan to travel across Europe in a campervan and how my dad was now doing it solo. He already knew about the rift between Evie and me but I filled in the details of Darren’s visit yesterday.
‘Has your sister been in touch?’
I shook my head sadly as we crossed the yard and I opened the door to my cottage. ‘I’m going to attempt to sort things out today. But it’s not only Evie I’m missing; the baby’s father is no longer in my life, so the poor thing won’t have a dad, or paternal grandparents. My own mum passed away, and Dad has gone off travelling on his retirement gap year.’
I opened the fridge, took out a bottle of sparkling water and offered him some.
‘Yes please. Look, there are worse things than being brought up without two parents, you know.’ He pointed to himself and flopped down on the sofa. ‘Better to have one who loves you than two whose relationship turns the air at home toxic. Case in point.’
‘I know,’ I said wearily. I sat beside him and handed him a glass. ‘It’s just …’ My throat felt tight and suddenly I couldn’t get the words out.
He placed a hand gently on my shoulder. ‘What’s wrong?’ he murmured.
‘I just didn’t think I’d be going through this alone, that’s all.’ My throat was burning and from nowhere my eyes filled with tears.
‘Hey, don’t get upset.’ He looked at me, alarmed.
‘Ignore me,’ I said, blinking rapidly. ‘Raging hormones. I’m being pathetic.’
‘Would you like a hug?’
His dark blue eyes radiated warmth and concern and it was all I could do not to dive on him.
‘Very much,’ I managed to croak.
He took my drink from me, placed both glasses on the coffee table and gently wrapped his arms around me. Gradually I felt my body relax into his embrace, relishing the comfort of another human being. It felt like an eternity since I’d been held and I wanted this feeling to go on for ever.
‘You aren’t alone.’ His voice was soft and his lips brushed against my hair.
‘But I am,’ I argued, my tears making a wet patch on the collar of his shirt. ‘It’s my scan on Friday. I keep imagining that scene you see in films, where the mother sees her baby for the first time and the father squeezes her hand and they gasp in wonder and both whisper “hello, baby” to the screen and the dad gets a photo of the scan and shows it to all his friends.’
‘Blimey,’ said Jensen, ‘you do imagine things in a lot of det
ail.’
‘I suppose I do.’ Despite my sadness, his tone made me giggle. ‘But instead it will just be me, and the sonographer will glance discreetly at the door to check no one else is coming in and then give me a sympathetic smile.’
‘Or—’ He stopped abruptly as if holding himself in check.
‘Or what?’
Jensen cleared his throat. ‘Or I could come with you, hold your hand and say “hello, baby”. If you like?’
I flicked at my tears and stared at him. ‘You’d do that? You’d have time off work and come to the hospital with me?’
‘Just call me your second doctor.’ He grinned. ‘Course I’ll do it, it’s no biggie.’
‘It’s big to me.’ I kissed his cheek. ‘Thank you so much. But if it’s okay with you, I’m going to have one last bash at my sister.’
‘Sure.’ He smiled. ‘Good plan.’
‘But will you be Plan B?’
‘Of course. Lottie, I …’ He paused, his eyes drinking me in as he touched my face. ‘I’d really like to kiss you. May I?’
I didn’t answer. Instead, I leaned in towards him and closed my eyes. My breath trembled as his lips brushed against mine, softly at first, gentle and exploring and then with more heat as we pulled each other closer, my hands in his hair, his at the nape of my neck, caressing me. I felt breathless and light-headed and completely and utterly captivated by the taste of him.
This, I thought distractedly, is the kiss of my dreams.
My head was racing ahead and wondering where this was going but the moment came to an abrupt end as a car came screeching to a halt in the yard outside.
Jensen’s eyes shone. ‘Damn, I was enjoying that.’
‘Me too.’
He stroked my cheek, before going to the door to see who had arrived in such a hurry. I went to join him but before I’d taken a single step I heard a familiar voice. My heart leapt; it was Evie.
‘Is Lottie here?’ She sounded agitated and I rushed across the room to greet her.
‘Yes,’ Jensen answered. ‘She’s here, come in.’
‘Evie?’ I gasped.
Jensen stood back to let her in. She had mascara streaks down her face, her eyes were red and puffy and she was clutching a tissue.
‘Thank God.’ She ran into my arms and hugged me tight.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘It’s Dad,’ she said through great gulping sobs. ‘He’s been in a motorbike accident in Germany.’
Chapter 21
‘He’s never been on a motorbike in his life!’ I felt my pulse pick up speed. ‘Is he okay?’
‘I don’t know.’ She shrugged helplessly. ‘He’s in surgery now.’
Jensen touched my arm. ‘I’ll make tea.’
He filled the kettle and began clattering mugs and spoons while I led Evie to the sofa.
‘Do you know what happened?’ I pulled her down beside me, still clutching her hand and passed her a tissue from the box on the coffee table.
She dabbed her face. ‘I know hardly anything. I had a call from a woman called Agnes who said she was a friend and that they had been on motorbikes around Munich and Dad had come off his, hit a car and landed awkwardly.’
‘Bloody hell.’ Fear gripped my heart. We’d already lost Mum; I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him. I shut my eyes tight. No, Dad, not you. Please be okay. I don’t want to lose you.
‘I called you as soon as I found out,’ she said, rubbing my back. ‘But you didn’t pick up. I left messages and you didn’t return them.’
‘I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen my phone; Jensen and I were outside.’
He handed us both a mug of tea.
‘My fault,’ he said, resting his hand briefly on my shoulder. Evie’s eyes followed his every move as if trying to work out what was going on between us. ‘There was an emergency on the vineyard.’
‘Oh no.’ Evie glanced at me sharply. ‘What sort of emergency?’
‘Don’t worry, nothing major.’ Jensen held his palms up calmly. ‘All sorted now.’
‘Right. Good.’ She took a sip of her tea before setting it down. I gulped at mine; I’d cut down on caffeine just recently, but this was hitting the spot. Jensen had put some sugar in it and it was just what I needed.
Evie gripped my knee. ‘Lottie, when you didn’t return my calls I thought you were ignoring me. And I don’t blame you; I feel so ashamed of how I’ve behaved. I’m so, so sorry about the way things have been between us.’
‘Don’t apologize,’ I said, taking her hand. ‘I understand how hard it must be for you, knowing I’m pregnant. And I’d never ignore you.’
She cast her eyes down, her chin wobbling.
Jensen cleared his throat. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk. But if there’s anything I can do, anything at all, let me know and …’ He waited until my gaze was focused on him. ‘I meant what I said about Friday; you probably won’t need me but I’m here if you do.’
‘Thank you.’ I felt awkward suddenly. I wanted to get up and kiss him goodbye but there was no way I could do that in front of my sister. Not at a time like this. I did my weird windscreen-wiper wave, which made him smile, and then he was gone.
‘Well.’ Evie raised an eyebrow. ‘He’s lovely.’
‘He is.’ I allowed myself a small smile before turning my attention back to her. ‘So. What do we do now about Dad?’
‘I’m going to fly out there,’ she said, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears. ‘Tonight, if I can get a flight. Goodness knows where I’m going and where I’ll end up sleeping but he should have family around him.’
‘Okay, let’s see what seats are available.’ I got up to retrieve my phone from the bedroom. The home screen was full of notifications of messages and voicemails from Evie and I quickly scrolled through them and returned to the living room, opening up Google. ‘I’ll come with you.’
‘Is that wise?’ Her eyes flitted to my stomach. ‘It’ll be tiring and I don’t know when I’ll be back.’
‘There’s nothing going on here that I can’t miss,’ I said, not meeting her eye. ‘So I’m coming. Here we go. Manchester to Munich …’
Together we looked at the details. There was a flight leaving at 6 p.m. and there were still seats free. Evie ran out to get her bag from the car and I stood up to put our tea mugs in the sink.
‘Got it,’ said Evie, dashing back in brandishing her credit card. ‘I’ll read the number out to you.’
I picked up my phone from the sofa to complete the transaction, but a new message pinged through.
Your dad’s health is very important, but so is yours and the baby’s. Whatever you do, please be careful and remember Friday, Jensen x
I was still mooning over the kiss at the end of the message when Evie peered over my shoulder.
‘Lottie, what’s happening on Friday?’
I snapped back to the moment. ‘I’ve got my first scan. But it doesn’t matter; I can be back by then, Dad needs both of us in Germany right now.’
She wagged a finger. ‘Oh no. I’ll look after Dad, you look after yourself and—’ Her voice faltered. ‘Your baby.’
I bit my lip. ‘I feel so bad about being pregnant after all you’ve been through.’
She looked appalled. ‘You don’t mean that.’
‘Sometimes I do. And then at other times I get this happy fluttering in my stomach when I think about what he or she might look like and how it will feel to hold a baby in my arms.’ I groaned, raking my fingers through my hair. ‘My brain’s all over the place. I don’t have two consistent thoughts in my head.’
‘This is my fault.’ Evie moved closer to me. ‘I’m ashamed of myself. My little sister is having a baby, no mum, no dad around, an absolute knobhead for an ex, and the one person you should have been able to rely on to be there for you – me – turned her back on you. I feel so guilty.’
‘So do I!’ I said, meeting her eye. ‘I keep thinking, Why me? Why not you? You’d have made such
a good job of it; you even have a bedroom to put a baby in.’
‘Because life’s not always fair. It’s messy and complicated so it’s no wonder your brain can’t cope. Neither can mine some of the time.’ She gave me a sad smile. ‘Have you thought about what you’re going to do?’
I shook my head. ‘No. Not really beyond knowing I couldn’t have a termination.’
Evie squeezed her eyes tight. ‘Oh Lottie, I thought, with what’s happened between you and Harvey, that you might be considering it.’
I pulled her close and hugged her.
‘That’s been the thing that I was most upset about; the thought that I wanted a baby so much and you didn’t,’ she went on.
‘It’s hardly ideal, though,’ I reminded her. ‘I’m in temporary accommodation, I have a short-term job and I don’t even know if I can afford to bring a child into the world. A child whose father is Harvey, for goodness’ sake. What if he wants to be part of the baby’s life? I’d hate that.’
Evie sucked in air. ‘I’ve been thinking about Harvey too. Does he know yet?’
I shook my head. ‘I wanted to have the scan first, find out how far along I am before I tell anyone. Not even Dad knows yet.’
‘Then you can’t miss that appointment.’
‘What if Dad’s injuries are really serious?’ I said solemnly. ‘I don’t want you to have to go alone.’
Evie bit her lip. I could tell she was torn; she didn’t really want to go by herself.
‘How about we try to contact this friend of Dad’s again?’ I suggested. ‘Perhaps there’ll be more news by now.’
Agnes had given Evie her mobile number and Evie tapped out a text message asking for an update. I made us some toast and more tea, decaff for me, and by the time we’d eaten the toast and the tea was cooling, we got a reply.
Your father had his operation. He sleeps but he is not dangerous. I give more news when he will be awake.
A Vintage Summer Page 23
