Devin and I both look between Miguel and Normani.
“Don’t talk about my mama,” Devin says pointing at Miguel. “And when the hell did you learn Spanish?” He asks turning back towards Normani.
“I didn’t, I just know all the curses. Compliments of big brother over there,” Normani says sticking her tongue out at Miguel.
“Mature,” he laughs. “Let’s go eat before Devin and I start breakin’ some furniture.”
“Oh damn. Nothin’ gets my motor goin’ like my man fightin’ another. Punch him, caveman, he deserves it,” Normani says hanging on Devin’s arm.
I laugh and brush past them to the backyard as they follow, Devin and Miguel still talking crap to each other.
Thinking about the past doesn't have the same effect on me as it did a few days ago. Slowly I'm filling that void, the shame and guilt slipping away each day.
You can change, you're worthy of change.
Chapter 12
Miguel
“So, a date? Is that slow enough?” I ask Alessandra as we walk down the hall after tucking Peter into bed.
“We could do a date. I have to see if one of the girls can watch Peter.”
“I can ask Mani. She said Cooper can't stop talkin’ about how much fun him and Peter had the other day at the farm,” I say smiling.
“That would be good. He's making a lot of friends, I'm so happy. We didn't have many back in Florida, I… I didn't know many people with kids. We kind of stuck to ourselves,” Alessandra says quietly.
“You got Mia and Mason too. They're not too far off. They'll be one already in a few more months.”
“Do you want to um… sit?” Alessandra asks hesitantly.
I nod and walk over to the fireplace, putting the logs in and lighting the cube. I feel her before I see her and I turn as she sits on the floor next to me, her hand on my shoulder.
“I… I want to talk about some things with you.”
She looks down at the ground but then something changes. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and looks up, determination in her gaze and I forget how to breathe. The confident Alessandra is back and just knocks me flat on my ass.
“Sure,” I manage to squeak out.
“After my mother died, I didn’t have anyone. Since I was eighteen, I was kind of left alone. I bounced around on friends couches and kind of just did my own thing for a few months, trying to figure out my next move. I was going to sign up for community college, I would have gotten financial aid since I didn’t have any parental income, but then I met Frankie.”
She stops talking, playing with her fingernail and I sit down next to her, letting her collect herself to continue.
“He was...rebellious. His father was the mayor of Miami. He disowned him because he was a drug addict, no one really knew about him. Somehow, his father, Marco, kept him under wraps. I didn’t have any sort of history with guys, I just kept to myself and he swept me off my feet. He was adventurous and carefree and soon I was living with him and everything was great. I didn’t know he did drugs until one day he invited a few friends over. We were drinking and they started shooting up. I was pretty drunk, and Frankie kept telling me just to try it once. I saw what it did to my mother, I didn't want to be like her but… I caved. I don’t know if it was just because I didn't want to look like an immature kid or I was that drunk. They were a few years older so maybe it was that, I don’t know. I don’t really remember my thought process that day to be honest, but I regret every second of it.”
She takes a deep breath and wipes a tear from her eyes, and I put a hand on her knee, encouraging her to keep going.
“I did it, Frankie helped me and then the next day, I did it again. That became our relationship, we even stopped hanging out with friends, stopped having sex, it was just drugs. All day, every day, we lost track of time, the days. Some mornings I would wake up and didn’t even know what month it was. We would stop for a few days; something would stop us. Realizing how badly we were gone, we needed money, things like that, but then life got hard and we got sucked back into it. I didn't even want to do it anymore but the fear of withdrawals kept me in it. Each time I needed more and more to forget, and it was getting so dangerous.”
“It got to a point where we got evicted because Frankie stopped working, not that he even went that much to begin with, but we started sleeping on his friends couches and then I was getting sick. I was throwing up constantly and it was on one of those off periods when we didn't use for a few days. I thought it was withdrawals, but one of the girls came back with a pregnancy test and I took it. I broke down in the bathroom with shame...guilt at possibly harming my baby. Thoughts about my mother and what she put me through hit me and I was an absolute mess with regret. When I told Frankie, he tried to stop and he did here and there until one day one of his friends, Jimmy he…”
She trails off and shakes her head.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Alessandra. I promise you,” I whisper.
She nods and continues.
“I woke up and he was on top of me. He was half naked and then Frankie pulled him off. He beat the shit out of him, he wasn’t moving and we both ran. Frankie… he put him into a coma. He must have hit his head on the side table, and he had bleeding in his brain and… it was horrible. I was so scared. We slept for a week straight under a bridge outside of the city and Frankie’s father found us. He covered everything up and he put us both into rehab, even though I was already clean. He said we couldn't take a chance with the pregnancy though and I needed help to come off without harming the baby. It was a campaign year and having a drug addict son could hurt his chances at reelection. Opponents dig everything up, so he needed to fix Frankie’s mess. We went into two separate facilities and I was doing really well.”
“The first month was the hardest. The physical side effects of my withdrawals and the pregnancy symptoms were the worst things I ever felt in my entire life. The second month was a little easier, but then Frankie left rehab and came to find me. He was clean and so was I and he said he wanted to start over, build a life together with the baby. I checked myself out too and we crashed on an old friend’s couch for a few weeks. Frankie got a job and I signed up for online classes, we started renting a one bedroom. It was going really well, but then he relapsed.”
“I came home from lunch with a friend one day and he was passed out on the couch with the needle in his arm. It took everything in me not to do it too. The pull was so strong, but I didn’t, knowing I worked so hard to stop for the baby. I contacted his father and he put him back into a facility where he couldn't check out. His father was amazing, let me stay in his house and I started my classes. He got me a local job at a coffee house, took care of everything; health insurance, counseling so I made sure to stay sober, my meetings, my online classes, everything. He said it was to repay the mistakes his son made. I didn’t think anything of it, he was the mayor, he was being a nice guy, he was going to be my baby’s grandfather.”
I felt her tremble underneath my touch, and I tightened my grip on her leg.
“The friend that Frankie beat… he… he died. His family had to take him off life support and then everything changed. Marco couldn’t have his son splashed all over the media as a murderer, so suddenly the blame was put on me. The gypsy girl with no family, a former drug addict. I pleaded with him to keep me out of it, I was having a baby and I got myself on the right track, I wanted to get away from it all and he obliged, but for a price. I would keep quiet, he would keep me innocent if I followed his direction, paid him back for all the burden I put on him. My schooling, my living arrangements, my rehab, medical expenses, everything. There was no way I was going to be able to do that working at the coffee house, so he brought me to the club.”
Another tear escaped her eyes and I sat there; my body heated with anger. I wanted to fucking kill Frankie and his father for putting her through this. She was young and alone and they took advantage of her.
“Frankie was the on
ly person I ever slept with before all this,” she says her voice breaking. “M-Marco took me into another room and explained how it worked. After the baby was born, I would start off stripping and ease my way into it, but eventually I would need to do more. He spent a lot of money on me and the longer it took for him to get his money back, the worse it would be for me. I agreed of course because I had no choice. I was having a baby and I had no support, no other way to repay the insane amount of money. After Peter was born, I had six weeks. Once the doctor gave me the okay, Marco took me back to the club and… and… I…”
She’s sobbing now, uncontrollably and I pull her head to my chest, trying to take all her hurt away.
“Shhhhh. It’s okay, baby. That’s enough for tonight, okay?”
She nods into my chest and grips my shirt like her life depends on it. Like she will float away if I don’t keep her grounded. After a few minutes her cries subside and she looks up at me, her beautiful blue eyes glistening, and it breaks my fucking heart.
“I’m sorry I broke down like that, I just...I never told anyone any of that before, not even the girls.”
“Your secret is safe with me, okay?” I say cupping her cheek.
She nods, burying her face into my palm.
“I… I want you to know I’ve been clean since. I haven’t relapsed and I have a counselor here in Louisiana. I went to see her during my lunch break last week. Three and a half years, but… it’s a forever thing, Miguel. I want you to know what you are getting yourself into. Peter is a big reason for my sobriety. Anytime I have even a slight thought about it, I remember him. I’m all he has but a few times lately I… I've felt the pull, I won’t lie to you.”
“Hey,” I say tilting her chin to make her look into my eyes. “I will be right next to you fightin’ every damn day to make sure you stay on the right path. I am so proud of you, Alessandra. I swear I thought you were a badass woman before knowin’ all this but now, God, you are fuckin’ relentless and unshakeable and resilient and-”
She cuts me off with her lips and I feel the need dripping off them, seeping into my own. She needs to feel. The smooth skin dances with mine and I grip the back of her head, deepening it. Our tongues clash together, teeth biting as the kiss turns hungry and I feel her weight come down on top of me, straddling my lap. My hands move to her hips as I adjust her on top of me and she starts to move against my erection. I groan at the movement of her hips seducing my body into giving in to what we both want. I break the kiss trying to grab onto my last shred of composure.
“Not yet,” I pant. “Not like this, Aless. I want you. I want you so fuckin’ badly with every ounce of my body but not like this. I wanna take things slow with you. It’s not about this,” I say moving my hips up into her.
She closes her eyes and lets out a soft moan and I don’t know what stops me from pulling down my shorts and thrusting inside her.
“It’s about this,” I say putting my hand over her heart. “I want you to know I want this, just as much as I want the rest, okay? I don’t ever want there to be a doubt in that beautiful head of yours.”
Her eyes glisten and she silently nods, dropping down to place a soft kiss on my lips.
“I’m sorry about what I said a while back. You… you’re not just a man, Miguel. You are so much more than that, you are nothing like the rest.”
Her smile causes one of my own to form on my face and she slowly gets up from my lap, putting a hand out for me.
“Do you want to… come lay with me for a little bit? I… I haven’t just laid with someone in a long, long time and I… it would be nice tonight.”
The uncertainty in her voice is my undoing and I nod, putting out the fire as we walk down the hall to her bedroom, our hands locked together like they were meant for this.
She takes off her t-shirt and jeans, standing before me in a black lace bra and matching underwear. I groan and reach for the hem of my t-shirt, pulling that off along with my shorts.
Her eyes are hooded as she glances down at my throbbing cock behind my tight boxer briefs and bites her lip.
“Don’t look at me like that, Alessandra. It is takin’ every fiber in my body to control myself.”
My voice is rough and unrestrained and a smirk forms on her lips.
“I’ll be good, I promise.”
I hear the mischievousness in her tone and shake my head, pointing my finger at her.
“I don’t trust any words that come out of that sexy mouth, you siren.”
She laughs and slaps my chest as we fall into bed.
“Shut up you silly man. Just hold me, please,” she whispers.
I nod as I lay on my back and she cuddles up into my side, her arm thrown across my stomach and her leg up and over my thigh. She traces the ridges of my abs and I try my hardest to control my breathing.
“Do you believe people can slay their dragons? Or are we destined for the life that was laid out for us, no matter what we try to do to change it?”
Her voice is hopeful, and I want to tell her that no matter what life has planned, you are the pilot and you can guide it wherever you want to go. I would have to believe that myself though, did I? She made me believe I could, especially when her warm, loving body was pressed against mine.
“I do believe you can do whatever you set your mind to and be whoever you truly wanna be. No one can write your life story except you, Alessandra. There’s no limit, you write and rewrite it as many times as you want. Until you're happy, until it’s right.”
“Thank you for saying that, Miguel, but do you believe it?”
I exhale and really think about that question before I open my mouth again to speak.
“I didn’t. For a long time, I didn’t think it was possible, but now, being with you, I think I do. At least I’m startin’ to.”
I kiss her forehead and I feel her smile against my chest.
“Goodnight Miguel.”
“Goodnight, Aless.”
Chapter 13
Alessandra
“He tries to get out of brushing his teeth for a full three minutes so I usually play a song and when it’s over he can stop, also make sure he doesn’t drink too much milk before he goes to sleep because I’m trying to get him to sleep without the pull up but… I … I guess that's it so…”
“Alessandra, there is nothin’ to be nervous about. We’ll have a great time and he’ll be fine, okay? Have fun, y’all deserve it! If we need you, I’ll give you a call, okay?” Normani says giving me a hug.
“Okay, thanks I just… I never left him with anyone except our neighbor, Maria and I… I trust you guys, I do. Thank you for this. We won’t be late, I promise.”
“Don’t wait up, sister,” Miguel smirks putting his hand on the small of my back.
I turn and slap his chest and Normani laughs.
“Don’t be afraid to smack him upside the head, Ali.”
I laugh and wave goodbye to Normani as we walk back towards Miguel’s car.
“So where are you takin’ me all fancied up like this?” I ask motioning to my dress.
It’s violet and lacey, the neckline a little lower than I’m used to, and Miguel’s jaw hit the floor when I stepped out of the room. He told me to dress nice and I’m so curious about his plan.
“You’ll see. It’s a little outside of town, not many fancy places to go to here.”
I smile and Miguel starts the car as we make our way onto the highway. He opens his hand on the middle console and clears his throat. I look down and shake my head as I lace my fingers with his and glance over at him.
“Miguel Jameson, are you a romantic?”
“I am when it comes to you.”
He winks and my heart flutters. He is so drop dead handsome and in a dress shirt, tie and tight as hell dress pants, I swear I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes off him, hell I’m having a hard time trying to formulate a sentence.
“Stop lookin’ at me like that, Alessandra.”
“Stop saying my
name like that, Miguel” I say through gritted teeth.
He laughs, his deep chuckle pulling at my lower belly.
“I cannot wait to whisper that in your ear when we make love. Feel you come apart around me as that beautiful name drips off my lips.”
His voice is low, seductive and raspy and I clamp my thighs together tighter.
“Miguel… please stop. If you want to take things slow then you need to stop talking. Just… don’t even look at me actually. Can we put a bag over your head? Cut out little holes for your eyes and mouth? Actually no, you have gorgeous eyes and your lips are… dammit. Can you just take me home?”
Miguel laughs again and shakes his head.
“Okay, okay. I’ll try not to be charmin’ the rest of the night. Might be hard… actually it's very hard,” he smirks.
Last Round (Double Play Series Book 6) Page 10
