The greater tragedy though lay in their relationship. The two loved each other greatly- and this was not a love between siblings, but a love between long forbidden lovers. It was a great love, and burned hot. However they were never to touch, for every skin contact with another Draugr terrified Anja immensely.
She’d been plagued too long by untreated memories of her father's abuse as a child, and being fed on by her guardian family after that had only worsened the situation.
She loved Jon so much, but could never stay still enough to let him touch her. Jon had been very patient with her for the first twenty or so years they’d spent on the island, nursing her emotional wounds slowly and hoping for her recovery.
She had not healed however.
They had eventually been forced to move from Solland land of sun, as they chose to call their little island, when most of the locals died due to a plague. They borrowed one of the then ownerless longboats and sailed to the neighboring islands. There they would spend a couple of years before moving on again. It had been a sad time for the young lovers, desperately seeking to start a new life together, yet burdened by their past horrors.
After almost a half a century of wandering about, they found themselves in Africa. The land Jon had long dreamed about, where his father had come from. Together they’d tracked down his father’s people, a venture that took nearly a decade, give or take, given the minimal information they had. They finally found them, the Chagga People of Mt. Kilimanjaro area.
It was on the slopes of the great mountain that they lived the next two or so decades, playing house with the locals, being part of them.
One of her most heart-wrenching days, was when her love had shaken his head at her question on when they were to move on again.
“I am home now, my love,” he’d said to her softly, his eyes darkened with sadness.
Why’s he sad? She’d wondered to herself, for she knew she would stay with him wherever he decided to stay.
“But you have to go find your own,” he’d said, and her heart crushed in on itself at his words.
“Why do you say so cruel a thing? I will never leave you! I could never- your home is my home! I love you..”
“And I love you too, probably since I first laid my eyes on you. I know now though, that we can never be together. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we’ll always be a constant reminder to each other of our haunting childhood.”
“I’ll try again,” she’d cried, clawing at her own hands until blood was drawn, to match the blood red tears streaming down her face.
“It’s not you,” he’d said burdened. “It’s not us, Anja. It’s them, and what they did to us. They’ve forever cursed us, doomed us to never be together, despite our love for one another. We are toxic to each other. How could you ever heal, when we see each other everyday, and I’m a reminder of all we’ve been through..?” He walked over to her, as close as he could get, and probed her with his eyes.
“You see I want to hold you now, and beg you to stop hurting yourself. But I know what that single touch can do to you. I love you, sweet angel, and probably always shall. I have learnt though the hard way that my love shall never heal your wounds. That is why I have to let you go now.”
Anja had known better than to argue with him after that speech, as his set jaw was a clear indicator that his mind was set.
And so they’d separated from each other, leaving him behind to his life among his people, while she wandered across the continents in eternal, deafening solitude.
Now here he was again after all these years, standing before her. She had thought about him often over the last century, wondering how well he was doing, and if he had resurfaced back into society. Clearly he had, otherwise the dutiful governor beside her would not have him walking so freely here. She took in yet again the impeccable suit molded to his body, and the beautiful curls on top of his head.
It truly is Jon, she thought to herself as her gaze dropped to his chiseled face and full lips. Her body still sang for him, even now, but she knew her mind would never let her get close enough to him to get that satisfaction which her body hungered for.
I never healed, Jon, she said to herself, as her eyes found his warm gentle ones. You let me scour the world alone for a century, and I still never healed. I’m broken forever. They broke me!
IV
“Jon!” She finally managed as a whisper.
“Hallo, Anja dear,” he said to her smiling, seeming as happy to see her as she was to see him. But unlike him, who seemed to have been expecting her, she was very much surprised to find him here.
They appraised each other with reserved expressions and happy smiles, and unlike the arrogant Kjeld that had not stopped to think about it, Jon never moved to touch her. He never even got too close, standing at arm length’s away from her as she always preferred it, gauging her with those beautiful eyes of his that reminded her once again what it meant to be loved, to matter so much to someone.
“I missed you so!” He exclaimed in a low whisper, the two of them shutting out all around, even Jon’s half-brother standing uncomfortably close to her.
“I missed you too,” she confessed in as low a whisper as his, her eyes behind her contact lenses mirroring her passion.
She longed to touch him, show him how much she had missed him. Her muscles just wouldn't work though, and she knew if he attempted to touch her, she would just recoil away involuntarily. She could force herself to stand his touch like she’d come to learn to do this past century, like she’d been forcing herself to do each time master.. Governor Kjeld took it upon himself to touch her so as to restrict her movements. But Jon wouldn’t like that. He’d prefer it if she was honest about it all, if she did that which she felt most comfortable doing. And in this case, standing at arm’s length from him felt most comfortable.
Kjeld soon noticed the distance Jon and Anja were keeping from each other, and with that took a step away from her, and yet another, leaving ample space between them, and she sent him a quick grateful look, before turning back towards the only man she’d ever loved.
¨I like your hair.” She ran her hand through the said hair nervously. “You look good,¨ he went on to say. She smiled sadly at his compliment.
¨And you look good too,¨ the quick sweep she passed over him did not hide the appreciation in her eyes.
Kjeld shuffled impatiently beside her.
“Did he capture you too?” She asked him nervously in the old Germanic language that had been spoken in the Gunnarsen home where they’d all grown up. To her surprise, he shook his head slowly in answer, the half of a smile she once depended on so dearly to uplift her humor playing at his lips.
“Then.. why are you here? I don’t understand.”
“Your beloved Jon is my second in command.” A shocked expression on her face followed those words tumbling out of Kjeld's mouth. She looked back up at Jon with disbelief.
“You are..?” She drew off, unable to finish the question. Not wanting to believe that Jon, with whom they’d suffered so much under the hands of the Gunnarsen family, would so willingly work for them.
“Yes,” he confirmed with a shaky smile. “I am Area One's Commissioner.”
“Why?”
“Because my brother asked me to..”
“Your brother? He fed on..”
“Yes,” Jon easily admitted, forcing her words to dry up on her lips. “Yes, my brother. We are reconciled now.”
“How..? Why would you..?”
“I resurfaced back into society on the next general assembly after you left. I forwarded myself to the council and carried out my punishment. It wasn't so bad..” Jon cut off when he saw her shake her head.
“I do not want the same things as you do, Jon. I do not want to go back! I can’t..”
“No one will hurt you anymore,” Jon said to her in his caressing voice. “You are an independent adult now. You are no longer a child needing a family for protection.” She continued shaking her head at h
im sadly.
If he of all the people did not understand her need to stay away from all this, then who would?
“I must leave. I cannot live under Draugr customs anymore..”
“You only lived under them for sixteen years- the first sixteen years of your life when you’d been yet too young to protect yourself..” Kjeld was saying, but she was still shaking her head, refusing to listen.
“I can’t.. I won’t go back..”
“Anja,” Jon pleaded with her.
“Will neither of you let me go?” She asked, this time her voice faltering a little, for she had an inkling that their minds were set.
They both shook their heads at her in answer, Kjeld’s face unreadable, Jon’s looking back at her with so much concern that she was certain he truly empathised with her. She just couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t let her go, being that he was the second most important man in the Americas.
She had only one option left- runaway, or keep trying until she finally got away, or society finally decided to leave her alone.
“When is my arraignment?” She asked, feigning surrender.
Both men that she’d grown up with now looked back at her with relaxed expressions on their faces, obviously pleased to know that she’d chosen to give in.
“We could arrange it for some time early summer,” the governor spoke up. “There’s to be the High Council’s yearly summit, and I’m hosting it.
Anja nodded thoughtfully, as she looked outside through the large glazed walls.
“What kind of sentence should I expect?”
“You have been away for almost two hundred years..” Kjeld started.
“I know. I never stopped counting!” She said with controlled hostility, her eyes flashing from behind her contact lenses. The two men before her looked back at her with deepened concern.
“And in all that time, we have no idea what you have been doing, how many humans you have killed, or if you have told any humans of our existence. And if so, how many?” Kjeld went on to say.
“I can answer all that now very easily,” she told him in defiance, meeting his gaze with her own steely one. “I’ve been working for the humans to buy food and have a place to call my own, and have been keeping to myself. I’ve never killed anyone, Draugr or human, nor have I told anyone of us. All I ask is to be left alone.”
“We cannot let that happen. If we let you go, others too will want to be allowed to live out of our society. Most are not like you, they have no discipline. Without someone to look over their shoulders, they would feed irresponsibly, treat humans like sport and who knows what else. The council must always appear strong- and impartial!” Anja edged away from the two slightly, keeping her gaze fixed outside, staring at the sprawling city below. Her home. Her freedom, just beyond her grasp.
“So what kind of sentence should I expect?” She asked again.
“I got two decades in clean-up. You will probably get a little more than that. Maybe five,” Jon chose to answer her.
The clean-up team was responsible for wiping out evidence of the Draugrs existence from humans. Each of the four governing divisions had a fully functional clean-up team, arguably one of the most important arms of government. Should a Draugr over indulge while feeding, the cleaners came in and wiped out the evidence, making it appear more like an animal attack. Sometimes the bodies were so dismembered that it was necessary to burn them all together and let the human society assume the person missing.
She could never be a cleaner. This would be a torturous sentence for her, as it would involve a lot of abused women. Anja doubted if she could handle such a job for a whole five decades.
“I.. I can’t be on clean up. You know it Jon,” she said, turning her eyes his way. “I’d rather die..”
“Anja..” he started with deep-seated concern, but she shook her head, stopping him from saying anymore.
“I can’t handle it, Jon. Is there an option for execution..?”
“Anja!” Kjeld called out in a surprised outcry.
“Anja?” Jon’s voice was softer, devoid of any shock. He wasn’t entirely surprised to know that she’d much rather die than face her past, and all the fears that came with it.
“Let me go, Jon. You have to, or else I’ll ask them to give me the maximum penalty.”
“You’ll ask for your true death?” Kjeld asked with disbelief, but she paid him no attention, keeping her gaze fixed on Jon.
“I can’t live under them again, Jon. I can’t go back to being a slave..”
“You were never a slave. We lived like brother and sister..”
“I can’t go back to that kind of life, Jon,” she said, pleading with the only man she’d ever loved, ignoring their deluded brother beside them. “Help me,” she finished, her voice so quiet and scared.
“Anja, I can’t..”
“There you are, honey!” A sweet voice called right then.
Anja watched as a beautiful pure-blood woman adorning a braided head walked over to them. Kjeld always had good taste in women! She thought to herself, eyeing the small round face and the rings of deep brown eyes. She couldn’t help it but smile hesitantly at the warmth on the woman’s radiant face.
“Cody’s on line one- a security breach in the Western frontier..” Anja froze in place, her whole body going cold as she watched the woman tiptoe and place a kiss on Jon’s lips.
Her Jon’s lips!
“Give me a moment, Pendo,” Jon said nervously, turning away from her and moving to face Anja again, a most apologetic and piteous look on his face.
Jon had moved on.. without her.
V
“Anja I.. you’ll finally be able to stop running when you resurface back into society,” Jon was now saying with clear discomfort, the woman he’d referred to as Pendo having walked away again and disappeared into an office.
Her mind however was still fixated on the less than chaste kiss she’d just witnessed.
“You moved on..”
“I’m sorry..”
“Don’t be. I’m glad you found someone.”
“I..”
“Does she make you happy..”
“Anja?”
“Does she?”
“She does,” he admitted with open unease at this line of questioning.
“A pure-blood!” She spat out the accusation, a question in itself, ignoring the uncomfortable shifting beside her from Kjeld.
“Yes, she is a pure-blood,” Jon simply answered her.
“You feed her..?”
“Anja..?”
“Well, do you..?”
“That’s none of your business..”
“Don’t tell me that’s none of my business when it is for the very same reason that we ran away, and we swore to never let it happen again.”
“I swore to never be forced into it. However were I to do it willingly, I’d gladly..”
“Would you listen to yourself, Jon! You have forgotten how it made your skin crawl..”
“It didn’t. That was all you. I hated been forced to do it, that was all the problem for me. It was more of a psychological torture for you because of your father..”
“Shut up!” She called out with anger, instantly losing all her cool. “Don’t you dare mention my father.”
“I’m sorry..”
“Do you love her..”
“I always loved you.
“But not anymore..?”
“Ummh.. Anja we need to talk about your re-entry into society..” Kjeld attempted to interrupt again, but she ignored him.
“Do you love her?”
“Come on, Anja dear..”
“Do you?” The violence with which she uttered that last question shocked all at earshot, who now look back at them with deeper interest.
“Yes,” he finally admitted quietly, but she heard him clearly. “I do. But I still care about you, enough to know that it’s time you faced your demons. This is a good thing. Let us take you in, let your case be heard and recei
ve your sentencing. Do your penance and move on. Move on, Anja. Please, just move on,” he pleaded with her, so much so that she almost pitied him.
“I moved on already..”
“No. You kept running away, you kept hiding from your past. You’ve got to stop running, Anja! Please, just let us help you..”
“Alright!”
“What?”
“I said alright! I’ll face the High Council at their next summit.”
The two didn’t look like they believed her, but they showed her into a room, a conference room, and watched as she found a place to seat, closest to the window as possible.
Two pairs of wary eyes looked her way, while a human rushed in with a coffee cart and some sweet treats. She was in no mood for the delicacies at the moment. She was in no mood for anything at the moment. All she wanted was to curl up somewhere in a dark hole, and envision herself safe.
But that was never to be anymore. Even the endearing image of Jon that had kept her alive and hoping for so long was now marred by the brown ball of beauty that had leaned into his arms and kissed him.
Jon had moved on, and she knew without a doubt that she could never compete with the new woman in his life. How could she, when she’d never hugged him? Even kissed him- the very premise of his touch causing her to recoil with so much intent, as she would from a viper.
She lost him even before she had him, she now realised, looking up into his eyes.
“I know it’s a shock..”
“I’d rather we didn’t talk about it,” she rushed to tell him with the most unaffected voice she could muster.
“What am I to do then for the next months before I can appear before the council?” She asked of Kjeld, turning his way.
“You’ll be under house arrest..” She’d expected as much, being that they knew she’d attempt to bolt the moment she could. “..At our home..”
“You live in a tiny apartment,” she reminded him solemnly.
“We both know it’s not a tiny apartment. Your whole apartment could fit in the entrance hall.” She did not argue with this, it was true.
Redemption (Dawn of the Damned Book 1) Page 4
