by Angela White
“Good,” Neil praised. “We leave in ten minutes.”
“We’ll be ready,” Greg promised. He hated not being on any of the mission teams going out, but Neil’s constant need to leave camp was helping with their restlessness.
Chosen to be the teammate left in camp this time, Jeremy waited at the truck door for the others to file out, full of thoughts and plans. He wanted to talk to Samantha, but he couldn’t do it without telling Neil first.
Neil was expecting it. He shrugged in dawn’s grudging light. “If you think you can get through that hard-ass shell around her heart, go on. I won’t stand in the way.”
Jeremy was caught off guard and gaped. “You mean that?”
“Yes, I do,” Neil grunted unhappily. If he was wrong, there were a lot of miserable nights waiting. “It’s not good enough to have what I want. For me to live with myself, I have to know she has what she needs. If that’s you, so be it. My wants no longer matter above hers.”
Jeremy flushed. “You don’t think I can put her first?”
“I know you can.” Neil did not intend to leave with any misunderstandings between them. “And now you know that I can, too. What matters, is her.”
Neil opened up, let his XO into his mind for the first time in months. “I want her in ways that I never expected, and her happiness is one of those. It ranks above my loneliness.”
“Are you going to see her before you leave?” Jeremy asked.
“Yes. Is that a problem?”
“No.”
There was a tense pause and then Neil boke it. “Are you ready to jump back into his war yet?” he asked lowly.
Jeremy thought of Frank dying beside him, of the blood on his hands. “No, and neither is our team.”
Lingering at the semi door, Adrian listened to them working it out, thinking Neil could make the offer because he knew what Samantha was hiding. She loved it that he was dangerous, and while Jeremy was too, in his own way, he didn’t throw it around the way Neil did. Samantha liked the excitement, the attention, and Neil was confident enough of it to give his blessing for Jeremy to try. It was almost wise. This way, all of them would know for sure.
If Samantha agrees to play their game again, Adrian added tiredly, continuing to the parking area. She might have her own drama written this time.
13
“I’d like to ask you something, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“Damn it!” Samantha swallowed the startled shriek as Neil stepped from the foggy shadows behind the vet area. Hadn’t he just been in the parking zone?
“Please?”
Samantha’s pulse increased at the tone. “Uh...okay. What?”
Neil didn’t get upset at the defensive response, understanding she was scared of what he might say. It was in her wild eyes and twitching fingers.
“I know you want Angie’s XO slot, and to help Adrian build the dream. I think you fit right in, but what about personally? If your past didn’t stand in the way, what would make you happy?”
Unprepared for the telltale query, Samantha flushed. “What if I said I have it already?”
It was obvious that she didn’t. Neil waited.
Sam sighed, staring at his clean-shaven jaw. “The things that haunt me would get in the way of anything I try to build.”
“You need time now,” he guessed.
Sam shrugged. “Surviving was all I thought about for so long that I’m not sure what I need, only that my place here has to come first.”
Neil thought of his words to Marc. “I’m an Eagle first. My woman would have to know that.”
“I’m leaving now,” Neil stated ominously.
Samantha stiffened. “It’s only for a few hours, right?”
He moved a step closer, wanting to grab her and needing to run at the same time. “I’ll still feel it.”
Neil pushed his hat back, letting her see how much he meant it. “I miss you.”
Sam sucked in a sharp breath at the emotional blow. “Damn it!”
Neil smiled bitterly. “Had to know you feel it, too.”
Samantha couldn’t resist the panic. She advanced with a low growl. “I hate you for this, O’Neil. I really do.”
Neil met her kiss with a blast of his own anxiety. They were about to be apart. He’d given Jeremy permission to try. Was he crazy?
Sam’s grip tightened. She didn’t want to need him this way. She just did.
Neil deepened the kiss, taking the taste to memorize in case he didn’t get to do it again.
Samantha’s arms tightened around him, need thrumming through her skin, raising the hairs with the electricity.
Neil pulled back, heart suddenly ripping open without him knowing why. “After this is done, I’m going to ask you out.”
Samantha clutched at his shirt, trying to control her breathing. “No promises.”
Despair returned, and Neil took a double hit as he remembered saying almost the same thing to Becky. And then he’d developed this attraction for someone else. Neil went cold inside with dread. “Okay.”
Samantha slid back into his surprised arms with a low groan. “Kiss me once more. Hard and quick.”
Neil did and then headed for the waiting team without glancing back.
Samantha didn’t look away until the taillights faded into the landscape. When she finally turned, it was to find Jeremy’s wounded face staring at her from the foggy dawn shadows. Waves of guilt tried to crush her, and Samantha joined him with a blank expression.
“How about a kai lesson?” Samantha asked.
“You know that means I’d have to be around you, right?” Jeremy couldn’t stop the jealousy that spewed. “And touch you.”
Not in the mood for it, Sam’s tone cooled. “Yes, I do.”
Jeremy’s hands shoved into his pockets. “Why me? You’ve got enough admirers to fill that slot.”
Instead of another barb or even the shove of frustration she wanted to give, Samantha walked away.
Jeremy quickly caught up. “Wait. When?”
Sam’s feet were already leading them there, and Jeremy groaned silently but didn’t protest. After an hour of beating on him, she might agree to have a cup of coffee and spend some time together.
Samantha eyed Jeremy warily. “So, you two aren’t fighting anymore?”
“No. The Eagles come first,” he stated. “Even before you.”
To his shock, she grinned.
“Good. Maybe we could all start having mess together?”
Jeremy instantly fell back into competition mode and Samantha sighed. “Guess not.”
“Why don’t you just pick one of us?” Jeremy prompted. “We’ll work it out.”
Samantha shook her head, leading them to the crowded training tent. She wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to try sleeping right now. “That might ease the two of you, but it wouldn’t make me happy.”
“What would?”
Sam sighed, nerves about shot. She couldn’t wait to start swinging. “Being able to spend time with who I want, without people acting like children over it.”
Jeremy felt the sting, but it was still attention and he responded, “Thanks.”
Samantha opened the flap, held it for him. “Anytime.”
Jeremy wanted to be pissed, but found himself grinning. He just couldn’t figure her out.
14
Becky snapped awake with a startled gasp, not sure where she was or what had happened. Her hand groped out to find Seth’s tense body at her side. They were in the parking area, in the back seat of his big truck.
“What is it?”
Becky sat up, sweating and shivering. “Dream.”
“Nightmare, you mean.” Seth placed a gentle arm around her trembling shoulders. “He’s dead, Becca. You saw it.”
The girl nodded and let Seth guide her down to his lap where he could wrap her up tight against him.
Becky felt the tears coming and let them.
Gonna have that mouth next, Becky baby!
She shuddered
, lost in her mental prison.
“Rebecca?”
The different name helped pull her from the past, and she bit down on her lip in an effort to stop crying. Rick was in her head so often! Seeing him die hadn’t been enough. Ashamed, Becky buried her head against Seth’s chest to hide the tears she was unable to stop. She didn’t want to die anymore, but living looked hard, too.
Seth held her close, forgetting about the sinkhole, the possible witnesses, and everything else but her anguish. “You were betrayed. That’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this.”
Becky shuddered again. “I should have turned him in.”
Seth didn’t lie. “Yes.”
Becky sucked in a ragged breath. “I wish I had!”
She sounded completely different from the playful flirt they’d all been accustomed to.
“He’s like Angela and Adrian. That’s why he won’t…wouldn’t die. Except he’s all darkness, where she’s light.”
Seth had wondered what information Becky might have gleaned from Rick while with him, but he hadn’t expected her to be so observant.
“I think he was supposed to be one of us. That’s why he’s so full of hate. If we’d found him first… Cesar stole that hope.” Becky trembled, forced herself to go on. “He wanted me broken and bleeding. He said…he said stealing my soul would destroy Neil and Samantha, and through them–Adrian.”
Becky sobbed, shattering, and Seth gave in, tilting her head back to slant his mouth over hers.
She responded as if she were drowning, grateful for any distraction that he would provide. His hands would put her back to sleep and she’d be able to try living again when she woke up.
Lingering in the fog, Adrian watched Becky skillfully guide Seth’s hands, small moans echoing. Now he understood what hadn’t been revealed by his Eagles. Seth was helping the teenager fight Rick’s ghost in a powerful way, one the camp would not condone. Can I?
Awash in guilt at the answer, Adrian headed for the funeral. Yes, he could. He wasn’t finished playing with her life, either. Becky’s duty to the dream had really only just begun.
Chapter Nine
1
“Are you sure you should be doing this? John didn’t clear a full course.”
Angela increased her pace instead of wasting her breath on words. Running helps me think.
Having the body in motion often sent new ideas and connections through her brain, and Angela knew it was the same for many of their Eagles.
Marc tried not to stare. Even with bags under her eyes and worried, Angela and those perky breasts were a sight to make a man glad to be alive.
Angela jumped over the hole in the ground, landing smoothly despite the arm sling.
Marc hung back, but he was ready to grab her. She wasn’t happy about it, but that was the only way John had agreed to clear her for even a partial workout, and that was telling, considering how grateful the doctor was for Angela’s healing. Both of her secret patients were doing well. Jennifer was currently in Kyle’s tent, once again hiding.
Angela jogged sharply down the flower-dotted hill. Face tight, she picked up the stride and forced air into her burning lungs.
Hanging back a bit more, Marc watched her muscles flex as she jumped another wide hole and rolled down a grassy incline. It had to be hurting her, and he knew for a fact that she hadn’t taken a pill. Where was this fire when Kenn was beating on her? he wondered.
He didn’t understand that surviving it without snapping had taken incredible strength, but Angela didn’t correct him. It wasn’t worth the argument. Let him think Kenn had been able to control her because she was weak. It didn’t matter, did it?
It shows another way that he doesn’t understand you, the witch stated.
Angela stored it, but without worry. They didn’t have to be alike in everything, or see all situations the same way.
Angela’s foot slipped as she hit the next embankment, and she allowed herself to fall into a roll that took her to the bottom with only a grunt of discomfort–much better than hitting her shoulder directly.
Marc tried not to be offended when she refused his hand, pushing herself up with one arm and a frown. He stared at her for a second of complete bewilderment before jogging to catch up. Would he ever understand what made her so determined that pain meant nothing?
Angela’s heart thumped. He wanted to know her in those ways that she was still holding back, but she wasn’t sure he was ready to hear the truth, let alone to accept it. In mere months, Adrian has changed me, and I’ll never go back to what I was before.
They both called greetings as Charlie moved toward them.
“Hey, boy.”
“Good morning.”
Charlie didn’t glance at the men filling in the graves or the crowded mess, taking Marc’s side. He also didn’t say anything.
That told Angela he wanted to talk to his father.
“I,” she stated, with dramatic eagerness. “Have a class and a run. Excuse me.”
Angela went back the way they’d come and both males tried not to frown or remark on it. Neither of them wanted her out of camp at all, but she was clearly stir-crazy. If she could prove she was in shape, Adrian would let her go into Wichita.
The males waited until she was out of earshot, and then Marc looked at his son with a smile. “Let me guess. Girls, again?”
Instead of laughing, Charlie leaned in and mumbled, “I can’t stop thinking about them! When does this shit stop?”
Marc sighed, gaze going straight to Angela’s lightly swinging hips. “When you die.”
2
Cynthia nodded to Angela as she went by and got the same in return. She and Matt were working on speech lessons, the reporter insisting on doing it in public for numerous reasons. The biggest was her refusal to be accused of having a thing for someone younger. Too many of this camp’s men had shown that side, and the females were getting tired of it.
“Do it again,” Cynthia instructed.
The din of the mess had Matt flustered, cheeks red. He repeated the rhyme, easier this time, and stared up at her in adoration. “That was better, huh?”
“Yes.” Cynthia’s attention was drawn away as Li Sing came out to personally reload the buffet dishes. Maria had always sent one of her helpers, preferring to remain in the truck where she could take bites of everything unseen. Li Sing liked to circle the tables and make sure people were happy. It wasn’t hard to guess that he had owned a restaurant before the war. The eager-to-please man had been put in charge of the mess and providing Safe Haven with a new menu, a quick choice by Adrian after a snack he was served. The rice patties and bamboo shoots had been covered in beef and gravy, and Adrian had been sold. It was good, considering that all their food was now nonperishable or being raised. Hilda had run out of meal ideas for the items they had in abundance, but Li Sing had added a new item to his menu every week before the war and he’d promised their stocks of beans and rice would yield more than plates of the same. All of them hoped it was true. After six months, most stocks of supplies they were finding had dwindled into small stashes that would hold them for days at a time instead of weeks. Many of their staple items were now only occasional treats.
Cynthia saw Angela’s shadow a few seconds later–Zack–and approved. Anyone who wanted to cause Angela trouble here would now have a hard time finding an accomplice. The herd knew she was protecting them, even if they didn’t know how exactly. Even nature wasn’t getting the chance to attack them from the bottom again. They were camping on solid foundations and more than a few of the camp were already limping due to sore feet. Concrete sucked.
Cynthia swept the crowded mess around them, spotting Doug lunching with Maria’s boys, and quickly dropped her eyes at the surprising number of males who tried to catch her attention. It felt so odd to be wanted! She wouldn’t trade it for anything.
3
Angela slid into the pharmacy tent with a grimace at the strong alcohol odor. “Hey, Tonya, got a minute? I�
�d like to–”
Angela stopped at the sight of Kenn, shirt off and lying on a bedroll behind the makeshift wooden counter.
Stiffening, she cleared her throat. “Tonya around?”
Kenn was just as surprised to see her and shook his head. “She has babysitting duty.”
“Oh. Right.” Angela stared. Even without the layers of fat and cruelty, Kenn’s hard body was enough to make the past come flying back in thick waves.
“There’s only one thing she wants from you, if you came for more than wipes or Chapstick,” Kenn stated, trying to break the awkward silence.
Angela turned around, needing to go. The tent even smelled like the past. “What’s that?”
“A chance.”
Angela understood that Kenn wanted to speak on behalf of the redhead and locked down on her emotions, making herself wait.
“Please.” Kenn hoped his faith in Tonya wasn’t misplaced. “She deserves it.”
Hearing him care for someone was a good moment, and it broke some of the hold the ghosts were gaining. Angela knew she really did need all the hard-assed women she could gather, and Tonya fit that role without a doubt.
“I don’t know how it would work, but if I didn’t tell Anne no, I won’t tell Tonya that, either,” Angela answered, fear leaving weariness in its place.
Kenn grunted in satisfaction, and Angela got pissed. “You’d better be sure, Marine! He will banish you for tanking this part of the dream.”
“I think you’ll be surprised.”
Kenn’s answer was oddly confident, and held none of the resentment she’d expected.
Angela sighed restlessly, glancing around. Unlike the mess she’d come to expect from the redhead, Tonya’s tent was orderly, jars and shelves all neatly packed away.
Angela stored it. “I’m going to hold an official tryout. Have her show up five minutes late. Even if she blows it, the surprise might rattle the two women tied for top and help me pick.”
“Thought you would have already,” Kenn commented in surprise. “Not smart.”
Angela swiveled, bracing for the sight of his naked chest, only to find he’d pulled a shirt on.
