Holly swallowed, immediately averting her eyes. Tanya was next to her, her own dark eyes narrowing in an accusing manner in Tommy’s direction as she crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m going to go to bed,” Holly said in a demure voice, forcing her eyes to look at Tanya, at anything at all, really, except the two participants in the living room. She also forced herself to ignore the tight constriction of her chest.
“Holly,” Tanya said, looking over at her friend with genuine concern pooling into her eyes, “do you want me to—“
“I don’t want to talk about it, to be honest,” she replied in a hushed tone, before forcing herself to move. It hurt to walk, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to do anything. She needed to get to her bedroom. She needed to get away from him.
Holly started walking toward her designated bedroom, trying desperately not to look at Tommy. She almost succeeded, too, except when she was a couple of feet away. Her head turned and her eyes chanced a look at the man. He had an enigmatic expression on his handsome face, but the sparkle that resided in his green eyes had disappeared. She wasn’t sure what that meant, and as of right now, she didn’t care. She opened her door, walked inside, and slammed it shut behind her.
When she was finally safe, Holly started to cry.
Chapter 30
All that night, Holly tossed and turned, unable to fully get some sleep. She would never admit it, but her lack of slumber had to do with the man in the adjacent bedroom and whoever his guest was. She hated that this bothered her so much. In reality, she probably should have seen this coming. Let’s face it, Tommy never claimed to be the most faithful person on the planet, nor did he ever claim to be faithful at all. In fact, Holly wasn’t even sure why she believed in the first place, where even if she told Tommy about how she felt and he miraculously returned the feeling, he wouldn’t want to dip into the pool of temptation with groupies and the like. Holly had to face it. Tommy was a ladies’ man, a womanizer, a player, a resident bachelor—however one wanted to label him—and it was a silly notion for her to believe he might consider settling down.
It’s not silly, a voice told her, early the next morning, probably around three o’clock. Maybe it wasn’t exactly Tommy that was keeping her up, but the voices in her head that just had to make some remark about her current predicament. Oh no, was she crazy now? Did this constitute as talking to herself? If anything, it’s highly romantic. Especially for you, Holl. You believed in something.
True, another voice agreed, but Holly could already tell it was going to argue in some way. But let’s face it, Holly and Tommy were never together. They never talked, Tommy never promised fidelity. If anything, she and Tommy are just friends. That’s it. You can’t get mad at him or be upset when you haven’t had a discussion about your feelings in a cool, calm, rational manner. Your feelings are unfounded. If anything, you should be thanking Tommy for making it clear to you that you may not be his first priority.
“Don’t you think I know that?” Holly mumbled, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness of her room but not really seeing anything. “Don’t you think I know that my feelings don’t follow any sort of logic?”
They’re not supposed to, the first voice insisted. Not when you’re in lo—
“Don’t say it, Holl,” Holly quickly murmured, cutting her entire thought process off. “Don’t even think it.”
That’s right, Holly, the first voice all but taunted, the thought echoing throughout her thoughts. Don’t even think it. Like that’s going to make your feelings go away.
But even though Holly tried to push all thoughts pertaining to the subject to the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder what Tommy was doing with the woman at that moment. Were they having sex? Were they talking? She frowned. Knowing him, he’d probably be sleeping right now. But what about the woman? Was she sleeping? Was she even there anymore? Holly hadn’t heard anyone come in or go out upon her entrance to her bedroom, but that didn’t mean the woman couldn’t have slipped out unnoticed. In fact, Holly’s thought process was so intense that even if the woman had left, Holly may not have even noticed.
The thing that bothered Holly the most, however, was why. She wasn’t stupid, of course. She knew that as humans, they were all biologically programmed to have primal needs and sex was just that. But in the whole two months she had been with The Futurists, Holly had never seen Tommy with another woman once. Though he had never explained why that was in their sessions, a voice told her it might have to do with the fact that his manager—whom Holly had yet to actually meet—didn’t want him to end up with a woman, even if it was only for a night and they were only having sex, who resembled Delilah in any way.
Psh, this woman looks just like her, the second voice said after snorting.
Maybe that’s what bothered Holly the most. The fact that the woman he was with looked absolutely nothing like Holly. Now, Holly wasn’t too vain, but she always made sure she looked somewhat presentable before going out into public, and she didn’t think she looked too bad. In all honesty, Holly was confused. Why was Tommy with someone who looked like Delilah and not like— She shook her head, hoping to make such a though disappear. Maybe it was because he had seen his ex-girlfriend so recently and wanted to rid his desire of her without actually doing anything with her. That wasn’t exactly healthy, was it?
At seven o’clock, Holly forced herself to get up. She couldn’t take being alone with her thoughts anymore, wondering just what Tommy was doing at that moment. She was driving herself crazy, if she was being honest. After throwing on some sweatpants and a tank top, and pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she headed to the lobby where breakfast had just started. Normally she never drank coffee, but she figured if she watered it down it cream and sugar, she might be able to silence her thoughts. After grabbing a cup, she grabbed some eggs, bacon, sausages, and strawberry yogurt. She didn’t usually eat this much, but …
Oh, who cares? She was hungry and confused and the food looked absolutely—
Was that Victor? Holly furrowed her brow, pushing up on her toes to get a better look at who she thought resembled Victor the psychologist, sitting in a corner table. For a moment, she didn’t actually think it was him, but upon further inspection, realized that yes, it was. Without fully comprehending what she was doing, Holly made her way over and took a seat across from him. As usual, Victor gave her a crisp nod, but said absolutely nothing.
“Can I talk to you?” Holly asked after taking a long sip of the coffee before cringing at the bitter taste.
More cream, Holl. Wait a minute, what do you think you’re doing, talking to Victor about this? a voice asked her. This is the absolute last person you should be talking to about this sort of thing. Just wait for Tanya to wake up. Tanya will make you feel better. If anything, she’ll make you laugh. Who knows what Victor will say?
Again, Victor said nothing, but didn’t shake his head no.
In an uncharacteristic move on Holly’s part, she began to divulge everything to the man sitting next to her. “I don’t know how this has happened,” she began, “I’m usually not like this. I don’t fall for charm. In fact, I don’t notice charm directed at me at all. And I would never, ever, ever choose to feel this way for Tommy, out of all people. But against my best judgment, against everything I believe in, and beyond my control, I have fallen in love with him. Yes, love. I said it. With Tommy Nye.” She winced, frowning, and shook her head, forcing another long gulp down her throat, before taking a big bite of sausage and eggs. “I never thought this would ever happen. I never thought I would end up with these feelings for him. I don’t want to be like every other girl.”
“If I may,” Victor started, wiping his face with a napkin, though, as usual, no crumbs littered the corners of his lips. “You are not like every other woman who has encountered Tommy Nye.”
Holly quirked a brow, her mouth hanging open slightly despite the fact she still had some food in it. When she realized she was staring, she quickly
chewed the rest of it, swallowed, and then said, “I don’t quite understand …”
“You’re a psychologist, for God’s sake,” Victor said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You graduated from college. You didn’t originally accompany Tommy on his little tour merely to be some trophy girl, some floozy.” He paused here, cocking his head to the side. Even a natural gesture like that, Victor made graceful. “When I first met you, I thought Tommy was trying to pull something. But after these two months, I find that I have misjudged you. Though you seem to have trouble using your psychological attributes on yourself and in relation to yourself, you are quite gifted.”
Holly paused for a long moment, merely eating what she had in front of her, though she refused to drink anymore of the hot liquid. “So,” she lifted her brown eyes up to regard the man in front of her, “what should I do?”
“The best advice I can give you is to do the best you can for yourself,” Victor answered, nearly repeating what Tanya had told her last night, word for word. “Only you know what that is. Professionally, I would tell you to finish up your hours with anybody that’s not Tommy, so you don’t take advantage of the situation, nor will you come off unprofessional.” He stopped here, taking in Holly’s facial features for a long moment. “From there, the matter is completely in your hands. But, I will just say this: Tommy Nye has never invited a woman on his tour without the pretext of sleeping with her. Though he may flirt with the notion of doing so with you, and probably has propositioned you more than a few times, he has respected you … more so than I have seen before.”
Though what Victor said did cheer her up, it didn’t take away from the fact that Tommy might still be up in the room with another woman.
Chapter 31
Holly decided to take Victor’s advice, and complete the rest of her hours with everyone else but Tommy in hopes to remain as professional as she could possibly be, despite the unwarranted feelings she currently felt. The tour bus was on its way to New York, after a brief stay in Washington, D.C. Holly was in her room, looking over her hours and comparing them with her notes just to refresh her memory on what had been said at what time and what sort of progress was being made. She had only talked to Tommy when it was absolutely necessary, and it was only necessary when Tommy tried talking to her. Holly replied in clipped tones with the least amount of words necessary. She wasn’t sure if Tommy knew that she was upset or if he knew why she was upset, but he seemed to be pestering her even more so than usual.
As Holly reclined back onto her bed, above the sheets she had recently discarded from her body when she woke up this morning, her thoughts began to wonder about that woman Tommy had with him in Florida. Since she had left the main part of the hotel room that evening in order to go to her own room, she hadn’t seen or heard about her since. It wasn’t as though Tommy had asked her to join up with them like he had asked Holly to. But the fact remained that while she hadn’t exactly heard or seen the two sleeping together, the circumstantial evidence surrounding the situation proved to be quite compelling. If Tommy were on trial, surely he would be convicted guilty.
~*~
However, unbeknownst to Holly, Tommy was thinking about the same thing at around the same time, save for the fact that he was currently in his room rather than hers. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly sure why he had done it. He wasn’t sure why he had picked her. Maybe it was because she looked absolutely nothing like Holly, or maybe because she looked strikingly similar to Delilah. Whatever the case, out of the fifteen girls waiting for him after the show, he had chosen her. Again, he wasn’t exactly sure why he brought her up to the hotel room, especially when he knew—he knew—he shared it not only with Holly, but with Tanya, too. Even if Holly hadn’t come up and found him with her, surely Tanya would have caught them and then relayed the message to Holly.
“I am so stupid,” he murmured to himself, his fingers currently locked in position in his thick, unruly hair.
Holly would have known that Tommy was with somebody else no matter what. In fact, it was she who determined what time she and Tanya would return home from Disneyworld. He knew she would be back by then, and yet still, he and the groupie—he had seemed to have forgotten her name—were running around the living room in their underwear.
But the question wasn’t what he did, but why he did it. Why would he do something as stupid and selfish as that? It was inconsiderate and disrespectful, and yet he had still chosen to do it, chosen to hurt her. But why? Why would he want to hurt Holly? If anyone else even thought of hurting her, he would have been the first one to damn his previous promise to stay out of trouble, and be the first in line to kick the guy’s ass … Because it would obviously be a guy.
The most obvious reason would be because he hadn’t had sex in a while and he wanted to reacquaint himself with the pleasurable activity. He had petitioned Holly to join him a few times, but she would always give him that look that seemed to have gotten on his nerves over the past couple of months; the look where she would regard him with those eyes that he swore could see right through him, and then slowly lift her right brow. So it wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried having sex with Holly before, but she always rejected him. Maybe it was his way of getting back at her—to show her what she was missing.
But then again, he knew that Holly wasn’t the type of person to just go out and have sex with random strangers. And though he didn’t consider himself a stranger when it came to her, he assumed that she was the type of girl who waited until she was in a committed relationship before engaging in such an activity. She knew Tommy wasn’t going to wait around for one of those … hell, he avoided those as much as possible, come to think of it. Maybe this was just another way to say, “Hey, missed your shot.”
That wasn’t it, either. He knew why he did it; he just didn’t want to admit it, at least not aloud. Tommy Nye brought a groupie to the hotel room and flaunted her around the living room in merely her underwear at the exact time Holly assumed she and Tanya would be returning from Disneyworld in order to get a reaction out of Holly. He wanted to see what she would do if he was with another woman and she caught him. He couldn’t quite explain why, however. Maybe he wanted to see just what she felt for him … if anything. Maybe it was some ego thing he had craved, since she rarely ever stroked his arrogance in any way.
When he looked into her brown eyes that evening, however, he wasn’t expecting to see what he saw, and as a result, he wasn’t expecting to feel it. Holly’s eyes were an open book; one just had to know how to read them. Though she was usually reserved when it came to her emotions, preferring logic above anything else, Tommy began to realize that he could easily read her eyes to gauge how she was feeling whether or not her mouth was saying something different. And when he saw Holly that evening, his eyes told him everything he wanted to see, and yet, at the same time, he regretted the very moment when he decided to bring somebody back to the room with him, and even more than that, he regretted that she had to see it.
Nothing could change it now. He couldn’t take back what he had done.
What he had seen would be with him for a long time coming. Holly was hurt, betrayed, and something else, something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. What he did understand, however, was that what she was feeling was due to him. He had hurt her, not some random guy.
But you guys aren’t … you know, a voice inside his head tried to reason. There’s really no reason to feel guilty, save for the reasons why you did what you did.
“It’s not like I needed to have sex,” Tommy mumbled to himself before sighing quite dramatically. “I mean, I brought her up there with a purpose other than getting my rocks off.”
What if it was Holly with another guy? another voice asked, and Tommy was sure that if the voice had a face, it would surely be arching a brow. How would you feel?
“I’d kick the guy’s ass,” Tommy said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Just the thought of Holly with a man other than him tou
ching her in an intimate way, pleasing her in a way that only few had the opportunity to, and in return, her pleasing him …
Tommy scowled at the thought, closing his eyes and shaking his head in hopes that the vivid imagery that had accompanied the thought would simply vanish. He couldn’t even picture it without feeling his face heat up with pure rage. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—imagine her with anyone else because she didn’t belong with anyone else. She belonged with him.
With that thought, Tommy’s eyes snapped open so it locked on the plain ceiling and his mouth dropped open.
Wait, what had he just said? No, not said, but thought. What had he thought … that Holly belonged to him, like in some kind of monogamous relationship or something?
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