Nathan nodded, and the hurt and confusion in his eyes tore at her heart. ‘We were both too young, and not ready for that kind of responsibility, Annie. I said not yet—you heard no.’
‘I know. And I’m sorry I behaved so badly and hurt you. Sorry, too, that I somehow twisted reality, burying my own culpability and blaming you. A coping mechanism, I suppose. Self-delusion?’ she added, trying a self-mocking smile but failing.
‘It wasn’t all you, Annie,’ Nathan announced into the silence.
Clasping her hands in her lap, she looked at him, noting the wary anxiety on his face as he continued talking.
‘Some of the blame was mine. If I had talked more about myself in all the time we were together you would have had a better idea of my caution, why I wasn’t able to undertake that kind of commitment at that point.’
‘What do you mean?’
Annie was all too aware of how remiss she had been in never asking about his background. It had been such a shock when both Nathan and her mother had recently pointed out just how little she really knew about him, and she felt guilty that she had been so negligent, so lighthearted, taking life and Nathan for granted. Hearing his deep sigh, she read his tension, noted the strong angles of his handsome profile as he stared out at the small back garden, where clumps of snowdrops were indeed blooming, with the promise of spring to come.
‘Nathan?’
‘I was twelve when my father died. He was in construction and he was killed in an accident on site.’
Even though his husky voice was devoid of emotion, and he appeared outwardly calm, Annie could sense that there was turbulence underneath. Almost holding her breath, she waited for him to continue.
‘My mother, never strong emotionally or physically, went to pieces. I was the eldest of four children and it fell to me to keep things together. I had to make sure we had clothes to wear and food to eat, that the three younger ones got to school…and I had to care for my mother, who was in poor health and had a drinking problem.’
He paused again, as if gathering himself, and Annie clenched her hands into fists. There had been so much left unsaid, but now she could read between the lines and see the image all too clearly in her mind—a lost childhood, a boy burdened by responsibilities, growing up too fast, shouldering things no one his age should ever have to face. No wonder he was so serious, so alone, so uncomfortable in social settings. He must have missed out on so much…on friendships, and on all the kinds of things a teenager should experience.
‘I somehow managed to keep up my own education, and I held on to my dream of being a doctor,’ Nathan continued. ‘Not that I believed it would happen. I had to stay at home until the others were of age and able to fend more for themselves…that’s why I started medical school when I was twenty-two. By then my twin brothers were nineteen and in apprenticeships, and my sister was eighteen and starting at art college.’
‘And your mother?’ Annie managed, concerned not to push too far and stop him talking.
‘She was holding her own. Enough that she could go to day care. My sister was still living at home, and with outside help she could manage at night and weekends.’ He flicked her a quick glance and looked away again, too swiftly for her to catch his expression. ‘I felt guilty taking up my place at med school, even though it was the closest I could find to home. I popped home often in my time off to check on things,’ he added, surprising her again, as she had never noticed, never questioned his absences. ‘As much as I loved them, I resented the pressure, the lack of freedom, all I’d missed out on. And I selfishly didn’t want to lose my chance to be a doctor.’
Annie was speechless for several seconds. ‘How can you possibly consider yourself selfish when you gave everything you had—all your life—for them?’ she demanded, almost shaking with anger on his behalf that he had been put in that position, that there had been no help, no other way out for the boy he had been.
‘I felt trapped, Annie, and I wanted to be free. Med school was my escape from that life. It was the first time ever that I had been able to do something I wanted that was purely for me. And then I met you.’ Annie sensed some of the darkness leave him as he said the words and it humbled her. ‘I didn’t want to think or talk about home. I didn’t want the responsibilities and worries of my family to intrude on either my training or on my relationship with you. You never asked questions about me, and I was so relieved that I let it go, leaving the real Nathan at my family home and becoming your Nathan in our home. I wanted to enjoy you. Us. I thought there would be time enough for explanations and deep discussions.’
‘And then I spoiled it all,’ she whispered, fighting another threat of tears.
Nathan reached out and took her hand. ‘All I had known growing up was the burden of responsibility, others making demands on me, putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I loved you, Annie, but the thought of going from one dependent home-life to another, of taking on marriage and children when we’d barely qualified…well, it scared me. The idea of rushing into that kind of commitment was terrifying—but I never wanted us to break up, never wanted you to leave.’
‘And I never gave you the chance to explain,’ she added, giving up the hopeless task of stemming her tears. Tears for him—the lonely boy and the man so alone. ‘I thought you were rejecting me, that you didn’t care about me. I behaved so stupidly, Nathan. I’m ashamed at how selfish and immature and foolish I’ve been. I can’t understand how you could ever have put up with me, far less have loved me.’
‘You were the joy and colour in my grey, joyless life, Annie. You gave me fun and love and friendship—things I had never really known before,’ he told her, the sincerity of his words taking her breath away. ‘Your life was so different from mine and you shared it with me—shared your home with me. I envied you your parents, and I loved them for accepting me, making me feel welcome and part of you. You are all I’ve ever wanted, the only person who has made me happy. You’re the most special thing that ever happened to me, but I was scared of committing too soon. Especially when I wasn’t totally free.’
Annie’s fingers tightened around Nathan’s while she wiped her eyes with her free hand. ‘You mean because of your mother?’
‘Yes,’ he allowed, falling quiet again, and a bleakness shadowed his eyes before he looked away from her again.
‘What happened?’
‘After you left I tried to come after you, but you wouldn’t see me or talk to me.’ Fresh waves of shame and guilt crashed through her but she kept silent, needing to hear his whole story. ‘Your mum was wonderful—I was a bit of a mess,’ he admitted, shaking his head, and Annie bit her lip at the thought of all the pain she had caused him. ‘I confided in her—a carefully edited version—and she advised me to give you some time. I didn’t expect it would be anything like five years. But my mother deteriorated and I ended up having to spend more and more time caring for her. I managed to get placements in hospitals as close to home as I could, but I had to take a year out when she became so ill that she needed me full-time.’
So that was why he’d been held back and had yet to become a specialist registrar, Annie realised, a sick feeling in her stomach as she realised what must have happened to allow Nathan to resume his career. ‘How long since you lost her?’ she asked softly.
‘Nine months. Her liver was too damaged.’
‘I’m sorry—that sounds so trite and inadequate.’ She cursed herself, wishing she knew how to give back a fraction of the understanding and support Nathan had shown her when her beloved father had died.
Nathan sighed, a wealth of feeling in the small sound. ‘It was a kindness to her. She suffered too much. We had a family meeting afterwards and I explained to the twins and my sister that I needed to get away for a while, to focus on myself and my future. We’ve never been close. I think they resented my move from brother to father-figure.’
‘They should appreciate and admire all you gave up and did for them,’ she interjected, incense
d on his behalf.
‘Now they are older I think they are beginning to understand more,’ he allowed, ever gracious in excusing the failings of those who had wronged him. ‘They are able to stand on their own feet, and I can pursue my own life, but they know I am here if they need me.’
‘What did you do?’
‘I took a job in London—a six-month stint in A and E to break me back in, plus a few courses to catch up and refresh my skills.’ He turned to look at her then, the expression in his eyes raw and compelling. ‘But there was something missing. Something I knew I needed to take care of if I ever hoped to move on with my life.’
Annie swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. ‘And that was…?’
‘You.’ The pad of his thumb traced circles on her skin, firing her blood. ‘I had to see you. I found out where you were, and that there was a temporary placement here. So I came. And the second I saw you again I knew.’
‘Knew what?’ she whispered, barely able to force the words out.
‘That I still loved you, Annie. I never stopped. I’ve been miserable without you.’
‘Oh, Nathan.’ Tears slid down her cheeks. How could he still care about her after all she had done? She couldn’t believe she had been given another chance with the only man she had ever loved. She froze, choking on a sob when she realised she still hadn’t confessed the extent of her deception since he had come to Strathlochan. ‘Nathan, I’m so sorry. I—’
She what? Nathan worried as Annie’s words snapped off abruptly and she pulled her hand from his. He felt the loss keenly, terrified she was going to say that she no longer felt the same way.
‘Sweetheart, what is it? Please don’t cry.’
She shook her head as another sob escaped. ‘I have to move.’
‘OK.’ Disappointed, Nathan rose to his feet, ready to help her. ‘Are you in pain?’ he asked, frowning when she shook her head again. ‘Where do you need to go?’
A hint of pink tinged her pale cheeks. ‘I need to be closer to you.’
‘I think we can manage that.’ Relief coursed through him that he hadn’t chased her away. Carefully taking her in his arms, he sat down and settled her on his lap, his arms around her, ensuring he wasn’t hurting her. ‘How’s that?’
‘Much better. But…’
‘But what?’ he encouraged, knowing she was still troubled.
‘I have to tell you something.’ Her words were soft, and her chin was tucked down as she hid from him. ‘I’ve done so many stupid things—many of which I can’t even understand myself. Nathan, I lied to you—I’ve been lying to you ever since I saw you again,’ she told him in a rush, and he felt a shiver ripple through her. ‘I panicked that first day. I have no idea what was driving me, how I could have shut out the reality of my part in things five years ago, but I just reacted when I saw you. I felt vulnerable and scared and so confused. So I—’ She took a shuddering breath and bit her lip. ‘I freaked out and I—’
Again she broke off, and Nathan took pity on her. ‘You persuaded Will to pretend you were a couple,’ he finished for her.
Her head came up, her eyes wide, her perfect, kissable mouth rounded in an ‘O’ of surprise. ‘You know?’
‘Will and I had a chat before you left hospital. He told me what had happened…and why.’
‘He did?’ Her cheeks flushed a becoming pink as he tipped her face up to meet his gaze. ‘Will told you everything?’
‘Pretty much. But there is one thing I want to know,’ he told her, his tension easing now, allowing him to tease her.
‘What’s that?’
‘What does GAG mean?’
Laughter bubbled from within her. ‘Gay and gorgeous. And now Will and Anthony are seeing each other, so I did something right.’
‘I hope they’ll be happy.’ Nathan smiled as he kissed her. ‘As happy as we’re going to be.’
‘Are we? Do you think we can?’
Some of his doubts returned. ‘Don’t you?’
Annie wanted it more than anything else on earth, but… ‘How can you forgive me after all I’ve done?’
‘What we had was special, Annie.’ Nathan’s expression was serious, earnest, as he cradled her against him. ‘It’s still special. I was scared I’d arrive in Strathlochan and find you married with a bundle of children, just as you’d always wanted.’
‘No.’ Annie sucked in a shaky breath, laying everything on the line just as he had done, knowing this was too important for anything less. ‘I didn’t want that with just anyone. I wanted it with you.’
‘What about the foot fetish guy?’
‘That was Will’s idea of a joke,’ she confessed with a nervous giggle. ‘There’s been no one at all since you.’
‘Not for me, either.’
She was surprised, but also knew a deep sense of peace and relief at the knowledge. ‘And what about now? What about Africa?’
‘The job has been offered to me,’ he admitted, causing her already sore chest to constrict with fear.
‘And are you going to take it?’
He paused a moment, watching her. ‘It depends.’
‘On what?’ she whispered, hardly daring to ask.
‘On whether or not I have a reason to stay.’ Dark eyes looked deep into hers. His voice dropped, husky and intimate. ‘Do I, Annie? Is there anything for me here in Strathlochan?’
Uncertainty held her in its grip as she worried whether what she had to offer him was enough. ‘There’s me.’
‘Sweetheart, you are all I need. All I’ve ever needed.’ One warm palm cupped her cheek and she rubbed herself against him, nearly drowning in the deep dark pools of his eyes that shone with love and hope. ‘Bring the light back into my life, Annie. Let me prove to you just how much you mean to me. Marry me. Have a family with me.’ Before she could respond he cuddled her closer, and she felt him shudder, heard the emotion lacing his husky voice. ‘I nearly lost you…again.’
‘Nathan…’
‘I love you, Annie. And I always will. I want what I’ve always wanted. You. For ever. As my wife and the mother of my children.’
‘I don’t deserve you after all I’ve put you through.’
‘Rubbish,’ he admonished.
She gasped in shock as he pulled a small jeweller’s box from the pocket of his jeans and opened it to reveal a platinum ring set with an exquisite sapphire.
‘I tried to match the shade of your eyes. I love you, sweetheart. Five years ago the timing was wrong. We both made mistakes, and we’ve suffered for them. But now we have found each other again. Will you marry me and make me the happiest, luckiest man on earth?’
Tears shimmered on her lashes before trickling down her cheeks. ‘I messed up so badly before, and I’m not about to do it again. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I love you, too, Nathan—so very much.’
As she melted into his embrace, losing herself in his erotic kiss, clinging to him as tightly as he clung to her, she gave thanks for second chances, for the resilience of their love, for Nathan’s tenacity in not giving up on her. They belonged together. Being in his arms, her body battered and bruised as it was, she felt cherished and protected—as if she had come home. At last. Completely at peace. Whole. It would take a while for her to heal, and longer before she would be able to return to work in the rigours of the A and E department, but she knew Nathan would be by her side every step of the way.
Taking care of her fragile state, Nathan shifted her so he could deepen the kiss. Annie lost herself in the searing passion, longing for the day her body was well enough for them to take it to its inevitable conclusion. For now the kiss sealed their bond, their love, the triumph of overcoming the years lost to them. Ahead lay years of togetherness, and she vowed to spend every day for the rest of their lives proving just how special Nathan was and how much he was loved.
Here in the heart of Strathlochan they would found their own family—one born of trust and hope and a once-in-a-lifetime, for ever kind of love. Nathan was a special doctor, a s
pecial friend, a special lover. A man in a million. Her man. And she would never let him go again.
The Playboy Doctor’s Surprise Proposal
Anne Fraser
Anne Fraser was born in Scotland, but brought up in South Africa. After she left school she returned to the birthplace of her parents, the remote Western Islands of Scotland. She left there to train as a nurse, before going on to university to study English Literature. After the birth of her first child, she and her doctor husband travelled the world, working in rural Africa, Australia and Northern Canada. Anne still works in the health sector. To relax, she enjoys spending time with her family, reading, walking and travelling.
CHAPTER ONE
HE PLUCKED her out of the sea. One minute she was floundering in the water, the next she was being manhandled to shore by a stranger with bronzed muscles and nutmegcoloured eyes. It was by far the most embarrassing thing that had happened to her for as long as she could remember.
Ten minutes earlier, Caitlin had plunged into the Pacific, gasping as the cold water chased the heat of the Australian sun from her skin. She had ploughed through the water for a few moments until life had returned to her frozen limbs, then turned on her back and floated.
Her sister, Brianna, and the rest of the group were on the beach. Niall was fussing around lighting the barbecue, while Brianna relaxed with a book. The children were making sandcastles on the startingly white sand, and the sounds of their laughter drifted over to Caitlin on the perfectly still air. She could still scarcely believe that she was here in Brisbane. Months of planning followed by a forty-eight-hour journey from Dublin and finally here she was. She only wished her trip could have been made under happier circumstances. Flipping over onto her stomach, she swam for a few more minutes, then trod water. Brianna’s husband, Niall, had promised her that she was safe from sharks this close to shore, but Caitlin wasn’t going to take any chances. She’d keep the beach within easy distance.
Six Sexy Doctors Part 1 (Mills & Boon e-Book Collections): A Doctor, A Nurse: A Little Miracle / The Children's Doctor and the Single Mum / A Wife for ... / The Playboy Doctor's Surprise Proposal Page 74
