by Thorn, Ava
“We already have our hands full with Shay, have you thought about terrible twos,” Jasmine interjected. “And our future has a question mark by it…We shouldn’t bring anymore children into this world until we’re solid.”
Shane appeared to be in deep thought. “What do you want from me?”
For an extended second, her eyes remained steady and unblinking on his face. A deep vertical line pulled between her perfectly arched brows, as if someone had slapped her across the face. “What are we? Are we dating? Or good friends? Just the baby mama?”
Jasmine knew that she was swimming in dangerous water with Shane. Their arrangement wasn’t clear. Her mother’s voice echoed in her head from when she was a freshman in college. ‘Baby girl things can’t end well with hesitance or indecision.’
“God do you want me to put it on a Facebook page that ‘I’m in a relationship with Jasmine St. Clair?’”
Jasmine smacked Shane across the face. She stared at him for a millisecond before scrambling to stand up. Picking up a loaf of bread, she walked down the hill to the lake and began feeding the ducks.
“What do you want, Jasmine? For me to get on my knees in offer a ring to you!” he yelled from his spot on the blanket.
Turning around her eyes met his. “No! See that’s where you’re wrong! I wanted a decision about where our relationship is heading.”
Going back to feeding ducks, Jasmine knew she had to make a decision regarding her future with Shane. Taking a deep breath, she flicked the tear from the corner of her eyelid. She took a chance, but she had to be honest with herself even if the truth hurt. There will be time where she would have to sever ties and wait for someone who will fully value and commit to her.
Chapter Eight
The picnic at the lake created a whole new game changer for them. Shane went back to sleeping in his bedroom alone. And the days went by and before you knew it two weeks had passed and neither one of them had addressed the elephant in the room. Every day they ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together. But it was different it was more like they were roommates.
Sitting in Shane’s office, Jasmine tapped her foot to the beat of Reba McEntire’s “If I Were A Boy,” as she applied for jobs online. At the moment she didn’t care if she found a job in her desired career field in journalism, all she wanted was a good paying job to support Shay and herself. A few days ago she decided not to move back to Denver, she wanted her daughter to be close to her father and cousins.
“What are you doing in here?”
Jasmine stopped typing on the keyboard and looked up at Shane standing there, dressed handsomely in jeans, black button up shirt and matching cowboy hat. “Hello to you too,” she said, and checked her watch. He was home earlier than expected.
Shane walked over to the Bose stereo and turned down the music. “What are you doing in my office?” he asked again.
Leaning back in the brown leather swivel chair, she folded her arms. “Applying for jobs,” she admitted. “I can’t stay here all my life…I need to get a job and get out of your hair.”
Shane’s face darkened. “The hell you will—”
“I’m not leaving Dallas,” she said quickly interrupting him. “I’m going to get a job even if it’s a teaching position, find a nice house in the suburbs and we will co-parent.”
Shane took off his hat and walked into the office. “I guess you thought about everything. Is this because I won’t commit to you because you’re the mother of my child?”
Sitting up Jasmine sent her last resume, before powering off the laptop. “You say you love me but honestly I don’t think you know what love is… What you’re offering me I can get any day of the week; I can have incredible sex with any man out there. Just because we have a kid doesn’t mean you love me.”
Shane licked his lips. “What else do you need beside love?”
Ignoring his question, Jasmine packed up her laptop and left the room without saying another word to Shane.
Shane sat in front of his desk. How could he tell Jazzy that marriage scared him to death? How could he tell this young, beautiful woman that settling down stressed the hell out of him or the idea of marrying the wrong person again made his palms sweat? When his parents, Melody and Gerald, got married they married with the intentions of staying together forever; when he married Sarah, his father gave him one of those speeches that every man tells their son ‘Love her right and stick by her side…you got a keeper.” So when he went home to his parents two years ago and told them that he was filing for divorce, there was that shock on their faces that he let them down.
Now, here he was a widower after sixteen years of marriage. The anniversary of his wife’s death, he made love to another woman and during the throw of passion, he felt guilty and called out her name. It’s like someone was looking out for him by blessing him with another chance to be a husband, Shane couldn’t ask for more with Jazzy.
He had a nagging doubt in the back of his head that kept asking him if ‘Relationships are built to last forever?’ But his mother’s voice took over and said, “If you meet someone, fall in love and get married.”
Running his hand down his face, Shane had to figure out how to keep Jazzy on the ranch, and on top of that he had to mend his broken relationship with his partner. That Monday he returned to work after the baby shower, Benjamin requested for a new partner.
“Shane!” Jasmine yelled from the front.
“Yeah.”
“I’m going out and taking Shay.”
“Who are you going out with?” he asked.
Silence.
“Jazz,” he called her name. When she didn’t answer, he stood up and walked to the empty room. He stood by the window and watched her car pull out of the driveway. When he dialed her cell phone number, he groaned when her voicemail picked up.
Shane sat in his recliner and thought about his options. He could put an all-points bulletin on her ass or trace her cell phone or lastly, he could just wait until she returned from wherever she went to. Don’t do anything stupid, he told himself.
***
Everyday Jasmine was replaying the conversations he had with her parents over and over in her head. At the age of twenty-five years old she felt abandoned by her parents because of the choices she made. For weeks, she Googled and searched for information regarding her grandparents. Her parents essentially became the very people who hated their union years ago.
Jasmine thought her grandparents, Tarak & Kushala Sandoval, would have lived on an Indian Reservation instead of a prominent neighborhood in Dallas-Fort Worth Area. She prayed while traveling the short distance to see these people who’d never laid eyes on her a day in her life. Parking in the circular driveway, Jasmine stepped out the car and gave herself a once over, she wore a Native American inspired knee length dress and knee-high moccasins. Reaching in the backseat and getting the carseat, she walked up the winding pathway to a dark red front door and rang the doorbell.
Jasmine swallowed the rising panic that was bubbling up to the surface. The door opened slowly, a woman who was the splitting image as her mother stood in the threshold. “Hi. I’m your granddaughter, Jasmine St. Clair, and this is your great-granddaughter, Shay McBride.” She didn’t know how she did it but her voice didn’t tremble.
“I have been waiting for years for this day to come.”
Jasmine smiled at the tall, older woman with high cheekbones and striking salt and pepper hair that hung across from her shoulder in a braid. She was slightly taken aback by the hug and kiss on the cheek she was greeted with.
“Please come in, my child.” Her voice cracked as she ushered Jasmine into the house.
The smell of lavender greeted Jasmine as she toted the car seat to a living room space that was decorated in Native American artwork; there was a large picture of a Chief Sitting Bear hanging proudly on the wall next to framed Texas state flag.
“I’m going to get Grey Wolf from his study,” she said happily, and disappeared down the hall
way.
Unbuckling Shay from the carrier, Jasmine got up and walked to the fireplace mantel where pictures and newspaper clipping were carefully placed in black frames. It seemed like her grandparents kept track of their movements; from graduation pictures, to Benjamin joining the police force and her first reporting piece at the college newspaper.
“Hello, little one.”
Turning around quickly, she stared at a man who appeared to be in his late sixties, his long, grey hair was pulled into a ponytail. He walked into the room with the assistance of a cane.
“Hi,” she replied. There were so many emotions running through Jasmine, as she stood in front of the very people who she heard her parents arguing about. The same people who been a missing element from her life.
“My God, you look just like Kushala when she was younger,” her grandfather said, with a single tear running down his face. “This meeting should have came sooner.”
“I for one second that.” Kushala walked into the room carrying a tray with lemonade and sat it down on the table. “Do you prefer us to call you Jasmine or Jazzy? Please make yourself at home.”
Walking to the sofa, Jasmine sat down across from her grandparents. “Family and friends call me Jazzy.” She patted Shay on the back gently soothing the baby.
“I remember when your mother was that small,” Tarak said, his brown eyes were soft and sad.
So many years had gone by, and she didn’t know what to say. And neither did them. Nobody seemed to know where to start the conversation. So for the first few minutes the conversation centered on Shay and Jasmine didn’t mind.
As she sat there and watched her grandmother hold Shay carefully in her arms, Jasmine started to wonder. She wanted better for her daughter. She wanted Shay to know her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. She didn’t want her daughter to miss out on the love of a grandparent.
“I know what you’re thinking,” her grandfather said, looking at his wife playing with Shay.
“It’s been too long, grandfather, to allow some crazy stuff to keep family apart.” Jasmine wiped a tear that threaten to fall. “I…my brothers and I missed out on so much. Our mother’s beginning starts with you guys…just like mine starts with my parents.”
Tarak nodded his head up and down. “You’re right my child…we allowed days to turn into months and months turned to years.”
“I remember it was my tenth birthday party. Momma and Daddy was arguing, I was supposed to be outside playing, but I wanted something to drink. Daddy was saying, ‘They should be allowed to come, that you were my grandparents.'” Jasmine reached across the table and held her grandfather hands. “You were trying to make amends.”
“We reached out but your mother has always been a stubborn woman, since the day she was born.” Kushala voice was low and her lips trembled. “We haven’t spoken with either of your parents in decades; we have missed so much from the birth of our grandchildren to our great-grandchildren. The estrangement was our choice at first because, we didn’t support who our child choose to love because the color of our skin was different.”
“When we realized how huge of a mistake and how awful we sounded…it was too late,” Tarak interrupted. “Went to Dena and pleaded with her for forgiveness but it was too late, the words we’d said, we're like seeds that planted in Dena’s heart. She wasn’t trying to hear us anymore; she put distance between us.”
“But you only live thirty minutes from them!” Jasmine exclaimed.
“We started this ugly chapter in our life…and sadly your mother has decided to continue with it even though we finally wanted to put an end to it…but she won’t,” her grandmother said, tears in her eyes.
Jasmine remembered asking her mother about her grandparents and her only reply was that she wanted to protect her family from her parents. “You hated my brothers and me because we were black.”
Her grandparents appeared to be ashamed. “We never hated the color of your skin, we expected more for your mother…the plan was for your mother to marry within her tribe,” her grandfather muttered.
“We were mad at your mother, she got pregnant at eighteen years old and dropped out of college to marry a man we didn’t know,” her grandmother tried to explain. “We said a few harsh words thinking that our threats could sway Dena’s choice…a terrible and painstakingly mistake that resulted in us losing our only daughter and miss out on our grandchildren.”
Jasmine nodded her head. She couldn’t picture decades going by and not speaking to her mother.
Her grandmother pulled out a photo album. There were many pictures of her mother participating in annual tribal festivities. There were even baby pictures of her mother and grandmother. There was a generation picture with her great-grandmother, grandmother and mother. Jasmine had all her grandparents’ ancestral identity. They were two complete strangers. Two people made it possible for her to come into this world, and she didn’t know them from a hole in the wall.
She studied her grandmother’s smile that was similar to her daughters. Shane would always say that Shay had her smile; Jasmine noticed that she resembled her grandmother a lot.
Sitting in the chair watching her grandparents fall in love with Shay, Jasmine wondered how her life would have been with them in her life. Looking out the bay window that led to the backyard, the sheer tan curtains were pulled back revealing a garden in full bloom. She would have loved to spend spring and summer break with her grandparents learning her Native American culture or just spending the dog days of summer working in the garden with them. If only time and things were different, if people wouldn’t allow their hatred and their own views to get in the way of love, happiness and family.
Standing in the kitchen helping her grandmother with another round of snacks and drinks, they laughed and joked like there wasn’t a twenty-five year old gap between them. During her afternoon with grandparents she caught them up on what was new in her life.
“Tell me about the man you’re obviously in love with,” her grandmother asked, as she placed homemade oatmeal cookies into the oven.
“It’s nothing romantic—”
“Ump,” she replied. “Is he good to you and his daughter?”
“Yes.”
“When your mother left I told her not to settle for a man who’ll only offer you crumbs of love.” She refilled Jazzy glass with sweet lemonade and handed it to her.
Jasmine stood there soaking in the knowledge her wise grandmother was giving her, the same wisdom her mother used to give her about the boys she dated in college. Dena St. Clair would always say if she accepted the crumbs that a man left her with, she would eventually starve.
“Always love fully and completely! Don’t settle for anything less in return,” her grandmother said, looking at her sternly. “Love is written all over your face…but I can also see the guilt and fear in your eyes.”
Jasmine focused on the colorful mason jars filled with different fruits and vegetables. She didn’t want to tell a woman who didn’t know her that she was right. When her grandmother smiled, there was something comforting in her smile that was genuine and caring.
“Your grandfather missed this.”
Jasmine turned around and looked at her grandfather sitting in a rocking chair by the fireplace singing a lullaby in his native Apache tongue. The same song that her mother sang to her when she was a child. Taking a seat at the kitchen table as her grandmother plated the freshly hot oatmeal cookies, Jasmine told her the PG-13 version of Shay’s conception, Shane, and how her family had practically disowned her for the decision she’d made.
***
The day was endless especially with having a new partner who’s work ethic didn’t come close to his former partner, Benjamin St. Clair. He hoped there was a slight glimmer of hope for his relationship with Benjamin. Why couldn’t he have the friendship and the woman? All he needed was the St. Clair clan to see his intentions with Jasmine were honorable.
Loosing up his tie and unbuttoning a few b
uttons on his shirt, he strolled to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He grimaced as the thought of the horrible picnic replaying in his head. He was surprised at how stocked the refrigerator was. When Sarah died he survived off of frozen dinners and any meals that his mother or aunt dropped off for him. Taking the ground beef that been unthawing since he left this morning, he began to cook.
Jazzy makes an excellent wife, he thought as he pulled out all the fixins for a romantic spaghetti dinner with Jasmine. Hopefully, she would see the dinner as a peace offering. Reaching for his cell phone off his belt click, he dialed her number which went straight to voicemail. It was unusual for Jasmine not to pick up.
Maybe she doesn’t have a signal, he told himself. Shane texted her a few messages and started to prepare their meal.
Hours later the clock struck nine o’clock at night and there was still no message or phone call from Jasmine. This was definitely not like Jazzy, the woman prided herself on keeping a tight schedule for Shay.
He called her number a few times, and received the same results. The call went straight to voicemail. Shane was beyond the worry threshold at this point. Picking up the phone, he called the next person who could shed some light on Jasmine whereabouts.
“Hello,” a voice answered on the third ring.
“Farrah, did Jasmine tell you where she was going today? She left the house and hasn’t returned yet and it’s past nine o’clock.
Silence.
“Relax Ranger McBride, I’m pretty sure Jasmine is on her way home. Plus, it’s only 9:02 p.m.”
“Something isn’t right,” he growled. “I can feel it.”
“She went to go see her grandparents. What time did she leave?”
“Before noon,” he walked out the house and down the gravel road to look for any signs of Jasmine’s car. “I don’t know what I’ll do if something happen to them…they all I have left in this world.”
