"How can you tell with Herdez? The woman's as emotive as a rock. Did you talk about anything else?"
"Uh… one other thing. Herdez also knows about, uh…"
"About what?"
"You. And me."
" You told her?!"
"No! She knew! I have no idea how."
Jen sighed and shook her head. "Okay. So we're dead meat. Are we ordered to stay a minimum of two meters away from each other until hell freezes over? Or are we just confined to quarters until I transfer off the ship?"
Paul grinned. "Neither. She told us to be discreet, with no inappropriate behavior while you're still assigned to the Michaelson, and wished us luck."
"Wait a minute. This was Commander Herdez? Was she drunk?"
"Uh-uh. I don't know, Jen, but for a moment there she seemed almost maternal."
" Maternal? Herdez? Are you listening to yourself?"
"Yes. I can't explain it. I think she likes you, Jen."
"Heaven help me. He thinks one of the primary banes of my existence likes me, and he thinks our XO is acting maternal, of all things. Are you going to tell anyone else about this little chat you had with Herdez?"
"I'm sure not planning on it."
"Good. I'd like my last days on the Merry Mike to be free of accusations of hitching my cart to a lunatic. After all we've been through, I don't need a personal crisis now to top it off." Jen favored Paul with a half-stern, half-pleading look. "Do me a favor, Paul. Try not to get into another mess like this Wakeman thing again."
"I'll try. It's not like I asked to be in the last one."
"No, but people who are willing to tilt at windmills tend to find themselves doing it again and again." She smiled. "But what am I complaining about? I knew what I was getting into."
"So did I." Paul smiled back at her. "After a few months of pure hell, I'm looking forward to whatever the future brings again."
"Hell ain't over yet. In a few weeks you could be ordered out for another long patrol and I'll be left on the pier doing the teary-eyed girlfriend waving goodbye bit."
"Really? You'd do that?"
"No. Not the tears, anyway. But you're still part of the crew of a warship. I'm going to be on the Maury, so when you're underway I can't help bail you out of whatever your latest screw-up happens to be. At least you'll still have people like Carl and Kris to depend on, but they'll also be depending on you. Because, Mr. Paul Sinclair, your actions have branded you a leader of men and women, a leader who will be looked to for inspiration and guidance by the poor, benighted junior officers of the world."
"Yeah, I'm sure."
"You don't believe me? Just wait. They'll look to Paul, because Paul has shown he has the guts to make tough decisions and stick to them. Things'll get tough and they'll turn to you and say, 'Paul, what should we do?' Don't blame me when that happens. You brought that little extra responsibility on yourself."
Paul shook his head. "I have a lot of trouble believing that. I'm still the most junior ensign on the ship. They're going to look to me for leadership? I don't think so. All they'll be asking me is how I convinced Jen Shen to be my girlfriend."
"Since the world hasn't exactly been beating down my door for that privilege, people may not be nearly as impressed by that status as you think. But if you want to believe anyone'll be envious, more power to you. Just remember what I said, Paul. They're going to expect you to keep showing leadership. That's going to make things harder. What else do you have to worry about? Herdez. She's still the XO, and assuming she likes you, that means she'll be riding you harder than ever. Then there's the new captain. Nobody knows what she's like. She's meeting with all the officers at fourteen hundred, by the way, so you probably get some clues then. Maybe she's another Wakeman or just a Captain Bligh. Maybe you'll get lucky and have a real leader for a captain, but you can't count on it."
"So it won't be any worse than it's already been. Okay, maybe it'll be a little worse. I'll survive, and I'll learn. I know that now. And I'll come back to that not-teary-eyed girlfriend."
"You'd better, Mister. Because I'll be waiting. Unless my ship's underway, too. Are you still sure you want to date another sailor?"
"As long as you're that sailor, Jen." Paul drew himself up to attention, rendering a precise salute. "Request permission to proceed on duties assigned, Ensign Shen."
She shook her head at the professionally-rendered but facetious request, then grinned. "As if you need permission from me, or anyone else, to go where your duty leads you. But thanks for asking anyway." Jen returned the salute. "Permission granted, Ensign Sinclair."
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A Just Determination ps-1 Page 29
