by Lee Walsh
WIZARDS
ON A
RAMPAGE
LEE WALSH
Copyright © 2019 Lee Walsh
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 9781792183317
This book was written by an Englishman, from Britain. Grammar and spelling are according to the native language of the writer.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
DEDICATION
Dedicated to those within my realm;
Zdenka, Anet, Bára, Emma, Lilly.
And to those in the realm in which I once resided;
Sharon & Stuart, Lissy & family, Danielle & family, John, Kerrie & family.
ACKNOWLEDgeMENTS
My dedication can be considered a thank you to the people who have shaped my life.
However, I would like to offer my extended thanks to those around me who make my life easier;
Romana, Honza, Matěj, Sára, Marketa, and Chris.
You guys might not think so, but you've helped me since I came to the Czech Republic, in your own ways.
With regards to anyone I've missed, please feel free to complain to my Facebook page:
www.facebook.com/leewalshauthor
the trial
It was neither the best of times nor the worst of times; for Percy Sunsword, it was a time filled with complete mediocrity.
Percy shook his head, “that's such a clichéd way to start a book.”
A notorious criminal mastermind with a calculated and dark mind, a cold heart, and a pointy hat. The cold-blooded crimes had caught up with the monster whose name embedded fear in the eyes of the children of Mayr.
“That's not fair,” said Percy. “I wasn't a criminal.”
+
I FELT THE eyes around the room pierce my skin with the cruellest of looks as I stepped up to the dock. I held my head high and made sure to not make eye contact with any of the on-watching public or members of the magical committee.
A Thursday afternoon and the final day of what had been a long, hot summer – as is the standard in the realm of Mayr. The lack of air conditioning had caused the courtroom to reek of something unpleasant; a rotten concoction of the body odour of the on-watching public and that of the various members of the magical committee who had decided my guilt.
A magical committee by name only. A committee made up of elves, dwarves, goblins, and insatiable morons. It had taken the committee two days to reach a verdict of guilt despite me pleading guilty from the outset.
Following their unanimous verdict, they passed the case over to the judge for sentencing. Having a Goblin as the judge made it difficult for me to stand any chance of reprieve. Goblins were the smallest, ugliest, and oddest-looking species in Ecklewood and they utterly detested wizards.
I often believed these little creatures of amusement were only successful in life because of their inability to grow beyond the size of any normal 6-year-old human or human-like being. Overcompensating for their size, if you ask me.
This particular goblin happened to be the highest judge in the land and overruled any objections that I or my lawyer ever had. He had two choices; the first was to send me to a prison-island named Hanging Gardens. It wasn't such a nice island with a few scattered beaches and ladies in bikinis bringing you cocktails to sip in the sunshine. Hanging Gardens was a floating island in the sky above Mayr. The second option was far worse. A fate worse than death itself for any wizard, witch, goblin, orc, or any other magical species – to live the mundane life of a human.
I couldn't deny my guilt. I was most certainly guilty of the crimes I had committed. It's just that I had never read the Wizard's Code of Conduct and didn't actually know it was illegal.
“Perseus Sunsword,” the goblin addressed me.
“Percy please,” I hated the name Perseus it sounded like that of an obese hamster. The goblin sighed and continued.
“The good people of our magical committee have found you guilty of some hideous crimes,” the funny little creature with big, hairy ears said.
“They were hardly hideous,” I replied. The goblin sighed again and I saw the temptation to give me the cruellest punishment of all glimmer in his eyes.
“You used your magical powers to commit terrible crimes in cold blood. Your victims, each of them, powerless to help themselves. Your crimes have stained the magical community as a whole and your name shall forever remain in the memories of your victims and their families.”
“Well, at least I'll be remembered,” I accidentally blurted out.
“Quiet!” he blurted out. “Your sentence will be more severe should you utter another word!” Silence struck the courtroom and everyone waited for me to say something but I heeded the warning and kept quiet.
“Not only did you break the laws of humanity, but you also went against the Wizards' Code of Conduct which dictates that no wizard shall ever, by any means or for any gains, use his or her magic whilst in the presence of humans. You must also not cause anyone, especially humans, any harm using any form of magic. You knowingly went against the Code that the rest of us adhere to thoroughly. You have shown not a single ounce of remorse for your crimes and, as the head of the magical committee, I shall make an example of you here today. Do you have anything to say prior to your sentencing Perseus Sunsword?”
“That's a bit unfair,” I said.
The goblin groaned, “what now?”
“You said my sentence would be more severe if I said anything else and then you invited me to say something,” I argued.
“This is your final warning, are there any final words?” he said, attempting to place anger in his snarling voice which appeared to be a little on the squeaky side.
“Yes, your honour, if I may,” I replied.
“Well? What is it, man? Speak!”
“Your honour, let this be heard by all here today, by the jurors, by the press, and by you. During the course of my life, I have seen many atrocities; many terrible, ugly things that words cannot describe. Disgusting things that I would not wish a sworn enemy of mine to see. I have also seen many beautiful things; from the birds in the sky to the ducks on the ponds. Some of the terrible things have vastly outweighed the beautiful things and your face, your honour, is exactly one of those atrocities.”
A sudden silence rippled through the courtroom as the crowd took in what I had just said to the highest judge in the land. I heard the jaws of those present shatter as they hit the floor with a clattering sound. The court was shocked and the little goblin himself was as appalled as he was appalling.
The goblin's face lit up in a luminous red with the ire of a hundred dwarves. I don't think he'd ever experienced such rage in his one thousand or so years.
“Perseus Sunsword, for that statement, I hereby sentence you to one hundred and nineteen years imprisonment. You will be transported to Hanging Gardens tomorrow morning and your days there will be spent with the rest of the criminals in our land – exactly where you belong.”
He slammed his gavel down, missing the wooden block enti
rely and losing the head of the gavel in the process. He grunted as he got off his chair which overlooked the courtroom. The little goblin's gigantic ears were the only things poking up above the desk and they evaporated steam as they toddled along the desk towards the exit on the other side of the room.
“All rise,” one orc yelled as the goblin left the room.
So that was that. My life as I knew it was over. I was about to enter the next century or so of my life surrounded by evil geniuses and sickening murderers. The punishment did seem a bit excessive to me but, for a wizard, there was no appealing.
I'd made a bit of a habit annoying the authorities in Ecklewood and even if there had been higher powers than the goblin judge who had sentenced me, they'd never have listened.
Wizards, such as myself, were rarely thought of as anything more than a bit of mould on some fine bread. The bread that isn't bad enough to throw in the bin but you can just scrape off the green bit and it's as fresh as the day it was baked to serve to your guests. Bad wizards like me were destined to be fed to the ducks.
Two orcs, both with serious under-biting jaws escorted me away from the courtroom and took me to a dark, damp, and dingy cell where I was to spend the night. I attempted a bit of bribery on the way but the court paid more than I could offer, unfortunately. They threw me into the cell and the door slammed with the satisfying sound a large iron door makes when slammed in the correct way.
I waited on the wrong side of the door as they turned the key and bolted the door before lowering the flap window in the door to have one last check on me. As the flap came down, I saw the beady eye of one of the orcs peering through at me. My finger lifted in a graceful manner and poked the orc right in the centre of his eye.
“Ow! There was no need for that,” the orc said in a husky voice.
“Yes, there was,” I replied.
“I'm only doing my job,” the orc sounded a little upset.
“I know but you could have accepted my bribe and let me go,” I said.
“Not possible, the other guy is my boss and he's married to the prosecution lawyer,” he said. That wasn't the news I needed. The prosecution lawyer was a witch – in both senses of the word. Agatha Pietta wasn't a typical witch; she had long legs, perfect grass-green eyes, long buttercup hair, and a figure you'd normally see on the top shelf magazine covers. How on earth a big, ugly orc had managed to pull that one off was beyond me.
I attempted to negotiate with the orc, called Simon, for some time but my negotiation attempts were to no avail. The big brute stood his ground and left me to stew in the cell for the night.
I spent the night tossing and turning wondering what it was like to be amongst the celebrities of the criminal underworld. I was to find out the next day and I was rather excited about the prospect.
+
HOW IT ALL BEGAN
It began with mixing in with the wrong crowd. Percy found himself caught in the midst of an uprising. The masses had gathered and Percy found his place. Climbing his way up their ranks to eventually lead them on their evil quest.
“Oh, come off it,” said Percy. “I really wasn't all that bad.”
+
I WAS A mere boy wizard, without the long grey beard and hair, when my grandfather told me the stories of the humans and their magical abilities. They stopped believing in magic as they grew older and read more 'grown-up' books which resulted in our worlds drifting apart before we were long forgotten. Of course, being wizards, we live much longer than humans – four hundred and eighty-two years, three months, and nineteen days to be precise. My grandfather remembered the early days of humans and reminisced the days when both humans and wizards travelled between the realms at their own free will.
My friends and I decided for the greater good of everyone in Mayr and the human realm, to take magic back to the humans. To make them realise just exactly who and what they are. This was strictly illegal, apparently.
The magical realm of Mayr is all around the human realm, separated by an eternal magical fabric, and the two realms have co-existed for thousands of years but the humans just don't see it.
The last migrants from Mayr to the human realm were gnomes. An ancient and once powerful race which had reigned over Mayr for a long time. Back in those days, Mayr was a peaceful land under Gnoman rule and nobody ever questioned them.
Unfortunately for the gnomes, the elves had devised a cunning plan to overthrow them and take control of the whole of the realm. The elves took control of the city of Ark-Gaiu from the gnomes while the gnomes were on an invasion of the human realm. Following the overthrowing of the gnomes, the elves kicked out the remaining gnomes, locked the fabric and trapped the gnomes in the human realm never to be seen again. This didn't work out well for the gnomes who lost all of their powers and, over time, became nothing but ceramic creatures. The Gnoman invasion was soon over and now they're just used as garden ornaments for humans to admire. The poor little fellows.
+
Ecklewood was a relatively peaceful town back when the elves first took control. We still had our own royal family and were able to do as we wished. We governed ourselves and were happy in doing so.
The oppression from the elves had with the wizards and witches of Ecklewood came when King Timothy II saw Agnessa, Queen of the Elves. He was out hunting for giant rats in the forests of Mayr. Agnessa bathed in the Lake of Eternal Youth at that time and King Timothy II was mesmerised.
The storybooks tell us:
'He watched on as she swam around as naked as the day she was born and basked in the glory of the summer sun. Her silver skin glittered with the water droplets bouncing off it as she showered in the waterfall. Waving her hair around in slow-motion as he watched in awe. Her radiant beauty echoed around the lake.'
She was obviously trying to impress him and she successfully managed to do so.
King Timothy II's perverted voyeurism led to an announcement which took everyone by surprise. Ecklewood was in shock but revelled in the fact that their king had finally found love. He had finally found a queen for himself. He announced to all of Ecklewood that he was to marry the elven queen of Ark-Gaiu and the two races would live forever in pure harmony. He didn't really think it through properly as he hadn't even asked the woman at that point or even said 'hello' for that matter. Agnessa knew nothing of our king and probably didn't know Ecklewood even existed.
He sent some brave men with all the shiny armour one would expect on a quest to take a message to Ark-Gaiu which lay on the other side of Mayr. The message was a message of love and peace. King Timothy II's offer to the elves was a good one, he offered them full control of Ecklewood in exchange for Agnessa's hand. He received the hand within a week. The problem he had was the hand was not attached to its owner. It was definitely Agnessa's hand, but it was safe to assume that she was dead. The orcs he sent, had misunderstood the message. The elves were a bit annoyed at King Timothy II's decision to kill their queen and The Great War quickly ensued.
Ecklewood at this point had a rather serious problem. The only protection we had was a band of orcs. Orcs were mercenaries who would work for anyone who offered enough of the right kind of meat. Ecklewood didn't have that kind of meat and the elves had it in abundance.
The history books also tell us of the Great War that followed:
'A great war between the great races of Mayr erupted. Many violent clashes and skirmishes throughout the land, many lives lost in a war that nobody thought would end.'
It is always called the Great War to keep the history books somewhat interesting but wizards are cowards and hate fighting so the war ended with a bit of an anticlimax. The Great War started on a Tuesday morning and was finished by Friday afternoon – just in time for tea.
It is true that the war did rage throughout Mayr but the skirmishes rarely surpassed anything other than a few cuts and bruises and an occasional black eye. Although I do recall a friend of my father's breaking a finger after pointing it too angrily at an elf.
Many wizards retreated Ecklewood and Mayr itself to the human realm in the hope of escaping certain death. Wizards didn't quite fit in with humans because they were different with their colourful clothes and pointy hats. It didn't help the cause when the wizards started to proclaim the use of magic and speaking about other realms. Those who had escaped were quickly locked up in suitable homes for crazy people.
+
The elves executed King Timothy II, whose head was no longer attached to his body and placed on the spike of a fence in the middle of Mayr, the kingdoms of Ark-Gaiu and Ecklewood were now at peace and Mayr was a single nation where all the races could live in harmony – also written in the history books.
Elves were the eldest race in Mayr and quickly assumed overall rule after the war. Goblins were extremely intelligent beings and were officially declared as legal representatives, accountants, and civil servants throughout the realm. Orcs and dwarfs became the police and military respectfully. Wizards had lost all hopes of rekindling any sort of friendly relationship with all the other races and were now destined to remain in Ecklewood forever under the watchful eyes of the other races. The elves only allowed certain wizards to leave Ecklewood when there was just cause to do so – never. The Wizards Code of Conduct dictated:
'No wizard, witch, or anything similar shall ever be granted entrance to the human realm without prior permission from higher authorities.'
As I grew older, I began to hate the system. The elves had taken over everything and destroyed everything I knew and loved as a child. The freedom we had within the glorious town of Ecklewood was now imprisonment in the dirty, old town of Ecklewood.
Wizards and witches spent the following years obeying the elves for the most part. There was the occasional report of a bad wizard causing trouble but it was rare due to the severe punishments promised. We continued working for and paying taxes to the elves and other races and eventually, we became accustomed to the new way of life. We were hated throughout Mayr and several petitions had been raised to cull our race. Mostly by the dwarves as they liked a good fight but the goblins were a peaceful bunch and didn't want any further fighting – or paperwork.
