by Michael Fry
I shook my head no.
“You’re the kid who brought the crazy. You
and Roy have . . . issues.”
I nodded.
“Why can’t you talk? Are you sick?”
“Laryngitis?”
I nodded really fast.
Becky frowned. “I guess Max doesn’t want to
be seen with me.”
No. That wasn’t true! Max, I mean me, I mean
WE do want to be seen with her.
Becky started to walk away. I couldn’t let
her go, but how could I explain? I had to do
something, so I jumped in front of her and put
my hands up. I looked at my hands and got an
idea.
I could act it out. Like charades. Memaw and
I play charades all the time.
I showed Becky the sort of real reason why
Max couldn’t be there.
Becky smiled. “If Max is as nice as you, he has
nothing to worry about.”
She thought Max could be nice. She thought
I was nice. And since there is no Max, that just
leaves ME—with all the nice.
I started to think now would be a great time
for Max to suddenly come down with a fatal
disease that causes horrible face lesions.
Before Becky said good-bye, we exchanged
phone numbers in case she needed me to get in
touch with Max.
As Becky walked away,
my phone buzzed. It was
a text from Molly with a
photo.
Molly: WHERE R YOU?! WE
NEED U NOW!!!
Chapter 23
I didn’t mean to forget about Molly and Karl.
It was an accident. I was distracted. I was just
juggling too many things at once.
When I got to the duct above Dr. Daniels’s
office I was going to explain all this to Molly, but
she wasn’t in the mood. She had her hands full.
“What happened?” I
said.
“You were LATE! We
went ahead without you.”
“You couldn’t wait five
minutes?”
“Karl has a dance
lesson.”
Karl looked up at us. “Jazz/Tap.”
“It’s only four feet to the floor,” I said. “Why
didn’t he just jump down?”
“He’s afraid of heights!”
“That is not a height! That is a step!”
“He insisted on lowering himself with a rope.
And then there was the spider.”
“Spiders are evil,” Karl pointed out.
I looked at Molly. “YOU’RE taller than the vent!”
“Karl wanted to do it.”
Karl looked
up. “You guys
never let me do
anything.”
It took a few
minutes to get
Karl untangled.
Just as he was
about to crawl into
the vent and let
me take over, we
heard a key slip
into the office door.
“Karl, HIDE!” I whispered.
Dr. Daniels came through the door just as Karl
dove behind a pile of therapy dolls in the corner.
Dr. Daniels looked around as though she’d
heard something. At one point she stopped and
stared at the doll pile. Molly and I held our
breath. Dr. Daniels
blinked a couple
times and shook
her head like she
thought she was
seeing things. Then
she picked up a file
from her desk and
left, locking the door
behind her.
Molly and I finally exhaled. I said, “Karl, get
back up here, and I’ll finish looking.”
“No!” said both Molly and Karl.
“We’ll finish it ourselves,” said Molly. “You
can go back and hang out with your girlfriend.”
“I was not with—”
“You’re lying!”
She was just like my mom. I thought, Is the
whole mind-squish deal some sort of girl thing?
“How did you know I’m lying?” I asked.
“YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING!”
“Guys, I found Roy’s
permanent record,” cried
out Karl.
Molly and I looked
down. Roy’s permanent
record was as thick as the
big dictionary in the school
library. The one you only use to look up words
you can’t say out loud.
Molly whispered, “Start taking pictures of
each page with your phone.”
“That’ll take forever,” I said. “Just find Dr.
Daniels’s session notes. They’re the yellow
pages.”
Molly interrupted, “No. The blue pages. The
yellow pages are Incident Reports.”
“No,” I said. “The blue pages are Counselor
Recommendation Forms.”
“Those are purple!”
“Green!”
“I’m in her office more than you!”
“Are you kidding? I LIVE here!”
Karl started reading from the file. “‘Roy told
me his greatest fear today. . . .’”
“That’s it!” I cried.
“Go! Go! Go!” added Molly.
Karl aimed his phone at the file and started
taking pictures. One page in, he stopped and
looked up.
The Stare Master instantly trained her laser
sights on me.
“Wait. How is the battery going dead my
fault?” I protested.
“If you’d been on time and not getting all
tater-brained with Becky, Karl’s phone would
still have worked.”
“Fine. I’m a jerk. Are you happy?” I said as I
dug my phone out of my pocket and started to
hand it to Karl. “He can use mine.”
Karl reached for my phone just as we heard
someone singing outside the office door. It was
Mr. Dupree. “‘Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclopedia.
Lydia, the Queen of Tattoo!’”
“Now, Karl! Get out NOW!” I whispered.
Molly and I reached down and grabbed Karl’s
arms and pulled him up.
We replaced the grate behind him just as Mr.
Dupree unlocked the door and stepped into the
office, pushing a mop bucket and whistling.
Then he suddenly stopped.
From inside
the duct, we
could hear
Mr. Dupree
walking
toward us.
I could see Mr. Dupree look around the room.
Then, just as he was going to look toward the
duct . . .
It was the sprinklers outside. Mr. Dupree
turned to the window, muttering, “Those aren’t
supposed to be on.” He shook his head and
walked toward the door, whistling as he went.
Nobody said anything as we started to crawl
out. After a few seconds, I thought I’d break the
tension.
Chapter 24
Seriously, it wasn’t that bad. We all got out
safely. We got pictures of Roy’s permanent
record. Sure, Karl lost his pants, but that
pretty much happens every day. Mission
accomplished.
Molly didn’t agree. Actually, she didn’t say
anything. When we got
outside, she just scowled
and walked
off. After a
few steps,
she stopped
and looked
back at Karl
and said,
“Are you
coming?”
Karl was confused.
Karl’s no match for The Stare Master. He did
as he was told.
I shrugged. She’ll get over it, I thought. I don’t
have anything to apologize for. I’m glad I was
late. If I hadn’t been late, I wouldn’t have found
out Becky liked me, I mean Max. I mean—
“They don’t look too happy,” said Mr. Dupree
from behind me.
I turned around. Mr. Dupree was pointing
at Molly and Karl as he walked toward me,
dragging a long hose with a spray nozzle
attached. “Everything all right?” he asked.
“They’re just tired of practicing,” I lied. “They
want to get started with Safety Patrol.”
Mr. Dupree smiled. “‘Sweet are the uses of
adversity.’”
I stared at him. Once again, I had no idea
what he was talking about.
“Did you know I was once a thumb-wrestling
champion?” he asked.
I thought, How would I know that? How
would anyone know that?
“I was fast, flexible, and strong. I once
thumb pressed one hundred seventeen pounds.
You know how I got to be a thumb-wrestling
champion?”
I rolled my eyes.
“By not thumb wrestling. My coach, the
legendary Mo Gatsby, wouldn’t let me. He made
me do thumb circles, thumb-ups, and thumb
squats until my thumb was about to fall off. But
no wrestling.”
“He made me spar with his three-legged cat
Otis over a piece of yarn. Otis was fast, but he
wasn’t faster than me.”
“Finally, after months, Coach Gatsby himself
wrestled me. At first, he’d pin me in seconds,
but over time I got better, until one day when
he had me in a Full-Nelson Nail-Biter, I
reversed him with a Kobyashi Knuckle Drag
and pinned him.”
“So, he let you start competing?”
Mr. Dupree nodded. “I had to get out from
under his thumb before I could put anyone under
mine.”
I groaned.
“It’s true.”
“Or another lie that tells the truth.”
“Ah, so you understand now.”
“I haven’t understood a single thing you’ve
said.”
He smiled as he continued across the grass.
“Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out.”
As I watched Mr. Dupree fiddle with the spray
nozzle, I wondered if he was acting too weird.
Like he wants us to think he’s weird, but he’s
really not. Like he’s really trying to help us, after
all. Maybe he knows what we’re up to and he’s
just pretending to hold us back. Maybe he knew
we were in Dr. Daniels’s office the whole time
and somehow caused those sprinklers to go on
to cover our escape.
Maybe he really did do all that Emily stuff.
What if he’s Emily? What if he’s always been
Emily?
That’s when the water suddenly came on and
blasted him in the face.
And then I thought, Maybe not.
Chapter 25
I got home to find Memaw practicing her
hypnotism on Janice again.
She still wasn’t having any luck. I was on my
way to my room when Memaw said, “Hang on. I
got another text from that rude person.”
She showed me her phone:
Roy: I’m going to find u. When I do I’m gonna rip ur
spleen out.
“Wait, I blocked his number,” I said.
“I unblocked it.”
“Why would you do
that?”
“He could be
annoying other old
ladies. He needs to be
stopped.”
I tried to convince
Memaw it was a wrong
number. Besides, I
seriously doubted that
Roy knew what or where a spleen is.
But it was too late. Memaw had already
texted Roy back.
Max: You are a bad person. You should be ashamed
for threatening people’s vital organs. It is MY
spleen, not yours. How would you like it if I
threatened to deprive you of your spleen?
I thought so. Good day, sir!
“He’ll think twice before he messes with me
again,” said Memaw.
If he can actually count to two, I thought.
Chapter 26
Later that night, Memaw fell asleep watching
Cats with Hats on the Pet Channel.
I snatched her phone again and ran upstairs.
And right into Mom.
“What’s the rush?”
“Gotta study. Big test tomorrow.”
“In what?”
“Um . . . Social Studies.”
“What’s it on?”
Jeez, I thought, she’s
such a Mompire, always
sucking me dry for useless
information.
I said, “It’s over stuff you
have to go through to be
part of a tribe.”
“Oh. Initiation rites.
Kind of like some of the
stuff you’ve been going through at school.”
What stuff? I thought. She can’t know what’s
been going on, can she? I mean, she’s a mom, and
moms have superpowers, but still.
“The stuff you’ve been talking to Dr. Daniels
about since school started?”
“Oh, right,” I said. Whew. She didn’t know
anything.
“I’m just saying it can be pretty scary,” Mom
said.
“Yeah,” I agreed. And for once, I wasn’t lying.
“Well, don’t let me keep you. If you need any
help, let me know.”
I pushed past her into my room and shut the
door.
I immediately texted Becky.
Max: Sorry I couldn’t make it 2day.
Becky: That’s cool. Ur friend explained.
Max: Yeah. Cool.
Becky: U know, u don’t have 2 b shy.
Max: Just afraid u
won’t like me.
Becky: Why? Do u
have two heads?
Max: Ha. Just 1.
Becky: Whenever u r
ready, I’d like 2
c it.
Max: OK. Soon.
Becky: Don’t wait 2 long.
I can’t
b friends with
somebody who
doesn’t want 2 b round me. L8R Gator.
I looked up from the phone. I thought, What
am I going to do now?
My own phone buzzed. It was Karl, sending
me a photo of his disguise for Safety Patrol
training tomorrow.
Karl’s weird. But it’s a genius kind of weird.
Chapter 27
Again, it was a great plan. It was an amazing
plan. It was an awesome plan. No. It was an
AWESOMAZING plan.
I was going to give Becky what she wanted.
After school, she was going to finally meet Max.
Sort of.
/> First I had to smooth things over with Molly
and Karl. When I got to school, I found them
sitting together next to Molly’s locker. They
didn’t look happy.
“This is all your fault.” Molly glared.
“What did I do now?” I asked.
“We never found out what scares Roy.”
“What happened?” I said.
“We didn’t get a picture of the right page,”
said Karl.
“Remember?” said Molly. “Karl got tangled.
Because you were late. It took so long to untangle
him his phone went dead. Because you were late.
Mr. Dupree came in before Karl could use your
phone. B ecause you were late. Because you were
too busy with your girlfriend. Because you don’t
think about anybody but YOURSELF!”
That’s not true. I think about lots of other
people. Take Max for example. Sure, he’s not
real but when I’m thinking about him, I’m not
thinking about me.
“We did get
a clue, though,”
said Karl as
he showed me
a picture of
a page from
Roy’s file on his
phone.
“The tree house!” I said. “Whatever he’s
afraid of losing, it’s in there. We’ll check it out
together.”
“No,” growled Molly.
“You’re not checking out any-
thing. Not after yesterday.
We voted. It’s two to one.
We’re going this afternoon.
Karl and me. Alone!”
“Fine!” I said as I fake-stomped away, secretly
thankful I wasn’t going. Because nothing was
going to get in the way of my meeting with
Becky.
