My breathing hitched and my heart started to race inside my chest.
The man has sex for money …
“You know this for a fact?”
Sasha stopped in front of me, her face set in unhappy lines. “Yeah, honey. I do. I’m sorry. Look, I—”
Turning away, I wrapped my arms around myself. “Sasha, you don’t need to apologize. I’m fine. Like you said, the man is beautiful. I’d have to be dead not to appreciate it.”
He might not give you the time, but he’d let you pay for it.
It was insane, but the very idea of that was entirely too appealing.
“Let’s go back in,” I said, glancing at her over my shoulder. “And stop looking so worried. I’m fine.”
* * *
The idea circled in my head the entire time I sat there.
Just how did a woman approach a male prostitute?
Did he have a way to contact him?
Business cards?
A website?
A Facebook page?
Of course, it sounded like he worked here mostly to make connections. Could I … I grimaced, just thinking about it. I could barely make myself finish the thought, and my face flamed hot, just acknowledging that I was thinking about it.
Seriously thinking about it.
The bar only got busier, and when it became obvious that Sasha wasn’t going to stop watching me, I vacated my seat, moving deeper into Tilt until I lost myself in the crowd. I didn’t like crowds, but I’d learned how to deal with them. It took some finesse, and even though people kept bumping into me, I handled that, too. It got to the point where I had to weave my way through the crowd, so when I saw a doorway, I ducked through it.
The game room.
It was quieter than I would have expected, but considering the amount of noise the band generated, maybe most of the crowd was here for music.
Digging some quarters out of the small purse that rested against my hip, I checked out the machines. Maybe the night wouldn’t totally suck. Somebody relinquished the Addams Family right as I walked by, and I settled in with a smile. Lights whirled and flashed, and every time I heard “Straight to the Vault!” I couldn’t help but grin.
I almost, almost got lost in the moment.
But I never completely let that happen, and when a shadow crossed the corner of my vision, I shifted my gaze up.
I tensed, but not from fear.
Sean.
He wasn’t alone. Tucking my head, I watched him and the woman I’d seen talking to him earlier. They settled in a dark corner, her leaning against the wall, him crowded up against her.
My belly clenched as he lowered his head.
He didn’t kiss her.
That would be too easy, too simple.
No, he pressed his head to the V of skin bared by the plunging neckline of her shirt. My hands tightened on the machine—it vibrated under my hands and I tore my attention away from them, staring instead at the game.
But my eyes kept darting away.
His hand slid under her skirt.
I won a bonus game.
She threw her head back, her lips parting—I imagined the sounds she might be making. I’d be moaning. Because she was rocking, all but riding his hand.
The ball shot down and I gritted my teeth, tried to focus. There was a shout of laughter nearby and I was vaguely aware that there were other people in there, but for the first time in … hell, maybe forever, I couldn’t focus. Even as I plunged ahead with the ball, my attention was locked on the woman in the corner and how she grabbed on to Sean, her body visibly shuddering, shaking.
Son of a bitch.
He’d just given her a climax while I was ten feet away, playing a damn pinball machine. My throat was dry as the Sahara now, while sweat trickled down my back. Embarrassment tried to take me over, but I fought it back, even as the woman glanced around, her gaze landing on me, then lingering.
I could feel her looking at me.
And she wasn’t embarrassed. Crazy bullshit—staring at me like that, like she wanted to see if I’d be watching. She’d wanted to be seen. Or at least wanted the risk of it.
I was dismayed to discover that I was aroused, too. Heat gathered low in my belly and need licked between my thighs. I clenched my knees together as a pang echoed through my lower belly.
I didn’t look over at them, but from behind the veil of my hair, I could see how she sidled in closer, while Sean eased back. He was subtle with it, but I made a study of watching people, and I could see the detachment in his motions now.
I could see that it was entirely possible Sasha was right.
It did nothing to cool the heat inside me.
I took a deep steadying breath and fed more quarters into the machine.
And as they walked past me, I didn’t show any reaction at all.
Chapter 2
I read through the contract one more time.
Contracts were a cakewalk for me—both drawing them up and reading through them. I wasn’t a lawyer, but I’d gone through two years of law school. I’d considered premed, but I’d figured out soon enough that it would be too much contact with people and that just wasn’t going to happen.
I’d debated on pursuing something in the field of psychology, perhaps becoming a counselor, but I’d decided that my head was too messed up. If I couldn’t straighten myself out, how could I help anybody else?
In the end, I’d decided I’d do what Nora Cruise had done for me. She’d given me a safe haven, so I’d do the same for others.
The study in law had helped, as had my vague interest in medicine and psychology.
Unconsciously, I’d been taking care of the lost, and everything I’d done in school had prepared me to take it a step further.
Sometimes people took advantage of the lost, and having a familiarity with the law made it easier for me to protect people, to stop them from being used. Knowing something about the body and how the brain worked—and when it was trying to mess with you—would make it easier, I hoped, to take care of the people who’d eventually come to Nora’s Door.
That was the name of my foundation: Nora’s Door.
Nora’s Door would provide a safe haven for abused kids, abused women, sexual assault victims, runaways—the people society too often forgot. The people society sometimes wanted to forget. It was easier to forget them. Facing them meant facing the ugliness they’d faced. That wasn’t something people enjoyed.
But those of us who had been forgotten needed those safe havens. When Nora had guided me through the door of her house for the first time, I’d been ten years old. That was the first time I’d ever encountered any sort of stability, any real kindness.
Nora had saved my life. In fact, she’d saved it a dozen times over in the years that had followed, and the money that I was now using to fund this place had come from her. She’d named me her heir in her rather large estate, but not only that, when my life had exploded around me at the tender of nine, she’d fought to make sure that the wolves didn’t eat me alive.
She’s a child. A victim. Would you leave her a pauper? I can still hear her furious, indignant voice.
As I finished reading through the contract once more, I wondered what she’d think of what I was about to do.
It was … foolish.
It could cost me a great deal, and not just monetarily.
If people discovered what I was doing …
Heat rushed to my face, and I went to the window, staring outside. Nora’s Door was to be run under a charitable arm. I was on the board. This could go so very badly …
Tears stung my eyes and I dashed them away when they leaked free. I was tired of lying in a cold, empty bed, but I had little choice.
I couldn’t handle the idea of a relationship.
Trust was a skill I’d never developed and likely never would.
And even if I were to find a man I could trust, what would he say if he knew…?
She’s a child!
I s
wallowed and turned from the window.
Once. Just once, I wanted to have a man touch me, to show that I could be desired and wanted.
I moved to my desk and stared at the design for the home. It wouldn’t open for nearly a year. Once it did, the attention on it would sharpen and focus. The attention on me would sharpen and focus. If ever people were likely to discover me, it was then.
So if ever I was going to have a time to myself, it was now.
I looked at the contract, next to the plans for the home.
And then I called my assistant.
“Block my evening out, would you, Stacia?”
* * *
I came into Tilt Stop dressed far more casually than normal, wearing a silk top, jeans, and my standard gloves. Sasha saw me, and her eyes widened. Her breath slid out of her in a sigh I could see even from the door.
I saw something else, too.
Sean. He was farther off, all but lost in the crowd, but I’d swear, I had sonar or laser or whatever it was that let you locate something instantly. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath, bracing myself.
In the time it took me to locate him, Sasha had closed the distance between us.
“Ella.”
I whipped my head around, caught off guard by the fact that she’d approached without me noticing. I think the world could end and I wouldn’t notice, not if Sean was there.
“Hey, Sash.” I managed a weak smile.
She followed the direction I’d been staring in and her features darkened. “Ella, what are you doing?”
I had a bad feeling that she knew, though.
I went to tell her to stop worrying, to say something, anything to placate her.
Instead, I heard myself saying, “I’m lonely, Sash.”
She blinked, her mouth falling open in surprise.
“I can’t stand to be around most people, and I don’t trust them. I can’t be in a relationship with somebody I don’t trust, but … I’m lonely. I just want to feel somebody in bed with me. I want to have what other people have. Once.” Okay, more than once, but I don’t have to tell her that, right? Swallowing, I looked away from her. “You can’t understand what it’s like, living with this ache inside. It’s … it’s easy for you. I know you said you could introduce me to people, but…”
I just stopped and shook my head.
“I’ve thought this through. I’m not looking for a forever. I just want to have one night where it’s not just me,” I said quietly.
Sasha reached out and cupped my face in her hands. Because it was her, I was able to let her. The contact even felt good, did something to ease the cold, hard knot of misery that dwelled forever inside me. Her features softened. “Sweetheart.”
I managed to smile. “Don’t worry about me so much. Okay?”
* * *
If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was waiting for me.
I’d waited around Tilt Stop for nearly three hours hoping to catch him. Halfway through the evening, I’d switch to water because my head was getting fuzzy.
I could just imagine how it would have gone over if I’d approached him drunk.
That would have been lovely.
But the chance to approach him never came and with exhaustion settling in, I slid out of the bar and into the night.
And there he was, leaning against a streetlight.
When he saw me, he pushed off the light.
My heart threatened to jump right out of my chest.
He took a step toward me, and I froze.
He cocked a brow.
I forced myself to take a breath.
A slow smile curled that sinfully beautiful mouth, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him.
To taste that mouth and have him taste mine in return.
“You ready to talk to me?”
My heart jumped up to pulse madly in my throat. But I was able to lift a brow and say, “Excuse me?”
Sean shrugged. “You’ve been coming in and out of the place for a couple of weeks now. Seems to me you got a reason, lass.” He moved in closer, and when he did, he brought the heady smell that was purely him.
Pipe smoke, I remembered, dazed. Pipe smoke and hot male and soap.
Pipe smoke might not appeal to some, but I’d always found it … delicious.
He dipped his head, and although I tensed, he came close enough that I could feel the ghost of his breath caressing my cheek. “What might be that reason?”
I cleared my throat.
Now or never …
Looking around the dark street, lit only by streetlights overhead and the signs from the nearby restaurants, I pointed to a place at random. Going back into Tilt Stop wasn’t an option. Sasha might theoretically understand, but that didn’t mean she was okay with what I was doing. “Let’s go have a drink and we’ll talk.”
Sean blinked and then shrugged. “If you want to have a drink, that’s fine. But…”
“I’ll pay for the drink. And your time. I want to discuss something with you.”
“I just bet you do, lass. I just bet you do.”
I started to walk and he fell in next to me. When he placed his hand at the small of my back, I even managed not to jump.
Much.
Chapter 3
“You’re bloody insane.”
I blinked. Then, reaching for my water, I took a sip to wet my parched throat. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I’d shocked him. But how was that possible? He made his living selling his body. “Excuse me?”
“You wrote up a contract for me to shag you. You’re a fucking nutter.”
Hot red washed up my neck to stain my cheeks. Shame spread through me, but I battled it—and the tears—down. “I believe in keeping things tidy, Mr. Lachlan. I apologize if that offends you. Clearly you’re used to handling your business dealings in a more informal manner.”
I took the contract with one hand. With the other, I put two bills on the table. I nudged one toward him. “For your time. Enjoy your evening.”
I left, still stinging with embarrassment and misery.
He was behind me—no doubt clutching the money he’d so easily earned.
When I hit the sidewalk, I moved toward the curb.
A hand caught my elbow.
He went to wheel me around and I reacted, moving with the emotions churning inside me. When I drove my fist into his gut, I think it’s fair to say I surprised him again.
But I didn’t manage to land another blow.
“That’s bloody well enough of that,” he said, grabbing my arms and locking them at my sides. At the same time, he lifted me, spinning us around and away, off the street. Into the alley. In the dark.
Panic started to kick in, but I was free a moment later.
He eyed me narrowly.
I went to march out of the alley, and he blocked me.
“Please move,” I said, drawing on the years I’d lived in Nora’s house. Nobody could bring on the ice like my guardian. I’d seen her cut people off at the knees simply with the chill she could inject into her voice.
It had little effect on Sean Lachlan, though.
“But we haven’t concluded our business meeting yet,” he said. Then he smiled, the same one I’d seen him use on others—that sexy I’ll do whatever pleases you smile that could coax a nun from her habit.
I sneered. “Our business is concluded. I’m ‘a fucking nutter,’ remember? I’m not exactly sure if that’s Scottish or English, but I do know you just called me crazy.” It stung, because there were times I thought maybe I was. At the very least, I knew I wasn’t normal. And there was nothing I could do about it—the damage was already done. I kept my voice level and my face blank, though, as I said, “Surely you don’t want to do … business with a nutter.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “That wasn’t well done of me, Ella. I’m sorry for it. Truly.”
He took another step toward me.
I backed away.
“No
w, see … this is going to be a complicated mess if you move away every time I try to get close,” he said, a charming, roguish smile replacing the seductive one he’d had just a moment earlier.
“No.” I looked away from him as I folded the contract I still held back into thirds, the way it had been when I’d first pulled it from my purse. “It can’t be a mess, because it’s no longer an issue.” Shrugging, I pushed the contract back into my purse and adjusted the strap. “You made it clear that you’re not … interested.”
“Did I?” His brows, thick, dark slashes so at odds with his pale hair, dropped down over his eyes. His eyes were gray, I realized. Up close, I could see them, and they were a pale, misty gray. The color made me think of early morning fog … and all the secrets it hid.
His eyes held secrets, too.
My heart started to hammer.
He was closer—I gasped as I realized just how much closer. He’d closed the distance between us and was now just a breath away. Sean reached up and traced a finger down my cheek.
“You don’t like to be touched.”
I couldn’t answer. It was the truth. I didn’t like to be touched, but at the same time, I wanted to move in and press against him. My breasts ached in a fashion that was foreign to me, even as I recognized it—I knew all about sexual arousal. It fascinated and repelled me at the same time.
I wanted him to touch me. Logically, I knew that. At the same time, the idea terrified me.
Sean seemed to be waiting for an answer.
Quietly, I said, “Not generally, no.”
He lowered his head. I held still, uncertain what he was going to do, then scowled when all he did was nudge his face into my hair and breathe in. He stayed there until, slowly, I relaxed. A moment later, he slid his hand into my hair and turned my head until he could speak directly into my ear. “How am I to do anything if you don’t like being touched?”
I drew in a shaky breath.
You don’t need to worry because the deal is off …
That’s what I should say.
Thirty Nights with a Dirty Boy: Part 1: A Heroes and Heartbreakers Serial Page 2
