Gaping at the place where he once stood, and shaken by the entire interaction, I couldn’t move for a while. For a split second, I wondered if the stakes were too high to play his game. It wasn’t the dimpled, gentle smile he quickly showed me once he was dressed that negated the intense moment I shared with him; it was sheer fucking will.
I had a purpose and a reason. I wouldn’t stop until my purpose was fulfilled, no matter what the consequences were.
I WATCHED THE scenery fly by as Elias navigated the back roads leading to a rural town next to Ipomoea and toward his brother’s house.
“What’s it like to go so fast?” I would never let on how he scared the bejesus out of me earlier. I was the queen of bluffing and today would be no different.
“It’s not something that can be explained; it would be a disservice. You would have to feel it.”
I looked out the window at the landscape of woodlands and unkempt fields, entertaining me during our drive. “Oh.”
“Hanley.” He began to downshift, slowing the speed of the car. “Would you like to…feel it?”
“How?”
He pulled over on the side of the two lane road beside a densely packed forested area and stepped outside of the car, leaving me bewildered. He wanted me to get in the driver’s seat? My heart migrated to my throat again and my nerves became completely frazzled.
I slid across the bucket seats and sat behind the massive wheel.
“Do you know how to drive standard?” Sliding into my once occupied seat, he slammed the door behind him.
Gripping the steering wheel tight enough to cause pain in my hands, I nodded.
“Well.” He gestured toward the gear shift and the steering wheel. “What are you waiting for? You wanted to see what it feels like, take her as far up as you can.”
My eyes widened. “You trust me to drive your car that fast?”
He shrugged, further confirming the notion he was completely at ease with me driving his prided piece of machinery. His blind trust thrust me into a confusion I was sick of feeling. “Do I have a reason not to?”
“Okay.” Squeezing the steering wheel even harder, I stared out at the deserted two-lane road, knowing I couldn’t do what he’d asked. Reaching across, he removed my right hand from the wheel and placed it on the gear shift.
I slowly pressed down on the clutch to shift gears before stepping on the gas. I started at first…second…third…fourth and kept up my speed, hitting a little over a hundred. The force pushed us back in our seats. I could feel the pressure in my chest, the power of the four-twenty motor in my hands, vibrating and roaring loudly in my ears.
Panic began to recede to make room for exhilaration, but it didn’t endure for very long.
Horrid images sliced into my mind, making it hard to see. I shifted slowly to the lower gears, my brain on autopilot, shifting without much kickback and pulled over to the side of the road, holding my foot on both the clutch and the break as the car sat idle.
He laughed at me. “You didn’t nearly get close.” He reached over, brushing his finger across my cheekbone. “You were a mile away in those last few seconds. Those seconds told me you know very well what you’re doing, but you’re too scared to let it happen.”
“I couldn’t,” I said, out-of-breath. I smiled at him to hide how much I was breaking down inside. “That’s the fastest I’ve ever gone. It was definitely enough.”
With his hand behind my neck, he pulled me toward him. Meeting me in the middle, his lips met mine, kissing me harshly, possessively. All that I held onto, that served to break me down completely, dissolved away. If his kisses were a prelude to his approach to sex, my body and mind were headed for an even bigger battle. It wasn’t just a kiss; it was a stupefacient drug that eradicated my fear.
“When it isn’t enough,” he stated softly against my lips, “I’ll be more than happy to give you a second chance to find out what it really feels like to let yourself go.”
I lifted my gaze to search his brightened emerald eyes. “Are we still talking about the car?”
He curved a brow, a skewed smile pressing across his lips. “I was…were you talking about something else, Ley?”
I pressed my lips together to keep silent and turned the power of the beautiful machine back over to him.
ELIAS’S BROTHER, KEITH, lived on a nice ranch at the edge of the rural town, perched on top of the mountainous terrain. His brother and his wife met us at the driveway. Keith greeted me with a warmth his wife lacked. While Keith shared very few features in common with his brother, he was just as attractive. He was dressed down in a T-shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap pulled over his brassy and slightly wavy chin length hair. His eyes were hazel with a touch more green to make them chromatic and give off a different hue depending upon how the light hit his face.
Keith led us to his detached four-car garage and removed the tarp to show off one of his four cars.
I gulped audibly when I saw what was uncovered. It was beautiful. A Z/28 Camaro with a red mirror-shine paint job, black decals, and a high wing spoiler. “Thank you, Keith, but I can’t afford it.”
Keith looked at his brother, and they both smiled at each other. “How much can you afford?” Elias questioned me.
“Nine hundred,” I stated flippantly to Elias.
Keith nodded to Elias and they moved outside the garage to have a hushed talk amongst themselves.
“So how long have you two been dating?” Chandra, Keith’s wife, asked me. Her breast to waist portion was almost inhuman, making me wonder if she had work done. Her blond hair was gathered up in a ponytail and her fine features reminded me of a runway model. She looked so familiar, I was sure she might’ve been one once.
“Not very long,” I told her. “Almost a month, maybe.” I wasn’t sure how to answer her question. It seemed, according to Elias, we’d been dating since the moment he met me.
Her pink-glossed lips formed an unfriendly smile. “I’ll bet. Can I get you some iced tea or something?” She gazed down my body, and I wasn’t sure if I saw repugnance or disinterest in her eyes.
Declining her offer, I shook my head.
“It was nice meeting you.” I knew she didn’t mean a word of it and was only being cordial to get along. “Good luck with everything.” She spun on the soles of her wedge sneakers and walked out of the garage, disappearing around the bend.
“Nine hundred is fine,” Keith announced, approaching me from the entrance of the garage.
Thinking that my body’s horrible habit of revealing what I wanted to hide would rear its ugly head, I clutched my neck to cover it. Digesting what Keith had told me, it made very little sense why he would give me a car I couldn’t afford at a huge loss. “The car is worth more than that. Fifty-thousand at least.”
“Seventy-five thousand,” Keith said with a cough. When Elias cut his eyes at his brother, Keith straightened his posture and shrugged. “The price doesn’t matter. Give me nine-hundred and it’ll be fine.”
“Thank you so much for your time, Keith.” I moved to shake his hand, but Elias stepped in the way, looking far from pleased with me.
“My brother is cutting you deal and you’re walking away?” A slow-burning fire grew in his eyes. His mood teetered toward the one I caught only a glimpse of at the Design Center.
“It doesn’t seem right. I’d feel like I was stealing it. It’s a brand new Camaro that really doesn’t belong anywhere other than the track, and it looks like it’s been custom-modded.”
I had both Keith and Elias’s attention now.
I shrugged coyly. “I know…a little about cars.”
“Nine hundred firm and you get the title,” Keith assured me. “I need to get rid of this thing to make room for the twin SUV’s my wife wants. One white. One black. She’s eight-weeks pregnant and we’re going to need it. The car was a gift to me from a client of Elias’s. If you feel like you are cheating me, don’t.”
“Must’ve been some client,” I muttered.
Elias nodded to his brother, giving him directions without a word.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Keith excused himself and disappeared from the garage.
Elias stalked toward me, leaving very little breathing room between the two of us. “I need an explanation,” Elias demanded, perceptibly annoyed. “I thought you needed a car, but you’re acting like you have better options. What the hell is your issue?”
“I do need a car,” I admitted. “This just doesn’t feel right.”
“He told you it was a gift,” he snapped, his voice at a level just below scolding me. “He could’ve named any price and he would still be making a profit from the sale. This”—he pointed between him and me—“is about something else. I know what you think this is. I’m insulted. Do you think I’d use this car to get something from you? Hanley? There is nothing on top of the price tag. You pay him his asking price, you get a car. Simple.”
I felt completely taken aback by his increasingly edgy mood that teetered on the edge of sexy and scary. “Why are you so upset over my decision?”
Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose. Squinting for a few seconds, he created wrinkles in his temples. “If I’m upset, it’s because you’re holding onto the idea that I want to take advantage of you.”
I stepped backward, my posture slumping. “With what you said to me earlier at your house… You know the saying: If it’s too good to be true it probably is.”
He grabbed my hips, forcing me to walk forward. Slanting his chin down, his eyes glimmered as he regarded me with a look so oppressive it was hard to return his attention. “Are you?”
“I’m not a good girl.” My chin slipped downward, gazing at something easier to look at: the buttons on his shirt.
He propped his fist underneath my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes again. “You’re not telling me anything I wasn’t previously aware of, Ley.” When I glared at him, he glared back. “Take the car. Don’t take it. I wouldn’t use a car as a lure.”
A little sore over his mood, I apologized. “Please calm down.” It’s not that he ever raised his voice, it was something much worse. His venom spewed through a low, daunting octave and a soft volume brimming with irritation.
“Are you taking the deal or not?” he questioned.
I nodded. “I’m sorry I upset you. I wish I could stop feeling like the bottom is going to fall out…but I do. I have a reason.” My attention wandered off, and I patiently waited for him to take the bait.
He stepped forward, looping his fingers into mine. “Look at me, Hanley. You know it bothers me when you don’t.” I slowly obeyed, meeting his fervent stare. “I’m into you. I’m very into you. I thought it was clear.”
“How would I know anything?” I questioned, keeping my tone demure. “You don’t really tell me. You more or less threaten me and boss me around. So yes, I’m torn between thinking you hate me at times…and I don’t know what.”
“I know I can be a little severe at times. It’s…” He exhaled a long smooth breath and seemed to calm a little. “I’m on two hundred percent with you and it’s hard to get a handle on the way I naturally react to you. I feel protective of you, and I want you all to myself. But your trust is something I want to earn, albeit very impatiently.” Holding my head, he forced it to slant and kissed my forehead, making me smile. “Did I make it all better for you?”
Grinning, I nodded.
“Well?” Keith asked, announcing his return to the garage.
Elias brought my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. With his eyes never leaving sight of me, he told his brother, “She’ll take it.”
EIGHT
THE NURSE WAS IN the living room, entertaining herself with a magazine when I arrived home after a long night of helping to conduct inventory at La Dentelle.
“Before you yell at me about not doing my job”—she began, without looking up from her magazine—“by sitting around that room and being bored out of my mind, your father kicked me out. He’s having another one of his days.”
Her words knocked me further down from my emotional perch. I walked into the side hallway next to the foyer, entering the den. My father was seated on the tufted leather couch while fiddling with his box of cigars. The dim lamp on the end table cast a shadow over his face, obscuring his expression.
“Dad? Is everything okay?”
He sniffled strong and hard, keeping his eyes locked on the area rug beneath his feet. “I thought for just a minute, she could breathe on her own. I thought we had her back, Hanley. I asked the nurse to unhook her and the way she looked at me? She thought I was insane. I did it myself…and we almost lost her permanently.” He put his head in his hands, quietly sobbing into his palms.
Feeling like my heart shattered with each sob, I attempted to soothe him. “We have to hold it together. We promised each other we would. Don’t do this to me again, Dad. Don’t make me come home and see you…” I choked on the words, not wanting to continue.
Dropping his hands from his face, he tempered his sobs. “Sometimes I think you got the short end of the stick. Too often I think I should let go and let you live your life. But my intuition tells me I’m not wrong about my doubts.” He switched gears, his demeanor transforming from melancholic to the overprotective father he’d recently become. “I don’t like the way you’re reacting to him. I know I don’t see you two together, but the way you’ve changed since you’ve met him. He makes you feel. You’re not supposed to feel. You can’t do what needs to be done and have feelings for him. If we are going to do this, we have to do it all the way. Or, what else do we have? We have nothing and the bills for her care are piling high.” He stood and walked over to the wall mounted bookcases, fingering his small collection of books. “What have I always told you? What was it your mother used to say to you? Emotions lead to broken dreams, broken hearts, and bad decisions.”
“I’m not giving him anything I can’t afford to lose. It’s just…he’s not what I expected.” I kneeled on the floor and sat back on my heels, folding my hands across my lap. “I’ll adjust.”
“What do you mean? Aren’t you prepared to handle someone like him?”
“He’s not like Roth. He’s not like any man I’ve ever met, actually. It makes him a lot more complicated. He’s…volatile and definitely more complex. I feel like I’ve barely dug up the core of who he is. What I’m concerned about is what I’ll find when I finally get there.”
“He’s like his father,” he surmised, his voice quavering in anger.
I conceded with a nod. “Yes, I think so.”
He waved his arms in a controlled fashion. “That’s settled. This thing is done. I don’t know what we’ll do, but we can’t continue.”
I stood to my feet, wringing my hands and wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth and told him the truth. “We have to.”
“If that’s the case, he needs to meet me, Hanley. Soon.” He audibly swallowed, and his eyes began to wildly search the room. Standing, he set the box down on the couch and retrieved a single cigar. Shaking his head and mumbling to himself, he walked over to the desk. Sitting on the corner of the desk, he rolled a fat brown cigar between his fingers. “Or he might not get a chance to. I don’t want to sacrifice you to another monster, Hanley. I know what I said earlier, but—if it’s too dangerous, we need to back off.”
“Give me time,” I pleaded. “I think things will fall into place once I figure out who he wants me to be. I keep bouncing around trying out different angles with him and I feel like I’m failing.” I stared at the wall, thinking about how I hadn’t heard from him in the few days since he persuaded me to buy his brother’s car.
I'd check my phone every five minutes, looking for his call or a text. I couldn’t call or text him and be rendered as readily available. Restraining myself from him and whatever he was doing to me quickly verged on an unmanageable task. The lapses in time between when we saw each other again had to have been deliberate on his end. It was a dance i
n which he pulled me to him, only to cut all ties for a while, tempting me to go insane with the space he’d placed between us at sporadic intervals. I wouldn't allow it to work.
“If you really think you should continue because it will work, just be yourself, Hanley. Be yourself and it will all fall into place. I don’t have to tell you I’m uneasy about all of it.” Sighing, he turned to the window behind the couch. “The car in the driveway? Did he give it to you? Or did you buy it? Nothing comes for free and you aren’t that kind of woman. I don’t want him to have anything over you.”
“I bought it,” I admitted, knowing full well I hadn’t really purchased the car. Recalling what Elias had said, I couldn’t abate the feeling my payment was pending. “It was a gift from a client that his brother wanted to get rid of. I got it for a steal.”
“Brother? What brother?” He threw up his hands. “Unbelievable! What have I always told you, Hanley? Don’t be like your mother.”
“I remember, Dad. I have to play this his way. He’s different.” I inched my way toward the door, hoping to avoid discussing Keith. “He has a very intense personality.”
“Would he ever hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No. Not physically.” Hearing the words and the way they were said with uncertainty, I felt a tinge of the truth. If pushed, he would hurt me. While he wouldn’t be a man who would beat me unconscious, or use his fists in any way, I knew he would hurt me some other way. He was beginning to fit the profile of an abuser.
My father’s posture slouched, appearing as though he’d given up the fight over his doubts. “Keep taking some time away from him. It’s a threat to everything to have feelings for that man. No emotions, Hanley. You can’t. Especially from what you've told me. Even if he wasn’t useful, he’s not the ‘someone’ you should be with.”
“With the day you’ve had, are you going to be okay?”
“Tired. Can’t wait for this whole thing to end.”
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